“Mwaswa moyo wanga”, “chifukwa cha inu sindinapeze kalikonse”, “Ndakhala zaka zabwino koposa kuno” … Kodi iwo ali ndi mlandu wa chiyani? Ndipo ndi okhawo?
Pafupifupi zaka 20 zapitazo ndinamva nthabwala zoterezi za akatswiri a maganizo. Mwamuna wina akuuza katswiri wa zamaganizo kuti: “Ndinalota kuti tinasonkhana pamodzi ndi banja lonse ku chakudya chamadzulo. Zonse zili bwino. Timakamba za moyo. Ndipo tsopano ndikufuna kuwafunsa amayi anga kuti andipatse mafutawo. M'malo mwake, ndimamuuza kuti, "Mwawononga moyo wanga."
Mu anecdote iyi, yomwe imamveka bwino ndi akatswiri a zamaganizo okha, pali choonadi. Chaka chilichonse, anthu mamiliyoni ambiri amadandaula kwa psychotherapists awo za achibale awo, anzawo, anzawo. Amafotokoza mmene anaphonya mwayi wokwatiwa, kupeza maphunziro abwino, kupeza ntchito komanso kukhala anthu osangalala. Ndani ali ndi mlandu pa izi?
1. Makolo
Kaŵirikaŵiri makolo amaimbidwa mlandu pa zolephera zonse. Kusankhidwa kwawo ndikosavuta komanso koonekeratu. Timalankhulana ndi makolo kuyambira kubadwa, kotero kuti mwaukadaulo amakhala ndi mwayi wambiri komanso nthawi yoti ayambe kuwononga tsogolo lathu.
Mwina, pokunyengererani, akuyesera kubwezera zolakwa zawo m'mbuyomu?
Inde, makolo athu anatilera ndi kutiphunzitsa, koma mwina sanatipatse chikondi chokwanira kapena kutikonda kwambiri, kutiwononga, kapena, mosiyana, amatiletsa, amatiyamikira kwambiri, kapena sanatithandize konse.
2. Agogo
Kodi iwo angakhale bwanji oyambitsa mavuto athu? Agogo onse omwe ndimawadziwa, mosiyana ndi makolo awo, amakonda zidzukulu zawo mopanda malire komanso mopanda malire. Amathera nthawi yawo yonse yaulere kwa iwo, kuwakonda komanso kuwakonda.
Komabe, ndi amene analera makolo anu. Ndipo ngati sanakulere bwino, ndiye kuti mlanduwu ukhoza kuperekedwa kwa agogo. Mwina, pokunyengererani, akuyesera kubwezera zolakwa zawo m'mbuyomu?
3. Aphunzitsi
Monga mphunzitsi wakale, ndikudziwa kuti aphunzitsi amakhudza kwambiri ophunzira. Ndipo ambiri aiwo ndi abwino. Koma pali ena. Kusakhoza kwawo, kutengera maganizo awo kwa ophunzira ndi kuwunika mopanda chilungamo kumawononga zilakolako za ntchito za ma ward.
Si zachilendo kuti aphunzitsi azinena mwachindunji kuti wophunzira wina sangalowe ku yunivesite yosankhidwa ("palibe kuyesera ngakhale") kapena sadzakhala, mwachitsanzo, dokotala ("ayi, mulibe chipiriro chokwanira komanso kumvetsera”). Mwachibadwa, maganizo a mphunzitsi amakhudza kudzidalira.
4. Wothandizira wanu
Ngati sikunali kwa iye, simukanaganiza zoimba mlandu makolo anu kaamba ka mavuto anu onse. Kumbukirani momwe zinaliri. Inu munalankhula chinachake momasuka ponena za amayi anu. Ndipo psychoanalyst anayamba kufunsa za ubale wanu mu ubwana ndi unyamata. Mwaisula, kunena kuti amayi alibe nazo kanthu. Ndipo pamene mumamukana kuti iye ndi wolakwa, m'pamenenso katswiri wa psychoanalyst adalowa muvutoli. Kupatula apo, ndi ntchito yake.
Munathera mphamvu zambiri pa iwo, munaphonya ntchito yabwino chifukwa mumafuna kukhala nawo nthawi yambiri.
Ndipo tsopano mwafika potsimikiza kuti makolo ndiwo ali ndi mlandu pa chilichonse. Ndiye sikwabwino kuimba mlandu katswiri wa zamaganizo? Kodi akuwonetsa mavuto ake ndi banja lake pa inu?
5. Ana anu
Munathera mphamvu zambiri pa iwo, munaphonya ntchito yabwino, chifukwa mumafuna kukhala nawo nthawi yambiri. Tsopano sakuyamikila nkomwe. Amayiwalanso kuyimba. Classic kesi!
6. Wokondedwa wanu
Mwamuna, mkazi, bwenzi, wosankhidwa - mwa mawu, munthu amene anapatsidwa zaka zabwino kwambiri ndipo sanayamikire luso lanu, mwayi wochepa, ndi zina zotero. Munakhala naye zaka zambiri, m’malo mopeza chikondi chenicheni, munthu amene angakukondenidi.
7. Inu nokha
Tsopano werenganinso mfundo zonse zomwe zili pamwambazi ndikuziyang'ana mozama. Yatsani kuseketsa. Ndife okondwa kulungamitsa zolephera zathu, kupeza zifukwa zawo ndikuimba mlandu anthu ena pamavuto onse.
Lekani kuyang'ana ena, ganizirani zofuna zawo ndi momwe amakuonerani
Koma chifukwa chokhacho ndi khalidwe lanu. Nthawi zambiri, inu nokha mumasankha chochita ndi moyo wanu, ndi yunivesite yoti mulowe, yomwe mungakhale nayo zaka zabwino kwambiri, ntchito kapena kulera ana, kugwiritsa ntchito thandizo la makolo anu kapena kupita kwanu.
Koma chofunika kwambiri, sikuchedwa kusintha chilichonse. Lekani kuyang’ana ena, kuyang’ana pa zokhumba zawo ndi mmene amakuonerani. Chitanipo kanthu! Ndipo ngakhale mutalakwitsa, mukhoza kunyadira: pambuyo pake, ichi ndi chisankho chanu.
Za Wolemba: Mark Sherman ndi Pulofesa Emeritus of Psychology ku State University of New York ku New Paltz, komanso katswiri wolankhulana pakati pa amuna ndi akazi.