Zamkatimu
Palibe amene alibe mavuto, zotayika ndi zowawa zina zamtsogolo, koma nthawi zambiri ife tokha sitilola kuti tikhale osangalala. Mphunzitsi Kim Morgan akukamba za kugwira ntchito ndi kasitomala yemwe amafuna kuti asiye kusokoneza moyo wake.
Gawo loyamba la kuphunzitsa: kudziwononga mosadziwa
“Ineyo ndine mdani wanga wamkulu. Ndikudziwa zomwe ndikufuna - mnzanga wachikondi, banja, banja ndi ana - koma palibe chomwe chimachitika. Ndili ndi zaka 33 ndipo ndayamba kuchita mantha kuti maloto anga sangakwaniritsidwe. Ndiyenera kumvetsetsa ndekha, apo ayi sindingathe kukhala ndi moyo womwe ndikufuna. Nthawi zonse ndikakumana ndi munthu, ndimadzipatula ndekha mwayi wanga wopambana, ndikuwononga maubwenzi omwe amawoneka ngati odalirika kwambiri. Chifukwa chiyani ndikuchita izi? Jess anadabwa.
Ndinamufunsa kuti ndani kwenikweni mdani wake woipitsitsa, ndipo poyankha anapereka zitsanzo zambiri. Mtsikana wansangala, wansangala ameneyu ankadziwa zimene zinkamuchitikira, ndipo moseka anandiuza za chimodzi mwa zolephera zake zaposachedwapa.
“Posachedwapa, ndinapita kukaonana ndi munthu wakhungu ndipo pakati pa madzulo ndinathamangira kuchimbudzi kuti ndifotokoze maganizo anga ndi mnzanga. Ndinamutumizira meseji yosonyeza kuti ndimamukonda kwambiri bamboyu ngakhale anali ndi mphuno yaikulu. Nditabwerera ku bar, ndinapeza kuti palibe. Kenako adayang'ana foni yake ndikuzindikira kuti adatumiza meseji osati kwa mnzake, koma kwa iye. Anzanga akuyembekezera nkhani za tsoka lina ngati limeneli, koma ineyo sindilinso oseketsa.
Kudziwononga ndi kuyesa kudziteteza ku ngozi yeniyeni kapena yodziwikiratu, kuvulazidwa, kapena kukhumudwa.
Ndinafotokozera Jess kuti ambirife timadziwononga tokha. Ena amawononga chikondi chawo kapena mabwenzi, ena amawononga ntchito zawo, ndipo ena amavutika ndi kuzengereza. Kuwononga ndalama mopambanitsa, kuledzera kapena kudya mopambanitsa ndi mitundu ina yofala.
Inde, palibe amene amafuna kuwononga dala moyo wake. Kudziwononga ndi kuyesa kudziteteza ku ngozi yeniyeni kapena yodziwikiratu, kuvulazidwa, kapena kukhumudwa.
Gawo Lachiwiri Lophunzitsa: Yang'anani ndi Choonadi
Ndinkaganiza kuti, pansi pamtima, Jess sankakhulupirira kuti akuyenera kukhala ndi mnzako wachikondi, ndipo ankaopa kuti angakhumudwe ngati ubwenziwo utatha. Kuti musinthe zinthu, muyenera kuthana ndi zikhulupiriro zomwe zimadzetsa kudziwononga. Ndinapempha Jess kuti alembe mndandanda wa mawu kapena mawu omwe amawagwirizanitsa ndi maubwenzi achikondi.
Zotsatira zake zidamudabwitsa: mawu omwe adalemba adaphatikizapo "kutsekeredwa," "kuwongolera," "kupweteka," "kusakhulupirika," ngakhalenso "kudzitaya wekha." Tinathera gawoli kuyesa kupeza kumene iye anazitenga zikhulupiriro zimenezi.
Ali ndi zaka 16, Jess anayamba chibwenzi chachikulu, koma pang'onopang'ono bwenzi lake linayamba kumulamulira. Jess anakana kuphunzira ku yunivesite chifukwa ankafuna kuti azikakhala kwawo. Pambuyo pake, adanong'oneza bondo kuti sanapite kukaphunzira ndipo chisankhochi sichinamulole kuti apange ntchito yabwino.
Jess pamapeto pake adathetsa chibwenzicho, koma kuyambira pamenepo wakhala akuwopa kuti wina angalamulire moyo wake.
Gawo lachitatu lophunzitsira: tsegulani maso anu
Ndinapitiriza kugwira ntchito ndi Jess kwa miyezi ingapo. Kusintha zikhulupiriro kumatenga nthawi.
Choyamba, Jess anafunikira kupeza zitsanzo za maubwenzi osangalala kuti athe kukhulupirira kuti cholinga chake chinali chotheka. Mpaka pano, kasitomala wanga wakhala akuyang'ana zitsanzo za maubwenzi olephera omwe adatsimikizira zikhulupiriro zake zoipa, ndipo amawoneka kuti sakunyalanyaza mabanja okondwa, omwe, monga momwe adakhalira, analipo ambiri ozungulira iye.
Jess akuyembekeza kupeza chikondi, ndipo ndikukhulupirira kuti ntchito yathu ndi iye yamuthandiza kuti akwaniritse cholinga chake. Tsopano akukhulupirira kuti chimwemwe m’chikondi n’chotheka ndipo akuyenera. Osati zoyipa poyambira, sichoncho?
Za wolemba: Kim Morgan ndi waku Britain psychotherapist komanso mphunzitsi.