Zamkatimu
Kumvetsera kwa “wotsutsa wathu wamkati” ndiyeno “kum’funsa”? Mwina njira imeneyi itithandiza kuyang’ana dziko mwanzeru.
Kudzichititsa manyazi, kunyansidwa, zidziwitso zodetsa nkhawa ndi zina zachisoni zomwe zimatigonjetsa zitha kufotokozedwa m'njira zosiyanasiyana: nthawi zina awa ndi mawu omwe timabwereza tokha ngati mantras, nthawi zina ndi ziwonetsero zomwe sizimamveka bwino.
Kuchokera kumalingaliro amalingaliro amalingaliro, omwe amaphunzira njira zamaganizidwe, ntchito yonse yotopetsa yamalingaliro iyi ndi chipatso cha zomwe zimatchedwa zidziwitso zachidziwitso. Zimatengera zikhulupiriro zathu zoyamba (nthawi zambiri osazindikira) zomwe zimapanga zosefera - mtundu wa "magalasi" omwe timadziwira zenizeni.
Ngati chimodzi kapena zingapo mwa zosefera zili zoipa, pali zokonda zachidziwitso zomwe zimasintha momwe timapangira zisankho, timachita nawo zinthu, komanso momwe timakhalira muubwenzi.
“Kusokonekera kwachidziwitso kumayambitsa kusalingalira bwino, komwe kumasonyezedwa ndi kudziona kolakwika, kutopa, kulephera kuganiza bwino ndi kuchita zinthu mwachangu, kuda nkhawa, ngakhale kupsinjika maganizo,” akufotokoza motero Frederic Fange, katswiri wa zamaganizo ndi wamaganizo. "Ndicho chifukwa chake ndikofunikira kuzindikira zikhulupiriro zovuta zomwe zimabweretsa malingaliro osautsa omwe amatitopetsa."
Izi sizikutanthauza kuyamikira chiyembekezo chopanda malire ndi kuchititsa mantha chifukwa chachisoni ndi kupsa mtima. Zimakhalanso zopanda nzeru kukana zenizeni ndi zotsatira za zochitika zoipa pa ife. Komabe, tingathe “kutuluka mwachisawawa m’malingaliro ndi malingaliro opondereza,” akutero katswiri wochiritsayo. "Ntchito yathu ndikumvetsetsa kaye chikhulupiriro chathu, kenaka m'malo mopanda chiyembekezo chopanda phindu ndi zowona zenizeni."
Gawo 1: Ndimafotokoza zomwe ndimakhulupirira
1. Ndikuzindikira kumverera-chizindikiro. Kumero kumakhala kocheperako, nseru imawonekera, kukhala ndi nkhawa, nthawi zina kumva kukomoka kumachitika mwadzidzidzi, kugunda kwa mtima kumafulumizitsa ... Malingaliro oyipa amabweretsa malingaliro oyipa omwe amawonekeranso m'thupi lathu. Kusintha koteroko m'malingaliro athu athupi ndi chizindikiro cha kuwonongeka kwa dongosolo lathu lamalingaliro. Choncho, sangathe kunyalanyazidwa.
2. Ndimakumbukira zochitika zomwe zidapangitsa chidwi ichi. Ndikukhalanso momwemo. Ndi maso anga otsekedwa, ndimakumbukira m'chikumbukiro changa zonse zomwe ndili nazo: malingaliro anga, mlengalenga panthawiyo, ndimakumbukira omwe anali pafupi ndi ine, zomwe timalankhulana wina ndi mzake, ndi mawu otani, malingaliro anga. ndi zomverera…
3. Mvetserani wonditsutsa wamkati. Kenako ndimasankha mawu ofotokoza bwino momwe ndimamvera komanso lingaliro lalikulu loipa: mwachitsanzo, "Ndimadzimva kuti ndine wosafunika", "Ndinadziwonetsa ndekha kukhala wopanda pake", "Sindikukondedwa", ndi zina zotero. Tili ndi ngongole ya kukhalapo kwa wotsutsa wathu wamkati chifukwa cha kusokonezeka kwa chidziwitso kumodzi kapena zingapo.
4. Ndikudziwa mfundo za moyo wanga. Iwo (nthawi zina mosadziwa) amasankha zosankha ndi zochita zathu. Wotsutsa wamkati ndi mfundo za moyo wathu zimagwirizana. Mwachitsanzo, ngati munthu wondidzudzula nthawi zonse amanena kuti, “Anthu sandikonda,” mwina mfundo imodzi pa moyo wanga ndi yakuti, “Kuti ndizikhala wosangalala, ndimafunika kukondedwa.”
5. Kuyang'ana gwero la mfundo za moyo. Pali njira ziwiri zopitira pakufufuza kwanu kwamkati. Dziwani zomwe m'mbuyomu zakhudza chikhulupiriro changa chakuti sindikukondedwa kapena kukondedwa mokwanira. Ndipo kodi mfundo ya moyo wanga yakuti “Kuti ukhale wosangalala, umafunika kukondedwa” inalinso mfundo ya m’banja langa? Ngati inde, zikutanthauza chiyani? Ndege ziwirizi zodziwonera tokha zidzatithandiza kumvetsetsa momwe zikhulupiriro zathu zimayambira ndikukula. Ndipo zotsatira zake, zindikirani kuti izi ndi zikhulupiriro chabe, osati zenizeni.
