Tonsefe timalota za izo, koma zikafika m'miyoyo yathu, ndi ochepa omwe angathe kuzipirira ndikuzisunga. N’chifukwa chiyani zimenezi zikuchitika? Mawu a psychotherapist Adam Philips onena za chifukwa chake chikondi chimabweretsa zowawa ndi kukhumudwa.
Sitimakondana kwambiri ndi munthu, monga kungoganizira momwe munthu angakwaniritsire zachabechabe zathu zamkati, akutero Adam Philips yemwe ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo. Nthawi zambiri amatchedwa «ndakatulo kukhumudwa», amene Philips amaona maziko a moyo wa munthu aliyense. Kukhumudwa ndi mitundu yosiyanasiyana ya malingaliro oyipa kuchokera ku mkwiyo kupita kuchisoni omwe timakumana nawo tikakumana ndi chotchinga panjira yopita ku cholinga chomwe tikufuna.
Phillips amakhulupirira kuti moyo wathu wopanda moyo, womwe timapanga m'malingaliro ongoyerekeza, nthawi zambiri umakhala wofunikira kwambiri kwa ife kuposa moyo womwe takhala nawo. Sitingathe kudzilingalira zenizeni ndi mophiphiritsira popanda iwo. Zomwe timalota, zomwe timalakalaka ndi zowonera, zinthu ndi anthu omwe sali m'moyo wathu weniweni. Kusowa kofunikira kumapangitsa munthu kuganiza ndikukula, ndipo nthawi yomweyo amasokoneza komanso amadetsa nkhawa.
M’buku lake lakuti Lost, katswiri wa zamaganizo analemba kuti: “Kwa anthu amakono, amene akuda nkhaŵa ndi kuthekera kosankha, moyo wachipambano ndiwo moyo umene timakhala nawo mokwanira. Timatanganidwa ndi zomwe zikusowa pamoyo wathu komanso zomwe zimatilepheretsa kupeza zosangalatsa zonse zomwe timalakalaka.
Kukhumudwa kumakhala nkhuni za chikondi. Ngakhale ululu, pali njere zabwino mmenemo. Zimakhala ngati chizindikiro chakuti cholinga chofunidwa chilipo kwinakwake m'tsogolomu. Kotero, ife tikadali ndi chinachake choti tiyesere. Zinyengo, zoyembekeza ndizofunikira pakukhalapo kwa chikondi, ziribe kanthu ngati chikondi ichi ndi cha makolo kapena chonyansa.
Nkhani zonse zachikondi ndi nkhani za zosowa zosakwanira. Kugwa m'chikondi ndiko kulandira chikumbutso cha zomwe munalandidwa, ndipo tsopano zikuwoneka kwa inu kuti mwalandira.
N’cifukwa ciani cikondi n’cofunika kwambili kwa ife? Zimatizungulira kwakanthawi ndi chinyengo cha maloto. Malinga ndi a Philips, "nkhani zonse zachikondi ndi nkhani za zosowa zosakwanira ... Kugwa m'chikondi ndikukumbutsidwa zomwe munalandidwa, ndipo tsopano mukuganiza kuti mwapeza."
Ndendende «zikuwoneka» chifukwa chikondi sichingatsimikizire kuti zosowa zanu zidzakwaniritsidwa, ndipo ngakhale zitatero, kukhumudwa kwanu kudzasinthidwa kukhala chinthu china. Kuchokera pamalingaliro a psychoanalysis, munthu yemwe timakondana naye ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi kuchokera kumalingaliro athu. Tidawapeka tisanakumane nawo, osati kuchokera pachabe (palibe chochokera ku kalikonse), koma pamaziko a zochitika zakale, zenizeni ndi zongoganizira.
Timaona kuti tadziwana ndi munthu ameneyu kwa nthawi yaitali, chifukwa m’njira inayake timamudziwadi, ndi thupi ndi magazi ochokera kwa ifeyo. Ndipo popeza takhala tikudikirira kwa zaka zambiri kuti tikumane naye, timamva ngati takhala tikumudziwa kwa zaka zambiri. Panthawi imodzimodziyo, pokhala munthu wosiyana ndi khalidwe lake ndi zizolowezi zake, amawoneka wachilendo kwa ife. Mlendo wodziwika bwino.
Ndipo ziribe kanthu momwe ife tikuyembekezera, ndi kuyembekezera, ndi kulota kuti tidzakumane ndi chikondi cha moyo wathu, pokhapokha tikakumana naye, timayamba kuchita mantha kumutaya.
Chodabwitsa ndichakuti mawonekedwe m'moyo wathu wa chinthu chachikondi ndikofunikira kuti timve kusakhalapo kwake.
Chodabwitsa ndichakuti mawonekedwe m'moyo wathu wa chinthu chachikondi ndikofunikira kuti timve kusakhalapo kwake. Kulakalaka kumatha kutsogola mawonekedwe ake m'miyoyo yathu, koma tifunika kukumana ndi chikondi cha moyo kuti timve bwino zowawa zomwe titha kuzitaya. Chikondi chatsopano chimatikumbutsa za kusonkhanitsa kwathu zolephera ndi zolephera, chifukwa zimalonjeza kuti zinthu zikhala zosiyana tsopano, ndipo chifukwa cha izi, zimakhala zamtengo wapatali.
Ngakhale malingaliro athu atakhala amphamvu kapena opanda chidwi, chinthu chake sichingayankhe mokwanira. Choncho ululu.
M'nkhani yake "Pa Kukopana," Philips akunena kuti "maubwenzi abwino amatha kumangidwa ndi anthu omwe amatha kulimbana ndi kukhumudwa kosalekeza, kukhumudwa tsiku ndi tsiku, kulephera kukwaniritsa cholinga chomwe akufuna. Iwo omwe amadziwa kudikirira ndi kupirira ndipo amatha kuyanjanitsa zongopeka zawo ndi moyo womwe sungathe kuwaphatikiza ndendende.
Tikamakula, m'pamenenso timalimbana bwino ndi kukhumudwa, Phillips akuyembekeza, ndipo mwinanso timakhala bwino ndi chikondi chenicheni.