Kukwiyitsa ndiye njira "yabwino" yodziwonongera nokha komanso maubwenzi

Momwe mkwiyo umatiwonongera

Choyamba, kusungira chakukhosi ndiko kudzichitira nkhanza. Kukhumudwa kumatanthauza kudzikhumudwitsa. Mphamvu yosakhutira ndi munthu wina kapena mkhalidwe, wolunjika mkati, umayambitsa njira zowononga zonse mu psyche ndi thupi.

N’kutheka kuti aliyense anazindikira kuti tikakhumudwitsidwa, thupi lathu silikhala ndi mphamvu zochitira zinthu zofunika. "Ndinagundidwa ngati galimoto, zonse zimapweteka. Palibe mwamtheradi zothandizira, palibe chikhumbo chochita chinachake. Ndikufuna kugona tsiku lonse,” analemba motero Olga, wazaka 42, wa ku Moscow.

“Ndikakhumudwa, dziko limaoneka ngati likutha. Sindikufuna kuchita kalikonse. Pokhapokha mutangoyang’ana mfundo imodzi,” akutero Mikhail wazaka 35 wa ku St. “Ndimasowa chochita ndipo ndimangolira kwambiri. Zimakhala zovuta kuti ndiyambenso kulankhulana komanso kukhala ndi moyo,” analemba motero Tatyana wazaka 27 wa ku Tula.

Kachiwiri, kukwiyitsa ndikuwononga kulumikizana. Anthu awiri anali kuyankhula, ndipo mwadzidzidzi mmodzi wa iwo anatonthola ndi kukhumudwa. Kuyang'ana maso nthawi yomweyo kusweka. Poyankha mafunso aliwonse, kaya chete kapena mayankho a monosyllabic: "Chilichonse chili bwino", "Sindikufuna kuyankhula", "Mukudziwa nokha".

Chilichonse chomwe chinapangidwa ndi anthu awiri panthawi yolankhulana - kukhulupirirana, ubwenzi, kumvetsetsa - chimadulidwa nthawi yomweyo. Wolakwa pamaso pa wolakwiridwayo amakhala munthu woipa, wogwirira - mdierekezi weniweni. Kusowa ulemu ndi chikondi. Munthu wokhumudwa kuchokera kwa munthu wamkulu amasandulika kukhala mwana wamng'ono wopanda thandizo, yemwe wolakwayo ayenera "kupulumutsa".

N’chifukwa chiyani timakhumudwa?

Monga mukuonera, mkwiyo umawononga tonsefe komanso mnzanu. Nanga n’cifukwa ciani timakhumudwa ndipo timacita ciani? Kapena chifukwa chiyani? Mwanjira ina, ili ndi funso lokhudza «phindu».

Dzifunseni mafunso otsatirawa.

• Kodi mkwiyo umandilola kuchita chiyani?
• Kodi mkwiyo umandilola kuti ndisachite chiyani?
• Kodi kukwiyira kumandilola kuti ndilandire chiyani kwa ena?

“Mtsikana wanga akalakwiridwa, ndimadzimva ngati kamnyamata kakang’ono. Pali malingaliro odziimba mlandu omwe ndimadana nawo. Inde, ndimayesetsa kukonza zonse mwachangu kuti ndisamve. Koma izi zimatisiyanitsa. Chikhumbo chofuna kulankhulana naye chikuchepa. N’zonyansa kukhala woipitsitsa,” anatero Sergei wazaka 30 wa ku Kazan.

"Mwamuna wanga amandikonda kwambiri. Poyamba ndinayesa, kufunsa chimene chinachitika, koma tsopano ndimangopita kukamwa khofi ndi anzanga. Ndatopa ndi izi. Tatsala pang’ono kuthetsa banja,” anadandaula motero Alexandra wazaka 41 wa ku Novosibirsk.

Ngati tichitira ena mochulukira ndipo timadziwika ndi udindo waukulu, ndiye kuti mkwiyo umatipatsa mwayi wosinthira udindo kwa wina.

Ndipo ngati sitidziwa momwe tingapezere chidwi mwachizolowezi, chokwanira, ndipo timakhala ndi vuto lalikulu la chikondi, ndiye kuti kukwiyitsa kumapangitsa kuti tikwaniritse zomwe tikufuna. Koma osati mwaumoyo kwambiri. Ndipo zimachitika kuti kunyada sikulola kuti tidzifunse tokha, ndipo kuwongolera mkwiyo kumabweretsa zotsatira popanda kufunsa.

Kodi mumadziwa izi? Ngati ndi choncho, yang'anani mkhalidwewo mwanzeru. Ngati mumachita izi mosalekeza, kodi zingakutsogolereni ku thanzi, chikondi, ndi chisangalalo ndi mnzanu?

Zomwe zimayambitsa mkwiyo zomwe nthawi zambiri sitizizindikira

Ndikofunika kumvetsetsa chifukwa chake timasankha njira yowononga yolankhuliranayi. Nthawi zina zifukwa zimabisika kwa ife tokha. Ndiyeno ndikofunikira kwambiri kuzizindikira. Zina mwa izo zikhoza kukhala:

• kukana ufulu wosankha munthu wina;
• zoyembekeza kwa wina, zopangidwa ndi kumvetsetsa kwanu za "zabwino" ndi "zoyenera" ndi momwe ndendende ayenera kukuchitirani;
• lingaliro lakuti inu nokha simukanachita izi, lingaliro la malingaliro anu omwe;
• kusamutsa udindo pazosowa zanu ndi kukhutiritsa kwawo kwa munthu wina;
• kusafuna kumvetsetsa udindo wa munthu wina (kusowa chifundo);
• kusafuna kupereka ufulu wolakwitsa kwa iwe mwini komanso kwa wina - wofuna kwambiri;
• stereotypes omwe amakhala pamutu mwamalamulo omveka bwino paudindo uliwonse ("akazi azichita izi", "amuna azichita izi").

Zoyenera kuchita?

Kodi mwapeza zifukwa zanu pamndandandawu? Ndipo mwina mwaphunzira pamndandanda womwe uli pamwambapa phindu lomwe mumapeza kuchokera paudindo wa olakwiridwa? Ndiyeno sankhani nokha: “Kodi ndikhalebe mu mzimu womwewo? Kodi ndipeza zotani kwa ine ndi banja lathu?"

Ngati, komabe, simukukonda njira iyi, muyenera kugwira ntchito ndi katswiri. Konzaninso zizolowezi zanu zoyankhira m'maganizo ndi kulankhulana mothandizidwa ndi zochitika zapadera. Ndipotu kuzindikira kokha sikubweretsa kusintha. Zochita zokhazikika zimabweretsa kusintha kwa moyo.