Zamkatimu
Ubwenzi weniweni ndi maubwenzi olimba amafuna ntchito ya tsiku ndi tsiku. Okwatirana a psychotherapists kuchokera ku zochitika zawo - payekha ndi akatswiri - amadziwa kusunga chikondi ndi zomwe ziri zofunika kuziganizira mu holide ya tchuthi.
M'nyengo ya Chaka Chatsopano ndi maulendo ambiri, maulendo a banja, ndalama zowonjezera, komanso kufunika kokhala osangalala komanso osangalala, ngakhale okwatirana okondwa kwambiri akhoza kuvutika.
Charlie ndi Linda Bloom, akatswiri a maganizo ndi alangizi a ubale, akhala akukwatirana mosangalala kuyambira 1972. Iwo ali otsimikiza kuti maubwenzi ndi ntchito zopanda malire, ndipo panthawi ya tchuthi ndizofunikira kwambiri. “Anthu ambiri ali m’chisonkhezero cha nthano zachikondi,” akufotokoza motero Linda, “ndipo sakhulupirira kuti pamafunika kuyesayesa kokulirapo kusunga mayanjano achimwemwe. Iwo amaganiza kuti kungopeza mwamuna wako ndi zokwanira. Komabe, maubwenzi ndi ntchito, koma ntchito ya chikondi. Ndipo koposa zonse, ndikugwira ntchito nokha. ”
Uthenga wabwino ndi wakuti "maubwenzi akulota" ndi otheka - ndithudi, malinga ngati anthu onse angathe. "Muli ndi mwayi waukulu wopanga ubale wabwino kwambiri ndi munthu yemwe ali ndi kuthekera komanso makhalidwe abwino zikwi mazana asanu ndi awiri omwe ali pafupi nanu, yemwe wafika pakukula m'maganizo ndipo amagawana kufunitsitsa kwanu kuchita ntchitoyi," Charlie akutsimikiza. Iye ndi Linda akufotokoza kuti ubwenziwo ndi wabwino kwambiri pamene onse awiri amasangalala ndi nthawi imene amakhala limodzi, amakhulupirirana kwambiri, ndipo ali ndi chidaliro chakuti zosoŵa zawo zambiri mwa okwatirana zidzakwaniritsidwa.
Komabe, zitha kukhala ntchito yovuta masiku 365 pachaka kuti tipeze zosankha kuti tikwaniritse zosowa za mnzathu komanso zathu. Linda ndi Charlie amapereka malangizo asanu ndi limodzi opangira maubwenzi patchuthi ndi mkati mwa sabata.
1. Ikani patsogolo
Linda anati: “Nthawi zambiri, ambiri a ife timagwiritsa ntchito mphamvu zathu zonse pa ntchito kapena ana, ndipo zimenezi zimachititsa kuti zibwenzi zisokonezeke. Pa nthawi ya tchuthi, kuika zinthu zofunika patsogolo kungakhale kovuta kwambiri, koma n’kofunika kuti tisaiwale.
Musanayambe maulendo angapo ochezera achibale ndi mabwenzi, kambiranani mmene aliyense wa inu amamvera pokambitsirana.
“Kumva nkwachibadwa, koma sikuyenera kukhala kowononga,” akutero Linda. Pezani nthawi ndi malo otonthoza wina ndi mnzake ndi mawu ndi zochita, kusonyeza chikondi ndi kuyamikira.
Charlie akuwonjezera kuti: “Khalani osamala kwambiri ndipo musanyalanyaze mnzanuyo pocheza ndi banja lanu. “N’zosavuta kuyamba kuonana mopepuka ngati pali ena amene amafuna kuti muwasangalatse.” Zosamalira zazing'ono ndizofunikira kwambiri.
2. Patulani nthawi tsiku lililonse yolumikizana wina ndi mnzake.
"Kulowa" tsiku ndi tsiku kungawoneke ngati ntchito yovuta panthawi yatchuthi, pamene mndandanda wa zochita umakhala wautali kuposa kale lonse. Koma Charlie ndi Linda akunena kuti ndi bwino kupeza nthawi yolankhulana bwino ndi wokondedwa wanu tsiku lililonse.
Linda anadandaula kuti: “Nthawi zambiri anthu amakhala otanganidwa kwambiri moti sakhala ndi nthawi yolankhulana. "Koma ndikofunikira kwambiri kuti mupume pantchito ndikukangana tsiku lililonse." Pezani njira yoyesera zomwe zimagwira bwino banja lanu ndikuthandizira kukhala pachibwenzi - kukumbatirana, kuyenda galu, kapena kukambirana za tsiku lomwe likubwera pomwa khofi wam'mawa.
3. Lemekezani kusiyana kwanu
Kumvetsetsa ndi kuvomereza kusiyana ndi gawo lofunikira la ubale uliwonse, koma zina zimatha kuwonekera kwambiri panthawi yatchuthi kapena tchuthi. Anthu osamala kwambiri adzachita mosiyana posankha mphatso kusiyana ndi omwe amasiyana ndi ndalama mosavuta. Extroverts angayesedwe kuwonekera paphwando lililonse, pamene oyambitsa akhoza kumva kutopa.
Ndipo pamene pali kusiyana, mikangano imakhala yosapeŵeka, yomwe imayambitsa mkwiyo ndi mkwiyo. Linda anati: “M’ntchito yathu, timaona kuti anthu ambiri sachita bwino ndi zinthu ngati zimenezi. — Amadzichepetsa, amaunjikana chakukhosi, amakwiya, amasonyeza kunyalanyaza. Koma tikamafunsa anthu okwatirana osangalala, timapeza kuti anthuwa amalemekeza kusiyana kwawo. Anaphunzira kulankhula za iwo popanda kuwaneneza kapena kuwadzudzula. Izi zimafuna mphamvu zamkati ndi kudziletsa - kuti uzitha kunena zoona kuti zisapweteke, mwanzeru komanso mwaukadaulo.
