Tocophobia: "Ndinali ndi mantha oopa kubereka"
Ndili ndi zaka 10, ndinkaganiza kuti ndinali mayi wamng’ono ndi mlongo wanga amene anali wamng’ono kwambiri kwa ine. Ndili wachinyamata, nthawi zonse ndinkadziona ngati nditakwatiwa ndi kalonga wokongola, yemwe ndidzakhala naye ana ambiri! Monga mu nthano! Pambuyo pa zibwenzi ziwiri kapena zitatu, ndinakumana ndi Vincent pa tsiku langa lobadwa la 26. Ndinadziwa mwamsanga kuti anali mwamuna wa moyo wanga: anali ndi zaka 28 ndipo tinkakondana kwambiri. Tidakwatirana mwachangu kwambiri ndipo zaka zingapo zoyambirira zidali zosasangalatsa, mpaka tsiku lina Vincent adanena kuti akufuna kukhala bambo. Ndinadabwa kwambiri, ndipo ndinagwetsa misozi ndipo ndinagwidwa ndi kunjenjemera! Vincent sanamvetse zomwe ndinachita chifukwa tinkagwirizana. Ndinazindikira mwadzidzidzi kuti ndikadakhala ndi chikhumbo chokhala ndi pakati ndikukhala mayi, maganizo oti ndibereke anangondipangitsa mantha osaneneka... Sindinamvetse chifukwa chimene ndinkachitira zinthu zoipa chonchi. Vincent anathedwa nzeru kwambiri ndipo anayesa kundifunsa zifukwa zomwe zinkandichititsa mantha. Palibe zotsatira. Ndinadzitsekera ndekha ndipo ndinamupempha kuti asandilankhule za nkhaniyi.
Patatha miyezi XNUMX, tsiku lina titagwirizana kwambiri, anandiuzanso za kukhala ndi mwana. Anandiuza zinthu zachifundo kwambiri monga: "Mupanga mayi wokongola kwambiri". Ndinamutaya” pomuuza kuti tinali ndi nthawi, kuti tinali achichepere… Ndinachita zopusa kuti ndisamufotokozere nkhawa zanga. Ndinayamba kudzifunsa ndekha. Ndinazindikira, mwachitsanzo, kuti nthawi zonse ndimadumpha TV pakakhala malipoti okhudza malo oyembekezera.,kuti mtima wanga uli ndi mantha ngati mwamwayi panali funso lobala. Mwadzidzidzi ndinakumbukira kuti mphunzitsi wina anatisonyeza kanema wobadwa ndi mwana ndipo ndinachoka m’kalasi chifukwa ndinali ndi nseru! Ndiyenera kuti ndinali ndi zaka pafupifupi 16. Ndinalotanso maloto oipa.
Ndiyeno, nthawi yachita ntchito yake, ndinayiwala chirichonse! Ndipo mwadzidzidzi, ndikugwetsedwa pakhoma kuyambira pamene mwamuna wanga anali kundilankhulira za kumanga banja, zithunzi za filimuyi zinabwerera kwa ine ngati kuti ndinaziwona dzulo lake. Ndinadziwa kuti ndikukhumudwitsa Vincent: Kenako ndinaganiza zomuuza za mantha anga aakulu obereka komanso kuzunzika. Modabwitsa, iye anapepukidwa mtima ndipo anayesa kunditsimikizira mwa kundiuza kuti: “Udziŵa bwino lomwe kuti lerolino, ndi matenda a miliri, akazi savutikanso monga kale! “. Kumeneko, ndinali wovuta kwambiri pa iye. Ndinamutumizanso kukona kwake, ndikumuuza kuti ndi mwamuna woti alankhule choncho, kuti epidural sikugwira ntchito nthawi zonse, kuti pali episiotomies ambiri komanso kuti sindinatero. sakanatha kupirira zonsezo!
Kenako ndinadzitsekera kuchipinda kwathu ndikulira. Ndinadzikwiyira kwambiri chifukwa sindinali mkazi wamba! Ngakhale ndinayesetsa bwanji kudzifunsa ndekha, palibe chimene chinandithandiza. Ndinkachita mantha ndi ululu ndipo pamapeto pake ndinazindikira kuti ndimaopanso kufa ndikubereka mwana ...
