Zamkatimu
Kodi banja lililonse losasangalala liri losasangalala m’njira yakeyake? Akatswiri ali otsimikiza kuti maubwenzi omwe ali m'mavuto amakula motsatira chimodzi mwa zochitika zisanu ndi ziwiri zodziwika bwino. Kodi mungadziwe bwanji ngozi?
Mfundo yotsimikizika: tikukwatirana pang'onopang'ono, tikukonda ubale waulere kuposa ukwati. Pafupifupi theka la anzathu atha kale kusudzulana, ndipo ambiri a ife ndife ana a makolo osudzulidwa. Kukhazikika n'kofunika kwambiri koma kumakhala kosowa kwambiri kwa okwatirana amakono, ndipo zikuwoneka kuti ngakhale mkangano wawung'ono ukhoza kuthetsa ubale womwe unali wofooka kale.
Tidafunsa ochiritsa mabanja kuti afotokoze zochitika zomwe zimadzetsa mabanja m'mavuto. Onse, osanenapo kanthu, adatchula zochitika zomwezo. Pali asanu ndi awiri a iwo, ndipo pafupifupi samatengera zaka zingati omwe abwenzi akhala limodzi komanso chifukwa chomwe mkangano unayambira.
Kuphatikizana kwathunthu
Chodabwitsa n'chakuti, ofooka kwambiri ndi maanja omwe okwatiranawo amamangiriridwa mofulumira komanso mwamphamvu kwambiri, ndikusungunula wina ndi mzake. Aliyense wa iwo amasewera maudindo onse nthawi imodzi: wokonda, bwenzi, kholo, ndi mwana. Odzitengera okha, kutali ndi zonse zomwe zimachitika mozungulira iwo, samazindikira aliyense kapena chilichonse. Monga ngati akukhala pachilumba cha m'chipululu cha chikondi chawo ... komabe, bola ngati chinachake sichisokoneza kudzipatula.
Kubadwa kwa mwana kungakhale chochitika chotero (kodi atatu a ife tingakhalepo bwanji ngati tinkakhalirana wina ndi mzake?), Ndipo ntchito yatsopano yoperekedwa kwa mmodzi wa "hermits". Koma nthawi zambiri, mmodzi wa okwatirana amakhala ndi kumverera kwa kutopa - kutopa kuchokera kwa wina, kuchokera ku moyo wotsekedwa pa "chilumba". Dziko lakunja, lomwe lili kutali kwambiri ndi nthawiyo, mwadzidzidzi limawululira zithumwa zake zonse ndi ziyeso zake.
Umu ndi momwe vuto limayambira. Wina asokonezeka, winayo akuwona kusagwirizana kwake, ndipo onse sadziwa choti achite. Kaŵirikaŵiri, okwatirana oterowo amasiyana, zomwe zimapwetekana ndi kuzunzika.
Awiri m'modzi
Zikuwoneka zoonekeratu: wokondedwa sangakhale kope lathu lenileni. Koma muzochita, mikangano yaikulu nthawi zambiri imabwera chifukwa ambiri a ife timakana kuvomereza mfundo iyi: munthu amene timakhala naye amawona ndi kumvetsa dziko mosiyana, amayesa khalidwe la mnansi kapena filimu yomwe tangowonera pamodzi mosiyana.
Timadabwa ndi njira yake ya moyo, malingaliro, makhalidwe ndi zizoloŵezi zake - takhumudwitsidwa mwa iye. Akatswiri a zamaganizo amanena kuti timatsutsa mwa ena ndendende zomwe sitingathe kuzizindikira mwa ife tokha. Umu ndi momwe njira yodzitetezera imagwirira ntchito: munthu mosadziwa amatengera zomwe akufuna kapena zomwe amayembekeza zomwe sizingavomerezedwe ndi chidziwitso chake.
Timayiwala kuti banja lililonse lili ndi umunthu awiri. M’mabanja ambiri, okwatirana ndi anthu amene si amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Mosakayikira, pali kusiyana kochuluka pakati pa mwamuna ndi mkazi. Azimayi amawonetsa malingaliro awo momasuka kwambiri, koma zilakolako zawo zogonana sizili zotseguka poyerekeza ndi amuna.
