Zamkatimu
Ndani ananena kuti moyo umapambana? Ngakhale dziko lenileni likatiyesa mosalekeza kuti tipeze mphamvu, sitiyenera kuvutika. Tikhoza, popanda kugwera m'chinyengo, kuyang'ana pa izo modalira kwambiri ndi zabwino. Ndipo kondweretsani wina ndi mzake.
"Tsiku lachisoni limakhala lowala chifukwa cha kumwetulira!" … “Ndipo umamwetulira amene wakhala padziwe!” ... Zakale zakale za Soviet zojambula, zomwe anthu opitilira m'badwo umodzi wa ku Russia adakulira, sizili choncho, monga momwe zimakhalira. Ndipo tsopano malingaliro okoma omwe tapatsidwa kwa ife muubwana ndi Little Raccoon ndi "zojambula" zina zimatengedwa ndi munthu wamkulu wa kanema Munchausen-Yankovsky: "Ndikumvetsa vuto lanu - ndinu ovuta kwambiri. Nkhope yanzeru sinali chizindikiro cha luntha, njonda. Zopusa zonse padziko lapansi zimachitika ndi mawonekedwe ankhope awa ... Smile, njonda! kumwetulirani!
Koma moyo weniweni si nthano ya Disney kapena Soyuzmultfilm; kaŵirikaŵiri zimatipatsa zifukwa zokhalira achisoni, ngakhalenso kutaya mtima. Natalya wazaka 36 akuvomereza kuti: “Mchemwali wanga amandiuza nthaŵi zonse kuti sindine wonyong’onyeka, ndimaona zinthu zakuda,” akuvomereza motero Natalya wazaka 1. - Inde, ndikuwona momwe mitengo ya chakudya ndi zovala ikukwera. Zimakhala zovuta kusangalala pamene chaka chino sindinathe 10, koma 15 zikwi pokonzekera mwana wanga wachitatu wa September XNUMX. Ndikuwona momwe amayi athu akukalamba, ndipo zimandimvetsa chisoni. Ndikumvetsa kuti tsiku lina sichidzakhala. Ndipo mlongoyo akuti: kotero kondwerani kuti akadali ndi moyo. Ndikufuna, koma sindingathe "kuchotsa" zoipazo.
Ngati tiyembekezera mikhalidwe yapadera kuti tisangalale nayo, pali mwayi woti sitidzaipeza kukhala yabwino mokwanira. Kumwetulira m'moyo ndi kusankha kwanzeru, akutero mmonke wachibuda a Thich Nhat Hanh. M’buku lakuti Be Free Where You Are, iye akulangiza “kuyamikira mphindi iriyonse ya moyo, mphindi iriyonse, kuigwiritsira ntchito kaamba ka kupeza kulimba kwa mzimu, mtendere wa moyo ndi chimwemwe mu mtima. Koma ndikofunika kukumbukira kuti chisangalalo chili ndi mithunzi yambiri, ndipo aliyense wa ife amakumana nazo ndikuziwonetsera mwa njira yakeyake.
Kusiyana kwakukulu kuwiri
“Tonse timabadwa ndi khalidwe linalake, kamvekedwe ka maganizo, kwa ena n’lapamwamba, kwa ena n’lotsika. Mwanjira ina, zimayikidwa mwachibadwa, - akufotokoza psychotherapist waumunthu Alexei Stepanov. Chimwemwe ndi chimodzi mwazofunikira zamunthu, zomwe zimafikiridwa ndi aliyense. Tonsefe, popanda ma pathologies, timatha kukhala ndi malingaliro osiyanasiyana. Koma kukhala wosangalala ndi kukhala woyembekezera zinthu zabwino sizili zofanana. Malingaliro awa ndi "ochokera ku mabedi osiyanasiyana".
Chimwemwe ndi mkhalidwe wamalingaliro wanthawiyo. Chiyembekezo ndi gulu la malingaliro, zikhulupiriro zomwe zimakhala zomveka kwa nthawi yayitali, nthawi zina kwa moyo wonse. Uwu ndi mkhalidwe wachimwemwe pa zomwe zikuchitika mwachisawawa, kudzimva kukhala m'dziko, kuphatikizapo chidaliro cha kupambana m'tsogolomu. Chimwemwe ndicho maziko a zikhulupiriro zimenezi.”
