Zamkatimu
Kusakhulupirika m’mabanja n’kofala. Malinga ndi ziwerengero, pafupifupi 50% ya anthu amabera anzawo. Katswiri wa zamaganizo a anthu Madeleine Fugar akunena kuti n'zotheka kuchepetsa chiopsezo cha kusakhulupirika pofufuza mozama munthu yemwe angakhale mnzanu musanayambe chibwenzi.
Posachedwapa ndinakumana ndi mnzanga Mark. Iye ananena kuti mkazi wake anali pachibwenzi ndipo iwo ankasudzulana. Ndinakhumudwa: ankawoneka ngati banja logwirizana. Koma, polingalira, ndinafika pozindikira kuti muubwenzi wawo wina akhoza kuona zizindikiro zomwe zimawonjezera chiopsezo cha kusakhulupirika.
Ngakhale kuti kubera kumachitika nthawi zambiri, mutha kudziteteza ngati mutapeza bwenzi loyenera. Kuti muchite izi, pa msonkhano woyamba, muyenera kuyesa mnzanu watsopano mwa kuyankha mafunso angapo.
Kodi amaoneka ngati munthu amene angathe kusintha?
Funsoli likuwoneka ngati lopanda nzeru. Komabe, lingaliro loyamba lingakhale lolondola. Komanso, n'zotheka kudziwa chizolowezi cha kusakhulupirika ngakhale pa chithunzi.
Amuna ndi akazi omwe ali ndi mawu osangalatsa amakhala ndi zibwenzi zambiri zogonana, amatha kunyenga okwatirana
Mu 2012, panachitika kafukufuku wosonyeza kuti amuna ndi akazi ankaonetsedwa zithunzi za anthu amene si amuna kapena akazi anzawo. Iwo anafunsidwa kuti anene kuti zikutheka bwanji kuti munthu amene ali pachithunzipa anabera mnzake m’mbuyomo.
Akaziwo anali pafupifupi mosalakwitsa posonyeza amuna osakhulupirikawo. Iwo ankakhulupirira kuti maonekedwe a mwamuna ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zomwe mwamuna angasinthe. Amuna ankhanza nthawi zambiri amakhala okwatirana osakhulupirika.
Amuna anali otsimikiza kuti akazi okongola amabera anzawo. Zinapezeka kuti kwa akazi, kukopa kwakunja sikumasonyeza kusakhulupirika.
Kodi ali ndi mawu achigololo?
Mawu ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro za kukopa. Amuna amakopeka ndi mawu apamwamba, achikazi, pamene akazi amakopeka ndi mawu otsika.
Panthawi imodzimodziyo, amuna amakayikira eni ake a mawu apamwamba a frivolity, ndipo akazi amatsimikiza kuti amuna omwe ali ndi mawu otsika amatha kupandukira. Ndipo ziyembekezo izi ndi zomveka. Amuna ndi akazi omwe ali ndi mawu osangalatsa amakhala ndi zibwenzi zambiri zogonana ndipo amatha kubera okwatirana. Amakhala osangalatsa kucheza nawo, koma maubwenzi anthawi yayitali ndi anthu otere nthawi zambiri amakhala okhumudwa.
Anthu odzidalira nthawi zambiri amabera anzawo kuposa omwe ali ndi vuto lodzidalira kapena zizindikiro zamwano
Kodi ali ndi vuto la mowa ndi mankhwala osokoneza bongo?
Anthu omwe ali ndi mowa, mankhwala osokoneza bongo kapena zizolowezi zina nthawi zambiri amasanduka mabwenzi osakhulupirika. Kuledzera kumalankhula za zovuta za kudziletsa: munthu akangomwa, amakhala wokonzeka kukopana ndi aliyense motsatana, ndipo nthawi zambiri kukopana kumatha ndi chibwenzi.
Kodi mungapeze bwanji bwenzi loyenera?
Ngati zizindikiro za kusakhulupirika angathe kuonekera nthawi yomweyo, ndiye n'zosavuta kumvetsa kuti muli ndi munthu amene si sachedwa kuukira.
Chiwopsezo cha kusakhulupirika chimachepetsedwa ngati okondedwa ali ndi malingaliro ofanana achipembedzo komanso mlingo wofanana wa maphunziro. Ngati onse awiri agwira ntchito, pali mwayi wochepa kuti wachitatu awonekere pachibwenzi chawo. Ndipo potsiriza, anthu odalirika sakhala onyenga kwa okondedwa kusiyana ndi omwe ali ndi nkhani zodzidalira kapena zizindikiro za narcissism.
Mu ubale wamakono, zizindikiro zomwe zatchulidwazi sizikuwonetsa. Kuthekera kwa kusakhulupirika kumasonyezedwa bwino ndi machitidwe a chiyanjano. Ngati m'kupita kwa nthawi, kukhutira ndi ubale wa abwenzi onse sikuchepa, ndiye kuti mwayi woperekedwa ndi wochepa.
Za wolemba: Madeleine Fugar ndi pulofesa wa psychology ku Eastern Connecticut University komanso wolemba The Social Psychology of Attractiveness and Romance (Palgrave, 2014).