Mafunso ndi Natalia Beryazeva, gwero madam-internet.com
Iye wakhala patsogolo panga. Osasiya monga mwanthawi zonse. Pangodya za milomo inagwa pansi. Watopa kwambiri. Sakufunanso kusewera. Palibe chifukwa pamaso panga. Ndili ngati iye. Kale kutali ndi mtsikana yemwe amamvetsa ndikuvomereza moyo wopanda kukongola. Ndipo sindikufuna kukongola kwake konyezimira, ndimawona mkazi wotopa pamaso panga, yemwe ndimamulemekeza kwambiri ndipo ndimafunitsitsa kukhala ngati iye.
Ndikumvetsa kuti ndizovuta kwambiri kumvetsera tsiku ndi tsiku kuyimba kwa atolankhani, achichepere achichepere ndi kunyoza kwawo kwa unyamata wamuyaya, nsanje ya ochita masewero aang'ono koma opanda luso, kuleza mtima kwa oimba achichepere akulakalaka kuti achoke pa siteji. Ndimamvetsetsa chilichonse ndipo ndimasilira mkazi uyu yemwe amakhala momwe angathere. Pa kudzipereka kwathunthu.
“Chonde, simundifunsa kuti ndimatha bwanji kuoneka bwino komanso maopaleshoni angati amene ndachitidwapo. Ndi nyimbo zingati zomwe ndidalemba, ndi maudindo angati omwe ndidasewera - palibe amene amalembanso, aliyense akukambirana zondiyimitsa.
- Ndine wojambula, mukudziwa, wojambula! Ndipo ndikufunabe kugwira ntchito. Ndani akufuna kuyang'ana chiwonongeko chakale? Mwamwayi, ndili pafupi ndi inu tsopano, ndipo kawirikawiri aliyense amandiona ndili wotopa chonchi. Sindilola kumasuka. Osandifunsa zomwe zimanditengera. Pamene ndinathyoka mwendo ndikupitiriza kuchita mafilimu, zinali zosavuta kwa ine. Ndinali wamng’ono. Tsopano kutuluka kulikonse kuli ngati kuchita bwino. Simungathe kujambula pa ukalamba ndipo simungathe kupanga. Nditha kuyika maso anga, kuvala wigi, koma sindingathe kuvala zovala zonse kwa nthawi yayitali. Ndatopa. Ndipo ndi zochuluka bwanji zomwe ndikufuna kuchita!
"Chabwino, uli ndi zaka zingati tsopano?" Zoposa 50 kale? Kodi inunso mumaopa zaka? Osayankha! Ife tonse akazi ndife ofanana. Ndikufuna kuwoneka bwino, kukondedwa, kufunidwa. Ndipo ngati sizili choncho, ndiye timayesetsa kuzindikira tokha mu ntchito, ntchito.
Kodi mukudziwa kale momwe zimavutira kudzuka m'mawa nthawi zina? Kudzikakamiza ndekha ndi thupi langa lotopa kugonjera ku mphamvu ... Ayi, nditatha zaka 50 ndinali ndidakali nyenyezi .. Tsopano ndibwerera nthawi ino. Mphamvu zambiri zidachoka ndikunyamuka kupita kukalimbana ndi malo pansi padzuwa. Kupatula apo, ndingofa osagwira ntchito, ndikukhala mayi wamba wamba. Ndizovuta kulingalira.
“Kodi inunso mukuganiza kuti ndakhala wonyansa, kuti sindimavala mogwirizana ndi msinkhu wanga, ndi kuti sindimakhala ndi moyo mogwirizana ndi msinkhu wanga? Kuti ndine gogo wokalamba komanso wopanda mawu yemwe adadzipangira mbiri zaka 100 zapitazo ...
Lyudmila Markovna akuusa moyo.
Inde, sindikwanitsa kufika zana, ndizowona.
"Ndipo umandifuniranji?" Chifukwa chiyani mwayendetsa galimoto mpaka pano? N'chifukwa chiyani mumafuna chibwenzi? Kodi mukufuna thandizo langa? Chifukwa changa? Chifukwa chiyani ndimasiya malingaliro onse ndi malingaliro osasinthika? Kapena mukufuna kundipangira ndalama?
Ndipo ndikuuza Lyudmila Markovna kuti ndakhala ndi bukhu la mibadwo. Kuti ndimachita zoyankhulana ndi amayi omwe ali chitsanzo kwa ine m'moyo. Mu mndandanda uwu, iye ali m'modzi mwa malo oyamba. Ndipo osati monga wosewera wamng'ono mu Carnival Night, koma lero, mkazi wolimba mtima akumenyana ndi kudzigonjetsa yekha, msinkhu wake. Gurchenko wamasiku ano ndi amene amandisangalatsa kwambiri.
