Zamkatimu
Mukakhala paubwenzi ndi munthu kwa zaka zambiri ndipo zambiri zimakugwirizanitsani, zimakhala zovuta kuti muwone nthawi yomweyo ndikuvomereza kuti maubwenzi akhala akuvulaza kwa nthawi yaitali. Katswiri wa zamaganizo ndi mikangano Kristin Hammond akutchula mikhalidwe 10 ya umunthu yomwe, ikawonetsedwa monyanyira, imapangitsa mnzako kukhala wapoizoni ndi kulankhulana kowononga.
Ubwenzi uli ndi chiyambi chabwino. Kudumphadumpha mwangozi kumayambitsa kukambirana komwe kumasanduka kusonkhana pakumwa khofi ndi kukambirana zapamtima mpaka m'mawa. Ndinu ofanana pazokonda ndi zomwe simukonda, mumapeza anzanu apamtima komanso mumakhala limodzi pazinthu zosiyanasiyana.
Ndipo komabe chinachake chalakwika. Zikuoneka kuti kulankhulana kumeneku ndi chiyambi cha ubwenzi wabwino, ndiye vuto n’chiyani?
“Nthaŵi zina chinsinsi chokhalira ndi maunansi abwino ndicho kuzindikira mitundu imene tiyenera kupewa,” anatero Christine Hammond, yemwe ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo ndiponso wothetsa kusamvana m’banja.
Bwenzi lolakwika ndi munthu amene mwachionekere kuti ubwenzi woipa ungayambike kapena ukuyamba kale. Koma tingadziwe bwanji amene ali patsogolo pathu? Nayi mitundu khumi ya anzanu oti mupewe, malinga ndi katswiri.
1. Otsutsa
Peter sakukondwera ndi zomwe mkazi wake wagula posachedwa. M’zaka zingapo zapitazi, mavuto awo azachuma afika poipa kwambiri, ndipo amatcha mkazi wake kukhala wowononga ndalama. Panthawi imodzimodziyo, posachedwapa adagula boti latsopano kuti alowe m'malo mwa akale, koma sadzakhala ndi udindo pa ndalama zake. M’malo mwake, amaimba mlandu mkazi wake.
"Otsutsa sakonda kutenga udindo pa cholakwa chifukwa amawona kuti chimawapangitsa kukhala ofooka kapena osatetezeka," akukumbukira Hammond.
2. Odandaula
Pafupifupi msonkhano uliwonse, Lisa amadandaula za ntchito yake. Ndipo kawirikawiri amadandaula. Nthawi imeneyo inali yosatheka. Bafa imeneyo ndi yakuda. Choyipa chachikulu, amadzudzula lingaliro kapena malingaliro atsopano nthawi yayitali asanayesedwe kapena kukhazikitsidwa. Kungokhala pafupi naye kumatopetsa.
Kumbuyo kwa dandaulo kuli ludzu la chidwi ndi kufuna kukhala pakati pa zokambirana.
3. Ovutika
Vlad adaphunzira za njira yatsopano yomwe imapangitsa kuti masewera olimbitsa thupi azikhala othandiza kwambiri. Koma mwina samagawana chidziwitso ndi abwenzi nkomwe, kapena amangonena pang'ono. Kuwunjika kwa chidziwitso ndi njira yachibwanabwana yopambana mpikisano.
“Kwenikweni,” akulemba motero Christine Hammond, “dyera loterolo limasonyeza mkwiyo.” Vlad tsopano akutha kumvetsetsa zomwe abwenzi ake sangathe, choncho ayenera kupindula ndi chidziwitso. Kuphatikiza apo, kusowa kwa chidziwitso chofunikira kumapangitsa ena kudalira iye ngati katswiri.
4. Otsutsa
Si amayi athu okha amene amakonda kutiikira mlandu. Hammond akupereka chitsanzo china chenicheni: Anna akuyesera kulimbikitsa mabwenzi a mnansi wake kutengamo mbali m’mpikisano wa tchuthi. Pofuna kunyengerera, amapanga mkangano: ngati sangagonjetse madera ena, ndiye kuti mtengo wa malo ogulitsa mumsewu wawo ukhoza kuchepa.
Iye anapitirizabe kutchula mnzake wina woyandikana naye nyumba n’kunena kuti zokongoletsa zake za holideyi zidzanyozetsa dera lonselo. Kugwiritsa ntchito kudziimba mlandu ngati chilimbikitso ndi njira yake yaulesi yolimbikitsa abwenzi ake.
