Mmene timadzionera tokha, anthu otizungulira, komanso zochitika zimatengera zomwe takumana nazo m'mbuyomu. Katswiri wa zamaganizo Jeffrey Nevid amalankhula za momwe mungapezere zomwe zimayambitsa mavuto m'mbuyomu ndikuphunzira momwe mungasinthire malingaliro oipa ndi abwino.
Kuzindikira kumadalira kwambiri zinthu zakunja kuposa zamkati. Timayang'ana zomwe zikuchitika pafupi nafe, ndipo sitiwona zomwe zimabwera nthawi imodzi. Umu ndi momwe chilengedwe chinatipangira ife: timatchera khutu ku zomwe timawona, koma pafupifupi kunyalanyaza njira zathu zamkati. Nthawi yomweyo, malingaliro ndi malingaliro nthawi zina sizikhala zowopsa ngati ziwopsezo zakunja.
Kudziona ngati munthu woganiza bwino kunabadwa osati kale kwambiri. Ngati tilingalira mbiri ya chisinthiko mu mawonekedwe a wotchi, ndiye kuti izi zidachitika pa 11:59. Chitukuko chamakono chimatipatsa njira yodziwira kuti ndi malingaliro angati, zithunzi ndi zokumbukira zanzeru zomwe zimakhalapo.
Malingaliro ndi onyenga, koma amatha "kugwidwa". Kuti muchite izi, muyenera kuphunzira kuganizira za dziko lamkati. Izi sizophweka, chifukwa chidwi chonse nthawi zambiri chimalunjika kudziko lakunja.
Malingaliro olephereka ndi zotayika, zokhumudwitsa ndi mantha zilibe malire, sizimangika ku zochitika zenizeni.
Choyamba muyenera kudzisamalira nokha ndikuphunzira kusinkhasinkha. Tikhoza kuchoka mu kuya kwa chikumbumtima maganizo kuti «kuthamanga» mu mosalekeza mtsinje, popanda kusiya.
Poyamba, zikuwoneka kuti awa ndi malingaliro chabe azinthu zazing'ono zapakhomo: zomwe mungaphike chakudya chamadzulo, chipinda chotsuka, ndi ntchito ziti zomwe mungathetse. Kuzama, mu chidziwitso, ndi malingaliro ena obwerezabwereza omwe amapanga chidziwitso. Iwo amawuka mu chidziwitso kokha pamene moyo umafuna. Awa ndi malingaliro akulephera ndi kutayika, kukhumudwa ndi mantha. Iwo alibe lamulo la malire ndi tsiku lotha ntchito, iwo samamangirizidwa ku chochitika china. Amachotsedwa m'matumbo akale, ngati dongo pansi pa nyanja.
Kodi tinayamba liti kuganiza kuti chinachake chinali cholakwika ndi ife: kusukulu ya sekondale, ku yunivesite? Dzidani nokha, kuopa anthu ndikudikirira chinyengo chodetsa? Kodi mawu oipawa anayamba liti kumveka m’mutu mwanu?
Mutha kupeza zoyambitsa kuganiza mwa kubwereza m'malingaliro anu nthawi yokhudzana ndi zomwe zidakuchitikirani.
Pali njira ziwiri «kugwira» izi zosasangalatsa maganizo.
Choyamba ndikumanganso "malo ophwanya malamulo". Ganizilani nthawi imene munamva cisoni, kukwiya, kapena kuda nkhawa. Kodi chinachitika ndi chiyani tsiku limenelo chimene chinayambitsa maganizo amenewa? Kodi tsikulo linali losiyana bwanji ndi ena, munaganizapo zotani? Munali kung'ung'udza chiyani pansi pa mpweya wanu?
Njira inanso yopezera zoyambitsa kuganiza ndikubwerezanso m'maganizo mwanu mphindi inayake kapena chokumana nacho chokhudzana ndi zomwe zidakuchitikirani. Yesetsani kukumbukira chochitikachi mwatsatanetsatane momwe mungathere, ngati kuti zikuchitika panopa.
