Masiku ano, lingaliro ili likumveka kwambiri. Komabe, si aliyense amene amamvetsa kuti chikhalidwe cha chilolezo ndi chiyani, ndipo mfundo zake zazikulu sizinakhazikikebe mu chikhalidwe cha Russia. Pamodzi ndi akatswiri, tidzamvetsetsa mbali za njira iyi ya maubwenzi ndikupeza momwe zimakhudzira moyo wathu wogonana.
1. Lingaliro la "chikhalidwe cha chilolezo" linayambira kumapeto kwa zaka za m'ma 80 za zaka za XXpamene mayunivesite a Kumadzulo anayambitsa kampeni yolimbana ndi nkhanza za kugonana m'masukulu. Zinayamba kunenedwa nthawi zambiri chifukwa cha gulu lachikazi, ndipo lero likusiyana ndi lingaliro la «chikhalidwe chachiwawa», mfundo yaikulu yomwe ingafotokozedwe ndi mawu akuti «amene ali wamphamvu, iye ali. chabwino."
Chikhalidwe chovomerezeka ndi ndondomeko ya chikhalidwe, yomwe ili pamutu pake ndi malire a munthu. Pogonana, izi zikutanthauza kuti wina sangasankhe wina zomwe akufuna, ndipo kuyanjana kulikonse ndikovomerezeka komanso mwaufulu.
Masiku ano, lingaliro la chilolezo likulamulidwa mwalamulo m'mayiko angapo (Great Britain, USA, Israel, Sweden ndi ena), ndipo Russia, mwatsoka, sichinafikepo.
2. Pochita, chikhalidwe cha chilolezo chogwira ntchito chimawonetsedwa ndi maganizo "Inde» amatanthauza "inde", "ayi"» amatanthauza "ayi", "Ndinkafuna kufunsa" ndi "sindimakonda - kukana".
M’dera lathu, si mwambo kulankhula mwachindunji za kugonana. Ndipo malingaliro akuti "Ndinkafuna kufunsa" ndi "Sindimakonda - kukana" amangotsindika kufunika kolankhulana: muyenera kutha kufotokozera zakukhosi kwanu kwa ena. Malinga ndi wophunzitsa za kugonana Tatyana Dmitrieva, chikhalidwe cha chilolezo chogwira ntchito chimapangidwa kuti chiphunzitse anthu kuti kukambirana momasuka pa kugonana sikofunikira, koma kofunika.
“Poleredwa m’chikhalidwe chachiwawa, nthaŵi zambiri sitikhala ndi chizolowezi chofunsa kapena kukana. Iyenera kuphunziridwa, imayenera kuyeserera. Mwachitsanzo, kupita ku phwando la kinky ndi cholinga chokana aliyense, mosasamala kanthu za zochitika, ndipo motero kumanga luso. Kuphunzira kuti kukana sikubweretsa chilichonse choyipa, komanso kucheza mukafunsa funso ndizabwinobwino komanso zosokoneza.
Kaŵirikaŵiri kusapezeka kwa “ayi” sikumatanthauza “inde” nkomwe.
Kuyika "Ayi" kuti "ayi" kumatanthauza kuti kulephera si kanthu koma kulephera. M'mbiri yakale ya makolo akale, amayi nthawi zambiri amawopa kapena kuchita manyazi kunena zomwe akufuna mwachindunji, pamene abambo amawaganizira. Chotsatira chake, mkazi wa «ayi» kapena chete nthawi zambiri amatanthauzidwa ngati «inde» kapena ngati lingaliro kupitiriza kukankha.
Kukhazikitsa "Inde" kumatanthauza "inde" kumatanthauza kuti aliyense wa okondedwa ayenera kufotokoza momveka bwino kuti akufuna ubwenzi. Apo ayi, zochita zilizonse zimaonedwa kuti ndi zachiwawa. Kuphatikiza apo, zosinthazi zikuganiza kuti chilolezo chikhoza kuthetsedwa nthawi iliyonse: sinthani malingaliro anu mukuchitapo kanthu kapena, mwachitsanzo, kukana kuchitapo kanthu.
3. Udindo wa chilolezo uli makamaka ndi munthu amene wapempha. Ndikofunika kumvetsetsa kuti mawu monga «sindikutsimikiza», «sindikudziwa», «Nthawi ina» sizipanga mgwirizano ndipo ziyenera kutengedwa ngati kusagwirizana.
“Nthawi zambiri kusapezeka kwa “ayi” momveka bwino sikutanthauza “inde” nkomwe. Mwachitsanzo, chifukwa cha kuvulala, manyazi, kuopa zotsatira zoipa, zochitika zakale za chiwawa, kusalinganika kwa mphamvu, kapena kulephera kulankhulana momasuka, mnzanuyo sanganene mwachindunji "ayi" koma amatanthauza. Chifukwa chake, "inde" wokhazikika, wosakayikitsa, wamawu komanso mwathupi "inde" wa mnzako kapena mnzake angapereke chidaliro kuti chilolezo chachitika, "akutero katswiri wazogonana Amina Nazaralieva.
