Chokani ndi ulemu: chifukwa chiyani zimakhala zovuta kwa amuna?

“Madzulo ena, nditabwera kuchokera kuntchito, ndinapeza ndege ya ndege yodziwika bwino, yomwe inali patebulo m’chipinda chochezera, pamalo owonekera kwambiri. Mkati mwake munali tikiti yopita ku New York. Ndinafunsa mwamuna wanga kuti andifotokozere. Ananena kuti anakumana ndi mkazi wina ndipo akufuna kukakhala naye.” Umu ndi momwe mwamuna wa Margarita wazaka 12 adalengeza kutha kwa ukwati wazaka 44.

Umu ndi momwe chibwenzi cha Lydia wazaka 38 adanena atatha chaka chokhalira limodzi: "Ndinalandira imelo kuchokera kwa iye momwe adanena kuti amasangalala nane, koma adakondana ndi wina. Kalatayo inatha ndi chikhumbo chamwayi!

Ndipo pamapeto pake, ubale womaliza wa Natalia wazaka 36 ndi mnzake pambuyo pazaka ziwiri zaubwenzi umawoneka motere: "Anadzitsekera yekha ndipo anakhala chete kwa milungu ingapo. Ndinayesa kuthyola bowo pakhoma lopanda kanthu koma sizinaphule kanthu. Anachoka, akunena kuti akusamukira kwa anzake kuti aganizire zonse ndi kuthetsa. Sanabwerenso, ndipo sindinamveponso zofotokozera.”

“Nkhani zonsezi ndi umboni wowonjezereka wakuti n’kovuta kwambiri kuti amuna azindikire ndi kufotokoza zakukhosi kwawo,” akutero katswiri wa zamaganizo ndi katswiri wa zachiwerewere Gianna Schelotto. - Amatsekeredwa ndi mantha amalingaliro awo, motero amuna amakonda kuwakana, pokhulupirira kuti mwanjira imeneyi adzapewa kuvutika. Ndi njira yoti musavomereze kuti pali mavuto.”

M'madera amakono, amuna amazoloŵera kuchita ndikupeza zotsatira zenizeni. Kuthetsa ubale kumawasokoneza, chifukwa ndikofanana ndi kutaya ndi kusatetezeka. Ndiyeno - nkhawa, mantha ndi zina zotero.

Ndichifukwa chake ambiri sangathe kulekanitsa ndi mkazi mwakachetechete ndipo nthawi zambiri amathamangira ku buku latsopano, osamaliza kumaliza, ndipo nthawi zina samamaliza. M'zochitika zonsezi, ndikuyesa kulepheretsa kusokonezeka kwamkati mkati.

Kulephera kulekana ndi mayi

“Amuna, m’lingaliro lina, “ali opunduka m’maganizo” pankhani ya kulekana,” akutero Gianna Skelotto, “sakonzekera kupatukana.”

Kumayambiriro kwa ubwana, pamene mayi ali chinthu chokhacho chokhumba, mwanayo amatsimikiza kuti ndizogwirizana. Kaŵirikaŵiri mnyamatayo amazindikira kuti analakwa pamene atate aloŵerera—mwanayo amazindikira kuti ayenera kugawana naye chikondi cha amayi ake. Kupeza kumeneku kumakhala kochititsa mantha komanso kolimbikitsa nthawi imodzi.

Ndipo pamene palibe atate kapena satenga nawo mbali kwambiri pakulera mwanayo? Kapena kodi amayi ndi odalirika kwambiri kapena amangokonda kwambiri? Palibe kuzindikira kofunikira. Mwanayo amakhalabe wotsimikiza kuti ali zonse kwa amayi, kuti sangakhale popanda iye ndikusiya njira zake zophera.

Chifukwa chake zovuta mu ubale ndi munthu wamkulu kale: kudziphatikiza ndi mkazi kapena, mosiyana, kusiya. Pokhala akugwedezeka mosalekeza pakati pa kufuna kuchoka ndi kudzimva kukhala wolakwa, mwamunayo samachita kalikonse kufikira mkazi atapanga chosankha chake.

Kusamutsa udindo

Mwamuna amene sali wokonzeka kuyambitsa chisudzulo angakwiye mwa kukakamiza mkaziyo njira imene akufuna.

Mtsikana wina wazaka 30, dzina lake Nikolai, ananena kuti: “Ndimakonda kusiyidwa m’malo mongosiya. "Ndiye kuti sindikhala wachiwerewere." Zokwanira kuchita mosapiririka momwe ndingathere. Amamaliza kutsogolera, osati ine.

Kusiyana kwina kwa mwamuna ndi mkazi kunanenedwa ndi Igor, wazaka 32, yemwe wakhala m’banja zaka 10, yemwe ali ndi mwana wamng’ono kuti: “Ndikufuna kusiya chilichonse n’kupita kutali. Ndimakhala ndi malingaliro ofanana kangapo 10 patsiku, koma sindimatsatira malangizo awo. Koma mkaziyo anapulumuka kaŵirikaŵiri kokha pavutoli, koma nthaŵi zonsezo anasiya kulingalira.