Kodi n'chiyani angatulukire pa "zoyendera" mu maganizo a munthu? Mwina mudzapeza magwero a malingaliro okhumudwitsa, chifukwa chake mumadziona ngati munthu yemwe sangakwaniritse chilichonse. Kapena mwina mudzamvetsetsa kuti tanthauzo la zovuta zina ndi zochitika zokhumudwitsa ndizokokomeza kwambiri.
Malingaliro ena amatayika pakapita nthawi, ndipo sitingamvetsetse komwe zochitika zoipazo zimachokera. Musataye mtima. Malingaliro ndi zochitika zimabwerezedwa. Nthawi ina mukadzamvanso chimodzimodzi, siyani, "gwirani" lingalirolo, ndi kuliganizira.
Mawu akale
Kodi ndi koyenera kukhala ogwidwa ndi mawu akale omwe amanyamula kukaikira, kutitcha otayika ndi kutidzudzula chifukwa cha kulakwitsa kulikonse? Amakhala mozama mu chikumbumtima ndi "kutuluka" pokhapokha ngati chinachake chosasangalatsa chikuchitika: timapeza kalasi yoipa kusukulu, timalephera kuntchito, kapena bwenzi likuyamba kukhala muofesi madzulo.
Choncho zakale zimakhala zamakono, ndipo zamakono zimatsimikizira zam'tsogolo. Chimodzi mwa ntchito za ochiritsa ndikuzindikira mawu amkati awa. Zoipa kwambiri ndi maganizo odzidetsa. Ayenera kuloŵedwa m’malo ndi malingaliro olingalira bwino ndi abwino.
Psychotherapists amatsogoleredwa ndi mfundo yakuti popanda kudziwa mbiri yathu, timabwereza zolakwa mobwerezabwereza. Kuyambira nthawi ya Freud, akatswiri a zamaganizo ndi a psychotherapists amakhulupirira kuti kudzifufuza n'kofunika kuti pakhale kusintha kwa nthawi yaitali.
Choyamba, kodi tingatsimikize bwanji kotheratu kuti kumasulira kwathu kuli kolondola? Ndipo chachiwiri, ngati kusintha kungatheke pakali pano, kodi kudziwa zinthu zakale kungakhudze bwanji kusintha kumene kukuchitika panopa?
Tiyenera kusamala momwe malingaliro ndi malingaliro amakhudzira miyoyo yathu pano ndi pano.
Inde, zakale ndi maziko a masiku ano. Nthawi zambiri timabwereza zolakwa zathu. Komabe, kumvetsetsa zakale sikukutanthauza kuti kusintha kumadalira kokha «kukumba» zochitika zakale ndi zoopsa. Zili ngati ngalawa imene uyenera kupitako ulendo. Musanayambe ulendo wapamadzi, zingakhale bwino kuyanika doko la ngalawayo, kuiona ndikuikonza ngati kuli kofunikira.
Fanizo lina lotheka ndilo kupeza njira yoyenera ndikusankha njira yoyenera. Simufunikanso kukonza zakale zanu zonse. Mutha kusintha malingaliro okha, mukuchita, m'malo opotoka ndi omveka bwino.
Tanena kale kufunika kozindikira malingaliro, zithunzi ndi zikumbukiro zomwe zimatsimikizira mkhalidwe wathu wamalingaliro. Popeza kuti n’kosatheka kusintha zinthu zakale, tiyenera kulabadira mmene malingaliro ndi malingaliro zimakhudzira moyo wathu pano ndi tsopano. Mwa kuphunzira "kuwerenga" chidziwitso chanu ndi chikumbumtima chanu, mutha kukonza malingaliro opunduka ndi malingaliro osokoneza omwe amabweretsa kusokonezeka kwa umunthu. Ndi ganizo losokoneza liti lomwe mungaligwire ndikusintha kukhala labwino lero?