Zamkatimu
“Nthaŵi zonse timafunikira kufunafuna zifukwa zodzikhululukira kaamba ka kupanda kwathu ana ndi kufotokoza chosankha chathu kwa ena kapena kwa ife eni,” okwatirana amene sakonzekera kukulitsa mabanja awo kaŵirikaŵiri amavomereza motero. Zachiyani? Chimodzi mwa zifukwa zokakamiza zowiringula ndi malingaliro oipa onena za kusakhala ndi ana.
Ine ndi mkazi wanga tinayamba banja kale kwambiri kuposa anzanga ambiri: Ndinali ndi zaka 21, iye anali ndi zaka 20. Tidakali ku koleji. Zaka zingapo pambuyo pake, tinalibe ana - apa tinayamba kumva ndemanga ndi malingaliro omwe ena nthawi zambiri amamanga okwatirana opanda ana.
Ena ananena kuti moyo wathu udakali wovuta kuuganizira wathunthu, pamene ena ankasirira ufulu wathu poyera. Chifukwa cha maganizo ambiri, anthu ankakhulupirira kuti onse amene safulumira kubereka ndi anthu odzikonda amene amangoganizira za iwo okha.
Ndinakambirana nkhaniyi ndi wolemba mbiri Rachel Hrastil, wolemba buku lakuti How to Be Childless: The History and Philosophy of Life Without Children. Tapeza malingaliro olakwika onena za anthu okwatirana opanda ana omwe samachirikizidwa kwenikweni ndi umboni wa sayansi.
1. Anthu amenewa ndi odabwitsa
Kaŵirikaŵiri kupanda ana kumawonedwa kukhala kwachilendo ndi kwachilendo. Zikuoneka kuti ziŵerengerozo zimatsimikizira: ana ndiwo (kapena adzakhala) ambiri mwa anthu okhala padziko lapansi. Komabe, ndizovuta kunena kuti izi ndizovuta: pali anthu ambiri opanda ana kuposa momwe timaganizira.
Rachel Hrastil anati: “Azimayi pafupifupi 15 pa 45 alionse ku United States amakwanitsa zaka XNUMX osabereka, kaya mwa kufuna kwawo kapena chifukwa choti sangathe kubereka. - Izi ndi pafupifupi mmodzi mwa akazi asanu ndi awiri. Mwa njira, pali anthu amanzere ochepa kwambiri pakati pathu. "
M’maiko ena, monga ngati Germany ndi Switzerland, chiŵerengero cha anthu opanda ana nchokwera kwambiri, kufupi ndi chiŵerengero cha 1:4. Choncho kusowa ana sikosowa kwenikweni, koma ndikofala.
2. Ndi odzikonda
Ndili wachinyamata, nthawi zambiri ndinkamva kuti “kulera ana ndi njira yothetsera kudzikonda.” Ndipo pamene anthu onse oyenerawa, makolo, amangoganizira za ubwino wa ena (ana awo), ndikuyembekezerabe kuti ndichiritsidwe kudzikonda kwanga. Ndikukayika kuti ndine wapadera m’lingaliro limeneli.
Ndikutsimikiza mukudziwa makolo ambiri odzikonda. Komanso omwe alibe ana, koma omwe, ndithudi, angatchedwe okoma mtima ndi owolowa manja. Komano, munthu wamkulu wodzikonda, amakhala kholo lodzikonda, n’kumangokhalira kunyansidwa ndi ana ake kapena kuyamikira mmene iye amawaonera. Ndiye kuti mlanduwu ukuchokera kuti?
Kulera ana kulidi ntchito yolimba, ndipo kwa ambiri a ife nkovuta kudziŵa bwino ntchito ya kholo.
Abambo ndi amayi amene amazindikira bwino kudzipereka kwawo angaganize kuti wopanda mwana sadziwa tanthauzo la kuthera nthawi ndi mphamvu zawo kwa ena. Koma kulera si chinthu chofunikira kapena chokwanira kuti musamachite manyazi. Kuphatikiza apo, pali njira zina zambiri zochepetsera kudzikonda, monga kudzera muutumiki watanthauzo, chifundo, kudzipereka.
3. Malingaliro awo amachokera ku kayendetsedwe ka akazi
Pali chikhulupiriro chofala chotere: aliyense anali ndi ana mpaka njira zolerera zidapangidwa ndipo azimayi kulikonse adayamba kupita kuntchito. Koma Chrastil ananena kuti akazi m’mbiri yonse asankha kukhala opanda ana. “Mapiritsiwo anasintha kwambiri,” akutero, “koma osati monga momwe timaganizira.”
