Za ubwino «unrequited» chikondi

bwanji ndipo chifukwa chiyani chikondi "chosavomerezeka" chikuwonekera?

Ndimayika mawu awa m'mawu obwereza, chifukwa, mwa lingaliro langa, palibe chikondi chosavomerezeka: pali kuyenda kwa mphamvu pakati pa anthu, pali polarities - kuphatikiza ndi kuchepetsa. Pamene wina akonda, winayo mosakayikira amafunikira chikondi ichi, amachidzutsa, amafalitsa kufunika kwa chikondi ichi, ngakhale nthawi zambiri osati mawu, makamaka kwa munthu uyu: ndi maso ake, maonekedwe a nkhope, manja.

Kungoti amene amakonda ali ndi mtima wotseguka, pamene amene «sakonda», amakana chikondi, ali ndi chitetezo mu mawonekedwe a mantha kapena introjected, zikhulupiriro zopanda nzeru. Iye samamva chikondi chake ndi kufunikira kwa ubwenzi, koma nthawi yomweyo amapereka zizindikiro ziwiri: amakopa, zithumwa, kunyengerera.

Thupi la wokondedwa wanu, maonekedwe ake, mawu, manja, mayendedwe, fungo zimakuuzani kuti: "inde", "Ndikufuna", "Ndikufuna", "Ndikumva bwino ndi iwe", "Ndine wokondwa". Zonsezi zimakupatsani chidaliro chonse kuti iye ndi "wanu" munthu. Koma mokweza mawu, akuti, "Ayi, sindimakukondani."

Kodi chitsanzo chopanda thanzichi chimachokera kuti, chomwe, m'malingaliro mwanga, ndi khalidwe la psyche wosakhwima: kunyoza ndi kukana omwe amatikonda, ndi kukonda omwe amatha kutikana?

Tikumbukire ubwana. Atsikana onse ankakondana ndi mnyamata yemweyo, mtsogoleri "wozizira kwambiri", ndipo anyamata onse ankakondana ndi mtsikana wokongola kwambiri komanso wosagonjetseka. Koma ngati mtsogoleriyu adakondana ndi mtsikana wina, nthawi yomweyo adasiya kumusangalatsa: “O, chabwino, iye ... Zofooka.» Ndipo ngati msungwana wokongola kwambiri ndi wosagonjetseka adabwezeranso mnyamata wina, nayenso nthawi zambiri amazizira: "Chavuta ndi chiyani? Iye si mfumukazi, msungwana wamba chabe. Ndikakamira - sindikudziwa momwe ndingachotsere.

Kodi ukuchokera kuti? Kuyambira ndili mwana zowawa zinachitikira kukanidwa. Tsoka ilo, ambiri a ife tinali ndi makolo okana. Bambo anaikidwa pa TV: kuti akope chidwi chake, kunali koyenera kukhala osangalatsa kuposa "bokosi", kuchita choyimilira pamanja kapena kuyenda ndi gudumu. Mayi wotopa kosatha komanso wotanganidwa, yemwe kumwetulira kwake ndi kuyamika kungayambitsidwe ndi diary yokhala ndi zisanu zokha. Opambana kwambiri okha ndi omwe ali oyenera kukondedwa: anzeru, okongola, athanzi, othamanga, odziyimira pawokha, okhoza, ophunzira apamwamba.

Pambuyo pake, akakula, olemera kwambiri, udindo, olemekezeka, olemekezeka, otchuka, otchuka amawonjezeredwa pamndandanda wa oyenerera chikondi.

Takula, koma sitikuyang'anabe njira zosavuta panjira zachikondi. Ndikofunikira kuwonetsa zozizwitsa za ngwazi, kuthana ndi zovuta zazikulu, kukhala opambana, kukwaniritsa chilichonse, pulumutsani, gonjetsani, kuti mumve chisangalalo cha chikondi. Kudzidalira kwathu ndi kosakhazikika, tiyenera nthawi zonse "kudyetsa" ndi zomwe tapindula kuti tidzivomereze tokha.