Inde, sindinama. Ndimakhala moona mtima. Bodza langa lokha lachikazi ndilofuna kunyenga thupi lako. Msungeni wamng'ono. Iyi sinkhondo ya moyo, koma imfa. Koma kwa mkazi, ili si bodza. Palibe amene amaimba mlandu Sophia Loren chifukwa chojambula maliseche kwa magazini pazaka zake zapakati. Ku Italy, iye ndi kunyada kwa dziko. Nthawi zambiri amandiseka.
— Chifukwa chiyani? Ngakhale kuti kwa nthawi yaitali sindimvetsera zimene amanena za ine. Chabwino, anyamata ochokera ku Comedy Club, ndithudi, adutsa malire onse. Komano, zikutanthauza kuti ndikadali ndi moyo, ndimadzutsa malingaliro ngakhale pakati pa mbalame zonyoza.
— Posachedwapa ndinawerenga kuti ku India kuli mkazi amene sanakalamba kwa zaka zambiri. Amawoneka ngati mkazi wazaka 30. Amalosera zam'tsogolo. Kunena zowona, amalankhula za munthu amene amabwera kwa iye kudzafuna malangizo. Pankhope pake panali kumwetulira kosatha. Akuti kuwala kumachokera mmenemo. Amangomuuza mmene munthu ayenera kukhalira kuti akhale wosangalala. Amapereka malangizo osavuta a moyo. Kumatanthauza kugawana nzeru zanu. Kum'maŵa, m'mayiko a ku Asia, ukalamba umalemekezedwa. Chifukwa ndi chokumana nacho chamtengo wapatali ndi lingaliro lopewa kulakwitsa. Timalemekeza achinyamata okha. Ndi angati aluso zisudzo anafa mu umphawi ndi kuiwalika. Choncho kulimbana kwanga kwa maonekedwe ndikuyesera kukhala osaiwalika. Palibe amene akufuna nzeru zanga. Chifukwa chake ndimachita chilichonse chotsutsana. Zaka, nthawi, machitidwe, mafashoni. Ndifunika kukhala ndi nthawi yolankhula. Bweretsani zimene Mulungu wandipatsa. Sindikudziwa, mwina sindingatero. Thupi limasiya kundimvera. Ndakhala ndikumugwiririra kwa nthawi yayitali. Kale kale. Kulondola ndithu.
“Mundikhululukire chifukwa chomasuka lero. Muli kutali, simuli ochokera ku metropolitan party, simukumvera miseche yomwe imachitika pano. Muli ndi masomphenya omveka bwino komanso malingaliro olondola. Mutha kukhala kuti mumandikonda, koma ndibwino kuposa kumangonenezedwa nthawi zonse.
Simumafunsa za mwana wanu wamkazi. Za banja. Ndipo moyenerera. Palibe chifukwa choyang'ana olakwa pano. Ndipo palibe amene adzandilanga koposa ine ndekha. Zikomo chifukwa chosaweruza. Inde, ndinalakwitsa. Pali zochitika zomwe ndikufuna kusintha. Koma lingaliro lanzeru limabwera pambuyo pake, sizomwe akunena ku Siberia? Ndine wopupuluma kwambiri, ndimatha kukhala wosadziletsa. Ndine munthu wamoyo. Koma, ngati mukufuna kunditsanzira, ndiye kuti ubwino wanga ukuposa kuipa. Kodi ndikulondola?
- Mukudziwa, tsopano ndili ndi maloto, ngati zidutswa za zisudzo. Ndilibe nthawi yolemba zonse m'mawa. Ndipo nyimbo zina zikuzungulira ndikuzungulira m'mutu mwanga, zikuwoneka kuti ndinazimva kwinakwake. Ndimayimba oimba omwe ndimawadziwa, amati, Lyudmila Markovna, uwu ndi ufulu wanu… Ndipo nayi nyimbo ina ya Zemfira yomwe imandivutitsa. Zikumveka ngati ndalemba. Kodi mtsikanayo amapeza kuti moyo wamphamvu chonchi?
- Ndimakonda kuvala. Izi nthenga, sequins, lace. Ndi zachikazi kwambiri. Ndipo kwa ife, a Soviet, ndikuletsanso, chinsinsi. Anali. Ndipo tsopano ndimakonda kuvala ngati kuli kotheka. Mwina ndipinda liti.
