Banja lirilonse ndi losiyana. Aliyense, ndi mikhalidwe yake, zolakwa zake, maphunziro ake ndi zochitika zake zimalimbikitsa nkhani yachikondi yapadera. Ngati palibe njira yodziwikiratu yomangira chibwenzi, zitha kuwoneka kuti maanja onse, mosapatula, amadutsa magawo atatu osiyana, motalikirapo kapena mocheperapo: chilakolako, kusiyana ndi kudzipereka. . Nazi makhalidwe awo.

Ichi ndi chiyambi cha ubale, pamene okonda awiriwo ali amodzi (osachepera, amakhulupirira kuti ndi amodzi). Mbali imeneyi ya chilakolako ndi fusion, yomwe imatchedwanso honeymoon, imakhala yopanda mitambo. Chikondi chokhudza mtima chimadziwika ndi kutengeka mtima kwambiri ndi zachilendo. Kumva bwino kumeneku komwe kumabwera chifukwa cha kukhalapo kwa ena kumalamulira mu ubale. Patsiku ndi tsiku, izi zimabweretsa kumverera kwakusowa pa kupatukana pang'ono, kukopeka kwamphamvu kwa thupi komwe kumapanga chilakolako chosatha kwa winayo (ndipo chifukwa chake kugonana kochuluka), kusirirana komanso kukondweretsa wokondedwa. Kulingalira uku ndikochititsa khungu m'lingaliro lakuti kumalepheretsa munthu kuona zenizeni. Choncho, anthu awiri a m’banjamo amangoonana chifukwa cha makhalidwe awo. Panthawi yophatikizika, palibe funso lililonse lazolakwa za ena chifukwa timakana mosazindikira kuwawona.

Sitepe iyi ndi yofunika kwambiri chifukwa imalola kupanga mgwirizano pakati pa okonda awiriwa. Aliyense amapeza chisangalalo cha okwatirana: kugawana nthawi zolimba kwa awiri, chisangalalo cha kugonana chikuwonjezeka kakhumi ndi malingaliro, chikondi, mgwirizano wachikondi.

Koma chenjerani, gawo lachilakolako siliwonetsa zenizeni popeza banjali limakonda. Ichi ndi chifukwa chake ndi ephemeral. Zitha kukhala pakati pa chaka chimodzi ndi zitatu. Choncho pindulani nazo!

Pambuyo pa kuphatikizika, kumabwera kugawa! Sitepe ili ndi losapeŵeka popeza moyo umatibweretsa mwamsanga ku zenizeni: Ndikuzindikira kuti winayo ndi wosiyana ndi ine ndipo ali ndi makhalidwe omwe sindingathe kupirira nawo. Mamembala awiri a banjali amakhala amodzi, koma awiri! Timalankhula za demerger chifukwa aliyense amafuna kukhala payekha osatinso ngati banja. Timachoka ku idealization kupita ku kukhumudwa. Kutsika kumakhala kowawa kwambiri kwa iwo omwe akufuna kukhalabe osakanikirana, kusiyana ndi omwe amasonyeza chikhumbo chawo chofuna kudziimira. Woyamba amadzimva kuti wamusiyidwa, pamene winayo amadziona kuti watopa.

Zovuta kukhala nazo, gawo la kusiyanitsa lingayambitse kusweka, koma mwamwayi sikungatheke kwa maanja onse. Ndi mayeso kuti adziwe ngati banjali lapita mpaka kalekale. Kuti athetse vutoli, aliyense ayenera kuvomereza lingaliro lakuti chibwenzicho chimapangidwa ndi zokwera ndi zotsika. Koma koposa zonse, aliyense ayenera kukhala motalikirana ndi banjali pochita zinthu ndi anthu ena, kuti agwirizane bwino. Pomaliza, kulankhulana sikuyenera kunyalanyazidwa m'banjamo chifukwa nthawi imeneyi imakhala ndi kukayika komanso kusamvetsetsana.

Ngati ubale wanu wapulumuka gawo losiyanitsira, ndichifukwa chakuti ndinu okonzeka (onse awiri) kutenga nawo mbali mu ubalewu ndipo mwavomereza winayo ndi makhalidwe ake ndi zolakwa zake. Yakwana nthawi yoti tipange mapulani awiri (tchuthi, kukhalira limodzi, ukwati…) kuti asamalire banjali. Chikondi chokondana choyambirira chasanduka chikondi chachikondi, cholimba komanso chokhalitsa. Izi siziletsa mikangano, koma zimakhala zocheperapo kuposa kale chifukwa ubalewu ndi wokhwima kwambiri: okwatiranawo samatsutsidwa pakasemphana maganizo pang'ono chifukwa aliyense amachita khama ndipo amadziwa kuti chikondi ndi champhamvu kuti apulumuke mkuntho. Podalira kukhulupirirana ndi kulemekezana nthawi zonse.

Mofanana ndi magawo onse a chibwenzi, kudzipereka kulinso ndi zovuta zake. Choopsa ndicho kugwera m’chizoloŵezi chimene chimachititsa okwatiranawo kugona. Zowonadi, chikondi chachikondi chingakhale chotopetsa ngati sichikongoletsedwa ndi nthawi yosangalatsa komanso zatsopano. Chifukwa chake kufunikira kosatengera banjali mopepuka ndikuchoka pamalo awo otonthoza, makamaka mukakhala ndi ana. Okwatiranawo sayenera kuyiwalika kuti apindule ndi banjalo. Kukonzera nthawi kwa awiri ndikupeza zakutsogolo monga banja ndi zinthu ziwiri zofunika kuti chikondi chisapitirire. Kupeza kulinganiza koyenera pakati pa chikondi chotengeka mtima ndi chikondi cholingalira kumakhalabe chinsinsi cha unansi wokhalitsa.