Kusafanana kumeneku m'makhalidwe sikumadabwitsa Skelotto nkomwe: "Akazi amakhala okonzeka kupatukana. Iwo “amapangidwa” kuti abereke ana, kutanthauza kuti athetse vuto lodulidwa mbali ina ya thupi lawo. Ndicho chifukwa chake amadziwa kukonzekera nthawi yopuma. "

Kusintha kwa chikhalidwe cha akazi m'zaka zapitazi za 30-40 kumalankhulanso za izi, akuwonjezera Donata Francescato, katswiri wa Italy Psychologies: "Kuyambira m'zaka za m'ma 70, chifukwa cha kumasulidwa ndi kayendetsedwe ka akazi, akazi akhala ovuta kwambiri. Amafuna kukhutiritsa zosoŵa zawo zakugonana, zachikondi ndi zamaganizo. Ngati kusakanizikana kwa zilakolako sikunakwaniritsidwe muubwenzi, amakonda kuswa ndi bwenzi. Komanso, mosiyana ndi amuna, akazi amaona kuti amafunikira kusangalala ndi kukondedwa. Akayamba kumva kuti anyalanyazidwa, akuwotcha milatho. "

Amuna, kumbali ina, akadali, m'lingaliro lina, akugwiriridwa ndi lingaliro laukwati la m'zaka za zana la XNUMX: gawo lakunyengerera likatha, alibe china choti agwirepo, palibe chomanga.

“Mwachibadwa mwamuna si wanthabwala ngati mkazi, amafunikira kutsimikiziridwa kocheperako kwa malingaliro ake. Ndikofunika kuti iye akhale ndi lair ndi mwayi wochita udindo wa wodyetsa chakudya, zomwe zimamutsimikizira chakudya, ndi msilikali yemwe angathe kuteteza banja lake, Francescato akupitiriza. "Chifukwa cha pragmatism iyi, amuna amazindikira kutha kwa maubwenzi mochedwa, nthawi zina ngakhale mochuluka."

Komabe, katswiri wa zamaganizo ananena kuti mkhalidwewo ukuyamba kusintha pang’onopang’ono: “Makhalidwe a achichepere amakhala ngati chitsanzo chachikazi, pamakhala chikhumbo chonyengerera kapena kukondedwa. Chofunika kwambiri ndi chiyanjano "chomangirira" ndi mkazi yemwe adzakhala wokonda komanso mkazi.

Zovuta mu Chivumbulutso

Nanga bwanji za kulekana maso ndi maso? Malinga ndi Gianna Skelotto, amuna adzachitapo kanthu pamene aphunzira kulekana modekha, osati kuswa maubwenzi mwankhanza. Tsopano, atapanga chisankho chothetsa banja, amuna nthawi zambiri amachita mwano ndipo pafupifupi samaulula zifukwa zake.

"Kupereka mafotokozedwe kumatanthauza kuzindikira kulekana ngati mfundo yofunikira yomwe iyenera kufufuzidwa. Kuzimiririka popanda mawu ndi njira yokanira kuti tsokalo lachitika n’kumanamizira kuti palibe chimene chinachitika,” anatero Skelotto. Kuonjezera apo, "kuchoka mu Chingerezi" ndi njira yochotsera mnzawo mwayi wodziteteza.

Christina wazaka 38 anati: “Anachoka m’sekondi imodzi titakhala limodzi kwa zaka zitatu, “ndipo anangochokapo mwachidule moti sakanathanso kukhala nane. Kuti ndidamukakamiza. Miyezi isanu ndi itatu yatha, ndipo ndimadzifunsabe chomwe akufuna kunena kuti ndinalakwa. Ndipo kotero ndimakhala - ndikuwopa kuchitanso zolakwa zakale zomwezo ndi munthu wotsatira.

Chilichonse chosaneneka chimapha. Kukhala chete kumatulutsa nkhawa zonse, kudzikayikira, kotero kuti mayi wosiyidwayo sangathe kuchira mosavuta - chifukwa tsopano akukayikira chilichonse.

Kodi amuna akugwiriridwa akazi?

Akatswiri a zachikhalidwe cha anthu amanena kuti 68% ya kusweka kumachitika poyambira akazi, 56% ya zisudzulo - pakuchita kwa amuna. Chifukwa cha ichi ndi kugawidwa kwa mbiri yakale kwa maudindo: mwamuna ndi wopezera chakudya, mkazi ndi wosunga nyumba. Koma zikadali choncho? Tidakambirana izi ndi Giampaolo Fabris, pulofesa wa zachikhalidwe cha anthu ku Iulm Institute ku Milan.

"Zowonadi, zithunzi za mayi wamayi ndi wosunga motowo komanso mlenje wachimuna yemwe amateteza banja lawo akusintha. Komabe, palibe malire omveka bwino, ma contours sawoneka bwino. Ngati ziri zoona kuti amayi salinso odalira pachuma pa okondedwa ndipo amasiyana mosavuta, ndiye kuti ndizowonanso kuti ambiri a iwo amavutika kulowa kapena kubwerera kumsika wa ntchito.

Ponena za amuna, iwo, ndithudi, "adachita zachikazi" m'lingaliro lakuti amadzisamalira okha ndi kupanga zambiri. Komabe, izi ndizosintha zakunja zokha. Amuna ambiri amanena kuti sasamala za kugaŵidwa bwino kwa ntchito zapakhomo, koma oŵerengeka a iwo amathera nthaŵi yawo kuyeretsa, kusita kapena kuchapa zovala. Ambiri amapita kusitolo kukaphika. N'chimodzimodzinso ndi ana: amayenda nawo, koma ambiri sangathe kubwera ndi ntchito zina olowa.

Zonsezi, sizikuwoneka ngati munthu wamakono wasinthadi. Amapitirizabe kudzimva kuti ali ndi udindo kwa mkaziyo pazinthu zakuthupi, koma zimadalira pa msinkhu wakumverera.