Kodi munthu wina angativomereze bwanji ndi kutikonda ngati sitidzikonda ndi kudzivomereza tokha? Ngati timangokondedwa chifukwa cha zomwe tili, sitimvetsa kuti: “Sindinachite kalikonse. Ndine wopanda pake, wosayenera, wopusa, wonyansa. Sanayenere kalikonse. Mundikonde bwanji? Mwinamwake, iye mwini (iye mwini) samaimira kalikonse.

“Popeza anavomera kugonana pa tsiku loyamba, mwina amagona ndi aliyense,” mnzanga wina anadandaula motero. “Nthawi yomweyo anavomera kuti azigona nanu chifukwa cha amuna onse amene anakusankhani. Kodi mumadziona ngati otsika kwambiri moti mumaganiza kuti mkazi sangakukondeni poyamba ndikugona nanu?

Chitsanzocho ndi chomveka, koma izi sizisintha chilichonse: malinga ngati munthu ali wosakhwima m'maganizo, adzapitirizabe kubereka. Zoyenera kuchita kwa omwe adagwa mumsampha wa chikondi cha "unrequited"? Musakhale achisoni. Izi ndizovuta, koma zothandiza kwambiri pakukula kwa moyo. Ndiye kodi chikondi chotero chimaphunzitsa chiyani?

Kodi chikondi "chopanda phindu" chingaphunzitse chiyani?

• dzithandizeni nokha ndi kudzidalira kwanu, dzikondeni nokha mu zovuta zokanidwa, popanda thandizo lakunja;
• kukhala wokhazikika, kukhala weniweni, kuti muwone osati wakuda ndi woyera, komanso mithunzi yambiri ya mitundu ina;
• khalani pano ndi tsopano;
• yamikira zomwe zili zabwino mu chiyanjano, kanthu kakang'ono;
• ndi zabwino kuona ndi kumva wokondedwa, munthu weniweni, osati zongopeka;
• kulandira wokondedwa ndi zofooka zonse ndi zofooka;
• kuchitira chifundo, kuchitira chifundo, kuchitira chifundo ndi chifundo;
• kumvetsetsa zosowa zawo zenizeni ndi ziyembekezo zawo;
• Yambani inu, chitanipo kanthu;
• kukulitsa mawonekedwe amalingaliro: ngakhale izi ndi malingaliro oyipa, amalemeretsa moyo;
• kukhala ndi kulimbana ndi mphamvu ya kutengeka;
• fotokozani zakukhosi kudzera m'zochita ndi mawu kuti mumve;
• kuyamikira maganizo a wina;
• kulemekeza malire, maganizo ndi ufulu wosankha wa wokondedwa;
• kukulitsa luso lazachuma, lothandiza, lapakhomo;
• patsani, patsani, patsani, patsani, perekani;
• kukhala wokongola, wothamanga, wokwanira, wokonzeka bwino.

Nthawi zambiri, chikondi champhamvu, kupulumuka m'mikhalidwe yovuta yosagwirizana, chidzakukakamizani kuti mugonjetse malire ndi mantha ambiri, ndikuphunzitseni kuchitira wokondedwa wanu zomwe simunachitepo, kukulitsa malingaliro anu ndi luso laubwenzi.

Koma bwanji ngati zonsezi sizikuthandizani? Ngati inuyo ndinu abwino, koma mtima wa wokondedwa wanu ukhalabe wotsekedwa kwa inu?

Monga momwe Frederick Perls, woyambitsa wa Gestalt therapy, ananena kuti: “Ngati msonkhanowo suchitika, palibe chimene chingachitidwe.” Mulimonse momwe zingakhalire, luso laubwenzi ndi malingaliro osiyanasiyana omwe mwaphunzira muzokumana nazo za chikondi chotere ndizo ndalama zanu kwa moyo wanu wonse. Iwo adzakhala ndi inu ndipo ndithudi adzakuthandizani muubwenzi watsopano ndi munthu yemwe angakupatseni chikondi chanu - ndi mtima, thupi, malingaliro, ndi mawu akuti: "Ndimakukondani."