Chilengezo chodabwitsa cha chikondi

Anzanga, ndikufuna kuvomereza chikondi changa pa psychology. Psychology ndi moyo wanga, uyu ndiye mlangizi wanga, awa ndi abambo ndi amayi anga, wonditsogolera komanso bwenzi lalikulu, labwino - ndimakukondani! Ndikuthokoza kuchokera pansi pa mtima kwa anthu onse a m’gawoli amene athandiza kwambiri pa sayansi imeneyi. Zikomo ndi kudos!

Zomwe zinandipangitsa kuti ndizindikire izi, ndikudabwa ndi zotsatira zanga m'madera osiyanasiyana, zomwe zinapezedwa mothandizidwa ndi psychology m'miyezi itatu yokha ya maphunziro anga ku yunivesite. Sindingathe kulingalira (ngakhale pali ndondomeko!) Zomwe zidzachitike m'zaka zingapo ngati tikuyenda mofanana. Ndi zongopeka ndi zozizwitsa.

Ndimagawana nawo zomwe ndapambana pamaubwenzi anga ndi makolo anga. Kusinthako kunali kotero kuti inenso ndikudabwa ... derali linkawoneka lovuta kwambiri komanso lovuta kwambiri, losasunthika, chifukwa ndimaganiza kuti pang'ono limadalira ine. Kotero, nkhani yanga yatsopano yomanga maubwenzi ndi amayi anga ndi apongozi anga.

Mama

Mayi anga ndi munthu wabwino kwambiri, ali ndi makhalidwe ambiri abwino, mulibe umbombo mwa iye, adzapereka chomaliza kwa wokondedwa wake, ndi zina zambiri zokongola. Koma palinso zoyipa, monga zowonetsera (mphamvu zonse kuti mupange chithunzi chowoneka bwino kwambiri), tcheru nthawi zonse kwa munthu wanu, zosowa zanu ndi zokhumba zanu. Monga lamulo, zonsezi, pamapeto pake, zimabweretsa mitundu yaukali - ngati samanong'oneza bondo, ndiye kuti imaphulika. Iye salekerera kutsutsidwa konse, ndi maganizo a munthu wina pa nkhani iliyonse. Amangokhulupirira kuti maganizo ake ndi olondola. Osafuna kukonzanso malingaliro awo ndi zolakwa zawo. Choyamba, iye adzathandiza ndi chinachake, ndiyeno iye ndithudi adzagogomezera kuti iye anathandiza ndi kunyoza kuti ena onsewo sayamikira kwa iye. Nthawi zonse ali m'malo a Wozunzidwayo.

Mawu ake omwe amakonda kwambiri ndi "Palibe amene amandifuna!" (ndi «ndidzafa posachedwa»), mobwerezabwereza kwa zaka 15, ndi chikhalidwe cha thanzi m'zaka zake (71). Izi ndi zizolowezi zina zofananira nazo nthawi zonse zimandipangitsa kusasangalala ndi kukwiya. Kunja, sindinasonyeze zambiri, koma mkati nthawi zonse munali zionetsero. Kulankhulana kunachepetsedwa kukhala kuwuka kosalekeza kwaukali, ndipo tinasiyana mu mkhalidwe woipa. Misonkhano yotsatira inali yongoyendetsa ndege, ndipo nthawi zonse ndikapita kukacheza popanda chidwi, zikuwoneka ngati mayi ndipo muyenera kumulemekeza ... Wozunzidwa mwa ine ndekha. Sindikufuna, koma ndiyenera kupita … kotero ndimapita kumisonkhano, ngati “ku ntchito yolemetsa”, ndikudzimvera chisoni.

