Momwe mungasinthire molondola mauthenga a interlocutor ndikufotokozera bwino zanu? Kugwiritsa ntchito njira ya Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP). Mmodzi mwa olemba njira iyi ndi mnzake akufotokoza chifukwa chake sitikumvana komanso momwe tingakonzere.
Psychology: N’cifukwa ciani nthawi zina zimakhala zovuta kuti tizimvetsetsana?
John Grinder: Chifukwa timakonda kuganiza kuti kulankhulana ndi kulankhula ndikuyiwala kulankhulana kosagwiritsa ntchito mawu. Pakadali pano, m'malingaliro anga, kulumikizana kosalankhula kumakhudza kwambiri maubwenzi kuposa mawu aliwonse. Kuwona kutembenuka kwa mutu ndi kusintha kwa kaimidwe, kayendedwe ka maso ndi mithunzi ya mawu, zonsezi "pas" za interlocutor, mukhoza "kumumva" bwino kuposa kungomvetsera zomwe akunena.
Carmen Bostic St. Clair: Nachi chitsanzo kwa inu. Ndikanena kuti "Ndiwe wokongola kwambiri" (panthawi yomweyo akugwedeza mutu), mudzasokonezeka, simudzadziwa momwe mungachitire. Chifukwa ndakutumizirani mauthenga awiri otsutsana. Kodi mungasankhe iti? Umu ndi momwe kusamvana kumayambika mu maubwenzi.
Ndipo momwe mungakhalire wokwanira, kapena, monga mukuti, "ogwirizana", mu ubale ndi ena?
JG: Pali magawo angapo. Choyamba ndi kumvetsa zomwe tikufuna kunena. Kodi ndikuyembekeza chiyani pazokambiranazi? Tingakhale ndi cholinga chenicheni, monga kulandira malangizo, kusaina pangano, kapena zolinga zathu zingakhale zambiri, monga kupitiriza kukhala pa ubwenzi. Kukhala “ogwirizana” ndiko, choyamba, kumveketsa cholinga chanu. Ndipo pokhapo kubweretsa mawu anu, khalidwe, kayendedwe ka thupi mogwirizana ndi izo.
Ndipo gawo lachiwiri?
JG: Muziganizira ena. Ku zomwe mawu ake makamaka thupi lake limafotokozera ... mawonekedwe, ndiko kuti, mudzagwiritsa ntchito zithunzi zamkati1.
Kuyankhulana kosagwiritsa ntchito mawu kumakhudza kwambiri maubwenzi kuposa mawu aliwonse.
Kuti ndithandizire kugawana chidziŵitso, ndidzalingalira zimenezi ndipo ndidzasankha mawu anga kuti ndikhale nanu m’gawo limene mwasankha mosadziŵa mosadziŵa, mwachitsanzo: “Mwaona chimene chimachitika? Izi zikuwoneka ngati choncho. Kodi ndikumveka bwino?" m’malo monena kuti, “Kodi mukumvetsa mfundo yanga? Umagwira zonse pa ntchentche!" - chifukwa ndi kale chinenero cha kinesthetic chokhudzana ndi kayendetsedwe ka thupi. Kuphatikiza apo, ndisintha kamvekedwe ka mawu ndi tempo yakulankhula kuti zigwirizane ndi mawu anu…
Koma uku ndikunyenga!
JG: Nthawi zonse mumalankhulana mwachinyengo. Zimangochitika kukhala zakhalidwe komanso zosagwirizana. Mukandifunsa funso, mumagwiritsa ntchito zolankhula zanu kuti munditsogolere pamutu womwe sindinawuganizirepo: uku ndikuwongoleranso! Koma aliyense amaona kuti ndi zovomerezeka, ndizovomerezeka.
KS-K.: M'mawu ena, ngati mukufuna kupusitsa munthu wina, titha kukupatsani zida zochitira zimenezo. Koma ngati mukufuna kuthandiza anthu kukumvetsetsani ndikudzithandiza kuti mumvetsetse, titha kuchitanso izi: NLP imakuphunzitsani momwe mungasankhire momwe mumamvera ena ndikudzifotokozera!
Kuyankhulana sikudzakulemetsanso: mudzalingalira momveka bwino zomwe mukufuna kudziwonetsera nokha, ndi zomwe wina akufotokozera - mwamawu komanso osalankhula, mozindikira komanso mosadziwa. Ndiye aliyense adzakhala ndi kusankha - kunena kuti: "Inde, ndikukumvani, koma sindikufuna kulankhula choncho" kapena, mosiyana: "Ndikutsatira mosamalitsa malingaliro anu."
