Nthaŵi zina uphungu wosapemphedwa kapena chidzudzulo chingathetse mabwenzi omwe akhalapo kwa nthaŵi yaitali. Monga mu ubale uliwonse, ili ndi ma nuances ake komanso mphindi zowopsa. Ndi malamulo otani omwe sanatchulidwe a maubwenzi aakazi, timapeza pamodzi ndi akatswiri a maganizo a zachipatala Shoba Srinivasan ndi Linda Weinberger.
Anna ndi Katerina ndi mabwenzi akale. Nthawi zambiri amadya chakudya chamasana kamodzi pamwezi, ndipo Anna amakonda kugawana momasuka zomwe zikuchitika m'moyo wake, pomwe Katerina amakhala wosungika, koma wokonzeka kuyankha ndikupereka malangizo othandiza.
Nthawi ino zikuwoneka kuti Katerina ali ndi nkhawa - kwenikweni pamalire. Anna akuyamba kufunsa mnzakeyo kuti vuto ndi chiyani, ndipo iye akuswa. Mwamuna wa Katerina, yemwe anali asanakhalepo nthawi yayitali pantchito iliyonse, tsopano adaganiza zodzipereka kwathunthu ... polemba buku. Pachifukwa ichi, sagwira ntchito, sasamalira ana, sasamalira ntchito zapakhomo, chifukwa izi "zimasokoneza luso." Chilichonse chinagwera pa mapewa a mkazi wake, yemwe amakakamizika kupota ntchito ziwiri, kulera ana ndi kusamalira nyumba.
Katerina adadzitengera yekha, ndipo izi zimamuchititsa mantha Anna. Iye amanena mwachindunji maganizo ake kuti mwamuna bwenzi lake si wolemba, koma tiziromboti amene amangomugwiritsa ntchito, ndipo sangathe kulemba chilichonse chabwino. Amanenanso kuti mnzakeyo apereke chisudzulo.
Chakudya chamasana chimasokonezedwa ndi foni yochokera kwa mwamuna wake - chinachake chinachitika kusukulu ndi mmodzi wa ana. Katerina akusweka ndikuchoka.
Tsiku lomwelo Anna adamuimbira foni kuti awone ngati ali bwino koma mnzakeyo sadayankhe. Palibe mafoni, palibe malemba, palibe maimelo. Umu ndi momwe mlungu ndi mlungu umadutsa.
Mabwenzi, ngakhale akale, akhoza kusinthidwa mosavuta kuposa ena apamtima.
Aphunzitsi aku koleji ya zachipatala, akatswiri a zamaganizo a zachipatala Shoba Srinivasan ndi Linda Weinberger amatchula nkhaniyi monga chitsanzo cha kuswa malamulo osaneneka a ubwenzi wa akazi. Ponena za kafukufuku wa akatswiri a zamaganizo ndi a chikhalidwe cha anthu, amatsutsa kuti pali malamulo a mabwenzi, omwe ambiri a iwo ndi okhudzana ndi kukhulupirika, kukhulupirirana, ndi khalidwe, monga kusunga malonjezo. "Malamulo oyanjana" awa amatsimikizira kukhazikika mu ubale.
Ofufuzawa adapeza kuti amayi amakonda kukhala ndi ziyembekezo zazikulu kwa anzawo - kuposa amuna - ndipo amafuna kuti anthu azikhulupirirana komanso azikondana kwambiri. Mlingo waubwenzi muubwenzi wachikazi umatsimikiziridwa ndi "malamulo owulula" apadera. Chotero, ubwenzi wapamtima umaphatikizapo kupatsana malingaliro ndi mavuto aumwini. Koma zikhalidwe za "malamulo" oterowo zitha kukhala zosamveka. Ndipo pamene lamulo loterolo laphwanyidwa, ubwenzi ukhoza kukhala pangozi.
Kuthetsa ubale umene unkawoneka ngati wapafupi kungakhale kowawa komanso kosamvetsetseka kwa mbali inayo. Kumasukirana, chikhumbo chokhala ndi nthawi yocheza wina ndi mzake komanso kupereka chithandizo chamaganizo ndi mbali za maubwenzi apamtima. Anna ankakhulupirira kuti iye ndi Katerina anali mabwenzi apamtima, chifukwa ankakonda kumuuza za mavuto ake komanso kupeza malangizo.