Gawo 2: Ndibwerera ku zenizeni
Ndikofunikira kutsindika kuti izi sizokhudza kuyesetsa mwakufuna kusiya kuganiza molakwika. Ndipo za momwe mungamangirenso dongosolo la zikhulupiriro zanu zolakwika, m'malo mwake ndi malingaliro enieni. Ndipo zotsatira zake, bwereraninso kuchitapo kanthu m'moyo wanu.
1. Ndimadzipatula ku zikhulupiriro zanga. Papepala, ndikulemba kuti: "Chikhulupiriro changa cholakwika," ndiyeno ndikuwonetsa zomwe ndili nazo kapena zimandisangalatsa panthawiyo (mwachitsanzo: "Sindikukondedwa"). Gulu lophiphiritsali limakupatsani mwayi kuti musiye kudzizindikiritsa nokha ndi malingaliro anu.
2. Ndimafunsa wotsutsa wanga wamkati. Kuyambira pa chikhulupiriro changa choyipa, ndimalowa m'malo a wapolisi wofufuza yemwe amafunsa mafunso popanda kunyengedwa kapena kuchita manyazi. “Sandikonda. -Muli ndi umboni wanji? - Amandinyalanyaza. Ndani akukunyalanyazani? Zonse popanda kupatula? Ndi zina zotero.
Ndimafunsabe, ndikudutsa mndandanda wamalingaliro amalingaliro, mpaka malingaliro abwino ndi njira zina ziwonekere, komanso ndi mwayi wosintha momwe timaonera zinthu.
3. Ndimaona zinthu moyenera. Zowona sizowoneka bwino komanso sizoyipa, zikhulupiriro zathu zokha zitha kukhala "zathunthu". Chifukwa chake, kuchulukitsa koyipa kopitilira muyeso kuyenera kugawidwa m'zigawo zake payekha ndikukonzedwanso kuti mukhale ndi mfundo zabwino (kapena zosalowerera). Mwanjira imeneyi, mutha kukhala ndi malingaliro owoneka bwino komanso oyenera pazochitika kapena ubale.
Tiyenera kukumbukira kuti ndalama nthawi zonse imakhala ndi mbali ziwiri: zoipa ("Sindinafike pamlingo") ndi zabwino ("Ndikufuna kwambiri"). Kupatula apo, kusakhutira kwambiri ndi iwe wekha kumabwera chifukwa chofuna kuchita zinthu monyanyira, kumene pakokha ndi khalidwe labwino. Ndipo kuti ndithe kuchitapo kanthu, ndiyenera kusintha zomwe zili zofunika kwambiri kukhala zenizeni.
Njira zisanu ndi imodzi zowonongera moyo wanu
Kuwona zenizeni kudzera mu fyuluta yowonongeka ndikuyipotoza mwachidziwitso, adatero Aaron Beck, woyambitsa chidziwitso cha khalidwe lachidziwitso. Iye ankakhulupirira kuti ndi njira yokhotakhota imeneyi yodziwira zochitika ndi maunansi amene anayambitsa maganizo ndi malingaliro oipa. Nazi zitsanzo za zosefera zoopsa.
- Generalization: Kukhazikika kwapadziko lonse lapansi ndikumaliza kumapangidwa kuchokera ku chochitika chimodzi. Mwachitsanzo: Sindinapambane mayeso amodzi, kutanthauza kuti ndilephera.
- Kuganiza kwakuda ndi koyera: Mikhalidwe ndi maubwenzi amaweruzidwa ndikuwonedwa ngati chimodzi mwazoipitsitsa: zabwino kapena zoyipa, nthawi zonse kapena ayi, zonse kapena palibe.
- Kulingalira Mwachisawawa: Kulingalira kolakwika kumapangidwa kutengera chinthu chimodzi chomwe chilipo. Mwachitsanzo: sanandiyimbire foni, ngakhale adalonjeza. Kotero iye ndi wosadalirika, kapena ine sindikutanthauza kanthu kwa iye.
- Kukokomeza kwa zoipa ndi kuchepetsa zabwino: zoipa zokha zimaganiziridwa, ndipo zabwino zimasinthidwa kapena kuthetsedwa. Mwachitsanzo: tchuthi changa sichinapambane konse (ngakhale kwenikweni panali mphindi zabwino kapena zosalowerera ndale mkati mwa sabata).
- Kukonda makonda: kudzimva kuti uli ndi udindo pazochitika ndi machitidwe a omwe akutizungulira omwe sali m'manja mwathu. Mwachitsanzo: mwana wanga sanapite ku koleji, zili kwa ine, ndimayenera kukhala wolimba kapena kukhala naye nthawi yambiri.
- Kusankha zinthu mwachisawawa: Kungoyang'ana mbali yolakwika ya zinthu. Mwachitsanzo: pa kuyankhulana, sindinathe kuyankha funso limodzi, zomwe zikutanthauza kuti ndinadziwonetsa kuti ndine wosakhoza ndipo sindidzalembedwa ntchito.