Patatha mwezi umodzi ndi theka ndikuphunzitsidwa ku UPP, ndinayamba kuganiziranso zovuta zanga mu niche iyi, ndinaganiza kuti zinali zokwanira kusewera Wozunzidwa mwa ine ndekha, muyenera kukhala Wolemba ndikudzitengera m'manja mwanu zomwe ndingathe. kuchita kukonza maubwenzi. Ndidakhala ndi luso langa, lomwe ndidapanga ku Distance mothandizidwa ndi zochitika za "Empathic chifundo", "chotsani ma NET", "Calm kupezeka" ndi "Total "Inde", ndipo ndikuganiza, zivute zitani, koma ine. adzawonetsa mokhazikika maluso onsewa polankhulana ndi amayi! Sindidzaiwala kapena kuphonya kalikonse! Ndipo simungakhulupirire, abwenzi, msonkhano unayamba ndi phokoso! Kunali kudziŵana ndi munthu watsopano amene sindimam’dziŵa bwino. Ndakhala ndikumudziwa kwa zaka zoposa makumi anayi. Zikuoneka kuti sizinthu zonse zomwe zili zoipa kwambiri m'maganizo a amayi anga komanso mu ubale wathu. Ndinayamba kudzisintha, ndipo mwamunayo anatembenukira kwa ine ndi mbali ina yake! Zinali zosangalatsa kwambiri kuwonera ndi kufufuza.

Kotero, kukumana kwathu ndi amayi

Tinakumana monga mwa nthawi zonse. Ndinali waubwenzi, womwetulira komanso womasuka kulankhulana. Anafunsa mafunso angapo mwatcheru: “Mukumva bwanji? Nkhani zotani? Amayi anayamba kuyankhula. Kukambitsirana kunayambika ndipo kunali kosangalatsa. Poyamba, ndinkangomvetsera mwachidwi kumvetsera kwachikazi kosonyeza chifundo—kuchokera pansi pamtima mpaka pamtima, n’kuthandiza kusunga ulusi wa makambirano achifundo ndi mafunso onga akuti: “Munamva chiyani? Munakhumudwa… Kodi zinali zovuta kuti inu mumve zimenezo? Munayamba kukhala naye pa ubwenzi ... Munapulumuka bwanji zomwe anakuchitirani? Ndikukumvetsani kwambiri!” - mawu onsewa akuwonetsa chithandizo chofewa, kumvetsetsa kwa uzimu ndi chifundo. Panali chidwi chenicheni pa nkhope yanga nthawi zonse, ndinali chete, ndinangogwedeza mutu wanga, ndikuyika mawu ovomereza. Ngakhale, pa zinthu zambiri zimene ananena, ndinadziŵa kuti uku kunali kukokomeza kwenikweni, koma sindinagwirizane ndi zowona, koma ndi malingaliro ake, ndi malingaliro ake a zimene zinali kuchitika. Ndinamvetsera nkhani imene inanenedwa kwa nthawi ya zana limodzi, ngati kuti inali nthawi yoyamba.

Nthawi zonse za kudzipereka kwa amayi anga anandiuza - kuti adadzipereka yekha kwa ife, zomwe zinali kukokomeza momveka bwino - sindinatsutse (monga - chifukwa chiyani? Ndani adafunsa?). M'mbuyomu, zikanatheka. Koma sindinangosiya kutsutsa malingaliro ake, koma chomwe chili chofunikira kwambiri pakukambirana mwachinsinsi, nthawi zina ndimatsimikizira kuti inde, popanda iye, sitikadakhala ngati munthu payekha. Mawu adamveka motere: "Munatichitiradi zambiri ndipo munathandizira kwambiri pa chitukuko chathu, chomwe tikukuthokozani kwambiri" (Ndinatenga ufulu woyankha kwa achibale anga onse). Zomwe zinali zowona (zothokoza), ngakhale mokokomeza, za chikoka chimodzi chofunikira kwambiri pa umunthu wathu. Amayi saganiziranso za kukula kwathu, pamene tinayamba kukhala padera. Koma ndidazindikira kuti izi sizofunikira pazokambirana zathu, kuti palibe chifukwa chochepetsera udindo wake ndi kutsutsa mosaganizira (monga momwe ndimawonera, zomwe zikuwonetsa zenizeni).

