Nthawi yosudzulana ikakwana: kukhala woyamba kumakhala kovuta nthawi zonse

Ngati mukuwerenga nkhaniyi, ndingaganize kuti mukuganiza kale za kusudzulana ndikusiya. Koma kukhala woyamba kumakhala kovuta nthawi zonse.

Kwa ambiri, kusankha kusudzulana ndi ulendo wautali umene amadutsamo okha. Padzakhala mabampu ndi zokhota mosayembekezereka m'njira. Mwinamwake munalankhulapo kale ndi anzanu kapena katswiri wa zamaganizo za kufuna kutenga sitepe yovutayi poyamba ndipo munamva uphungu wambiri wotsutsana ndi chisankho ichi.

Kapena mumadzisungira nokha zonse, ndiyeno pali kulimbana kosalekeza mkati mwanu, ndipo malingaliro onsewa ndi kukayikira za kulondola kwa chisankho kumakuukirani tsiku ndi tsiku pamene mukuyesera kuyendetsa sitima yanu kudutsa m'madzi amphepo. Koma chilichonse chimene mungasankhe, chidzakhala chosankha chanu chokha. Palibe amene wakhala mu nsapato zanu ndipo amadziwa zambiri za ukwati wanu kuposa inu.

Kodi njirayi ingakhale yosavuta? Monga psychotherapist, ndikufuna ndikuuzeni kuti izi sizingatheke, makamaka ngati muli ndi ana.

Kusankha kusiya banja lanu kungabweretse mavuto, chipwirikiti, ndi chipwirikiti ndi kuwononga maunansi—ndi anzanu ena kapena achibale anu, ngakhalenso ndi ana anu enieni.

Koma nthawi zina, patapita zaka zingapo, aliyense amamvetsetsa kuti chisankho ichi chinali choyenera kwa aliyense. Musanapange chisankho chomaliza, werengani ndi kumvera malangizo ndi machenjezo asanu ndi awiri.

1. Kodi munayamba mwakhalapo ndi vuto la maganizo?

Chisudzulo ndi chosankha chofunikira kwambiri, ndipo muyenera kukhala ndi zifukwa zomveka. Koma si onse omwe angakhale okhudzana ndi wokondedwa wanu. Ndi kuvutika maganizo nthawi zina kumabwera kumverera kwa «dzanzi». Zikatero, mukhoza kusiya kumverera chilichonse chokhudzana ndi mnzanuyo.

Izi zikutanthauza kuti kuvutika maganizo «kunabe» luso lanu lokonda. Pamenepa, kusankha kuchoka muukwati kungawonekere molakwa.

Chenjezo langa loyamba: kuvutika maganizo kuli ndi chinthu chimodzi chosasangalatsa - kumatilepheretsa kuganiza mozama komanso nthawi yomweyo "kutipatsa" luso lotha kuona ndi kumva zinthu zomwe sizikugwirizana ndi zenizeni. Musanachoke m'banja mwanu, kambiranani maganizo anu pa zomwe zikuchitika ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo.

Nayi lingaliro limodzi labwino: ngati munali ndi banja labwino, koma mwadzidzidzi zinayamba kuwoneka kuti zonse zinali zolakwika ndipo palibe chomwe chinakusangalatsani, izi zikhoza kukhala chizindikiro cha kuvutika maganizo.

Wina nsonga - pamaso panu kusudzulana, dzifunseni: «Kodi ine ndinachita zonse kupulumutsa ubale»? Chifukwa ukwati uli ngati chomera. Ndikokwanira kuiwala za izo kangapo ndikuzisiya popanda madzi, ndipo zidzafa.

Kodi ndikutanthauza chiyani? N’kutheka kuti pali zinthu zina zimene simunachite kapena zimene simunaziganizire muubwenzi umenewo. Onetsetsani kuti mukudziwa mokwanira zomwe zimalimbitsa ndi kulimbikitsa banja ndi zomwe zingawononge kuti musabwereze zolakwikazo ndi okondedwa anu.

Ngati mukutsimikiza kuti mwachita zonse zotheka, koma palibe njira yopulumutsira ukwatiwo, tsopano munganene ndi chikumbumtima choyera kuti: “Ndinayeserapo.”

2. Khalani okoma mtima ndi mwanzeru momwe mungathere

Ngati mukufuna kuchoka kaye ndipo mnzako ndi ana sakudziwa kalikonse pankhaniyi, ndikukulangizani kwambiri kuti mukhale ndi chidwi ndi momwe mumayankhulira.

N’kutheka kuti mwakhala mukuganizira zimene mwasankha kwa miyezi ingapo kapena zaka zambiri. Koma mnzanuyo ndi ana anu sangazindikire kuti kusintha kotereku kukuchitika m’miyoyo yawo wamba. Chilengezo cha chisudzulo chikhoza kumveka ngati bolt kuchokera ku buluu ndikuwagunda ngati comet ikugunda pansi.