4. Mvetserani ndikulola mnzanuyo kuti alankhule
Patchuthi, milingo yopsinjika imatha kukwera osati chifukwa cha kupsinjika komwe kumasokonekera kuchokera kuntchito, komanso chifukwa cha kuyambitsa mphamvu zabanja. Kuchezera achibale kungayambitse mikangano, monganso kusiyana kwa kachitidwe ka makolo.
“Nkovuta kukana kudodometsa munthu, kumuwongolera, kapena kudziteteza,” akutero Charlie. “Kumva zinthu zosapiririka, timafuna kuchotsa ululu, mkwiyo kapena mantha. Tikufuna kuletsa munthu winayo. ”
Charlie akuvomereza kuti iye mwiniyo anakumana ndi izi: “Pamapeto pake, ndinazindikira kuti zoyesayesa zanga kuchotsa mkwiyo zinangowonjezera mkhalidwewo. Nditaona mmene Linda akukhudzidwira, mtima wanga unadumphadumpha. Ndinaona mmene zoyesayesa zanga zodzitetezera zinamkhudzira iye.”
Kuti mumvetsere kwa mnzanuyo ndikupewa kuphulika nthawi yomweyo, Linda akupereka kutseka pakamwa panu ndikudziyika nokha m'malo mwa wokambirana naye: "Yesani kumva mofanana ndi wokondedwa wanu. Ikani pambali malingaliro anuanu ndipo yesani kumvetsetsa enawo.”
Charlie akukulimbikitsani kuti muyime ndikudzifunsa nokha: ndinamva chiyani ndisanamusokoneze wolankhula naye? Iye anati: “Ndikamagwira ntchito limodzi ndi anthu okwatirana, ndimayesetsa kuwathandiza kumvetsa zimene zikuchitika kuti anthu azikumbukira zimene akumana nazo komanso mmene amachitira ndi zimene akukumana nazo.”
Koma kaya mukulimbana ndi chifundo kapena muli otanganidwa kufufuza zimene zikukuyambitsani, yesani kupereka chisamaliro chochuluka kwa mnzanuyo musanadumphe m’lingaliro lanu. “Kumbukirani kuti kumvetsera mwakachetechete sikutanthauza kuti mumagwirizana ndi zonse zimene zanenedwa. Koma m’pofunika kuti mnzanuyo azimva ngati munamumva musanamuuze maganizo ena,” akufotokoza motero Charlie.
5. Funsani: “Kodi ndingasonyeze bwanji kuti ndimakukondani?”
“Anthu amakonda kupereka chikondi m’njira imene iwowo amafunira. Koma zomwe zimasangalatsa munthu wina sizingafanane ndi mnzake,” akutero Linda. Malingana ndi iye, funso lolondola kwambiri lofunsa mnzanu ndilo: "Kodi ndingasonyeze bwanji chikondi changa kwa iwe?"
Ochiritsa amati anthu amazindikira mawonetseredwe a chikondi m'njira zisanu zazikulu: kukhudza, nthawi yabwino pamodzi, mawu («Ndimakukondani», «Mukuwoneka bwino», «Ndimakunyadirani»), thandizo lothandizira (mwachitsanzo, kutaya zinyalala kapena kuyeretsa khitchini pambuyo pa chakudya chamadzulo) ndi mphatso.
Kodi n’chiyani chingathandize munthu amene timam’konda kumva kuti amakondedwa? Chidutswa cha zodzikongoletsera kapena chida chatsopano chaukadaulo wapamwamba? Kutikita madzulo kapena sabata kwa awiri? Kuyeretsa nyumba alendo asanabwere kapena khadi yokhala ndi uthenga wachikondi? Linda akufotokoza kuti: “Awo amene amatha kupanga maubwenzi abwino amakhala ndi chidwi ndi chidwi. "Ali okonzeka kupanga dziko lonse la omwe amamukonda."
6. Thandizani wokondedwa wanu kukwaniritsa maloto awo
Linda anati: “Tonsefe timalota maloto achinsinsi amene timaganiza kuti sangakwaniritsidwe, koma ngati wina watithandiza kuwakwaniritsa, timakhala tanthauzo.
Charlie ndi Linda amalimbikitsa anzawo kuti alembe momwe aliyense wa iwo amaganizira kukhala ndi moyo wabwino, kuwapatsa mwayi wongoganiza. "Zongopeka izi siziyenera kukhala zofanana - ingoziyikani pamodzi ndikuyang'ana machesi."
Akatswiri a zamaganizo amatsimikiza kuti pamene anthu akuyang'ana wina ndi mzake ndi chikhulupiriro mu mphamvu, mphamvu ndi luso la aliyense, zimawabweretsa pamodzi. "Ngati muthandizana kukwaniritsa maloto, ubalewo umakhala wozama komanso wokhulupirira."
Charlie amakhulupirira kuti maubwenzi abwino ndi 1% kudzoza ndi 99% thukuta. Ndipo ngakhale kuti pangakhale thukuta lochulukirachulukira panthawi yatchuthi, kuyika ndalama muubwenzi kudzapindula kwambiri.
“Pali mapindu ochuluka kuposa momwe mungaganizire,” Linda akutsimikizira motero. Ubwenzi wabwino uli ngati pobisalira bomba. Ndi mgwirizano wamphamvu, wapamtima, muli ndi chitetezo ndi chipulumutso ku zovuta zakunja. Kukhala ndi mtendere wamumtima chifukwa chokondedwa chifukwa cha mmene ulili kuli ngati kumenya jackpot.”