Kenako anayamba kukumbukira "zovuta" zake zonse. Tsoka la nthawi ya Soviet, panalibe chilichonse chowopsa komanso chovuta - zovuta zanthawi imeneyo. M'moyo wanga panali anthu omwe anali ndi tsogolo lovuta kwambiri, pali chinachake chofanizira. Koma ndinamumvera chisoni mowona mtima, ndi zovuta za tsiku ndi tsiku zomwe adayenera kuthana nazo, zomwe sizikudziwika kale ku mbadwo wathu, ndinavomereza ndi kulimbikitsa ndi mawu akuti: "Timakunyadirani. Ndinu amayi athu apamwamba! (kumbali yanga, lemekezani ndi kukweza ulemu wake). Amayi analimbikitsidwa ndi mawu anga ndipo anapitiriza nkhani yawo. Anali panthawiyo pakati pa chidwi changa chonse ndi kuvomereza, palibe amene adamusokoneza - pasanakhale zotsutsa za kukokomeza kwake, zomwe zinamukwiyitsa kwambiri, ndipo tsopano panali womvetsera womvetsera kwambiri, womvetsetsa ndi wovomereza. Amayi adayamba kutsegula mozama, ndikuyamba kumuuza nkhani zobisika, zomwe sindimadziwa. Kuchokera pamene loomed munthu ndi kudziimba mlandu chifukwa cha khalidwe lake, amene anali nkhani kwa ine, chifukwa cha ichi, ine anauziridwa kwambiri kumvetsera ndi kuthandiza amayi anga.

Zikuoneka kuti iye amaona khalidwe lake losakwanira (nthawi zonse «macheka») poyerekezera ndi mwamuna wake ndi ife, koma iye amabisala kuti akuchita manyazi ndi izo ndi chabe zovuta kuti apirire yekha. M'mbuyomu, simunathe kunena chilichonse chokhudza khalidwe lake, adatenga chilichonse mwaudani: "Mazira saphunzitsa nkhuku, ndi zina zotero." Panali mphamvu yoteteza mwamphamvu kwambiri. Nthawi yomweyo ndinaugwira, koma mosamala kwambiri. Adafotokoza malingaliro ake kuti "ndibwino, ngati umadziwona kuti uli panja, ndiye kuti ndiwabwino kwambiri, watha komanso ngwazi!" (thandizo, kulimbikitsa chitukuko cha munthu). Ndipo pamafundewa adayamba kupereka malingaliro ang'onoang'ono amomwe angachitire pazifukwa zotere.

Anayamba ndi malangizo a mmene angalankhulire ndi kunena chinachake kwa mwamuna wake, kuti asakhumudwitse kapena kukhumudwitsa, kuti amumve. Anapereka maupangiri angapo amomwe angakhalire ndi zizolowezi zatsopano, momwe angaperekere chidzudzulo chogwira mtima pogwiritsa ntchito njira ya "plus-help-plus". Tidakambirana kuti nthawi zonse ndikofunikira kudziletsa komanso kuti musabalalike - choyamba khalani chete nthawi zonse, ndiyeno perekani malangizo, ndi zina zotero. Iye anafotokoza kuti alibe chizolowezi chochita modekha ndipo ayenera kuphunzira izi: muyenera kuyesa pang'ono ndipo zonse zikhala bwino! ” ANAMVETSERA upangiri wanga modekha, panalibe zotsutsa! Ndipo ndinayeseranso kuwalankhula mwanjira yanga, ndi chiyani, ndi zomwe zikuyesera kale - kwa ine kunali kutulukira mumlengalenga!

Ndinachita chidwi kwambiri ndipo ndinagwiritsa ntchito mphamvu zanga zonse kuti ndimuthandize ndi kumutamanda. Kumene adayankha mokoma mtima - mwachifundo komanso mwachikondi. Inde, tinalira pang'ono, akazi, mukudziwa ... atsikana adzandimvetsa, amuna amamwetulira. Kumbali yanga, chinali kuphulika kwa chikondi kwa amayi anga kotero kuti ngakhale pano ndikulemba mizere iyi, ndipo misozi ingapo ikukhetsa. Zomverera, m'mawu amodzi ... Ndinadzazidwa ndi malingaliro abwino - chikondi, chifundo, chisangalalo ndi chisamaliro kwa okondedwa!

