Chifukwa chiyani wokonda aliyense wabwino sangapange mwamuna wabwino?

Veronica wazaka 32 anati: “Tinakumana paphwando ndi anzathu, ndipo nthaŵi yomweyo onse aŵiri anaoneka ngati agwedezeka. — Tinakhala limodzi usiku wonse. Dziko langa latsikira kwa iye yekha. Nayenso anakumana nazo.

Tinayamba kuganizira za ukwatiwo. Koma pang'onopang'ono zonse zomwe zidachitika pakati pathu osakhala pabedi zidasanduka mikangano yambiri ndi zochitika zansanje.

Ndinaganiza zochoka. Ndimakopekabe naye, zokumbukira zake ndi zokongola kwambiri, ndipo sindikumvetsa chifukwa chake sizinachitike. ” Chifukwa chiyani kukopeka mwamphamvu sikuli kokwanira paubwenzi wanthawi yayitali?

Ndipo ndani nyamakazi cartilage

Kugonana sikokwanira kuti okwatirana akhale okhazikika, "zigawo zina zimafunikanso: kulemekezana, zokondana," anatero Lyubov Koltunova, katswiri wa Gestalt, Jungian psychologist.

- Kupanda kutero, kupitirira malire a kugonana, okwatiranawo sadzapeza zomwe zingawamangidwe, ndipo kutsutsana kwakukulu kungabuke. Zikuoneka kuti wina amakonda chivwende, ndi ena nkhumba chichereŵechereŵe.

Mwayi wokhawo wopulumutsa mgwirizano woterewu ndikuyang'ana zosagwirizana. Koma apa ndipamene vuto limayambika. Sikuti aliyense ali wokonzeka kusintha ngakhale chifukwa cha chikondi.

Nthawi zambiri, abwenzi amakonda mikangano ndi mikangano nthawi zonse kukambirana - aliyense amafuna kuti winayo asinthe malinga ndi zosowa zake, amatenga malo akhanda - "zomwe ndikufuna zili kutsogolo." N’zovuta kukhala paubwenzi wotero kwa nthawi yaitali.

Ndipo ndimakonda ndipo ndimadana nazo

Mtsikana wina wazaka 43 dzina lake Vadim ananena kuti: “Ndinkakonda kwambiri mkazi wanga woyamba ndipo ndinkafuna kukhala naye mphindi iliyonse. Atapita kukakumana ndi anzake, ndinkangoganiza kuti akhoza kukumana ndi munthu wina n’kupita kwa iye. Ndiyeno ndinatsamwitsidwa ndi nsanje, ndinaganiza: zingakhale bwino kuti afe kusiyana ndi kukhala ndi wina!

N’chifukwa chiyani nthawi zina timakhala ndi maganizo otere? Ndipo ife tikusowa wina ndi mzake, ndipo tiri okonzeka kupha; timachititsa manyazi, kukhumudwitsa wina - ndipo kuchokera mu izi timakumana ndi mazunzo odabwitsa?

Lyubov Koltunova akupitiriza kuti: “Chimene chimachititsa maubwenzi ovuta ndiponso opweteka chonchi, n’kuphwanya kugwirizana kwa mnzathu mmodzi kapena onse awiri, tikamada nkhawa mosazindikira tikamayamba chibwenzi.

Kodi psychoanalyst Karen Horney amatchedwa «kumverera kwa nkhawa yofunikira» - imakula kuchokera ku kusungulumwa ndi kusowa thandizo komwe tidakumana nako tili ana ngati makolo athu sanatimvetsere.

Timamva kukopeka kosaletseka kwa mnzako ndipo nthawi yomweyo mosazindikira timayesa kukhala patali, chifukwa chokumana nacho cholumikizidwa nthawi ina chinali chowawa.

Kuzungulira sikunathe

Panthawi yogonana, kudzutsidwa kumadutsa magawo angapo - izi zimatchedwa "kuyankha kwa kugonana", pambuyo pake okwatirana amamva kuti ali pafupi kwambiri.

Choyamba pali chidwi, ndiye kukopa, chisangalalo, chomwe chimawonjezeka pang'onopang'ono, ndipo pamapeto pake timafika kumaliseche - orgasm. Koma chochititsa chidwi kwambiri ndi chakuti kuzungulira kwa kugonana sikutha panthawiyi.

"Pambuyo pa orgasm, siteji yotsutsa imayamba: kuchepa kwa chisangalalo, thupi limapempha mpumulo, mpumulo, ndiye siteji ya kutengeka - kumvetsetsa zomwe zinachitikira," akufotokoza Lyubov Koltunova. - Chifukwa cha izi akamaliza mkombero wa kugonana anachita, ubwenzi uli.

Timakhala ndi chikhumbo cha kukumbatirana, kuyankhulana, kukhala ndi nthawi yochulukirapo, kudya chakudya chamadzulo kapena kuyenda.

Koma mu maubwenzi okondana, gawo lomaliza la kugonana limasiyidwa nthawi zambiri: kukopa kwakukulu kumagwira okondana kulikonse kumene ali, pa ndege, m'chipinda chosambira cha malo odyera kapena malo owonetsera mafilimu. Palibe nthawi yoti mutengere. ”

Ndiyeno likukhalira kuti mkombero wa kugonana anachita si anamaliza. Chikoka cha kugonana chilipo, koma chiyanjano - nangula chomwe chimatilimbikitsa kukhala pamodzi - sichimawuka.

Ndinamuchititsa khungu

Iye ndi wokongola pabedi, ndipo timaganiza kuti ichi ndi chikondi. Koma chibwezi chikayamba, zimakhala ngati kugwa m’chikondi. Ndipo ndizowopsa ndi zoyerekeza: timapatsa mnzako zomwe tikufuna. Kumene, ziyerekezo akugwera pa chinthu pamene pali «mbewa» - chinachake chimene icho chingagwire.

Amapangidwa ndi kusazindikira kwathu kuchokera ku mbiri ya kukula, chokumana nacho choyamba chokonda mafano aunyamata, zowonekera bwino, kuphatikizapo kugonana. Kodi timasangalala ndi mawu ake? Tikapenda zakale, zingaoneke kuti mphunzitsiyo, amene tinkakondana naye kwambiri tili ndi zaka 15, analinso ndi mawu ofanana.

Zimakhala kuti sitilankhulana ndi mnzathu, koma ndi lingaliro lathu la iye. Zolosera zopekedwa zimawuluka pamene zotsutsana zikuwonekera m'mabanja awiri, monga ngati timavula magalasi amtundu wa rozi ndi kuzolowerana ndi munthu weniweni, osati wopeka. Ndi kuyambira nthawi imeneyo pomwe mikangano imayamba muubwenzi, ndipo timayenera kusankha - kodi iyi ndi yomwe tikufuna kapena ayi?

Maubale ndi ochuluka. Kugonana koonekeratu ndi mbali yofunika kwambiri, koma si yokhayo ayi.

Kodi kuwerenga za izo?

Gestalt Therapy of Sexuality wolemba Brigitte Martel

Kusinthana, kusungulumwa, banja… Mzere pakati pa chizolowezi ndi matenda, nkhani zosiyanasiyana zokhuza moyo wogonana wamakasitomala, ndemanga za akatswiri ndi mfundo zoyambira.

(Institute for General Humanitarian Studies, 2020)