Zamkatimu
N’chifukwa chiyani ena a ife timakhala opanda okwatirana nawo? The psychoanalyst amasanthula zomwe zimayambitsa zomwe zimagwira ntchito pazaka zosiyanasiyana ndikufanizira malingaliro a amuna ndi akazi pakukhala wosungulumwa.
1. Zaka 20 mpaka 30: osasamala
Pa msinkhu uwu, atsikana ndi anyamata amasungulumwa mofanana. Amagwirizanitsa moyo wodziimira payekha ndi zosangalatsa komanso zosangalatsa, zozunguliridwa ndi "halo yowala", m'mawu a Ilya wazaka 22. Iye anavomereza kuti: “Loweruka ndi Lamlungu nthawi zambiri ndimakumana ndi mtsikana watsopano, ndipo nthawi zina awiri.” Ino ndi nthawi yachisangalalo chachikondi, moyo wogonana wolemera, kunyengerera, komanso zokumana nazo zosiyanasiyana. Unyamata umatalika, udindo umaimitsidwa mpaka kalekale.
Patrick Lemoine, psychoanalyst:
"Unyamata wakhala nthawi ya maphunziro a kugonana ... kwa anyamata. Koma m’zaka zapitazi za 20-25, atsikana amene anamaliza sukulu koma sanalowebe m’moyo waukatswiri apezanso mwayi wogonana. Achinyamata akadali "amasangalala ndi ufulu", koma mwayi uwu womwe kale unali wokhawokha tsopano ukupezeka kwa amuna ndi akazi. Ino ndi nthawi yosangalatsa ya "kusungulumwa koyambirira", pamene moyo pamodzi ndi wokondedwa sunayambe, ngakhale kuti aliyense ali ndi zolinga zoyambitsa banja ndi kukhala ndi ana. Makamaka pakati pa akazi omwe akufunikirabe kalonga wokongola ngati wabwino, ngakhale kuti ali ndi maubwenzi omasuka ndi anyamata.
2. Mwamsanga pambuyo pa 30: kuthamanga
Pofika zaka 32, zonse zimasintha. Amuna ndi akazi amasungulumwa mosiyana. Kwa amayi, kufunika koyambitsa banja ndikukhala ndi ana kumakhala kofulumira. Izi zikutsimikiziridwa ndi Kira wazaka 40 zakubadwa kuti: “Ndinasangalala ndi moyo, ndinadziŵana ndi amuna ambiri, ndinakhala ndi chibwenzi chimene chinatha moipa, ndi kugwira ntchito zolimba. Koma tsopano ndikufuna kupita ku chinthu china. Sindikufuna kukhala pakompyuta usiku wonse m'nyumba yopanda kanthu ndili ndi zaka XNUMX. Ndikufuna banja, ana. ”…
Anyamata nawonso ali ndi chosowa chimenechi, koma ali okonzeka kuchedwetsa kukwaniritsidwa kwake m’tsogolo ndipo amaonabe kusungulumwa kwawo mwachimwemwe. "Sinditsutsana ndi ana, koma ndichedwa kwambiri kuti ndiganizire," akutero Boris wazaka 28.
Patrick Lemoine, psychoanalyst:
“Tsopano zaka za makolo amene ali ndi mwana woyamba zikuchuluka. Ndi za maphunziro otalikirapo, kuchuluka kwa moyo wabwino komanso kuchuluka kwa nthawi yomwe amayembekeza kukhala ndi moyo. Koma kusintha kwachilengedwe sikunachitike, ndipo malire apamwamba a msinkhu wobereka mwa amayi anakhalabe ofanana. Kotero mwa akazi pa 35, kuthamanga kwenikweni kumayamba. Odwala omwe amabwera kudzandiona ali ndi nkhawa kwambiri kuti "sanagwirizane" panobe. Poona zimenezi, kusiyana pakati pa amuna ndi akazi kukupitirirabe.”
