Mwina mwakhala mukulandira chithandizo kapena mukugwira ntchito ndi zowawa zanu ndi zovuta zanu kwa nthawi yayitali ndipo mukumva ngati mwasintha. Koma chinachake chowawa chimachitika, ndipo mukuwoneka kuti mukuponyedwa kumbuyo - khalidwe lachikale, malingaliro ndi malingaliro amabwerera. Osadandaula, ndizabwinobwino.
Sitingathe kusiyiratu zakale. Nthaŵi ndi nthaŵi zidzatikumbutsa zokha, ndipo mwinamwake osati nthaŵi zonse m’njira yosangalatsa. Kodi mungatani komanso choti muchite mukabwerera ku zovuta zakale?
Mwaphunzira madandaulo aubwana, mukudziwa zomwe zimakuyambitsani, mwaphunzira kukonzanso malingaliro olakwika. Mumamvetsetsa momwe zochitika zakale zimakhudzira khalidwe lamasiku ano, malingaliro ndi malingaliro, nthawi zonse muzichita nawo maphunziro a zamaganizo ndikudzisamalira. Mwanjira ina, muli patali mokwanira panjira yanu yochizira kuti muthane ndi zovuta zakale.
Munayamba kudzimva bwino ndipo mumanyadira kuti pamapeto pake mumamvetsetsa nokha. Ndipo mwadzidzidzi china chake chosasangalatsa chimachitika ndikusokonekeranso. Mumada nkhawa ndi mmene mumaonekera, n’kumadandaula kuti simungathe kufotokoza mmene mukumvera. Maganizo anu asokonekera. Zinthu zazing'ono zimatuluka mwazokha.
Nthawi zina zakale zimabwereranso
Mwagwira ntchito zolimba kuti mugonjetse zovuta zaubwana. Munaphunzira mwakhama njira zopumira ndi kuzigwiritsira ntchito m’mikhalidwe yovuta. Koma tsopano mwakumana maso ndi maso ndi munthu amene anamuiwala kalekale. Mumadziyang'ana pagalasi ndipo malingaliro anu amati, "Sindili wabwino mokwanira." Chinachitika ndi chiyani?
Ndizovuta kusintha zikhulupiriro za inu nokha ndikukweza kudzidalira. Izi zingatenge miyezi kapena zaka. Koma simudzachotsa zakale zomwe zakupangani kukhala munthu. Ndipo nthawi zina zikumbukiro zimabwerera ndipo mumakumbukira malingaliro omwe munayiwalika kalekale.
Maliro angakukumbutseni za wokondedwa amene wamwalira. Fungo la udzu wodulidwa likunena za ubwana umene umasowa. Nyimboyi imabweretsanso zikumbukiro zowawa zachiwawa kapena zoopsa. Ubwenzi umene watha ukhoza kubweretsa maganizo ozama kwambiri oti anasiyidwa. Mnzako watsopano kapena mnzanu angakupangitseni kukayikira nokha.
Mumakhumudwitsidwa, kuda nkhawa, kugwera mu kukhumudwa. Mwadzidzidzi mumadzipeza kuti mukubwereranso ku machitidwe akale, malingaliro ndi malingaliro omwe munagwirapo ntchito ndikusiya. Ndipo kachiwiri mukumva kuti mukudzitaya nokha panopa.
Landirani inuyo weniweni
Zoyenera kuchita ngati zakale zikumbukira zokha? Vomerezani kuti machiritso ndi njira yokhala ndi zokwera ndi zotsika. Pamene mukumva ngati mukuchita mantha, mukuda nkhawa, ndipo mukulephera kupiriranso kuvutika maganizo, imani ndi kufufuza chomwe chinayambitsa ndi momwe mukuchitira ndi vutolo. Mukumva bwanji? Kodi thupi lanu limayankha bwanji? Mwinamwake muli ndi mimba yopotoka kapena nseru. Kodi izi zidakuchitikiranipo kale? Ngati inde, ndiye liti?
Dzikumbutseni kuti zowawa ndi maganizo zidzatha. Kumbukirani momwe mudagwirira nawo ntchito pachipatala. Onani momwe zakale zimakukhudzirani pano. Kodi mumamvanso chimodzimodzi monga kale? Kodi zochitika izi ndi zofanana? Kodi mukudzimva kukhala woipa, wosayenerera kukondedwa? Kodi ndi zochitika ziti zakale zomwe zimatsogolera ku malingaliro awa? Kodi zimene zikuchitika masiku ano zikukuwakulitsa bwanji?
Kumbukirani luso lodzithandizira lomwe muli nalo tsopano: kuganizanso maganizo oipa, kupuma mozama, kuvomereza zowawa, kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi.
Simungasiye zakale mpaka kalekale, ngakhale mutakhala kuti mukufuna kutero. Idzakuchezerani nthawi ndi nthawi. Mpatseni moni ndi mawu akuti: “Moni, bwenzi lakale. Ndikudziwa yemwe inu muli. Ndikudziwa momwe mukumvera. Ndipo ndikhoza kukuthandizani. "
Kudzivomereza nokha, zakale ndi zamakono, ndi zolakwika zake zonse, ndiye chinsinsi cha machiritso osatha. Dzilandireni nokha. Ndipo vomerezani amene mudali.
Za wolemba: Denise Oleski ndi psychotherapist.