“Anthu amakonda kusamala akakanidwa. Atha kuwonedwa ngati chinthu chomwe chimasokoneza kudzidalira, chifukwa chake kukana kungayambitse machitidwe osiyanasiyana odzitchinjiriza, kuphatikiza ankhanza. Mawu akuti "Ayi" amatanthauza "ayi" akugogomezera kuti kukana kuyenera kutengedwa monga momwe kumamvekera. Palibe chifukwa choyang'ana ma subtexts kapena mwayi womasulira zomwe zanenedwa m'malo mwanu, ziribe kanthu momwe mungafune, "akutero katswiri wa zamaganizo Natalia Kiselnikova.
4. Mfundo ya chilolezo imagwira ntchito mu maubwenzi a nthawi yaitali komanso m'banja. Tsoka ilo, nkhanza mu maubwenzi anthawi yayitali sizikambidwa pafupipafupi momwe ziyenera kukhalira, chifukwa zimachitikanso pamenepo. Izi makamaka chifukwa cha lingaliro losasinthika la "ntchito yokwatirana", yomwe mkazi akuyenera kukwaniritsa, mosasamala kanthu kuti akufuna kutero kapena ayi.
"Ndikofunikira kuti abwenzi amvetsetse kuti chidindo cha pasipoti kapena kukhalira limodzi sichipereka ufulu wamoyo wonse wogonana. Okwatirana ali ndi ufulu wofanana wokana wina ndi mnzake, komanso anthu ena onse. Mabanja ambiri sagonana ndendende chifukwa alibe ufulu wokana. Nthawi zina mnzawo amene angakonde kukumbatirana kapena kupsompsona amapewa wachiwiriwo chifukwa choopa kuti sangamuuze kuti asiye. Izi zimalepheretsa kugonana, "anatero katswiri wa zamaganizo Marina Travkova.
“Kuti mukhale ndi chikhalidwe cha mgwirizano mwa okwatirana, akatswiri amalangiza kutsatira lamulo la mayendedwe ang’onoang’ono ndi kuyamba kukambirana ndi chinthu chosavuta chimene sichimayambitsa kukangana kwakukulu. Mwachitsanzo, mutha kuuzana zomwe mumakonda pazokambirana pano kapena zomwe mumakonda kale. Ndikofunika kukumbukira kuti mfundo za chikhalidwe cha kuvomereza zimapita kutali kwambiri ndi kugonana - ndizo mfundo zolemekeza kudzilamulira ndi malire a munthu wina, "akutsindika Natalya Kiselnikova.
Ufulu wa "ayi" umateteza mwayi wa "inde" wamtsogolo
"Titha kuyamba ndi kuvomereza "mawu oyimitsa" ndikuti sizinthu zonse zomwe ziyenera kutsogolera kulowa mkati. Umu ndi m'mene akatswiri odziwa za kugonana ndi odziwa kugonana nthawi zambiri amachitira - kuletsa maanja kuti asagonane ndi kugonana kogonana komanso kulangiza machitidwe ena. Umu ndi momwe mumatha kugwetsa malingaliro anu chifukwa simunganene "inde" kenako ndikudwala," akutero Marina Travkova. Mutha kumva zoyipa nthawi iliyonse, ndipo zili bwino.
"Akatswiri amalangiza kugwiritsa ntchito "I-mauthenga" nthawi zambiri, kulankhula za malingaliro anu, malingaliro anu ndi zolinga zanu mwa munthu woyamba, popanda kuweruza kapena kuyesa zosowa ndi zochitika za mnzanu kapena mnzanu? - akukumbutsa Natalia Kiselnikova.
5. Mfundo yololeza kuchitapo kanthu imapangitsa kuti kugonana kukhale bwino. Pali lingaliro lolakwika lodziwika kuti kuvomereza kogwira ntchito kumapha matsenga ogonana ndikupangitsa kuti ikhale yowuma komanso yotopetsa. Ndipotu, malinga ndi kafukufuku, ndizosiyana kwambiri.
Chifukwa chake, ambiri mwa ana asukulu achi Dutch ndi ophunzira omwe adauzidwa zambiri za chilolezo amafotokoza zomwe adakumana nazo koyamba pakugonana kukhala kosangalatsa komanso kofunikira. Pomwe 66% ya achinyamata aku America osadziwa lingaliroli adati mu 2004 kuti adikire pang'ono ndikutenga nthawi yawo kuti akakhale akulu.
"Matsenga akugonana samaphuka osati m'malo osiyidwa ndikungoganizira zokhumba za mnzako kapena mnzake, koma m'malo otetezeka m'malingaliro. Kumva komweko kumabuka pamene anthu angathe kunena mwachindunji zimene akufuna ndi zomwe sakufuna, popanda kuopa kukanidwa, kusamvetsetsedwa kapena, moipitsitsa, kukhala chinthu chachiwawa. Chifukwa chake chilichonse chomwe chimathandiza kuti anthu azikhulupirirana chimathandiza kuti maubwenzi ndi kugonana zikhale zakuya, zokhutiritsa komanso zosiyanasiyana,” anatero Natalya Kiselnikova.
"Palibe cholakwika chilichonse ndi kuzizira kwa sekondi imodzi chifukwa cha kukwiya kwambiri ndipo, musanakhudze gawo lina la thupi ndikulowa, funsani: "Kodi mukufuna?" - ndikumva "inde." Zowona, muyenera kuphunzira kuvomereza kukanidwa. Chifukwa ufulu wa "ayi" umasunga mwayi wa "inde" wamtsogolo, akutsindika Marina Travkova.