“Samalankhula nane kwambiri”, “Samaona zoyesayesa zanga”, “Sitikwanitsa kufika pachimake nthawi imodzi”, “Ndikafuna kupanga chikondi, safuna” … chitonzo nthawi zambiri chimamveka kwa akatswiri olandirira alendo. Ndipo mawu awa amatsimikizira momwe zimakhalira zovuta kuvomereza zodziwikiratu: ndife anthu osiyana. Kusamvetsetsana koteroko kumatha momvetsa chisoni: mwina nkhondo kapena mayesero amayamba.
awiri kuphatikiza chimodzi
Kubadwa kwa mwana nthawi zina "kuyambitsa" mikangano yomwe idachedwa. Ngati okwatirana ali ndi mavuto, amatha kuwonjezereka. Chifukwa cha kusowa kwa kulankhulana, mikangano yokhudzana ndi maphunziro kapena kusamalira nyumba idzawonekera. Mwanayo akhoza kukhala wowopsa kwa "duet", ndipo mmodzi wa awiriwo adzamva kuti watsala.
Ngati abwenziwo sanapange mapulani olowa m'mbuyomu, ndiye kuti mwana yekhayo ndi amene amasangalatsidwa ndi kholo limodzi kapena onse awiri, ndipo malingaliro a wina ndi mnzake amatha kuziziritsa ... malo. Koma mwanayo sayenera kukhala “chiyembekezo chomalizira.” Anthu sanabadwe kuti athetse mavuto a anthu ena.
Kuperewera kwa kulumikizana
Okonda ambiri amati: sitisowa mawu, chifukwa tinapangidwira wina ndi mzake. Kukhulupirira kumverera koyenera, amaiwala kuti kulankhulana ndikofunikira, chifukwa palibe njira ina yodziwirana. Pokhala ndi kuyankhulana kochepa, amatha kulakwitsa muubwenzi wawo, kapena tsiku lina adzapeza kuti wokondedwayo sali momwe amawonekera.
Aŵiriwo, amene akhala pamodzi kwa nthaŵi yaitali, ali otsimikiza kuti kukambirana sikudzasintha kwambiri paubwenzi wawo: “N’chifukwa chiyani ndiyenera kumuuza zimenezi ngati ndikudziwa kale zimene adzandiyankha?” Ndipo chifukwa chake, aliyense wa iwo amakhala pafupi ndi wokondedwa, m'malo mokhala naye. Mabanja oterowo amataya kwambiri, chifukwa kuwala ndi kuya kwa maubwenzi kungasungidwe kokha mwa kupeza wokondedwa tsiku ndi tsiku. Zomwe zimakuthandizani kuti mudziwe nokha. Ndi palibe-brainer mulimonse.
Emergency
Maubwenzi m'mabanja otere amayamba kukhala amphamvu kwambiri: nthawi zambiri amalimbikitsidwa ndi ziyembekezo zomwe okondedwa awo ali nazo. Wina amaganiza kuti chifukwa cha wokondedwa wake, mwachitsanzo, adzasiya kumwa, kuchira kupsinjika maganizo, kapena kupirira kulephera kwa akatswiri. Ndikofunikira kuti wina azingomva kuti wina akumufuna.
Maubwenzi amakhazikika nthawi imodzi pakufuna kulamulira komanso kufunafuna ubale wauzimu. Koma m’kupita kwa nthawi, okwatiranawo amakodwa mu zilakolako zawo zosemphana maganizo, ndipo ubwenziwo umatha. Ndiye zochitika zimakula, monga lamulo, malinga ndi chimodzi mwa zochitika ziwiri.
