Anthu ambiri amafuna kupanga maubwenzi ogwirizana, koma nthawi zonse amasankha mabwenzi owononga. Ndi njira ziti za psyche zomwe zimatsimikizira kusankha kwathu komanso momwe tingasinthire, akutero katswiri wa zamaganizo.
Mwinamwake mudamvapo za anthu omwe nthawi zonse amakumana ndi zibwenzi zomwezo. Pali kumverera kuti saphunzira kuchokera ku "zolakwa zakale." N’chifukwa chiyani zili choncho?
Pali lamulo losavuta posankha bwenzi: ubongo wanu «zidziwitso» zokha zomwe «amadziwa», zomwe zimadziwika kale. Simukufuna kukhala ndi zomwe sizikumveka ngati kwanu. Chotero, simudzalungamitsa chidakwa ngati palibe m’banja mwanu amene anachita zimenezi. Ndipo mosemphanitsa: ngati, mwachitsanzo, amayi anu anali paubwenzi wapoizoni ndipo "anapulumuka" panthawi imodzimodziyo, ndiye kuti mwana wake amatengera khalidwe ili ndipo mwinamwake adzapeza momwemo.
Pamene tikupitiriza kubwereza maphunziro akale, timasankha okonda omwe ali ngati nandolo ziwiri mumtsuko.
Zimamva ngati
Timapanga chisankho chakupha mokomera anzathu omwe khalidwe lawo ndi lomveka komanso lodziwika kwa ife. Titha kunyamula mosazindikira zizindikiro zowopsa: mwachitsanzo, kumva kuti mwamuna ndi wankhanza ngati abambo. Kapena sachedwa kugwiriridwa, ngati mayi. Chifukwa chake, "timagwa" kwa anzathu omwe sali oyenera kwa ife - "timamamatira", nthawi zina mosazindikira, kumadzimva kuti ali ofanana kwambiri ndi amayi kapena abambo ake ...
Kotero njira zomwe zimapangidwira za psyche yathu sizimangoganizira za moyo wathu, komanso kusankha bwenzi lamtsogolo. Kudutsa "zotchinga zoteteza" zoganiza zomwe zimakupangitsani kusankha mabwenzi ofanana nthawi zonse kungakhale kovuta panokha. Ndi iko komwe, iwo ali pamzere mkati mwathu kwa zaka zambiri.
Mafunso awiri omwe angathandize kusiya «kufunafuna»
- Yesani kuyankha ndi adjective imodzi funso: «Ndine chiyani pamene sindili pachibwenzi?». Tchulani liwu lochokera mu chikhalidwe chathupi lomwe limapereka malingaliro, mwachitsanzo: muubwenzi, ndine wokondwa, wotsekedwa, wokhutitsidwa, wamantha ... wekha. Mwachitsanzo, mukakhala ndi munthu, mumamva kuti ndinu wodalira kapena mumaona ngati mwasiya kukula. Izi ndizovuta, kotero mutha kupewa maubwenzi mosazindikira kapena kupeza zibwenzi zomwe sizingatheke kupanga ubale wautali.
- Tsopano dzifunseni funso lina: “Kodi ndinaphunzira kwa ndani kukhala paubwenzi motere?” Chithunzi cha munthu wina chidzatuluka m’mutu mwanga: amayi, abambo, azakhali, agogo aakazi, agogo aamuna, kapenanso ngwazi yapa kanema yemwe wamira m’moyo. Mukamvetsetsa komwe kumachokera malingaliro anu ("Ndili muubwenzi wotere, ndipo ndidaphunzira izi kuchokera ..."), mudzachichotsa pamalo osazindikira, ndikupatseni dzina ndi tanthauzo. Tsopano ndinu okhoza «kubwezera» chidziwitso ichi kwa anthu amene anaika mwa inu. Ndipo pochita izi, mudzatha kusintha kukhazikitsa kosafunikira kwakale ndi chatsopano, ndi chizindikiro chowonjezera. Mwachitsanzo, m’malo monena kuti “paubwenzi, ndaperekedwa ndi kusiyidwa,” munganene kuti, “paubwenzi, ndine wosangalala komanso wolimbikitsidwa.” Mwanjira imeneyi, tikhoza kudziika tokha kuti tisayang'ane zomwe timazidziwa (ndi zomwe zingatiwononge ndi kutikhumudwitsa), koma zomwe zingatibweretsere chisangalalo ndi kudzoza.
Tikazindikira ndikugwira ntchito ndi malingaliro olakwika, timamasulidwa ku zolemetsa zakale, timapumula, timaphunzira kukhulupirira dziko lapansi. Tikuyandikira sitepe imodzi kumaloto athu (ndi masitepe chikwi kupitilira apo, omwe tidapitilira ndi chidwi chotere mpaka posachedwa).