Kwa amayi ena, chibadwa cha amayi chimakhala champhamvu kwambiri moti chimayamba kufalikira ngakhale kwa mwamuna. Zowonadi, nthaŵi zina nkosavuta kusokoneza kusamalira wokondedwa ndi kusamalira mwana wopanda chochita. Chifukwa chiyani izi zikuchitika komanso zomwe zimadzaza, akuti katswiri wa zamaganizo Tanya Mezhelaitis.
“Ikani chopukutira pa maondo anu… Dikirani, osadya, kwatentha… Tengani nsomba iyi…” Chisamaliro chotani kwa mwana! Koma patebulo mu lesitilanti kumanja kwanga, sanali amayi anga ndi mwana wamwamuna amene anali kudya konse, koma mkazi ndi mwamuna wa zaka pafupifupi 35 zakubadwa. Anatafuna pang'onopang'ono ndikuwoneka wotopa, iye anakangana mwachangu.
Kodi mwaona kuti maubwenzi oterowo si achilendo nkomwe? Kwa amuna ena, kusamala koteroko kumangokhala kosangalatsa. Palibe chifukwa chosankha chilichonse, palibe chifukwa chokhala ndi udindo pa moyo wanu. Koma zonse zili ndi zoyipa zake.
Amayi adzasamalira, amayi adzatonthoza, amayi adzadyetsa. Umenewo ndi moyo wapamtima ndi amayi sungakhale. Ndipo posakhalitsa amawasiya amayi ...
Palinso amuna amene amavomereza kuchita masewera otere, ndipo ali ndi udindo pa zomwe zikuchitika. Koma iwo sayenera "kutengera"! Koma ngati mkazi mobwerezabwereza amamanga maubwenzi ndi oimira amuna kapena akazi okhaokha motere, ayenera kumvetsera khalidwe lake. Pambuyo pake, amatha kudzikonza yekha, koma osati munthu wina.
Zoyenera kuchita?
Kuti musiye kukhala mayi kwa mwamuna wanu, muyenera kumvetsetsa momwe ntchito za amayi ndi mkazi zimasiyanirana.
Poyamba, mkazi ali ndi zitsanzo zitatu: Mayi, Mkazi (iyenso ndi wokonda) ndi Mtsikana. Pamene ali ndi mwana wamwamuna, mkazi, chifukwa cha chidziwitso chake, amalankhulana ndi mwamuna wamng'ono potengera udindo wapamwamba. ntchito yake yaikulu ndi kudziwa zimene zinthu mwana adzakhala omasuka ngati n'kotheka.
Mpaka tsiku lachisanu la kubadwa kwa mwana wamwamuna, amayi amayika mwa iye chitsanzo china cha khalidwe, chomwe chidzatsogoleredwa m'moyo. Panthawi imeneyi, ntchito yake yaikulu ndi kulamulira: kudya kapena kudya, kupita kuchimbudzi kapena ayi. Izi ndizofunikira kuti mwanayo apulumuke.
Pa nthawi yomweyi, mkazi-mkazi amalankhulana ndi mwamuna wake pamlingo wosiyana kwambiri. Amamuvomereza monga momwe alili, chifukwa akuchita ndi mwamuna wamkulu. Ndi iye amene akudziwa zomwe akufuna, yemwe angadziwe yekha ngati ali wofunda kapena wozizira. Amakonzekera yekha tsiku lake, amatha kudzisangalatsa akakhala achisoni, komanso amatenga nthawi yake atatopa.
Mwamuna aliyense wathanzi amamvetsa zofunika zake zofunika kwambiri ndipo angathe kuzikwaniritsa yekha. Choncho, mkazi modekha amadzimva yekha mu udindo wa bwenzi wofanana, mkazi, ndi kukhulupirira mwamuna wake. Ngati izi sizichitika, ndiye kuti m'malo modalira pakufunika kuwongolera. Ndipo nthawi zonse kulamulira kumakhudza mantha.
Ngati m'banja lanu mkazi amalamulira mwamuna, muyenera kudzifunsa kuti: Kodi ndimaopa chiyani? Kutaya mwamuna wako? Kapena kulephera kulamulira bwino ndalama zanu? Nthawi zonse timapindula ndi ulamuliro umenewu. Ganizilani ubwino wa zimenezi kwa inu panokha?
Mayi, mosiyana ndi mkazi, akhoza kulekerera zofooka za mwana wake wamng’ono. Ndipo akazi nthawi zambiri amasokoneza kuvomereza ndi kudzikonda koteroko, ngakhale kuti sitikunena za khanda lomwe silingathe kukhala ndi moyo popanda mayi. Mosamvetsetsa, iwo akunena kuti: “Mwamuna wanga ndi chidakwa, koma ndimavomereza mmene alili. Tiyenera kuvomereza munthu mmene alili! kapena "Mwamuna wanga ndi wamasewera, koma ndikuvomereza ... Chabwino, ndi uyu."
