Kulephera kwa tsiku lopambana: chinayambitsa chiyani?

Mark anali wokondwa kuti tsiku lake loyamba ndi Emma linayenda bwino. Anakonza zoti adzakumane akaweruka kuntchito kuti amwe zakumwa zina, ndipo anamaliza kukambirana kwa maola atatu. "Tidakomerana wina ndi mnzake," Mark adandiuza pagawo lotsatira lamankhwala. “Ine ndi Emma tinali ndi zinthu zambiri zomwe timakonda, ndipo kukambiranako kunali kosavuta. Nthawi zonse woperekera zakudyayo atatifunsa ngati tingakonde chakumwa china, ankayankha kuti inde.

Tsiku lotsatira, Mark analemberana mameseji ndi Emma n’kumufunsa kuti adzaonana liti. “Iye anayankha kuti amakonda chirichonse, koma iye analibe chidwi ndi chibwenzi china. Mark anachita manyazi ndi kukhumudwa panthawi imodzimodziyo: “N’chifukwa chiyani ankakhala nane maola atatu ngati sindinkamukonda? Sindikumve".

Ndimamva nkhani zofanana kuchokera kwa makasitomala ambiri: pamsonkhano woyamba zonse zimayenda bwino, koma pazifukwa zina munthu watsopanoyo sakufuna kupitiriza kulankhulana. Komanso, ndagwirapo ntchito ndi abambo ndi amai omwe ali mbali zonse za chibwenzi ichi, ndipo ndikutha kutsimikizira kuti khalidweli limayambitsa chisokonezo mwa okanidwa.

"Ndikanatha bwanji kusamvetsetsa momwe zinthu zilili?" Ndilo funso lomwe ayenera kumafunsa. Koma mosakayikira sanatero. Nazi zifukwa zisanu zomwe mungakanidwe tsiku lachiwiri, ngakhale loyamba linayenda bwino.

1. Iye (iye) amakukondani, koma osati mwachikondi.

Nayi malongosoledwe ambiri omwe ndimamva: mnzako adakondwera ndi kukhala kwanu, adatsimikizadi kuti ndinu munthu wabwino, wokonda kukambirana komanso wosangalatsa, adakupezani kuti ndinu wokongola, koma ... kwa inu. Sanatengeke mtima ndi chilakolako cha kugonana kapena chikondi. Mawu oti "chemistry" ndi ofunikira apa, chifukwa sitikulankhula za mawonekedwe enieni a thupi, koma za zinthu zazing'ono zomwe zingakhale ndi gawo lalikulu.

2. Sanalekebe ndi ex wake (kapena ali ndi ex wake)

Pakati pa makasitomala anga pali ambiri amene amapita pa madeti popanda kuthetsa m'mbuyo ubale. N’chifukwa chiyani amachita zimenezi? Amakumana ndi anthu atsopano ndi chiyembekezo chopeza mnzawo wodabwitsa: akuyembekeza kuti msonkhano wodabwitsa udzawathandiza kuiwala zakale, kusiya zochitikazo ndikupitirizabe ndi moyo wawo. Ndipo panthawi imodzimodziyo, amaika mipiringidzo yapamwamba kwambiri kwa otsatila omwe amatsatira kuti ndizovuta kwambiri kukumana.

Kwa anthu omwe amadalira zakale, ndizokwera kwambiri kuposa kwa omwe akufunafuna bwenzi muzochitika zodekha. M'mawu ena, ngati munthu uyu sanali choncho atakulungidwa m'mbiri yawo ndi maubwenzi akale, iwo mwina kwambiri akufuna tsiku lachiwiri ndi inu. Ndipo pakali pano iye sali womasuka m'malingaliro kuti akudziweni bwino.

3. Mumamukumbutsa za munthu wina, ndipo kufanana kumeneku kumathetsa chidwi.

Chifukwa china chodziwika kuti musapite pa tsiku lachiwiri ndikuti mumadzutsa mayanjano ena ndi iye, ndipo kumverera uku kukakumana ndi chinthu chodziwika bwino kumawononga chinthu chonsecho: "wow, adawoneka ngati bambo anga muzithunzi zakale" , kapena "adapita. kusukulu yofanana ndi wakale wanga" kapena "iye ndi loya, ndipo maloya awiri omaliza omwe ndinakumana nawo sanali anthu abwino kwambiri."

Ndiko kuti, adaganiza kuyambira pachiyambi kuti simunali awiri kwa iye (chifukwa cha kufanana kwake), koma popeza munali okoma komanso okondwa pa tsiku, adaganiza zogwiritsa ntchito nthawiyi m'njira yabwino kwambiri.

4. Mwanjira ina, ndinu abwino kwambiri kwa iye.

Aliyense wa ife ali ndi mtundu wa radar womangidwa kuti azindikire zinthu zomwe zimatiyika pansi, kudzikakamiza kuchita manyazi, kumva "zoyipa" zathu. Mwachitsanzo, pafupi ndi munthu wodziwa bwino komanso wofuna kutchuka, wina angamve ngati wotayika komanso wopusa wophwanya moyo. Pafupi ndi wothamanga, woyenera kuthandizira moyo wathanzi - dzudzuleni chifukwa cha chikondi chanu cha "zopanda pake" chakudya, ulesi ndi kusasamala.

Mwachidule, mukakhala pachibwenzi ndi munthu woteroyo, mudzaona kuti muyenera kuvutika kuti mufikire msinkhu wake (wovuta kukwaniritsa), kapena (mwakufuna kapena mosadziwa) adzatsutsa moyo wanu. Ndipo ndani amene akufuna kupitiriza ubale umene adzayenera kudzimva ngati wamba komanso wakunja?

5. Amangofuna kugonana

Mwinamwake mudakumanapo pa pulogalamu ya zibwenzi pomwe adanena kuti akufunafuna chibwenzi chenicheni, koma kwenikweni ali ndi chidwi kwambiri ndi zochitika zogonana. Ndipo chifukwa chakuti amakukondani komanso kucheza bwino limodzi, sanafune kukukhumudwitsani. Anakana kupitiriza, pozindikira kuti akufunika kuwala ndipo sanakonzekere kukuwonaninso.

Mwachidule, zifukwa zofala kwambiri zokanira kupitiriza chibwenzi nthawi zambiri zimakhala zokhudzana ndi iye, osati zolakwa zilizonse kapena zolakwa zanu. Popeza ambiri mwa iwo omwe adakanidwa amakhala odziwonetsera okha mowawa komanso odzikonda, ndiyenera kulengeza kuti ichi si chisankho chabwino cha kudzidalira kwanu, komanso, makamaka chifukwa cha malingaliro olakwika.

Za wolemba: Guy Winch ndi katswiri wazamisala, membala wa American Psychological Association, komanso wolemba mabuku angapo, amodzi mwa omwe ndi Psychological First Aid (Medley, 2014).