Ndinaona kuti palibe njira yotulukira, kupatulapo imodzi yokha, yoti ndipindule ndi opaleshoni yopangira opaleshoni. Choncho, ndinapita kwa madokotala oyembekezera. Ndinagwera pa ngale yosowa kwambiri pofunsa dokotala wanga wachitatu wobereketsa yemwe pomalizira pake anatenga mantha anga mozama. Anandimvetsera ndikufunsa mafunso ndipo anamvetsa kuti ndinali kudwala matenda enieni. M'malo movomera kundipangira opaleshoni nthawi ikadzakwana, adandilimbikitsa kuti ndiyambe kulandira chithandizo kuti ndithetse mantha anga, omwe adawatcha "tocophobia". Sindinazengereze: Ndinkafuna kuposa chilichonse kuti ndichiritsidwe kuti ndikhale mayi ndikusangalatsa mwamuna wanga. Kotero ndinayamba psychotherapy ndi chipatala chachikazi. Zinatenga nthawi yoposa chaka, pamlingo wa magawo awiri pa sabata, kuti ndimvetse komanso makamaka kulankhula za amayi anga ... Amayi anali ndi ana aakazi atatu, ndipo mwachiwonekere, sankakhala bwino ngati mkazi. Kuonjezera apo, pa gawo lina, ndinakumbukira kuti ndinadabwa amayi anga akuuza mmodzi wa anansi awo za kubadwa komwe adandiwona ndikubadwa komwe kunatsala pang'ono kutaya moyo wawo, adatero! Ndinakumbukira ziganizo zake zazing'ono zakupha zomwe, zowoneka ngati zopanda pake, zidakhazikika mu chikumbumtima changa. Chifukwa chogwira ntchito ndi kuchepa kwanga, ndinayambiranso kuvutika maganizo pang'ono, komwe ndinakhala nako ndili ndi zaka 16, popanda aliyense wosamala. Zinayamba pamene mkulu wanga anabala mwana wake woyamba. Panthawiyo, ndimadziimba mlandu, ndinapeza kuti azichemwali anga anali okongola kwambiri. Ndipotu nthawi zonse ndinkangodziona ngati wosafunika. Kupsinjika maganizo kumeneku kumene palibe amene analingalira mozama kunayambikanso, malinga ndi kuchepera kwanga, pamene Vincent anandiuza za kukhala ndi mwana naye. Komanso, panalibe chifukwa chimodzi chofotokozera mantha anga, koma angapo, omwe adalumikizana ndikunditsekera m'ndende.
Pang’ono ndi pang’ono ndinamasula thumba la mfundozi ndipo ndinasiya kuda nkhawa kwambiri ndi kubereka., osada nkhawa kwenikweni. Mu gawoli, ndimatha kukumana ndi lingaliro lakubereka mwana popanda kuganiza nthawi yomweyo zithunzi zowopsa komanso zoyipa! Panthaŵi imodzimodziyo, ndinali kuchita sophrology, ndipo zinandichitira zabwino kwambiri. Tsiku lina, dokotala wanga wa sophrologist anandipanga kukhala ndi chithunzithunzi cha kubadwa kwanga (kwenikweni!), Kuyambira kukomoka koyamba mpaka kubadwa kwa mwana wanga. Ndipo ndinatha kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi popanda mantha, ndipo ngakhale ndi chisangalalo china. Kunyumba ndinali womasuka kwambiri. Tsiku lina ndinazindikira kuti chifuwa changa chatupa. Ndinakhala ndikumwa mapiritsi kwa zaka zambiri, ndipo sindinkaganiza kuti ndingathe kutenga mimba. Ndinachita, popanda kukhulupirira, kuyezetsa mimba, ndipo ndinayenera kuyang'anizana ndi zowona: Ndinali kuyembekezera mwana! Ndinayiwala piritsi tsiku lina madzulo, zomwe zinali zisanachitikepo kwa ine. Ndinali ndi misozi m'maso mwanga, koma nthawi ino yachisangalalo!
Kuchepa kwanga, komwe ndinafulumira kulengeza, kunandifotokozera kuti ndangochita chinthu chodabwitsa kwambiri ndipo kuyiwala mapiritsi kunali kopanda kukayika kuti ndizovuta. Vincent anasangalala kwambiri ndipo Ndinkakhala ndi pakati, ngakhale kuti tsiku loyipa likayandikira, ndimakhala ndi nkhawa ...
Kuti ndikhale wotetezeka, ndinafunsa dokotala wanga woyembekezera ngati angavomere kundipanga opaleshoni, ngati ndinali kutaya mphamvu pamene ndinali wokonzeka kubereka. Anavomera ndipo zimenezi zinandilimbikitsa kwambiri. Pasanathe miyezi isanu ndi inayi, ndinamva kukomoka koyamba ndipo nzoona kuti ndinali ndi mantha. Nditafika kuchipinda cha amayi oyembekezera, ndinapempha kuti ndiikidwe epidural mwamsanga, zomwe zinachitidwa. Ndipo chozizwitsa, adandipulumutsa mwachangu ku zowawa zomwe ndimaopa kwambiri. Gulu lonse linkadziwa za vuto langa ndipo anali omvetsetsa kwambiri. Ndinabereka popanda episiotomy, ndipo mwamsanga ndithu, ngati kuti sindinkafuna kuyesa satana! Mwadzidzidzi ndinaona mwana wanga wamwamuna ali pamimba panga ndipo mtima wanga unaphulika ndi chisangalalo! Ndinapeza Leo wanga wamng'ono wokongola komanso wowoneka bwino kwambiri ... Mwana wanga tsopano ali ndi zaka ziwiri ndipo ndimadziuza ndekha, mu ngodya yaing'ono ya mutu wanga, kuti posachedwa adzakhala ndi mchimwene kapena mlongo wamng'ono ...