Sonyezani chifundo ndi kukoma mtima. Izi zithandiziranso kulumikizana kwanu ndi omwe mumagwirizana nawo kale komanso ana.

Kodi mungakhale bwanji okoma mtima mumkhalidwe wotero? Mwachitsanzo, musatuluke m’nyumba tsiku lina mutanyamula zikwama, kenako n’kutumiza uthenga wakuti mwapita. Maubwenzi ayenera zambiri kuposa losavuta «bye» kaya mwakhala nthawi yayitali bwanji.

Kulemekeza anthu ndi chizindikiro chakuti ndinu wamkulu. Ngakhale zitakhala zovuta bwanji kwa inu kuchita izi, kukambirana ndi munthu mmodzi ndi mmodzi ndi amene mukumusiya ndiyo njira yokhayo yoyenera yothetsera chibwenzi. Fotokozani zomwe zikuchitika, zolinga zanu zamtsogolo, ndi zomwe zinakupangitsani kuti musankhe, koma osaloza chala kwa mnzanu kapena kusewera masewera oweruza ndi otsutsa.

Mukamaliza kunena zonse, ndizotheka kuti mnzanuyo atayika ndipo ngakhale atasokonezeka. Angachite zinthu mopanda nzeru, koma osatsutsana naye kapena kufotokoza zolakwa zake zenizeni kapena zongoganizira. Yesetsani kukhala odekha ndi osungika.

Ndikukulangizani kuti mutero ganizirani pasadakhale ndipo lembani mawu amene mudzagwiritse ntchito pofotokoza zimene mwasankha kuchoka, ndipo tsatirani mawuwo. Pambuyo pake, nthawi idzafika yoti tikambirane mwatsatanetsatane za momwe mungakonzere chilichonse komanso momwe mungakonzekere.

3. Kodi mwakonzeka kumva zolakwa?

Mukapanga chisankho chosudzulana ndikudziwitsa mnzanuyo, mutha kumva bwino. Koma izi ndi poyamba.

Mwamsanga pambuyo pake, mudzayamba kukhala ndi lingaliro lalikulu la liwongo. Umu ndi mmene timamvera tikamaona kuti talakwitsa zinazake n’kukhumudwitsa munthu wina. Kuwona mnzanu pafupi ndi inu akulira, wopanda chikhulupiriro mwa inu nokha, osokonezeka kwathunthu, simudzamva bwino.

Mutha kuyamba kuganiza kuti, "Ndine munthu woyipa chifukwa chochita izi." Malingaliro awa akhoza kusandulika kukhala mitundu yambiri yamalingaliro ndi zochitika zina zoipa. Yesetsani kuona mkhalidwewo monga momwe zilili: “Ndimadzimva kukhala wa liwongo chifukwa chakuti ndinasiya mnzanga, koma ndidziŵa kuti iyi ndiyo njira yolondola yochotsera mkhalidwe umenewu. Ndinamupweteka, ndipo zimandivuta kuzindikira, koma palibe kubwerera.

4. Kwa ena, ndinu woipa.

Ngati mutayambitsa chisudzulo ndi kuchoka poyamba, mukhoza kuimbidwa mlandu. Ngakhale mnzanuyo adadziwika bwino ndi khalidwe lake, ndi inu amene mumakhala wowononga mgwirizano.

Mudzakumana ndi zotonzo ndi zonong'oneza za ena - ndilo tsogolo la iwo amene achoka poyamba.

Nthawi zambiri ndimalangiza makasitomala anga kuti aganizire za kusudzulana ngati imfa ya mnzako-chifukwa chokumana nacho cha chochitikachi chimadutsa m'magawo omwewo monga chokumana nacho chachisoni: kukana, kukwiya, kukambirana, kukhumudwa, kuvomereza. Maganizo onsewa adzakumana ndi mnzanu komanso anzanu ambiri apamtima kapena achibale. Osati nthawi zonse mu dongosolo lomwelo.

Gawo laukali limatha kukhala nthawi yayitali kuposa ena. Khalani okonzekera izi.

5. Mudzataya abwenzi ena

Zingakhale zodabwitsa, koma abwenzi anu, omwe nthawi zonse akhala kumbali yanu, ayamba kukayikira kulondola kwa chisankho chanu.

Ngati sabata yatha mnzako wapamtima mwiniwake adanena kuti inali nthawi yochoka kuti ukapeze chisangalalo chako kwinakwake. Koma tsopano atembenuza madigiri 180 ndikukuitanani kuti mubwerere ndikukambirananso zonse ndi mnzanuyo.

Inde, izi zimachitika kawirikawiri chifukwa anzanu amakuganizirani, koma nthawi zina zimachitikanso chifukwa mwa chisankho chanu mumaphwanya njira yawo yokhazikika ya moyo.

Mungapeze pakati pa mabwenzi audani ameneŵa ndi awo amene ukwati wawo kapena ubwenzi wawo uli wocheperapo.

