Chowonadi chonse cha "chete" mwachipongwe

Amayi sanandiwuzepo mawu. Ndikayesa kutsutsa njira zake zamaphunziro - mawu ochititsa manyazi, kutsutsa - adakwiya: "Mukunena chiyani! Sindinamvepo mawu anga kwa inu m'moyo wanga! " Komatu chiwawa chamawu chimatha kukhala chete…” — akutero Anna, wazaka 45.

“Ndili mwana ndinkadziona ngati wosaoneka. Amayi ankandifunsa zimene ndinkafuna chakudya chamadzulo kenako n’kuphika china chilichonse. Anandifunsa ngati ndinali ndi njala, ndipo nditayankha kuti “ayi”, anaika mbale patsogolo panga, anakwiya kapena kukwiya ngati sindinadye. Iye anachita izo nthawi zonse, pa chifukwa chirichonse. Ndikafuna ma sneaker ofiira, adagula zabuluu. Ndinkadziwa bwino kuti maganizo anga sanali ofunika kwa iye. Ndipo monga munthu wamkulu, sindimakhulupirira zokonda ndi ziweruzo zanga, "avomereza Alisa, wazaka 50.

Sikuti nkhanza zapakamwa zimangowoneka ngati zopweteka kwambiri kuposa nkhanza zakuthupi (zomwe, mwa njira, sizowona). Anthu akamaganizira zachipongwe, amaganiza za munthu amene amakuwa momvetsa chisoni, mosadziletsa ndiponso akunjenjemera ndi mkwiyo. Koma izi si nthawi zonse chithunzi choyenera.

Koma chodabwitsa n’chakuti mitundu ina yoipitsitsa ya mawu otukwana ili ngati imeneyi. Kukhala chete kungakhale njira yochitira chipongwe kapena kuchititsa manyazi. Kukhala chete poyankha funso kapena ndemanga yachidule kungayambitse phokoso lalikulu kuposa phokoso lalikulu.

Mwana amene amachitiridwa nkhanza zoterezi nthawi zambiri amakhala ndi mikwingwirima yotsutsana kwambiri kuposa munthu amene amakalipiridwa kapena kutukwana. Kusakhalapo kwa mkwiyo kumayambitsa chisokonezo: mwanayo sangamvetse zomwe zimayambitsa chete kukhala chete kapena kukana kuyankha.

Zimapweteka kwambiri munthu akamakuchitirani zinthu ngati munthu wosaoneka, ngati mukutanthauza zochepa kwambiri moti n’zosatheka ngakhale kukuyankhani. Palibe chinthu chochititsa mantha ndi chokhumudwitsa ngati nkhope yabata ya mayi amadziyerekezera kuti sakukuonani.

Pali mitundu ingapo ya nkhanza zapakamwa, iliyonse imene imakhudza mwana m’njira yosiyana. Zoonadi, zotsatirapo zake zimakhalapo akadzakula.

Kutukwana sikochitika kawirikawiri, koma sikumanenedwa kapena kulembedwa nthawi zambiri. Anthu ambiri samadziwa za zotsatira zake zofika patali. Tiyeni tisiye zomwe zikuchitika ndikuyamba kuyang'ana kwambiri zachiwawa za "chete".

1 MUNTHU WOSAONEKA: MUKASAMALIDWA

Nthaŵi zambiri, ana amalandira chidziŵitso chokhudza dziko lowazungulira ndi maubale mmenemo atagwiritsidwa ntchito kale. Chifukwa cha amayi osamala komanso omvera, mwanayo amayamba kumvetsa kuti ndi wofunika komanso wofunika kusamala. Izi zimakhala maziko a kudzidalira koyenera. Mwa khalidwe lake, mayi wolabadira amamveketsa bwino lomwe kuti: “Ndiwe wabwino momwe uliri,” ndipo zimenezi zimapatsa mwanayo mphamvu ndi chidaliro cha kufufuza dziko.

Mwana, yemwe amayi amanyalanyaza, sangapeze malo ake padziko lapansi, ndi osakhazikika komanso osalimba.

Chifukwa cha Edward Tronick ndi kuyesa kwa «Passless Face», komwe kunachitika pafupifupi zaka makumi anayi zapitazo, tikudziwa momwe kunyalanyaza kumakhudzira makanda ndi ana aang'ono.

Pa nthawi yoyesera, ankakhulupirira kuti pa miyezi 4-5, ana pafupifupi samayanjana ndi amayi awo. Tronik adalemba pavidiyo momwe ana amachitira ndi mawu a amayi, kumwetulira ndi manja. Kenako mayiyo anafunika kusintha kaonekedwe kake n’kuyamba kanthu kopanda pake. Poyamba, anawo anayesa kuchita mofanana ndi masiku onse, koma patapita nthaŵi anapatukana ndi mayi wosamva kanthu ndikuyamba kulira momvetsa chisoni.

Ndi ana aang'ono, chitsanzocho chinabwerezedwa. Nawonso anayesa kukopa chisamaliro cha amayi awo monga mwa nthaŵi zonse, ndipo pamene zimenezo sizinaphule kanthu, iwo anakana. Kupewa kulankhulana kuli bwino kusiyana ndi kudziona ngati wonyalanyazidwa, wosakondedwa, ndi wosakondedwa.