Kalelo m’zaka za m’ma 1500, m’mayiko monga Britain, France ndi Netherlands, anthu anayamba kuthetsa ukwati ndi kukwatirana atatsala pang’ono kukwanitsa zaka 25-30. Pafupifupi 15-20% ya amayi sanakwatire konse, makamaka m'mizinda, ndipo akazi osakwatiwa, monga lamulo, analibe ana.
Munthawi ya Victorian, ngakhale omwe adakwatirana analibe ana. Anadalira njira zolerera zomwe zinalipo panthaŵiyo (ndipo pamlingo wakutiwakuti zinali zogwira mtima).
4. Moyo wawo suwabweretsera chikhutiro.
Ambiri amakhulupirira kuti umayi / utate ndiye pachimake, tanthauzo lalikulu la kukhalapo. Nthawi zambiri, iwo omwe ali okondwa kwenikweni ndikudzizindikira okha muubwana mokwanira amaganiza choncho. M’malingaliro awo, opanda ana akuphonya chidziŵitso chamtengo wapatali cha moyo ndi kuwononga nthaŵi ndi chuma chawo chamoyo.
Palibe umboni wokhutiritsa wosonyeza kuti makolo amakhutira ndi moyo kuposa omwe si makolo. Kukhala ndi ana kungapangitse moyo wanu kukhala watanthauzo, koma osati kukhala wopambana. Ndipo ngati muli ndi ana osakwana zaka zisanu kapena achinyamata, ndiye kuti simukusangalala kwambiri kuposa mabanja opanda ana.
5. Amakhala osungulumwa komanso amavutika ndi ndalama akakalamba.
Kodi kukhala ndi ana kumatsimikizira kuti wina adzatisamalira tikadzakalamba? Ndipo kodi kukhala wopanda ana kumatanthauza kuti tidzakalamba tokha? Inde sichoncho. Kafukufuku amasonyeza kuti ukalamba ndi vuto lenileni kwa anthu ambiri pankhani ya zachuma, thanzi ndi chikhalidwe (mu) chitetezo. Koma kwa omwe alibe mwana, mavutowa sakhala ovuta kuposa ena onse.
Azimayi opanda ana amakonda kukhala abwino kuposa amayi awo a msinkhu womwewo, chifukwa amagwira ntchito zambiri komanso amakhala ndi ndalama zochepa
Ndipo ntchito yomanga ndi kusunga maubwenzi paukalamba imayamba pamaso pa munthu aliyense, mosasamala kanthu za udindo wake monga kholo / wopanda mwana. Ana akuluakulu omwe amakhala m'zaka za zana la XNUMX akadali ndi zifukwa zambiri zosasamalira makolo awo okalamba.
6. Sali okhudzidwa ndi kupitiriza kwa mtundu wa anthu.
Ntchito yobereka imafuna zambiri kuchokera kwa ife kuposa kubadwa kwa ana. Mwachitsanzo, kuthetsa mavuto a chikhalidwe ndi chilengedwe kapena kupanga zojambulajambula zomwe zimabweretsa kukongola ndi tanthauzo pa moyo wathu. “Ndikukhulupirira kuti luso langa, nyonga, chikondi ndi chikhumbo changa chimene ndimapeza pantchito zingasinthe moyo wanga ndi wa makolo ena,” anatero Chrastil.
Mosakayikira, m'mbiri yonse pakhala pali ndipo pali anthu osawerengeka omwe athandizira kwambiri chikhalidwe ndipo sanali makolo: Julia Child, Yesu Khristu, Francis Bacon, Beethoven, Mother Teresa, Nicolaus Copernicus, Oprah Winfrey - mndandanda umapitirira. Pakati pa anthu omwe amalera ana ndi omwe sadziwa bwino za kulera, pali ubale wapamtima, pafupifupi wogwirizana. Tonsefe timafunikirana wina ndi mnzake, Rachel Hrastil akumaliza.
Ponena za wolemba: Seth J. Gillihan ndi katswiri wodziwa zamaganizo komanso wothandizira pulofesa wa psychiatry ku yunivesite ya Pennsylvania. Wolemba nkhani, mitu yamabuku ya Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), ndi mndandanda wa ma chart odzithandizira okha potengera mfundo za CBT.