Mutha kuseka nthabwala zabwino za mnzanu kapena kumwetulira mukuwerenga buku, koma nthawi yomweyo yang'anani moyo wonse kudzera mugalasi lokhala ndi utsi, ngati padzuwa pakadamsana. Ndipo mutha kuyerekezera kuseri kwa thambo lakuda la mwezi womwe umalowa mu cheza cha dzuŵa.
Kukhoza kuona zabwino, ngakhale patakhala mayesero panjira ya moyo, kungakhale maganizo opatsirana pophunzira.
“Mkazi wanga anamwalira pa ngozi ya galimoto zaka ziwiri zapitazo. Sindikudziŵa n’komwe mmene zimakhalira,” anatero Galina wazaka 52. - Ali ndi zaka 33, miyezi iwiri ngoziyi isanachitike, mwana wamkazi anabadwa. Iye ankakonda kwambiri mkazi wake, iwo ankasonkhana pa maholide onse a kampani yathu. Tinkaopa kuti akhoza kusiya. Koma nthawi ina adanena kuti Lena adzamukalipira chifukwa chotaya mtima. Ndipo kuti mwana wamkazi alandire chikondi chochuluka monga momwe anayenera kukhalira atabadwa.
Ndimamvetsera akumwetulira pofotokoza zimene mtsikanayo wayamba kuchita, mmene amaseŵerera naye, mmene amaonekera pa zithunzi za Lena, ndipo ndimasangalala kwambiri chifukwa cha mphamvu zake ndiponso nzeru zake!”
Kukhoza kuwona zabwino, ngakhale pali mayesero panjira ya moyo, kungakhale maganizo operekedwa mu maphunziro, kapena mwina ndi mbali ya chikhalidwe cha chikhalidwe. "Akathists akaimbidwa kwa oyera mtima, simudzamva mawu akuti "Sangalalani, sangalalani, sekani, musataye mtima!" Mudzamva "Kondwerani!". Chifukwa chake, dziko lino, ngakhale pachikhalidwe, limatchulidwa kuti ndilofunika, lofunika, lofunika kwambiri, "Alexey Stepanov akutikoka chidwi. Sizopanda pake kuti omwe akuvutika ndi kuvutika maganizo amadandaula poyamba kuti sakumvanso chimwemwe, ndipo kwa ambiri izi ndizosapiririka kotero kuti ali okonzeka kutaya moyo wawo. Mutha kutaya chisangalalo, koma kodi mungachipeze?
Yekha komanso ndi ena
Pali njira yodziwika bwino ya blues - pitani pagalasi ndikuyamba kumwetulira nokha. Ndipo patapita kanthawi tidzamva kukwera kwa mphamvu. Chifukwa chiyani zimagwira ntchito?
“Kumwetulira sikoyenera kwenikweni. Kumbuyo kuli njira zakuya za psychophysiological, - akutero Alexei Stepanov. - Ambiri amakayikira kumwetulira kwa America ngati kwabodza. Ndikuganiza kuti ndi wachirengedwe basi. Pali maganizo mu chikhalidwe kumwetulira, ndipo kumatanthauza kusintha maganizo ambiri. Yesani kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi: tengani pensulo m'mano ndikuigwira pansi. Milomo yanu idzatambasula mosasamala. Iyi ndi njira yopangira kumwetulira. Ndiyeno penyani kumverera kwanu.
Zimadziwika kuti malingaliro athu amawonekera pazochitika za thupi, momwe timakhalira, mawonekedwe a nkhope omwe tili nawo, momwe timayendera. Koma kugwirizana kwa thupi ndi maganizo kumagwira ntchito mosiyana. Poyamba kumwetulira, tikhoza kulimbikitsa ndi kulimbikitsa zokumana nazo zathu zabwino mwa kuuzako ena. Pambuyo pake, sizopanda pake kuti amanena kuti chisoni chogawana chimakhala theka, ndikugawana chisangalalo - kawiri kawiri.
Musanyalanyaze kumwetulira - kwa interlocutor ndi chizindikiro mukulankhulana kuti ndife otetezeka kukhudzana
“Pamene chikondi chathu, mayanjano a anthu ndi achibale athu ndi oona ndi ogwirizana, m’pamenenso timamva bwino,” akukumbutsa motero katswiri wa mikangano Dominique Picard. Kuti awathandize, amalangiza kutsatira mgwirizano wa zigawo zitatu: kusinthanitsa, kuzindikira ndi kugwirizana. Kugawana ndi kupereka ndi kulandira mofanana, kaya ndi nthawi, kuyamika, zabwino, kapena mphatso. Kuzindikira ndiko kuvomereza munthu winayo kukhala wosiyana kwambiri ndi ife.