Kodi Anna analakwa chiyani? Akatswiri a zamaganizo amakhulupirira kuti anaphwanya lamulo losadziwika la ubwenzi wawo: Katerina ndiye amene amapereka, osati kulandira uphungu. Anna adalowanso m'dera lofunika kwambiri la moyo wa bwenzi lake: adanena kuti Katerina anakwatiwa ndi munthu wovuta, ndipo potero, adaopseza kudzikonda kwake.
Ubwenzi wina ungaoneke ngati wolimba koma umakhala wosalimba. Izi zili choncho chifukwa mabwenzi, ngakhale a nthawi yayitali, amatha kusintha mosavuta kusiyana ndi ena apamtima, monga achibale kapena zibwenzi. Choncho, ubwenzi wapamtima umasintha. Mlingo wake ukhoza kudalira zomwe zikuchitika: mwachitsanzo, kuwonjezeka panthawi yomwe anthu ali ndi zochitika kapena zokonda zofanana, pamene onse awiri ali pa siteji imodzi - mwachitsanzo, ali osakwatiwa, osudzulana, kapena akulera ana aang'ono. Ubwenzi wapamtima ukhoza kutha.
Akatswiri a zamaganizo amalimbikitsa kuganizira malamulo osalembedwa a mabwenzi:
- Ngati mupereka upangiri wothandiza kwa mnzanuyo kuti athetse vuto lake, muyenera kuganizira ngati akufunikira komanso momwe angatengere mawu anu.
- Sikuti maubwenzi onse amafunikira kunena mosabisa kanthu, kuwulula nkhani zaumwini kapena zakukhosi. Zimachitika kuti timasangalala kukhala limodzi popanda kukambirana momasuka, ndipo zimenezi n’zachibadwa.
- Nthawi zina ubale wozikidwa pa kuwulula umakhala wa njira imodzi, ndipo zili bwinonso.
- Zingakhale zosavuta kwa bwenzi kukhala phungu m'malo molandira uphungu. Osayesa kupanga "choyenera".
- Musasokoneze kufunika komveka ndikufunsa maganizo anu.
- Kutalika kwa nthawi yodziwana si chizindikiro cha ubwenzi. Kulankhulana kwa nthawi yaitali kungapereke lingaliro lonyenga la ubwenzi.
Pokhapokha ngati mnzako ali pachiwopsezo chifukwa cha nkhanza zapakhomo, musadzudzule mwamuna kapena mkazi wake.
- Sitiyenera kutenga udindo wowopseza chidziwitso cha mnzako, ngakhale tikukhulupirira kuti ndibwino kuti avomereze zofooka zake (pokhapokha ngati, ndithudi, izi zakhala kale mbali ya ubale, pamene mabwenzi onse amayamikirana ndipo okonzeka kuvomerezanso zigamulo zotere). Bwenzi si psychotherapist.
- Palibe chifukwa cholozera kapena kudzudzula mnzanu chifukwa chosasintha chilichonse pazochitikazo atalandira upangiri wathu.
Pokhapokha ngati mnzanu ali pachiwopsezo chifukwa cha nkhanza zapakhomo kapena kuzunzidwa, musadzudzule mwamuna kapena mkazi wake:
- makamaka ngati ifeyo patokha sitikukonda (malingaliro athu pankhaniyi adzakhala odziwikiratu),
- ngakhale tikuganiza kuti tikupereka kuwunika kovomerezeka kwa bwenzi lake,
- Pokhapokha ngati njira yopatsirana zidziwitso za anthu okondedwa yakhazikika kale paubwenzi.
Ubwenzi ndi wofunikira kuti tikhale ndi moyo wabwino m'maganizo: umakwaniritsa kufunikira kwa chikondi, kukhala nawo, ndi kudziwika. Ili ndi makonda ambiri osawoneka bwino: mulingo wa chitonthozo cha aliyense, kuchuluka kwa kutseguka komanso kutsekemera. Kumvetsetsa malamulo osalembedwa, osanenedwa muubwenzi kungapulumutse ubwenzi.
Za olemba: Shoba Srinivasan ndi Linda Weinberger ndi akatswiri azamisala.