Lyudmila Markovna anakhala chete. Mwanjira ina ndinasochera mwa ine ndekha.
Mukudziwa, - ndinayamba, - ndinabwera kunyumba kwa amayi anga m'tauni yachigawo, yotayika ku chipululu cha Baraba. Ali ndi zaka zoposa 80 kwa amayi anga. Amakhalabe wolimba, sataya mtima. Kodi ukudziwa zomwe amandiuza nthawi zonse? Ndisokoneze chiyani? Ine sindimapita kwa anthu. Amene andiona kunyumba, amene angatsutse kuti nyumba si yaukhondo monga kale. Palibe. Ndili ndekha. Koma ndimayang'ana Lucy, o, si mtsikana, koma akuchita chiyani pasiteji! Kuvina, kuimba. Pajatu ndizovuta kale. Koma ndimamumvetsa. Timamukumbukira ali wamng'ono komanso ali ndi chiuno cha mavu. Iye ndi wachinyamata wathu. Kuyang’ana pa iye, ifenso timakhulupirira kuti tikadali achichepere. Mulungu amudalitse! Mukakumana, ngati muli ndi mwayi, nenani. Asamvere zimene anthu amanena zoipa zokhudza iye. Ndipo musamachite chidwi ndi achinyamata. Tikukhala mu nthawi yathu..
Ndi zomwe amayi anu akunena? Zikomo chifukwa cha mawu okoma mtima. Ndipo ndimufunira zabwino. Chabwino, tiyenera kusonkhanitsa mphamvu. Fikirani bwino kugalimoto.
Lyudmila Markovna anafikira nsapato zake zazitali, zomwe, pamene tinali kulankhula, zinali zitaima pafupi ndi mpando.
- Mwendo umandikumbutsa zambiri za fracture. Koma ndikakwera siteji, ndimamva kuwomba m'manja - ndimayiwala chilichonse. Ndipo ndilowa m'chipinda chobvala, ndipo nthawi yomweyo ululu umabwerera. Ndi bwino kufa pa siteji, - Lyudmila Markovna akumwetulira mwachisoni. Ndi kufa mokongola, mu zodzoladzola, ndi kumeta tsitsi. Inde, chabwino, ndikhala ndi moyo wautali ... Chinachake chomwe ndafooka lero. Zikomo. Za kumvetsetsa.
Lyudmila Markovna adadzuka pampando wake. Anawongola msana wake, nasintha nsonga ya bulauzi yake. Nenaninso zikomo kwa amayi anu. Chifukwa chokhulupirira ine. Ndiyesetsa kuti ndisamukhumudwitse.
Ananditembenuza nsana. Chiuno cha mavu chomwecho. Msungwana yemweyo wochokera ku kanema wa kanema wa Soviet.
Ndinatembenuka.
— Kumbukirani! Nthawi zonse sungani nsana wanu. Ngati mlendo mmodzi akukuwonani.
Fungo la zonunkhiritsa, zonunkhiritsa zake, zidakhalabe m'chipinda chobvala kwa nthawi yayitali. Ndinakhala ndikulingalira kuti: “Chabwino, akazi athu amazitenga kuti mphamvu zotere? Kukakamira kotero? Kuti? Ndi majini amtundu wanji mwa ife omwe amatipangitsa kuchita zomwe anthu ena sangaziganizire ...
Nthawi zambiri ndimaonera mavidiyo ndi nyimbo «Ndikufuna». Kumeneko, pamodzi ndi iye, omwe timawakonda, ndi omwe akhala atachoka kwa ife, akuvina. Andrey Mironov, Yuri Nikulin, Evgeny Evstigneev, Oleg Yankovsky ndi ena ambiri. Nyenyezi zathu zochoka. Tsopano iye ali pakati pawo, mkazi amene ankaimba ndi kuvina mosasamala kanthu za aliyense ndi chirichonse. Ndani sakanalola kuti awoneke wofooka. Kwa ine iye anali yekha, wofooka ndi wotopa ndi wowoneka msinkhu wake. Ndinalankhula ndi mzimu wake. Anasiya thupi kwa kanthawi. Koma ine, monga amayi anga, ndidzakumbukira Lyudmila Markovna monga wamng'ono, woipa, wokondwa, wamphamvu, wokondana, wamphepo, woseketsa - zomwe anali kwa aliyense mpaka kumapeto kwa moyo wake. Kodi ichi si chitsanzo choti titsatire? Iye ndiye nyenyezi yonditsogolera.