Ngati "odwala" achira, nthawi zambiri zimakhala kuti sakufunikiranso "dokotala" kapena umboni wa "kutsika kwa makhalidwe". Zitha kuchitikanso kuti wokondedwa woteroyo mwadzidzidzi amazindikira kuti moyo wapamodzi womwe uyenera kumumasula, makamaka, umamuika muukapolo mochulukira, ndipo wokondedwa amasewera pa chizoloŵezi chake.
Ziyembekezo za “mankhwala” zikapanda kulungamitsidwa, chochitika chachiwiri chimayamba: “wodwala” amakwiya kapena kukhumudwa nthawi zonse, ndipo “dokotala” (“namwino”, “mayi”) amadziimba mlandu ndipo amavutika ndi zimenezi. Zotsatira zake ndi vuto la ubale.
Zizindikiro za ndalama
Zachuma kwa maanja ambiri masiku ano zikukhala mkangano. N’chifukwa chiyani ndalama zimasiyana ndi maganizo?
Nzeru wamba "ndalama palokha ndi chinthu chodetsedwa" sichingafotokoze chilichonse. Chuma cha ndale chimaphunzitsa kuti imodzi mwa ntchito za ndalama ndikugwira ntchito mofanana ndi anthu onse posinthanitsa. Ndiko kuti, sitingathe kusinthanitsa mwachindunji zomwe tili nazo pazomwe tikufuna, ndiyeno tiyenera kuvomereza pamtengo wokhazikika wa "katundu".
Nanga ngati zili za maubwenzi? Ngati tikusowa, mwachitsanzo, kutentha, chidwi ndi chifundo, koma timalephera kuwapeza kudzera "kusinthanitsa kwachindunji"? Zingaganizidwe kuti zachuma zimakhala zovuta kwa okwatirana panthawi yomwe m'modzi mwa okwatiranawo akuyamba kusowa "katundu" wofunikira kwambiri, ndipo "zofanana zapadziko lonse" zimalowa m'malo mwa iwo.
Poyang'anizana ndi kusowa kwenikweni kwa ndalama, abwenzi omwe pakati pawo "kusinthanitsa kosagwirizana" kwakhazikitsidwa nthawi zonse amavomereza momwe angatulukire muzovuta. Ngati sichoncho, ndiye kuti vuto silingakhale ndalama ayi.
Zolinga zaumwini
Ngati tikufuna kukhalira limodzi, tiyenera kupanga mapulani ofanana. Koma, ataledzera, kumayambiriro kwa kudziŵana kwawo, okwatirana ena achichepere amatetezera ufulu wawo wa “kukhala ndi moyo lerolino” ndipo safuna kukonzekera za m’tsogolo. Pamene kukhwima kwa ubale kwazimitsidwa, kufulumira kwawo kumapita kwinakwake. Moyo wamtsogolo pamodzi umawoneka wosamveka, lingaliro lake limabweretsa kunyong'onyeka ndi mantha osadzifunira.
Panthawiyi, ena amayamba kuyang'ana zatsopano mu maubwenzi pambali, ena amasintha malo awo okhala, ena ali ndi ana. Chimodzi mwamapulaniwa chikakwaniritsidwa, zimakhala kuti moyo wapamodzi subweretsabe chisangalalo. Koma m'malo moganizira za ubale wawo, okwatirana nthawi zambiri amadzitsekera okha ndipo, akupitiriza kukhala pafupi, amapanga mapulani - aliyense payekha.
Posakhalitsa, mmodzi mwa awiriwa adzazindikira kuti akhoza kudzizindikira yekha - ndikuthetsa chiyanjano. Njira ina: chifukwa choopa kusungulumwa kapena chifukwa chodziimba mlandu, okwatiranawo amachoka kwa wina ndi mzake ndikukhala paokha, adakali okwatirana.
Palibe kuyesetsa kowonjezera
"Timakondana wina ndi mnzake, ndiye zonse zikhala bwino ndi ife." “Ngati chinachake sichikuyenda bwino, n’chifukwa chakuti chikondi chathu sichili cholimba mokwanira.” "Ngati sitikwanirana pabedi, ndiye kuti sitikwanirana konse ..."