Choyamba dziwani cholinga chanu. Ndiyeno bweretsani mawu, khalidwe, kaimidwe mogwirizana ndi izo.
JG: Kutchera khutu kwa winayo, njira yake yodziwonetsera yekha, komanso kukhala ndi zida zomvetsetsa mawonekedwe ake olankhulirana, mudzamvetsetsa kuti kugwirizana kwachitika pakati panu, zomwe zikutanthauza kuti mutha kulankhulana kwathunthu.
Kodi mukunena kuti chifukwa cha NLP, chifundo chimabwera?
JG: Mulimonse momwe zingakhalire, ndikukhulupirira kuti mwanjira imeneyi titha kufotokozera momveka bwino kwa munthu wina wosazindikira kuti timazindikira ndikuvomereza "njira yake yoganiza". Kotero, m'malingaliro anga, uku ndikunyenga kwaulemu kwambiri! Popeza sindinu mtsogoleri, koma wotsatira, mumasintha.
Zikuoneka kuti nthawi zonse tiyenera kudziwa mmene ndi chifukwa chake timasankha mawu, mosamala kuwunika kaimidwe ndi kamvekedwe ka mawu?
JG: Sindikuganiza kuti polankhulana mutha kudziletsa kwathunthu. Amene amayesetsa kuchita zimenezi amakhala otanganidwa kwambiri, ndipo nthawi zambiri amakhala ndi mavuto paubwenzi. Chifukwa amangoganiza za momwe angalakwitse, ndikuiwala kumvetsera kwa interlocutor. Ine, kumbali ina, ndikuwona kuyankhulana ngati masewera ndi zida za NLP monga njira yosangalalira nayo!
Ndikofunika kuzindikira kuti ndi mawu ati omwe timabwereza mobwerezabwereza kuposa ena: ndi omwe amakhudza maubwenzi.
KS-K.: Sikuti kulabadira mawu aliwonse amene mukunena. Ndikofunika kuzindikira kuti ndi mawu ati omwe timabwereza mobwerezabwereza kuposa ena: ndi omwe amakhudza maubwenzi. Mwachitsanzo, makolo anga a ku Italy ankagwiritsa ntchito mawu akuti necessario (“zofunika”) nthawi zonse. Titasamukira ku US ndikuyamba kulankhula Chingerezi, adamasulira kuti "muyenera", omwe ndi mawu amphamvu kwambiri.
Ndinatengera chizolowezi cholankhulira ichi kuchokera kwa iwo: "muyenera kuchita izi", "ndiyenera kuchita izi" ... Moyo wanga unali mndandanda wazinthu zomwe ndimafuna kwa ena komanso kwa ine ndekha. Izi zinali mpaka ndidazitsata - zikomo kwa John! - chizoloŵezi ichi ndipo sanachite bwino m'malo mwa "muyenera": "Ndikufuna", "mukhoza" ...
JG: Mpaka titadzipatsa vuto kuti tizindikire njira zolankhulirana, nthawi zonse, ngakhale tili ndi zolinga zabwino, tidzayenda pamtunda womwewo: tidzamva kuti sitikumveka komanso osamvetsetseka.
Za akatswiri
John Grinder - Wolemba wa ku America, katswiri wa zilankhulo, yemwe adalenga, pamodzi ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Richard Bandler, njira ya neurolinguistic programming. Kuwongolera uku kwa psychology yothandiza kudayambika pamzere wa linguistics, theory system, neurophysiology, anthropology, ndi filosofi. Zimatengera kusanthula kwa ntchito ya akatswiri odziwika bwino a psychotherapists Milton Erickson (hypnotherapy) ndi Fritz Perls (gestalt therapy).
Carmen Bostic St Clair - Doctor of Laws, wakhala akugwirizana ndi John Grinder kuyambira 1980s. Onse pamodzi amachita masemina ophunzitsira padziko lonse lapansi, omwe adalemba nawo buku la "Whisper in the Wind. Khodi yatsopano mu NLP ”(Prime-Eurosign, 2007).
1 Ngati kuyang'ana kwa interlocutor wathu kulunjika mmwamba, izi zikutanthauza kuti akutanthauza zithunzi zooneka; ngati itsetsereka mopingasa, ndiye kuti kuzindikira kumatengera mawu, mawu. Kuyang'ana pansi ndi chizindikiro cha kudalira malingaliro ndi malingaliro. Ngati kuyang'ana kumapita kumanzere, ndiye kuti zithunzizi, zomveka kapena zomveka zimagwirizanitsidwa ndi kukumbukira; ngati kumanja, samatchula zochitika zenizeni, koma amapangidwa, opangidwa ndi malingaliro.