Azimayi amateteza ufulu wawo wosungulumwa, amayamikira ndikuvutika chifukwa cha izo. Mulimonse momwe zingakhalire, amawona kusungulumwa ngati dziko lokakamizidwa ... lomwe lingagwiritsidwe ntchito kuti lipindule nawo.
Masiku a atsikana abwino ndi adzakazi osweka mtima atha. Nthawi yamalonda a Amazons, omwe adalipira ndi kusungulumwa kuti agwire bwino ntchito komanso malo apamwamba, adadutsanso.
Masiku ano, akazi osiyanasiyana amagwera m’gulu la anthu osakwatiwa: amene alibe aliyense, ambuye a amuna okwatiwa, amayi osudzulidwa, akazi amasiye, agulugufe omwe amangotuluka m’chikondi kupita m’chikondi… wa kusankha mwachidwi.
Nthawi ya kusungulumwa ikhoza kukhala kupuma pakati pa mabuku awiri, kapena ikhoza kukhala nthawi yayitali, nthawi zina moyo wonse.
“Palibe chotsimikizirika m’moyo wanga,” akuvomereza motero Lyudmila, wazaka 32, wofalitsa nkhani. - Ndimakonda momwe ndimakhalira: Ndili ndi ntchito yosangalatsa, anzanga ambiri ndi mabwenzi. Koma nthawi zina Loweruka ndi Lamlungu ndimakhala kunyumba, ndikudziuza kuti palibe amene amandikonda, palibe amene amandifuna.
Nthawi zina ndimasangalala ndi ufulu wanga, kenako umasinthidwa ndi kukhumudwa komanso kukhumudwa. Koma ngati wina andifunsa chifukwa chomwe ndilibe aliyense, zimandikwiyitsa, ndipo ndimateteza mwamphamvu ufulu wanga wokhala ndekha, ngakhale kuti ndikulota kuti ndimutsanzike mwamsanga.
Nthawi ya masautso
“Ndikuchita mantha,” akuvomereza motero Faina, wazaka 38, wothandizira waumwini wa director. "Ndizowopsa kuti zonse zipitilira momwe zikuyendera ndipo palibe amene angandithandize mpaka nditakalamba."
Mantha ambiri athu ndi cholowa chosadziwika bwino cha amayi athu, agogo aakazi, ndi agogo aakazi. “Chikhulupiriro chawo chakuti mkazi amamva kusungulumwa m’nthaŵi zakale chinali ndi maziko achuma,” akutero katswiri wa zamaganizo Elena Ulitova. Zinali zovuta kuti mkazi azidzidyetsa yekha yekha, osatchula za banja lake.
Masiku ano, amayi ali odzidalira okha pazachuma, koma nthawi zambiri timapitirizabe kutsogoleredwa ndi lingaliro la zenizeni zomwe taphunzira muubwana. Ndipo timachita mogwirizana ndi lingaliro ili: chisoni ndi nkhawa ndizoyamba zathu, ndipo nthawi zina zomwe timachita pa kusungulumwa.
Emma, 33, wakhala yekha kwa zaka zisanu ndi chimodzi; poyambirira iye anazunzika ndi nkhaŵa yosalekeza: “Ndimadzuka ndekha, ndimakhala ndekha ndi kapu yanga ya khofi, sindilankhula ndi aliyense kufikira nditakafika kuntchito. Zosangalatsa pang'ono. Nthawi zina mumamva ngati mwakonzeka kuchita chilichonse kuti muthe. Kenako umazolowera."
Ulendo woyamba wopita kumalo odyera ndi kanema wamakanema, tchuthi choyamba chokha ... zigonjetso zambiri zidapambana manyazi ndi manyazi awo.
Njira ya moyo ikusintha pang'onopang'ono, yomwe tsopano imamangidwa mozungulira. Koma malirewo nthawi zina amawopsezedwa.
Christina wazaka 45 anati: “Ndili ndekha, koma zonse zimasintha ngati ndiyamba kukondana popanda kubwerezabwereza. “Kenako ndikuzunzidwanso ndi kukaikira. Kodi ndidzakhala ndekha mpaka kalekale? Ndipo chifukwa chiyani?"
Mutha kuyang'ana yankho la funso lakuti "chifukwa chiyani ndili ndekha?" omwe ali pafupi. Ndipo ganizirani kuchokera ku ndemanga monga: "Mwina mukufuna zambiri", "Bwanji osangopita kwinakwake?"
