Chimodzi mwa zinthu za khalidwe la anyamata ndi atsikana a m'badwo wa pulayimale ndi mapangidwe jenda yunifolomu magulu (homogenization), ubwenzi umene nthawi zambiri amatchedwa «kugonana tsankho». Ana amagawidwa m'magulu awiri otsutsana - anyamata ndi atsikana - ndi malamulo awoawo ndi miyambo yawo; kuperekedwa kwa "msasa wako" kumanyozedwa ndi kutsutsidwa, ndipo malingaliro okhudza msasa wina amakhala ngati kulimbana.
Mawonetseredwe akunja awa a kusiyana kwa psychosexual ndi chikhalidwe cha kugonana ndi zotsatira za machitidwe a maganizo.
Mosasamala kanthu za malo okhala ndi chikhalidwe cha chikhalidwe, kusiyana kwina kumawonedwa mu khalidwe la anyamata ndi atsikana kale m'zaka zisanu ndi chimodzi zoyambirira za moyo. Anyamata azaka zapakati pa 6-8 amakhala okangalika ndipo amafuna chisamaliro chochulukirapo, pomwe atsikana amakhala odekha komanso odekha. Komanso, anyamata amachita mwaukali. Nkhanza ndi mtundu wa khalidwe lomwe nthawi zonse limasiyanitsa amuna ndi akazi, mosasamala kanthu za msinkhu.
Nthawi zonse komanso kulikonse, anyamata, kupatulapo kawirikawiri, amayang'ana kwambiri zomwe achita bwino ndipo ayenera kudzidalira kwambiri kuposa atsikana. Komanso, atsikana amasiyanitsidwa ndi kukoma mtima ndi kufatsa. Anyamata akulimbikitsidwa kukhala okangalika, pomwe atsikana amagonedwa.
Chotsatira china cha malingaliro osiyanasiyana a khalidwe la ana ndi chakuti abambo ndi amai amapanga njira zosiyana siyana zamagulu.
Atsikana a m’gululi amalabadira makamaka za amene amagwirizana ndi ndani komanso mmene amachitira. Zokambiranazo zimagwiritsidwa ntchito ndi iwo kuti akhazikitse mgwirizano wamagulu, kulimbitsa mgwirizano wamagulu ndi kusunga ubale wabwino. Atsikana nthawi zonse amakhala ndi ntchito ziwiri - kukhala "zabwino" komanso nthawi yomweyo kukhala ndi ubale wabwino kwambiri ndi anzawo kuti akwaniritse zolinga zawo ndi thandizo lawo. Atsikana amatsogolera mwa kukulitsa mgwirizano mu gulu, kupeŵa mikangano ndi kutsindika kuti iwo ndi apamwamba.
M’magulu a anyamata, chisamaliro chonse chimayang’ana pa ubwino wa munthu aliyense m’gululo. Anyamata amagwiritsa ntchito zokambirana pofuna kudzikonda, kudzitamandira, kuteteza "gawo" lawo. Onse ali ndi ntchito imodzi - kudzitsimikizira okha. Anyamata amatsata malamulo, ziwopsezo, ndi bluster.
Masewera ndi zochitika za anyamata zimatsindika kwambiri zachimuna: nkhondo, masewera, ulendo. Anyamata amakonda zolemba za ngwazi, kuwerenga zaulendo, zankhondo, zachivomerezi, zofufuza, zitsanzo zawo ndi ngwazi zolimba mtima komanso zolimba mtima zamasewera otchuka ndi makanema apa TV: James Bond, Batman, Indiana Jones.
Pamsinkhu uwu, anyamata ali ndi kusowa kwapadera kwa kuyandikana kwa abambo awo, kukhalapo kwa zofuna zofanana ndi iye; ambiri amalingalira abambo ngakhale mosiyana ndi zenizeni. Ndi pa msinkhu uwu kuti kuchoka kwa abambo kubanja kumakumana ndi anyamata makamaka zovuta. Ngati palibe bambo kapena ubale ndi iye sizikuyenda bwino, ndiye kuti pakufunika chiwerengero cholowa m'malo mwake, chomwe chingakhale mphunzitsi mu gawo la masewera, mphunzitsi wamwamuna.