Pomaliza, kugwirizana kumatanthauza kusankha njira yolankhulirana yomwe ikugwirizana ndi momwe tikumvera pakadali pano, monga kusapereka zizindikiro zosamveka kapena zotsutsana zomwe zingayambitse kupsinjika maganizo kapena kuyambitsa mikangano. Ndipo musanyalanyaze kumwetulira - kwa interlocutor, ichi ndi chizindikiro mukulankhulana kuti ndife otetezeka kukhudzana.
Chiyembekezo choyenerera ndi kukhala ndi chiyembekezo chothandiza
Chizoloŵezi chilichonse chochita zinthu monyanyira, monga “ndingathe kuchita chilichonse” kapena “Sindingathe kuchita chilichonse,” anatero Marina Cold, katswiri wa zamaganizo. Koma mukhoza kupeza bwino.
Kodi timafunitsitsa kusanthula luso lathu ndi luso lathu kufika pati? Popanda kulamulira kwanzeru koteroko, chiyembekezo chimasanduka chithunzi chonyenga cha dziko lapansi ndipo chimakhala chowopsa - chingatchedwe chiyembekezo chopanda kulingalira, chomwe chimatsogolera ku malingaliro osasamala pazochitikazo.
Ndi munthu wopanda chiyembekezo yekha yemwe angakhale ndi chiyembekezo chenicheni, ndipo palibe chododometsa mu izi. Wopanda chiyembekezo, osakhulupirira zongopeka zamtsogolo, osamanga chinyengo, amaganizira zosankha zamakhalidwe, kufunafuna njira zodzitetezera, kuyala udzu pasadakhale. Iye amazindikira bwinobwino zimene zikuchitika, amaona zinthu zosiyanasiyana ndiponso mbali zosiyanasiyana za chochitikacho, ndipo chifukwa cha zimenezi, amaona bwinobwino mmene zinthu zilili.
Koma nthawi zambiri anthu ena amaganiza kuti: “Pali chipwirikiti chambiri chondizungulira, chilichonse chimachitika mosadziletsa, palibe chomwe chimadalira ine, sindingathe kuchita chilichonse. Ndipo iwo amakhala opanda chiyembekezo. Ena ali otsimikiza kuti: "Chilichonse chomwe chingachitike, nditha kukopa mwanjira ina, ndilowererapo ndikuchita zomwe ndingathe, ndipo ndili ndi chidziwitso chotere, ndathana nazo." Ichi ndi chiyembekezo chenicheni, chololera, cholumikizidwa osati ndi zinthu zakunja, koma zamkati, ndi udindo wamunthu. Kusakhulupirira - monga kuonera zinthu mozama - kumatithandiza kupenda mosamala zochitikazo ndikuganizira zotsatira zake.
Tiyeni tidalire chifundo
Ndipo komabe, munthu wosangalala kwambiri akhoza kutiwopseza, kapena kutichititsa kusakhulupirira. “Chimwemwe chokhazikika chimasokoneza chifundo. Pachimake cha malingaliro, timatalikitsidwa ndi omwe ali pafupi nafe, osamva kwa iwo, - Aleksey Stepanov akuchenjeza. "Panthawiyi, sitiyesa ena mokwanira, nthawi zina timanena kuti aliyense ali ndi chisangalalo, ngakhale wina atha kukhala achisoni panthawiyo ndipo chisangalalo chathu sichingakhale choyenera kwa iye."
Mwina ndichifukwa chake sitikhulupirira kwenikweni anthu omwe amamwetulira nthawi zonse? Tikufuna kuti interlocutor agwirizane osati ndi malingaliro awo, komanso aganizirenso zathu! Mlengi wa lingaliro la kulankhulana kopanda chiwawa, Marshall Rosenberg, amalimbikitsa kukhala ndi moyo mokwanira ndi chifundo, kulanda zomwe interlocutor amamva ndi zomwe akukhala pano ndi tsopano, osati mothandizidwa ndi nzeru zake, koma mothandizidwa ndi chidziwitso, kuvomereza. Kodi akumva bwanji? Kodi musayerekeze kunena chiyani? Ndi chiyani chomwe chimamusokoneza mukhalidwe langa? Kodi tingatani kuti tikhale omasuka m’maganizo?