Nthaŵi zina amayambitsa malingaliro a liwongo amene amakula chifukwa cha “manyazi obisika,” malinga ndi kunena kwa Tatyana wazaka 52 zakubadwa: “Oulutsa nkhani amatipatsa chitsanzo cha mtsikana wosakwatiwa wa ngwazi. Iye ndi wokoma, wanzeru, wophunzira, wokangalika komanso wokonda kudziyimira pawokha. Koma kwenikweni, sizili choncho. ”
Moyo wopanda bwenzi uli ndi mtengo wake: ukhoza kukhala wachisoni komanso wopanda chilungamo
Kupatula apo, mkazi wosakwatiwa amawopseza kukhazikika kwa mabanja ozungulira. M'banja, amapatsidwa udindo wosamalira makolo akale, komanso kuntchito - kutseka mipata ndi iyemwini. Mu lesitilanti, amatumizidwa ku tebulo loipa, ndipo pa msinkhu wopuma pantchito, ngati "mkulu" akhoza kukhala wokongola, ndiye kuti "mkazi wachikulire" amasungunuka kwathunthu. Osatchulanso wotchi yachilengedwe.
“Tinene zoona,” akulimbikitsa motero Polina wazaka 39. - Mpaka makumi atatu ndi zisanu, mukhoza kukhala bwino nokha, kuyambira mabuku nthawi ndi nthawi, koma funso la ana likutuluka kwambiri. Ndipo tikuyang’anizana ndi chosankha: kukhala mayi wosakwatiwa kapena kusakhala ndi ana nkomwe.
Kumvetsetsa nthawi
Ndi nthawi imeneyi pamene amayi ena amafika pa chisankho chodzisamalira okha, kuti apeze chifukwa chomwe chimawalepheretsa kumanga ubale wautali. Nthawi zambiri zimakhala kuti izi ndi zovulala zaubwana. Mayi amene anaphunzitsa amuna kuti asadalire, abambo omwe palibe kapena achibale okonda mwakhungu…
Maubwenzi a makolo amatenga gawo lalikulu pano.
Mkhalidwe wa mkazi wachikulire wokhala pamodzi ndi bwenzi umakhudzidwa ndi chithunzi cha abambo ake. “Sikwachilendo kuti atate akhale ‘woipa’ ndipo amayi amakhala atsoka,” akutero katswiri wa Jungian Stanislav Raevsky. "Pokhala wamkulu, mwana wamkaziyo sangathe kukhazikitsa ubale weniweni - mwamuna aliyense kwa iye akhoza kukhala wofanana ndi abambo ake, ndipo mwadala amawawona ngati munthu woopsa."
Komabe, chinthu chachikulu ndi chitsanzo cha amayi, katswiri wa zamaganizo Nicole Fabre akukhulupirira kuti: "Ichi ndicho maziko omwe tidzamanga malingaliro athu okhudza banja. Kodi amayi anali osangalala monga banja? Kapena kodi iye anavutika, natiwonongera ife (m’dzina la kumvera ana) kulephera pamene iye mwini analephera?
Koma ngakhale chikondi cha makolo sichimatsimikizira chimwemwe cha banja: chingakhazikitse chitsanzo chimene chiri chovuta kuchigwirizanitsa, kapena kumangirira mkazi ku nyumba ya makolo ake, kupangitsa kukhala kosatheka kusweka ndi banja la makolo ake.
"Kupatula apo, kumakhala kosavuta komanso kosavuta kukhala m'nyumba ya abambo," akuwonjezera psychoanalyst Lola Komarova. - Mzimayi amayamba kupeza ndalama ndikukhala moyo wodzikonda yekha, koma nthawi yomweyo alibe udindo wosamalira banja lake. M'malo mwake, amakhalabe wachinyamata ngakhale ali ndi zaka 40. " Mtengo wa chitonthozo ndi mkulu - n'zovuta «asungwana akulu» kulenga (kapena kukhala) banja lawo.
Psychotherapy imathandiza kuzindikira zopinga zosazindikira zomwe zimasokoneza maubwenzi.
Mtsikana wina wazaka 30, dzina lake Marina, anaganiza zoti achite: “Ndinkafuna kumvetsa chifukwa chake ndimaona kuti chikondi ndi chizoloŵezi choledzeretsa. Panthaŵi ya chithandizo, ndinatha kupirira zoŵaŵa zokumbukira mmene bambo anga analili ankhanza, ndi kuthetsa mavuto anga ndi amuna. Kuyambira pamenepo, ndimaona kusungulumwa ngati mphatso imene ndimadzipatsa. Ndimasamalira zokhumba zanga ndikulumikizana ndi ine ndekha, m'malo moti ndisungunuke kukhala munthu.
Nthawi yofananira
Azimayi osakwatiwa akamvetsetsa kuti kusungulumwa sizomwe adasankha, komanso osati zomwe zidawagwera iwo osafuna, koma nthawi yomwe amadzipatsa okha, amapezanso ulemu ndi mtendere.
Daria wazaka 42 anati: “Ndikuganiza kuti sitiyenera kugwirizanitsa mawu akuti ‘kusungulumwa’ ndi mantha athu. “Uwu ndi mkhalidwe wopindulitsa kwambiri. Izi zikutanthauza kuti musakhale nokha, koma potsiriza kupeza nthawi yokhala ndi inu nokha. Ndipo muyenera kupeza bwino pakati pa inu weniweni ndi chifaniziro chanu cha «Ine», monga mu maubwenzi tikuyang'ana bwino pakati pa ife ndi mnzanu. Muyenera kudzikonda nokha. Ndipo kuti mudzikonda nokha, muyenera kudzipatsa chisangalalo, kudzisamalira nokha, osakhudzidwa ndi zilakolako za wina.