Mabanja ambiri, makamaka achinyamata, amakhulupirira kuti chilichonse chiyenera kuwayendera nthawi yomweyo. Ndipo akakumana ndi zovuta m’kukhalira limodzi kapena mavuto m’kugonana, nthaŵi yomweyo amaona kuti chibwenzicho chatha. Ndicho chifukwa chake samayesa n’komwe kuthetsa mikangano imene yabuka pamodzi.
Mwina tangozolowera kupepuka komanso kuphweka: moyo wamakono, makamaka kuchokera kumalingaliro apakhomo, wakhala wosavuta kwambiri ndipo unasanduka mtundu wa sitolo wokhala ndi kauntala yaitali, kumene mungapeze mankhwala aliwonse - kuchokera ku chidziwitso (dinani pa intaneti) kupita ku pizza yopangidwa kale (kuyimbira foni).
Choncho, nthawi zina zimakhala zovuta kuti tithane ndi "zovuta zomasulira" - kuchokera ku chinenero cha wina kupita ku chinenero cha wina. Sitinakonzekere kuchita khama ngati zotsatira zake sizikuwoneka nthawi yomweyo. Koma maubwenzi - onse padziko lonse ndi kugonana - amamangidwa pang'onopang'ono.
Kodi ndi liti pamene kupatukana kumakhala kosapeŵeka?
Njira yokhayo yodziŵira ngati okwatirana angapulumuke vuto limene labuka ndiyo kuyang’anizana nalo maso ndi maso ndi kuyesa kulithetsa. Yesani - nokha kapena mothandizidwa ndi wothandizira - kusintha mkhalidwewo, kupanga kusintha kwa ubale wanu. Panthawi imodzimodziyo, mudzatha kumvetsetsa ngati mungathe kupatukana ndi chithunzi chonyenga cha banja lanu lisanayambe mavuto. Ngati izi zikuyenda bwino, mutha kuyambiranso. Ngati sichoncho, kupatukana ndi njira yokhayo yopulumukira.
Nazi ma alarm odziwika bwino: kusowa kwa kulumikizana kwenikweni; nthawi zambiri zakukhala chete kwaudani; mndandanda wosalekeza wa mikangano yaing'ono ndi mikangano yayikulu; kukayika kosalekeza pa chirichonse chimene winayo amachita; kumva kuwawa mbali zonse… Ngati banja lanu lili ndi zizindikiro izi, ndiye kuti aliyense wa inu wadziteteza kale ndipo wakhazikitsidwa mwamakani. Ndipo kukhulupirirana ndi kuphweka kwa maubale ofunikira pa moyo pamodzi zasowa kotheratu.
kusasinthika
Njira yabwino ya moyo wa okwatirana omwe ali ndi "zokumana nazo" nthawi zambiri amaphwanyidwa ndi misampha iwiri: yoyamba ndi mikangano yosathetsedwa pa nthawi, yachiwiri ndi "kutha" kukopa kugonana, ndipo nthawi zina kusowa kwathunthu kwa kugonana.
Mikangano imakhalabe yosathetsedwa chifukwa zikuwoneka kwa onse awiri kuti nthawi yachedwa kuchita chilichonse. Zotsatira zake, mkwiyo ndi kutaya mtima zimabadwa. Ndipo chifukwa cha kuchepa kwa chilakolako chogonana, okwatirana amachoka, kumenyana kumayamba, zomwe zimawononga ubale uliwonse.
Kuti mupeze njira yothetsera vutoli ndipo musabweretse mpumulo, muyenera kupanga malingaliro anu ndikuyamba kukambirana za vutoli, mwinamwake mothandizidwa ndi psychotherapist.
Mavuto athu ndi mikangano yathu ndi gawo chabe lomwe maanja ambiri amadutsamo ndipo lingathe ndipo liyenera kugonjetsedwa. Tinakambirana za misampha yoopsa kwambiri komanso zolakwika zambiri. Koma misampha ndi misampha kuti isagwere m'menemo. Ndipo zolakwa ziyenera kukonzedwa.