Inde, pamene mayiyo anamwetuliranso, ana a gulu loyesera anazindikira, ngakhale kuti iyi sinali njira yofulumira. Koma ngati mwana amanyalanyazidwa tsiku ndi tsiku, izi zimakhudza kwambiri chitukuko chake. Amapanga njira zosinthira maganizo - kukhala ndi nkhawa kapena kupeŵa kugwirizanitsa, zomwe zimakhalabe naye mpaka akakula.

2. KUKHALA chete: PALIBE YANKHO

Kuchokera pamalingaliro a mwanayo, kukhala chete poyankha funso kumafanana kwambiri ndi kunyalanyaza, koma zotsatira zamaganizo za njira iyi ndizosiyana. Zomwe zimachitika mwachibadwa zimakhala mkwiyo ndi kutaya mtima kwa munthu amene amagwiritsa ntchito njira imeneyi. N'zosadabwitsa kuti pempho / ndondomeko yozemba (pankhaniyi, funso / kukana) imatengedwa ngati ubale woopsa kwambiri.

Kwa katswiri wa ubale wabanja John Gottman, ichi ndi chizindikiro chotsimikizirika cha chiwonongeko cha banjali. Ngakhale munthu wamkulu sikophweka pamene mnzanu akukana kuyankha, ndipo mwana amene sangathe kudziteteza mwanjira iliyonse amataya mtima kwambiri. Kuwonongeka kochititsidwa ndi kudzidalira kumazikidwa ndendende pa kulephera kudzitetezera. Kuwonjezera apo, ana amadziimba mlandu chifukwa chosapeza chisamaliro cha makolo awo.

3. KUKHALA CHETE MWACHINYAMATA: kunyoza ndi kunyoza

Kuvulaza kumatha kuchitika popanda kukweza mawu - ndi manja, mawonekedwe a nkhope ndi mawonekedwe ena osalankhula: kutembenuza maso, kuseka mwachipongwe kapena mokhumudwitsa. M'mabanja ena, kupezerera anzawo kumakhala ngati masewera a timu ngati ana ena aloledwa kuchita nawo. Kulamulira makolo kapena omwe akufuna kukhala okhudzidwa kwambiri amagwiritsira ntchito njirayi kuwongolera zochitika za m'banja.

4. KUITANIDWA NDIPO OSAPATSIDWA: KUYATSA GESI

Kuyatsa gasi kumapangitsa munthu kukayikira zolinga za malingaliro awo. Mawuwa amachokera ku mutu wa filimuyo Gaslight ("Gaslight"), momwe mwamuna adatsimikizira mkazi wake kuti ayamba misala.

Kuyatsa gasi sikutanthauza kufuula - muyenera kungonena kuti chochitika china sichinachitike. Ubale pakati pa makolo ndi ana poyamba umakhala wosafanana, mwana wamng'ono amaona kholo lawo kukhala akuluakulu, choncho n'zosavuta kugwiritsa ntchito magetsi. Mwana osati akuyamba kudziona «psycho» - iye amataya chidaliro mu maganizo ake ndi maganizo. Ndipo izi sizidutsa popanda zotsatira zake.

5. «Kwa ubwino Wanu»: Kudzudzula koopsa

M’mabanja ena, ponse paŵiri kuchitira chipongwe mokweza ndi mwakachetechete kumalungamitsidwa ndi kufunika kowongolera zolakwika m’makhalidwe kapena khalidwe la mwanayo. Kudzudzula koopsa, pamene cholakwika chilichonse chikuyang'aniridwa mosamala ndi microscope, chimakhala chomveka chifukwa chakuti mwanayo "sayenera kukhala wodzikuza", ayenera "kukhala wodzichepetsa", "kudziwa yemwe ali ndi udindo pano".

Izi ndi zifukwa zina zimangobisa khalidwe lankhanza la akuluakulu. Makolo amawoneka kuti amachita mwachibadwa, modekha, ndipo mwanayo amayamba kudziona kuti ndi wosayenerera kuthandizidwa ndi kuthandizidwa.

6. KUKHALA chete: PALIBE KUTAMIRIDWA NDI KUTHANDIZA

Zimakhala zovuta kuganiza mopambanitsa mphamvu ya unsaid, chifukwa imasiya dzenje mu psyche mwana. Kuti akule bwino, ana amafunikira chilichonse chimene makolo amene amagwiritsira ntchito molakwa mphamvu zawo samanenapo kanthu. Ndikofunika kuti mwana afotokoze chifukwa chake ali woyenerera kukondedwa ndi chisamaliro. Ndikofunikira monga chakudya, madzi, zovala ndi denga pamwamba pa mutu wanu.

7. MITHUNZI MUCHETETE: KUCHITA ZACHIWAWA ZABWINO

Kwa mwana yemwe dziko lake ndi laling'ono kwambiri, zonse zomwe zimamuchitikira zimachitika paliponse. Nthawi zambiri ana amakhulupirira kuti anayenera kunyozedwa chifukwa anali «oipa». Sizowopsa kuposa kutaya chikhulupiriro mwa munthu amene amakukondani. Izi zimapanga chinyengo cha ulamuliro.

Ngakhale atakhala achikulire, ana oterowo anganene kapena kuona khalidwe la makolo awo kukhala lachibadwa pazifukwa zingapo. N’kovutanso kwa akazi ndi amuna kuzindikira kuti anthu amene amawakonda akuwapweteka.