Emma akukumbukira miyezi yoyamba ya kusungulumwa kwake: “Kwa nthaŵi yaitali ndinayamba mabukhu ambiri, ndikusiya mwamuna wina ndi mnzake. Mpaka ndinazindikira kuti ndikuthamangira munthu yemwe kulibe. Zaka XNUMX zapitazo ndinachita lendi nyumba ndekha. Poyamba zinali zovuta kwambiri. Ndinamva ngati ndikunyamulidwa ndi madzi ndipo panalibe chotsamira. Ndinaona kuti sindinkadziwa chilichonse chimene ndimakonda. Ndinayenera kupita kukakumana ndekha, ndikupeza ndekha - chisangalalo chodabwitsa.
Veronika wazaka 34 akusimba za kukhala wowolowa manja kwa iyemwini: “Pambuyo pa zaka zisanu ndi ziŵiri zaukwati, ndinakhala zaka zinayi popanda mnzanga—ndipo ndinadzipeza mwa ine mantha ambiri, kukana, kupweteka, kusatetezeka kwakukulu, lingaliro lalikulu la liwongo. Komanso mphamvu, chipiriro, mzimu womenyana, udzatero. Lero ndikufuna kuphunzira kukonda ndi kukondedwa, ndikufuna kufotokoza chisangalalo changa, kukhala wowolowa manja ... "
Kuwolowa manja ndi kumasuka kumeneku n’kumene aja amene anzawo a akazi osakwatiwa amawadziŵa kuti: “Moyo wawo ngwachimwemwe kwambiri kotero kuti mwina muli ndi malo a munthu wina.”
Nthawi yakudikirira
Akazi osakwatiwa amalinganiza pakati pa kusungulumwa-zosangalatsa ndi kusungulumwa-kuzunzika. Poganiza zokumana ndi munthu wina, Emma akuda nkhawa kuti: “Ndimaumirira kwambiri amuna. Ndili ndi zibwenzi, koma zikavuta, ndimathetsa chibwenzi, chifukwa sindiopanso kukhala ndekha. Koma chodabwitsa n’chakuti, kukhala ndekha kwandichititsa kuti ndisakhale woganiza bwino komanso woganiza bwino. Chikondi sichilinso nthano. "
Alla, wazaka 39, amene wakhala mbeta kwa zaka zisanu anati: - Ndinali ndi mabuku ambiri popanda kupitiriza, chifukwa ndinali kufunafuna munthu amene «ndipulumutse» ine. Ndipo potsiriza ndinazindikira kuti ichi si chikondi konse. Ndikufuna maubwenzi ena odzaza ndi moyo komanso zochitika wamba. Ndinasiya zibwenzi zomwe ndinkafuna kuti ndizikondana nazo, chifukwa nthawi iliyonse ndikatuluka, ndinkakhumudwa kwambiri. Kukhala wopanda chikondi n’kovuta, koma kuleza mtima kumapindulitsa.”
Chiyembekezo chodekha cha bwenzi loyenerera ndicho chimenenso Marianna wazaka 46 amayesetsa: “Ndakhala wosakwatiwa kwa zaka zoposa khumi, ndipo tsopano ndazindikira kuti ndinafunikira kusungulumwa kotero kuti ndidzipeze ndekha. Pomalizira pake ndakhala bwenzi langa, ndipo sindikuyembekezera kwambiri mapeto a kusungulumwa, koma ku ubale weniweni, osati zongopeka komanso osati chinyengo.
Amayi ambiri osakwatiwa amakonda kukhala osakwatiwa: amawopa kuti sangathe kuika malire ndikuteteza zofuna zawo.
"Akufuna kulandira kuchokera kwa mnzawo kusilira kwa amuna, komanso chisamaliro cha amayi, komanso kuvomereza ufulu wawo, ndipo pali kutsutsana kwamkati kuno," Elena Ulitova akugawana zomwe adawona. "Kutsutsana kumeneku kukathetsedwa, akazi amayamba kudziyang'ana mozama ndikusamalira zofuna zawo, kenako amakumana ndi amuna omwe angapange nawo moyo limodzi."
“Kusungulumwa kwanga kumangochitika mokakamiza komanso mwaufulu,” akuvomereza motero Margarita wazaka 42. - Zimakakamizika, chifukwa ndikufuna mwamuna m'moyo wanga, koma mwaufulu, chifukwa sindidzasiya chifukwa cha wokondedwa aliyense. Ndikufuna chikondi, chowona ndi chokongola. Ndipo ichi ndi chisankho changa: Ndimatenga chiopsezo chosakumana ndi aliyense. Ndimadzilola ndekha izi: kukhala wovuta m'maubwenzi achikondi. Chifukwa ndiyenera. "