5. Anzeru
Pa nthawi ya chakudya chamadzulo, Alexander sangathe kukana mwayi wosonyeza chidziwitso chake mwa kutseka ena ndikupereka maganizo ake pa nkhani zandale zaposachedwa. Amadziwika kuti ndi wodziwa zonse yemwe nthawi zambiri amakwiyitsa omwe ali pafupi naye ndi mfundo zopanda pake komanso zovuta.
Momwe mungathanirane ndi anzanu omwe akukwiyitsani
“Anthu ochenjera otere nthawi zambiri amakhala anthu osatetezeka. Amakhulupirira kuti kudziwa kwawo ndiko njira yokhayo yodziwikiratu pagulu,” akutero Hammond.
6. Zowombera
Maria akuchokera kutchuthi, ali wokondwa ndi ulendo ndi ulendo. Koma akamayesa kugawana ndi ena nkhani ya ulendo wake, mnzake amamusokoneza ndi nkhani zatchuthi chake - zachilendo, muhotelo yodula komanso yabwinoko, komanso malo okongola kwambiri.
Maria wakhumudwa ndi zomudzudzula, zomwe amamva pomuwonetsa zithunzi. Oponya mabasi samatha kuthawa ndipo nthawi zambiri amachititsa manyazi ena.
7. Onyenga
Chidaliro ndi kumwetulira kwa Ivan kungawononge aliyense. Akuwoneka kuti akhoza kupeŵa kudziimba mlandu, kuthawa udindo, ndi kusokoneza ena mosavuta.
Pamene chinyengo cha ungwiro chikuyamba kutha ndipo abwenzi amayamba kumvetsa zomwe iye alidi, zimakhala kuti watha kale kukwera mlingo wotsatira pa makwerero a ubwenzi.
Uyu ndi munthu yemwe amaoneka ngati wabwino kwambiri kuti asanene zoona. Ndipotu onyenga amakonda kubisa zolinga zawo zenizeni.
8. Anthu osalankhula
Sikuti kukhala chete si golide nthawi zonse. Lena amakhala chete pamaphwando, akukana kuthandizira pazokambirana, ngakhale ataitanidwa kutero. M’malo mwake, amangoyang’ana anzake ngati nyalugwe amene akuyang’ana nyama yake.
Amayembekezera moleza mtima nthawi yoyenera kuti aukire ndipo amamenya dala, panthawi yomwe ena samayembekezera. Kulankhulana naye kumaphunzitsa kuti kukhala chete kungakhale kulamulira mofanana ndi kuvutitsa mawu.
9. Bawuti
Chosiyana ndi munthu wosalankhula ndi wolankhula. Valentin momveka bwino komanso motalika amauza abwenzi ake momwe udindo wake ulili wofunikira pagulu komanso m'makampani omwe amagwira ntchito. Mndandanda wake wa kupambana ukukula miniti iliyonse, ziwerengero zonse zikukokomeza.
Kuyesa kulikonse kuti amubwezeretse ku zenizeni kumakumana ndi milandu ya kaduka. M'malo mwake, akulemba Hammond, olankhula amawopa kuwonedwa kuti ndi ndani, ndipo amagwiritsa ntchito mawu ndi manambala kuwopseza omwe angapikisane nawo.
10. Oipa
Otsiriza pa mndandanda, koma osati osachepera, ndi oipa. Tonya ali wokwiya komanso wamanyazi kuti mnzakeyo adakangana naye payekha chifukwa cha mawu onyansa. Chotero iye anatembenuza ukali wake kwa anzake ena, akumanyoza pafupifupi aliyense amene anabwera kudzampereka.
Alibe malire potulutsa mkwiyo wake: adzakumbukira zomwe zidachitika chaka chatha, adzikhala payekha ndikudutsa kavalidwe kake. Tony alibe luso loletsa kupsa mtima, zomwe nthawi zambiri zimabisala zovuta zaumwini.
Christine Hammond anati: “Kutha kuzindikira mwamsanga anthu amtundu umenewu m’gulu la anzanu ndi kumvetsa mmene mungawapewere. Mabwenzi abwino ndi dalitso, koma mabwenzi oipa angakhale temberero lenileni.
Za Wolemba: Kristin Hammond ndi katswiri wazamisala, katswiri wothana ndi mikangano, komanso wolemba The Exhausted Woman's Handbook (Xulon Press, 2014).