“Khalidwe laubale limeneli limafuna kuti tisiye kudzikonda, malingaliro athu aumwini ndi cholinga chathu, kuti tiloŵe popanda tsankho ndi mantha m’malo a maganizo ndi maganizo a winayo,” akutero Rosenberg.
Kodi ndi utopia? Mwina, koma tiyenera kusiya mtima wokondana ndi mawu omangirira, kamodzi pakanthawi. Ndipo kumwetulira moona mtima nthawi zambiri.
chisangalalo chosayembekezereka
Zimatithandiza kutenga sitepe yoyamba yopita ku chimwemwe. Makamaka kwa Psychologies, wolemba Mariam Petrosyan adanena za chisangalalo chake.
“Chisangalalo chimapezeka paliponse komanso nthawi yomweyo munthu payekha. Pali nthawi zomwe zimakondweretsa aliyense, ndipo pali nthawi zomwe ochepa okha amasangalala nazo. Pali mndandanda wautali, wopanda malire wa chisangalalo cha chilengedwe chonse. Ngakhale zilibe kanthu momwe mungatambasulire, muubwana ikadali yotalikirapo ...
Chisangalalo cha munthu aliyense nthawi zonse chimakhala chosadziŵika bwino, chosadziwika bwino. Kung'anima - ndi chimango chozizira chosawoneka kudziko lonse lapansi kwa ine ndekha. Pali chisangalalo chogwirika, ngati, mwachitsanzo, kukumbatirana - kuwala kwa kutentha kwamkati. Mumagwira chimwemwe choterocho m'manja mwanu, mumachimva ndi thupi lanu lonse, koma n'zosatheka kukumbukira. Ndipo zosangalatsa zowoneka zimatha kusungidwa m'chikumbukiro ndikuphatikizidwa muzojambula zapamtima. Tembenukirani nangula.
Mwana wamwamuna wazaka zisanu ndi zitatu yemwe ananyamuka pa trampoline ndipo kwa kamphindi anazizira, manja atatambasulira kumwamba. Mphepo yamkuntho mwadzidzidzi inagwetsa masamba achikasu chowala kuchokera pansi. N'chifukwa chiyani zithunzi zimenezi? Zinangochitika. Aliyense ali ndi zosonkhanitsa zake. Sizingatheke kumvetsetsa kapena kubwereza matsenga a nthawi zoterezi. Kutenga mwana kudumpha pa trampoline ndikosavuta. Akhoza kukhala wosangalala kuposa nthawi yapitayi. Koma mphindi yoboola yachisangalalo sidzabwerezedwanso, nthawi siyingayimitsidwe. Zimangobisala kale, kuboola, ndikusunga mpaka zitazimiririka.
Kwa ine, chisangalalo chokha cha m'nyanja ndi chobwerezabwereza. Nthawi yomwe imayamba kutseguka m'maso mopanda malire, zobiriwira, zabuluu, zonyezimira, nthawi iliyonse ya tsiku komanso nyengo iliyonse. Munthu angangodabwa chifukwa chake mumalekanitsidwa ndi iye kwa nthawi yayitali, chifukwa chiyani simukukhala pafupi ndi chinachake chomwe chingapereke chisangalalo mwa kukhalapo kwake, pozindikira kuti kukhalapo nthawi zonse pafupi kungachepetse kumverera uku ku zochitika za tsiku ndi tsiku, ndipo komabe. osakhulupirira kuti n’zotheka .
Pafupi ndi nyanja - nyimbo zamoyo. Nthawi zonse amadutsa, amakhala ndi nthawi yopweteka, kukhudza, chonde, kutulutsa china chake chobisika ... Koma ndi wofooka kwambiri. Ndikokwanira kuti wina atsokomole pafupi, ndipo chozizwitsa chapita.
Ndipo chisangalalo chosayembekezereka kwambiri ndi chisangalalo cha tsiku losangalala. Zonse zikayenda bwino m'mawa. Koma m’kupita kwa zaka, masiku amenewo akusoŵa kwambili. Chifukwa m'kupita kwa nthawi, chikhalidwe chachikulu chopezera chisangalalo, kusasamala, kumasowa kwathunthu. Koma tikamakula m’pamenenso nthawi zimenezi zimakhala zamtengo wapatali. Chifukwa chakuti ndi osowa. Izi zimawapangitsa kukhala osayembekezeka komanso ofunikira. ”