Komabe, maganizo amenewa amawononga osati iye yekha, komanso ubale.
Mayi angamvere chisoni mwana wake - ndipo izi ndi zachibadwa. Nayenso, n’zofala kwa mkazi wachikulire kuchitira chifundo mwamuna wake, mwachitsanzo, akadwala ndipo ali pachiwopsezo.
Pa matenda, tonsefe timakhala ana: chifundo, kuvomereza, chifundo ndi zofunika kwa ife. Koma munthu akangochira, chifundo chochulukirachulukira chiyenera kuzimitsidwa.
Pochita ndi mwamuna wamkulu, mkazi wofanana naye ayenera kukhala wololera. Tikayamba kukhala oumirira mopambanitsa: “Ayi, zidzakhala monga ndanenera” kapena “Ndidzasankha ndekha chilichonse,” timakana mnzathuyo kuti sangatithandize. Ndipo ichi ndi chinthu chokumbutsa ... Amayi nthawi zambiri amalankhula ndi mwana wawo wamwamuna kuchokera paudindo wa «Ine ndekha», chifukwa muzinthu izi ndi wamkulu. Inde, akhoza kuphika borscht kapena kutsuka zenera yekha, chifukwa mwana wazaka zisanu sangachite izi.
Pamene mkazi wokwatiwa nthaŵi zonse amanena kuti “Ine ndekha,” amasonyeza kusakhulupirira mwamuna wake. Zili ngati akumutumizira chizindikiro: “Ndiwe wamng’ono, wofooka, sungathe, ndichita bwinobe.”
N’chifukwa chiyani zili choncho? Aliyense adzakhala ndi yankho lake. Mwina zinachitika chifukwa ndi mmene zinalili m’banja la makolo ake. Zoonadi, tili ana, timaphunzira mosavuta zochitika za anthu ena. Mwinamwake sitinapeze chitsanzo choyenera m’banja mwathu: mwachitsanzo, atate anali kudwala kwambiri, anafunikira chisamaliro, ndipo amayi kaŵirikaŵiri anafunikira kupanga zosankha zofunika koposa.
Kuti mupange ubale woyenerera, muyenera kumvetsetsa bwino maudindo anu. Ndinu ndani m'banja mwanu: mayi kapena mkazi? Kodi mukufuna kuwona ndani pambuyo pake: mwamuna-mwana wamwamuna kapena mwamuna-mwamuna, mnzako wofanana?
Ndikofunika kukumbukira: mukamakhulupirira mnzanu, ali ndi mphamvu zolimbana ndi ntchito.
Nthawi zina zimakhala zovuta "kuzimitsa amayi" pamene pali ana enieni m'banja. Mayiyo amakhalabe mu udindo wa umayi, "kutengera" aliyense womuzungulira - mwamuna wake, mchimwene wake, ngakhale abambo ake. Zoonadi, omalizawa amakhalanso ndi chisankho chotsatira chitsanzo ichi kapena ayi. Komabe, maubwenzi ndi mavinidwe omwe amachitidwa ndi awiri, ndipo okwatirana amazolowerana wina ndi mnzake ngati sakufuna kutaya munthu yemwe amamukonda.
M’banja, m’pofunika kufalitsa chikhulupiriro mwa mnzanu. Ngakhale atakhala ndi zovuta kuntchito ndipo adabwera kudzadandaula kwa inu, simuyenera kuthamangira kuthetsa mavuto ake. Mayiyu akhoza kumufotokozera momwe angathetsere vuto la masamu kapena kusonkhanitsa womanga. Mwamuna wamkulu safuna thandizo lanu. Ndipo ngati mukulifunabe, amatha kulilankhula. Nayi thandizo kwa aliyense!
M’pofunikanso kukumbukira kuti mukamakhulupirira mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu, iye amakhala ndi mphamvu zothana ndi mavuto. Siyani malo a mwamuna kuti azisankha yekha zochita. Apo ayi, iye sadzaphunzira kusamalira ena.
Musadabwe kuti mwamuna kapena mkazi sakusamala za inu - pambuyo pake, samangofuna, komanso sadziwa momwe angachitire. Kapena mwina sanamupatse mpata woti aphunzire ... Ngati mukufuna kukonza zinthu, nthawi ina mukamangirira mwamuna wanu mpango musanatuluke, onetsetsani kuti mukuganiza: mukusewera chiyani panthawiyi?