Chodabwitsa n'chakuti, ndi "wovutika" mnzako muubwenzi wotere amene angakuneneni kuti ndinu munthu woipa komanso wosamenyana kuti mupulumutse banja. Machenjera onyoza oterowo angakhale uthenga wobisika kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi wawo. Kulingalira ndi chinthu champhamvu kwambiri.

Ena mwa anzanu apamtima amatha kucheza nanu mocheperako. Ena adzakhala - omwe mudzawanena pambuyo pake kuti ndi ofunika kulemera kwawo mu golidi.

6. Kukaikira kudzakugonjetsani

Mukhoza kukhala olimba pa chisankho chanu chochoka, ndiyeno zidzakhala zosavuta kuti mudutse njira iyi. Koma ambiri amene anasudzulana ndipo anatsimikiza mtima kuti tsiku lina maganizo awo asintha.

Pakhoza kukhala kukayikira kuti kunali koyenera kuchoka.

Mutha kuopa tsogolo losadziwika komanso losadziwika. Ndipo pamene mukuyang’ana m’tsogolo lochititsa manthali limene simudzatetezedwa ndi zochitika zodziŵika bwino za ukwati wanu wakale, mudzafuna kupeza chitetezo ndi kubwerera—ngakhale mukudziŵa kuti simuyenera kutero.

Ngati kukaikira kumeneku kumakuchezerani kaŵirikaŵiri, izi sizikutanthauza kuti mwatenga sitepe lolakwika.

Nthawi zina timafunika kubwerera m’mbuyo, kuchoka mumkhalidwe umene uli watsoka kwa ife ndi kuganizira za m’tsogolo. Sinthani kawonedwe kanu - ganizirani zomwe zinali mu ubalewu zomwe simungafune kubwerezanso?

Ngati simuchita ntchitoyi, mutha kulowa mumalingaliro ndikubwerera, osati chifukwa mukufuna, koma chifukwa zidzakhala zosavuta komanso zosavuta kwa wina aliyense, ndipo chifukwa chake mudzachotsa kusatsimikizika ndi ndemanga zokwiya zomwe zimaperekedwa inu.

Ngati mukukayikira ngati mungachoke, khalani ndi nthawi yolingalira ndi kupendanso malingaliro anu ndi malingaliro anu.

7. Chomaliza koma chofunika kwambiri, ana

Ngati muli ndi ana, chimenecho chingakhale chifukwa chenicheni chimene simunasiyire chibwenzicho mwamsanga.

Anthu ambiri amakhala paubwenzi wosasangalala kwa zaka ndi zaka zambiri chifukwa chofuna kuchitira ana awo zabwino. Koma nthaŵi zina zoyesayesa zathu ndi chikhumbo chofuna kuchita chirichonse kaamba ka ubwino wa ana sizingapulumutse ukwati.

Mukachoka, khalani oona mtima ndi iwo ndikukhalabe ogwirizana nthawi zonse, ndipo musaiwale lamulo nambala 1 - khalani okoma mtima komanso omvera chisoni momwe mungathere. Yesetsani kutenga nawo mbali pazochita zawo zonse monga kale. Ngati munatengera mwana wanu ku mpira, pitirizani kuchita. Osayesa kuwasangalatsa, sizisintha kwambiri muubwenzi wanu.

Mbali yovuta kwambiri ya chisudzulo ndicho kuona mmene mwana wanu akumvera. Adzakuuzani kuti amakudani ndipo sakufuna kukuonaninso. Pitirizani kulankhula naye pankhaniyi ndipo musathawe. Izi nthawi zambiri zimakhala mayeso kuti muwone ngati mutha kuthandizidwabe.

Mwana mu mtima mwake amafuna chinthu chimodzi: kuti makolo ake akadali naye. Pitirizani kukhala okhudzidwa ndi zochitika zawo ndipo khalani olimba mtima kuti mumvetsere zomwe mwana wanu akumva ponena za chisudzulo chanu, ngakhale mutapwetekedwa kwambiri mkati.

Nthawi idzapita, ndipo pamene mwanayo akumva kuti dziko lake silinagwe, koma linangosintha, zidzakhala zosavuta kuti apange maubwenzi atsopano ndi inu. Iwo sadzakhala ofanana, koma akhoza kukhala abwino, ndipo akhoza kukhala bwino. M’milungu ndi miyezi, mudzaona kuti zinthu zambiri zidzasintha pa moyo wanu. Koma nthawi zina kusankha kovuta kotere ndi chimodzi mwa zinthu zofunika kwambiri pamoyo wathu, kwa ife ndi banja lathu.

Kupita patsogolo kungakhale kovuta, koma nthawi imasintha chilichonse chotizungulira. Ndikukhulupirira kuti ngati inu ndi okondedwa anu simunasangalale muubwenzi umenewu, mtsogolomu mudzapeza chisangalalo chanu.