Atsikana omwe ali m'bwalo lawo amakambitsirana za "akalonga" olembedwa ndi enieni, amayamba kusonkhanitsa zithunzi za ojambula omwe amawakonda, ayambe zolemba zomwe amalembamo nyimbo, ndakatulo ndi nzeru zamakedzana, zomwe nthawi zambiri zimawoneka ngati zakale komanso zonyansa kwa akuluakulu, amafufuza za "akazi". (kusinthana maphikidwe ophikira, kupanga zokongoletsa). Panthawi imeneyi, pamakhala kufunikira kwapadera kwa kuyandikana kwamtima ndi amayi: atsikana aang'ono amaphunzira kukhala akazi potengera khalidwe la amayi awo.
Popeza atsikana amayamba kudzizindikiritsa okha mwa kudzizindikiritsa ndi amayi awo, maubwenzi awo ndi ena amakhazikika pa kudalira ndi kugwirizana ndi anthu ena. Atsikana amaphunzira kukhala tcheru, mwamsanga amazindikira kufunika koganizira za ena.
Kwa iwo, phindu lalikulu ndilo maubwenzi aumunthu. Atsikana amaphunzira kuzindikira zobisika zonse za kulankhulana kwa anthu, kuyamikira ndi kusunga ubale wabwino. Kuyambira ali ana, amakhala otanganidwa kwambiri ndi mmene khalidwe lawo limakhudzira ena.
Masewera a atsikana amakulitsa luso logwirizana. Masewera a amayi ndi ana aakazi kapena masewera a zidole ndi masewera omwe alibe mpikisano. Ndipo m’masewera ampikisano, mwachitsanzo, m’makalasi, atsikana amakulitsa mikhalidwe yawo m’malo momalankhulana m’magulu.
Anyamata ndi osiyana. Amapondereza chikhumbo chodziŵika ndi amayi awo, amayenera kupondereza mwamphamvu mawonetseredwe aliwonse a ukazi (zofooka, misozi) mwa iwo okha - mwinamwake anzawo adzanyoza "msungwana".
Kwa mnyamata, kukhala mwamuna kumatanthauza kukhala wosiyana ndi amayi ake, ndipo anyamata amakulitsa kuzindikira mwa kukulitsa kuzindikira kwa kukhala wosiyana ndi zonse zachikazi. Amachotsa chifundo, chifundo, chisamaliro, kutsata. Saona kuti maubwenzi ndi ena n’ngofunika kwambiri. Chofunikira ndi momwe amakhudzira zotsatira zomaliza.
Masewera a anyamata amaphunzitsa mtundu wina wa khalidwe. M'masewera a anyamata, nthawi zonse pamakhala mikangano ndi mpikisano woyambira. Anyamata amamvetsetsa kufunikira kothetsa kusamvana moyenera ndikuphunzira luso lotha kuthetsa mikangano. Amaphunzira kumenyana ndi adani awo ndikusewera nawo. M'masewera, anyamata amaphunzira luso la mtsogoleri ndi wokonzekera. Amaphunzira kumenyera udindo muulamuliro wa amuna. Masewera a masewera ophatikizana ndi ofunika kwambiri kwa anyamata.
Atsikana sayamikira kupambana kwa masewerawa chifukwa kusunga maubwenzi abwino ndikofunika kwambiri kwa iwo kusiyana ndi kudziwonetsera okha kukhala apamwamba. Kupititsa patsogolo luso lawo loyankhulana, amaphunzira kulimbikitsana wina ndi mzake, osati kumvetsera opambana. M'magulu a atsikana, palibe chifukwa chokhalira ndi mikangano, chifukwa ndi ofanana, ndipo malamulo a masewerawa ndi achikale kwambiri moti ndi ovuta kuwaphwanya.
Popeza atsikana ndi anyamata amamanga maubwenzi mosiyanasiyana, maubwenzi m’magulu a ana amakula mosiyanasiyana. Mwachitsanzo, asanayambe kuyankhula, mtsikanayo amatchula zomwe wotsogolera wapitawo adanena ndikufotokozera maganizo ake, omwe ndi osiyana kwambiri ndi oyambirira. Anyamata, osachita manyazi, amasokonezana, amayesa kufuula wina ndi mzake; atsikanawo amangokhala chete, n’kupatsa aliyense mpata woti alankhule. Atsikana amafewetsa malangizo ndikuphatikizira abwenzi panthawi yolankhulana. Anyamata amangopereka zambiri ndikulamula kuti achite izi ndi izo.
