Inde, makolo amasonyeza chisamaliro chotere ndi chikondi, timavomereza, zingakhale zabwino kuwamvera. Koma nthawi iliyonse pamene malamulo apabanja azamveka, ndikufuna kuchita zosiyana. Choonadi?
Katswiri wathu ndi Tatiana Pavlova, PhD mu Psychology, katswiri wama psychology.
“Valani chipewa. Tsukani mbale nthawi yomweyo. Khalani pansi kuti mudye, ndi zina zambiri. ” Zikuwoneka kuti nkhawa yolimbikitsayi iyenera kungosangalatsa. Koma pazifukwa zina ndikufuna kuyankhula ngati "inde, ndikudziwa izi" pamalamulo onse a amayi anga, monga mwana. Kupatula apo, takhala akulu kalekale ndipo tikulera tokha. Chifukwa chiyani sitingayime kuti tizilamuliridwa? Chifukwa malangizo aliwonse akuwoneka kuti akutinyoza, kuthekera kwathu pakupanga zisankho, kupanga zisankho, ndi zina zambiri.
Ndikufuna ndikhale ndi mavuto ako. ” Kupeputsa kufunikira kwa vuto kumakhala kovutirapo kokwanira kwa munthu chifukwa kumachepetsa malingaliro ake. Pa msinkhu uliwonse, mavuto am'maganizo amakhala akulu ndipo amatha kusokoneza komanso kusokoneza. Ndipo mfundoyi siyotengera vuto, koma momwe zimachitikira. Mwachitsanzo, munthu m'modzi sangakhudzidwe ndi kuwunika koyipa kwa mawonekedwe ake, ndipo winayo azidandaula kwanthawi yayitali.
"Kodi mwadya? Mwaiwala kumwa mapiritsi? Mukapita kunjira, samalani! " Mafunso osavuta komanso ofunikira ndi othandiza kwambiri kwa "ana" opanda chidwi kapena osazindikira. Koma makamaka, ngati makolo akufuna kulera munthu wodziyimira pawokha, ndiye kuti muyenera kumukhulupirira kwambiri ndikuphunzitsani kukhala wadongosolo kuyambira ali mwana. Kuphatikiza apo, mafunso osokoneza amawopsa, mosazindikira ife tokha timakhala ndi matendawa, ndipo timakhala osasangalala, osakhala omasuka.
“Mukakwanitsa zaka 18, ndiye…” (mutha kugwiritsa ntchito bwino nthawi yanu, mudzachita zomwe mukufuna, ndi zina zambiri.) Mawu awa amaperekedwa kwa mwana wamwamuna kapena wamkazi waunyamata, nyengo yovuta komanso yofunika kulondola m'mawu ndi zochita za akulu. Pakadali pano, mwana amadutsa pagulu lodzidziwitsa pagulu la achikulire, samva ngati mwana, koma wamkulu, wokonzeka kupanga zisankho. Makolo amakumbutsanso zaunyamata wa ana awo. Wachinyamata amatha kuwona kuti mawuwa ndi osadzidalira, amati, mpaka zaka 18 sizinakhalebe munthu, wotsika. Ndipo mawuwo amabweretsa chiwonetsero champhamvu chamkati.
“Dikirani, sikudalira inu tsopano.” Pafupifupi zaka 7, mwanayo amayambanso vuto lina lamaganizidwe, cholinga chake chachikulu ndikupanga "Ine" wachikhalidwe. Nthawi imeneyi nthawi zambiri imagwirizana ndi chiyambi cha sukulu. Ku sukulu ya mkaka, mwanayo ankakhala ndikulankhula malinga ndi malamulo omwewo, koma mwadzidzidzi china chake chinasintha, ndipo amafuna kuti akhale ndi chikhalidwe china chosiyana ndi chake. Zomwe mpaka pano zakhudzidwa ndi achikulire zomwe zikuyambitsa kusakhutira: sungakhale otero, sungalankhule chonchi, ndi zina zotero. Mwana amatha kuthetsa chisokonezo chokhacho akangotenga chitsanzo kwa makolo ake, ndipo sawasiya miniti, amamvetsera mwachidwi, kuyesera kulankhulana monga ofanana. Pazifukwa izi, mawu oti "Dikirani, sikuli kwa inu" atha kuvulaza mwana wamwamuna kapena wamkazi, kukankhira kutali, kulimbitsa kudziona kuti ndi wopanda pake komanso kusungulumwa. Ndikofunikira kuyambira ali mwana kuwonetsa mwana kufunika kwake, kutchera khutu.
“Sanakufunse. Tidzazindikira popanda inu. " Mawu ena wamba omwe akuwonetsa kuti m'banjamo mwana samatengedwa ngati munthu, malingaliro ake satanthauza chilichonse. Zimagunda kudzidalira komanso kudzidalira. Kenako mwanayo amakula, koma maofesi amakhalabe.
“Posakhalitsa ndinapita kukalemba homuweki.” Makolo amakakamiza ophunzira osafuna kuchita homuweki. Mawuwa saphunzitsa, mphunzitsi aliyense anganene. Koma m'mabanja omwe ali ndi ana aulesi, osayanjanitsika ndi chidziwitso, zimamveka nthawi zambiri. Koma kuwonjezera kwa mawu oti "mwachangu" kulangizo lililonse kumabweretsa chisangalalo, zachabechabe, kupsinjika ndi ziwonetsero zamkati mwa moyo - mukufuna kuchita china chilichonse mozungulira. Chifukwa chake kuleza mtima kwambiri ndi makolo ndi kudekha m'mawu - ndipo zotsatira zake zidzakhala zazikulu.
"Osapita komwe sunapemphedwe." Mawuwa atha kukuyenderani nokha, kuchititsa munthu kukhala wopanda nkhawa komanso kuda nkhawa. Mwa njira, mawu awa akhoza kumveka osati m'banja pakati pa makolo ndi ana, komanso m'mabwalo a abwenzi, pantchito. Kuphatikiza pa mwano, palibe chilichonse m'mawu awa, chotsani mawuwo, ngakhale mutazolowera kumvera kuyambira ubwana.
“Usakhale anzeru!” Monga lamulo, ndemanga ndiyododometsa, chifukwa nthawi zambiri timafunadi kuthandiza, timayesetsa kupereka upangiri wabwino, osawonetsa kuzindikira kwathu. Opambana ndi makolo omwe, kuyambira ali mwana, amawona umunthu mwa mwanayo ndikumvera mwaulemu malingaliro ake.
"Ndili ndi mavuto ambiri popanda iwe, ndipo iwe…"… Mawu omwe amapanga kulakwa kopanda zipatso. Mwanayo samvetsa chifukwa chake akulangidwa chifukwa chokana kuyankhulana naye, ndipo amadzimva kuti ndi wolakwa. Tikumvetsetsa kuti mawuwa amalankhula za vuto lamanjenje, kupitirira muyeso, kulimba kwamphamvu kwa wokambayo. Ngakhale zitakhala zovuta bwanji, achikulire amafunika kuti azitha kudziletsa osawaponyera okondedwa awo.