Pokambirana, amayi anga adatulutsanso mawu ake omwe amati "palibe amene amandifuna, aliyense ndi wamkulu kale!". Kumene ndinamutsimikizira kuti timamufunadi ngati mlangizi wanzeru (ngakhale panali kukokomeza koonekeratu kumbali yanga, koma ankakonda kwambiri, koma ndani sakanakonda?). Kenako mawu otsatirawa adamveka: "Ndifa posachedwa!". Poyankha, adamva mawu otsatirawa kuchokera kwa ine: "Ukafa, ndiye udandaule!". Anachita manyazi ndi malingaliro oterowo, maso ake ali phee. Iye anayankha kuti: “Ndiye n’kuda nkhawa bwanji?” Osandilola kuti ndibwerere m’maganizo mwanga, ndinapitiriza kuti: “Ndiko kulondola, ndiye kuti kwachedwa, koma tsopano kudakali molawirira. Ndinu wodzaza mphamvu ndi mphamvu. Khalani ndi kusangalala tsiku lililonse, muli nafe, choncho dzisamalireni ndipo musaiwale za nokha. Ndife okondwa kukuthandizani nthawi zonse! Ndipo ife tidzabwera kukuthandizani nthawi zonse. "

Pamapeto pake, tinaseka, kukumbatirana ndi kuvomereza chikondi chathu kwa wina ndi mnzake. Ndinakumbutsanso kuti iye ndi mayi wabwino kwambiri padziko lonse ndipo timamufunadi. Kotero ife tinasiyana ndi malingaliro, ine ndikutsimikiza. Kufika pa funde "Dziko Ndi Lokongola", ndinapita kunyumba mosangalala. Ndikuganiza kuti mayi anga nawonso anali pamlingo womwewo panthawiyo, mawonekedwe awo amawonetsa izi. M’maŵa mwake, anandiimbira yekha foni, ndipo tinapitiriza kulankhulana mwachikondi.

Mawuwo

Ndinazindikira ndi kumvetsa chinthu chimodzi chofunika kwambiri. Munthu alibe chidwi, chisamaliro ndi chikondi, kufunika kwa umunthu wake ndi kuzindikira kufunika kwa munthuyo. Ndipo chofunika kwambiri - kuwunika kochokera ku chilengedwe. Amachifuna, koma sadziwa momwe angachipezere kwa anthu molondola. Ndipo amamufunsa molakwika, akupempha kudzera muzikumbutso zambiri za kufunika kwake, amaika mautumiki ake, uphungu, koma mu mawonekedwe osakwanira. Ngati palibe chochita kuchokera kwa anthu, ndiye kuti pali nkhanza kwa iwo, mtundu wa mkwiyo, mosazindikira umasanduka kubwezera. Munthu amachita motere chifukwa sanaphunzitsidwe kulankhulana koyenera ndi anthu paubwana ndi zaka zotsatila.