Atsikana amamvetserana mwaulemu, ndipo nthawi ndi nthawi amaika mawu olimbikitsa olimbikitsa. Anyamata nthawi zambiri amanyoza wokamba nkhani, amasokonezana wina ndi mzake ndikuyesera kunena nthawi yomweyo nkhani zawo, kuyembekezera kupeza chikhatho ndikukana kuwerengera zofuna za ena.
Mkangano ukabuka, atsikana amayesa kufewetsa ndikukambirana, ndipo anyamatawo amathetsa zotsutsana zomwe zakhala zikuchitika mothandizidwa ndi ziwopsezo komanso kugwiritsa ntchito mphamvu zathupi.
Anyamata amagwira ntchito bwino komanso mogwira mtima m'magulu, zomwe zingawoneke mu chitsanzo cha magulu a masewera. M'magulu a anyamata, palibe amene amasamala za maganizo a ena, maguluwa amathandizidwa ndi kutsata kwambiri malamulo.
Kwa atsikana ndi anyamata, nthawi yolekanitsa zokonda kutengera jenda ndi nthawi yodziyimira pawokha mu dongosolo la magawo ndi maubwenzi.
Koma kukula kumeneku kumaphatikizapo kuwonekera kwa chidwi kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, kuwonetseredwa mumtundu wa chibwenzi. Chiyambi chake chonse ndi chomveka, chifukwa ndi chokopa mumkhalidwe wonyansa, wachifundo pamikhalidwe ya tsankho. Mnyamatayo ayenera kusonyeza mtsikanayo kuti anamusankha pakati pa atsikana ena, ndi kumukokera chidwi chake, popanda kutsutsa anzake.
Mtsikanayo, nayenso, popanda kudzudzula anzawo, ayenera kuyankha izi. Ntchito zotsutsana zamkatizi zimathetsedwa kudzera mu machitidwe akunja ankhanza a anyamata ndi zochita zodzitchinjiriza za atsikana. Kwa anyamata, kukokera tsitsi la atsikana ndi njira yachikhalidwe yopezera chidwi. Kukondana kumeneku sikuyambitsa mikangano yaikulu pakati pa ana. Zimasiyana ndi zachiwerewere chifukwa nthawi zonse zimachitika pagulu ndipo sizinyamula mkwiyo kapena chikhumbo chofuna kukhumudwitsa, ngakhale zimawoneka ngati tambala kwambiri. Atsikana nthawi zambiri iwonso, titero, amakwiyitsa anyamata kuti awonetsere chidwi chotere, kuwaseka mwanjira iliyonse. Madandaulo a atsikana nthawi zambiri amakhala ndi tanthauzo lakudziwitsa ena. Kusapezekako kungachititse mtsikana kudziona kuti ndi wosafunika, wosaoneka bwino.
Anyamata ndi atsikana akakhala limodzi, anyamata ndi atsikana amakhoza kutsogolera. Atsikana sakhala osasamala mu gulu la anzawo, koma mu gulu losakanikirana nthawi zonse amakhala pambali, kulola anyamata kukhazikitsa malamulo ndi kutsogolera.
Anyamata a msinkhu wa sukulu ya pulayimale akuyesetsa kale m'njira iliyonse kuti akhazikitse "Z" mu gulu la anzawo, kotero kuti akukhala osamvera zopempha zaulemu ndi malingaliro a atsikana. Ndizosadabwitsa kuti atsikana amapeza masewera ndi anyamata kukhala osasangalatsa ndikuwapewa mwanjira iliyonse.
Masewera a mnyamata sakutanthauza konse zomwe akutanthauza kwa mtsikana. Atsikana amaphunzira kuyanjana pokhazikitsa ndi kusunga maubwenzi abwino. Anyamata amaphunzira kuchita zinthu mogwirizana pochita masewera ndi masewera ampikisano omwe amayesetsa kukhala otsogola.
Mbali za khalidwe pa nthawi kulekana kwa zofuna kutengera jenda chifukwa cha nkhawa akuluakulu ndi chilakolako kuitana ana «kuti». Makolo ndi aphunzitsi sayenera kugu.e. kulowererapo kulankhulana pakati pa anyamata ndi atsikana, monga iwo akhoza kusokoneza zonse ndi mwatsatanetsatane ndimeyi ana kudzera mwachibadwa siteji ya chitukuko.
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