3. Zaka 35 mpaka 45: kukana
Izi m`badwo gawo yodziwika ndi otchedwa «yachiwiri» kusungulumwa. Anthu ankakhala limodzi, anakwatira, osudzulidwa, anasamuka… Kusiyana kwa amuna ndi akazi kumaonekerabe: Pali akazi ambiri amene amalera ana okha kuposa abambo okha. Vera, mayi wazaka 39 wosudzulidwa wa mwana wamkazi wazaka zitatu anati: “Sindinkafuna kukhala ndekha, ngakhalenso kulera mwana ndekha. “Zikanakhala kuti sizinali zovuta kwambiri, bwenzi nditakhazikitsa banja latsopano kuyambira mawa m’mawa!” Kusowa maubwenzi nthawi zambiri akazi ambiri. Malinga ndi kafukufuku wa tsamba la Parship, chisudzulo chitatha, amuna amapeza bwenzi pafupifupi chaka chimodzi, akazi - patatha zaka zitatu.
Ndipo komabe zinthu zikusintha. Pali ambiri «osati anthawi zonse» bachelors ndi mabanja amene sakhala pamodzi, koma kukumana nthawi zonse. Katswiri wa zachikhalidwe cha anthu Jean-Claude Kaufman, m’buku lakuti The Single Woman and Prince Charming, amaona “kuphonya kwachikondi” koteroko kukhala chizindikiro chofunika kwambiri cha tsogolo lathu: "Omwe 'omwe si osungulumwa' awa ndi okonda kutsata njira omwe sadziwa."
Patrick Lemoine, psychoanalyst:
"Moyo waubwana nthawi zambiri umapezeka pakati pa azaka 40-50. Kukhalira limodzi sikukuwonekanso ngati chikhalidwe cha anthu, monga chofunikira kuchokera kunja, pokhapokha ngati nkhani ndi ana yathetsedwa. Inde, izi siziri zoona kwa aliyense, koma chitsanzo ichi chikufalikira. Timavomereza modekha kuthekera kwa nkhani zingapo zachikondi imodzi pambuyo pa inzake. Kodi izi ndi zotsatira za narcissism pang'onopang'ono? Zowona. Koma gulu lathu lonse limamangidwa mozungulira narcissism, mozungulira bwino pakukwaniritsidwa kwa "Ine" wamphamvu kwambiri, wopanda malire. Ndipo moyo waumwini ulinso chimodzimodzi.
4. Pambuyo pa zaka 50: wovuta
Kwa iwo omwe afika m'badwo wachitatu ndi wachinayi, kusungulumwa ndi chowonadi chomvetsa chisoni, makamaka kwa amayi pambuyo pa makumi asanu. Ochuluka a iwo amasiyidwa okha, ndipo zimakhala zovuta kuti apeze bwenzi. Panthawi imodzimodziyo, amuna a msinkhu womwewo amatha kuyamba moyo watsopano ndi okondedwa awo zaka 10-15 kuposa iwowo. Pazibwenzi, ogwiritsa ntchito m'badwo uno (amuna ndi akazi) amaika kudzizindikira koyambirira. Anna wazaka 62 ananena motsimikiza kuti: “Ndilibe nthaŵi yochuluka yothera ndi munthu amene samandiyenerera!
Patrick Lemoine, psychoanalyst:
"Kufunafuna bwenzi labwino kumakhala kofala pazaka zilizonse, koma m'nthawi yomaliza ya moyo kumatha kukhala kokulirapo: zolakwa zimadza chifukwa chazovuta. Chifukwa chake anthu amatha kukhala pachiwopsezo chotalikitsa kusungulumwa kwapathengo posankha mopambanitsa… Chomwe chimandidabwitsa ndi momwe zimachitikira zonsezi: tsopano tikuyang'anizana ndi "mitala yokhazikika".
Angapo miyoyo, angapo abwenzi, ndi zina zotero mpaka mapeto. Kukhalabe muubwenzi wachikondi nthawi zonse kumawoneka ngati chinthu chofunikira kwambiri pa moyo wapamwamba. Aka kanali koyamba m’mbiri ya anthu kuti zimenezi zichitike. Mpaka pano, ukalamba wakhala kunja kwa chikondi ndi kugonana.