Kamodzi ngozi, kawiri chitsanzo

Ndikulemba ntchitoyi pakadutsa miyezi iwiri osati mwangozi. Zitachitika izi, ndinaganiza kwa nthawi yayitali, zidandichitikira bwanji? Kupatula apo, sizinangochitika, sizinangochitika mwangozi? Ndipo chifukwa cha zochita zina. Koma panali kumverera kuti chirichonse chinachitika mwanjira ina mosazindikira. Ngakhale ndinakumbukira kuti pokambirana muyenera kugwiritsa ntchito izi: chifundo, kumvetsera mwakhama, ndi zina zotero ... Choncho, kunali kofunika kuti ndikumbe apa. Ndinaganiza ndi malingaliro anga kuti mlandu umodzi wotere ukhoza kukhala ngozi - kamodzi ndinalankhula ndi munthu wosiyana kwambiri, koma ngati pali kale milandu iwiri yotereyi, iyi ndi yaying'ono, koma ziwerengero. Choncho ndinaganiza zodziyesa ndekha ndi munthu wina, ndipo mwayi woterewu unapezeka. Apongozi anga ali ndi khalidwe lofanana, kukwiya komweko, nkhanza, kusaleza mtima. Pa nthawi yomweyi, mayi wamudzi yemwe ali ndi maphunziro ochepa. N’zoona kuti nthaŵi zonse ubwenzi wanga ndi iwo unali wabwinoko kusiyana ndi amayi anga. Koma kwa msonkhano kunali koyenera kukonzekera mwatsatanetsatane. Ndinayamba kukumbukira ndi kusanthula zokambirana zoyamba, ndikudzibweretsera njira zina zamakambirano zomwe mungadalire. Ndipo adadzikonzekeretsa yekha kuti alankhule ndi apongozi ake. Sindidzalongosola msonkhano wachiwiri, koma zotsatira zake ndi zofanana! Kuwerenga kwabwino komanso kumveka bwino. Apongozi ake mpaka pomalizira pake anati: "Kodi ndinachita bwino?". Zinali chinachake, ndinangodabwa ndipo sindimayembekezera! Kwa ine, ili linali yankho ku funso lakuti: kodi anthu opanda nzeru zapamwamba, chidziwitso, maphunziro, ndi zina zotero amasintha? Inde, abwenzi, sinthani! Ndipo olakwa a kusinthaku ndi ife amene timaphunzira zamaganizo ndi kuzigwiritsa ntchito m’moyo. Mwamuna wazaka za m'ma 2 amayesa kukhala bwino. Zikuwonekeratu kuti pang'onopang'ono ndi pang'onopang'ono, koma izi ndi zoona, ndipo izi ndikupita patsogolo kwa iwo. Zili ngati kusuntha phiri lomwe lakula kwambiri. Chinthu chachikulu ndicho kuthandiza okondedwa! Ndipo izi ziyenera kuchitidwa ndi anthu ammudzi omwe amadziwa kukhala ndi kulankhulana bwino.

Ndifotokoze mwachidule zochita zanga:

1. tcheru kuyang'ana pa interlocutor. Distance Exercise — «Repeat verbatim» - angathandize izi, kukhala luso.
2. Chifundo chowona, chifundo. Pemphani ku kumverera kwa interlocutor. Kuwonetsera kwa malingaliro ake, kupyolera mwa iyemwini kubwerera kwa iye. "Munamva chiyani? ... izi ndizodabwitsa, ndimakusilirani, ndinu ozindikira kwambiri ..."
3. Limbikitsani kudzidalira kwake. Perekani munthu chidaliro, mutsimikizireni kuti wachita bwino, ngwazi pazochitika zinazake, pazomwe adachita bwino pazochitika zinazake, kapena mosemphanitsa, thandizirani ndikutsimikizira kuti chilichonse chomwe adachita sichili choyipa, muyenera kutero. onani zabwino. Komabe, mwachita bwino pogwira mwamphamvu.
4. Pitani ku mgwirizano ndi okondedwa. Fotokozani kuti mumakondana, kusamalana sikuli bwino. Perekani malangizo amomwe mungasamalire bwino.
5. Kwezani ulemu wake. Tsimikizirani kuti ndizofunikira kwa inu, ndizofunikira komanso ndizofunikira kwa inu nthawi zonse. Kuti mulimonse mungadalire pa iye. Izi zimapatsanso udindo kwa munthu pazofuna zake zatsopano pakusintha kwake.
6. Khalani ndi chidaliro kuti mulipo nthawi zonse ndipo mutha kudalira inu. "Nthawi zonse wokondwa kuthandiza!" ndi kupereka chithandizo mwanjira iliyonse.
7. Kuseketsa pang'ono kwa mawu ansembe a interlocutor, mutha kukonzekera ndikugwiritsa ntchito homuweki ngati mawu operekera nsembe akudziwika kale.
8. Kugawanika pa mafunde okoma ndi kubwerezabwereza, ndi kutsimikizira, kuphatikizira kudzidalira kwakukulu kwa munthu): "Wachita bwino ndi ife, wankhondo!", "Ndiwe wopambana! Amazitenga kuti izi?», "Tikufuna iwe!", "Ndimakhalapo nthawi zonse."

Ndizo zonse. Tsopano ndili ndi dongosolo lomwe limandithandiza kuti ndizilankhulana bwino komanso mosangalala kwambiri ndi okondedwa. Ndipo ndine wokondwa kugawana nanu, abwenzi. Yesani m'moyo, onjezerani zomwe mwakumana nazo, ndipo tidzakhala okondwa mukulankhulana ndi chikondi!