“Mkazi wanga atamwalira, chosowa changa chinali kukhala m’ntchito yothandiza, kuti amve otetezedwa ndikutha kuzungulira Melvil komanso momwe angathere. Chisoni changa chinali chosatha koma ndimayenera kusamalira mwana wathu. Nthawi zambiri, ndimafuna kukulunga ndikukulunga ndikulowetsa mu kabati kuti pasapezeke chilichonse, koma ndimadzikakamiza kuti ndichite bwino, nthawi zina ndikutumiza ku zoopsa zake kapena zoopsa zake. udindo wa munthu wamng'ono. Ndipotu ndinkafuna kukhala bambo wangwiro, XNUMX mwa XNUMX tsiku lililonse. Kupatula apo, ndidakhazikitsanso dongosolo lowerengera. Ndinali kusiya mfundo ngati Melvil analibe nthawi yoti adye chakudya cham'mawa atakhala patebulo chifukwa sindinatchule mokwanira za nthawi yodzuka. Ndinachotsa mfundo ngati ine munakhala chocolate keke m'kamwa mwake m'malo kagawo wa mkate watsopano, Ine anavomereza ndekha pa mapeto a tsiku, recapitulating aliyense kulephera, nthawizonse kulinga kwa tsiku lotsatira.
Mantha osachita zokwanira kwa mwana wanga, kapena popanda kuyika mtima wokwanira, zinali zosapiririka kwa ine. Kodi ndinasewera paki ndi chidwi chokwanira? Kodi ndidawerengapo nkhani ndidalipo? Kodi ndidamukumbatira mwamphamvu mokwanira? Analibenso amayi, ndinayenera kukhala onse awiri, koma monga ndikanatha kukhala bambo, ndinayenera kukhala. Vuto lamakina, kukakamizidwa kwathunthu, kotero kuti kutengeka sikudzabwera kudzalepheretsa kumangidwanso kwanga. Zotsatira zomwe sindinaziganizire. Koposa zonse, kulira kwanga sikuyenera kundigwetsera pansi chifukwa ndimadziwa kuti phirilo silikhala pansi. Kotero ndinadzuka, ngati mkono wa chida cha makina, ndi mphamvu ndi makina, nditanyamula mwana wanga wamng'ono kumapeto kwa chomangira changa. Nthawi zina khungu ndi makinawa, ndinalephera. Zinachitika kwa ine kuti ndisawone kuti ali ndi malungo, kuti asamve kuti akumva ululu, kukwiya, kuchita mantha pamaso pa "ayi" wake. Kufuna kwambiri kukhala wangwiro, ndinayiwala kukhala munthu. Mkwiyo wanga nthawi zina unkakula kwambiri.
Ndiyeno, tsiku lina lachindunji kwambiri, ndikuganiza kuti zinthu zinasintha. Ndinayenda chammbuyo kupita ku sewero la zisudzo la bukhu langa loyamba. Ndinachita mobisa, manyazi kuti ndingadziwike m’chipindamo. Ndinkachita mantha ndikakhala kumeneko koma ndinali wokonzeka kukumana ndi khalidwe langa. Komabe, pamene wosewera yemwe adalowa muzochitikazo adanena mawuwo, ndinangowona munthu mmodzi, wina wabwino kwambiri, ndithudi, koma kutali kwambiri ndi ine. Kotero ndinatha kumusiya m'chipinda pamene ndinachoka, kumusiya ku bwalo lake la zisudzo, kupita kumasewero ake, ndikumuuza madzulo aliwonse nkhani yomwe sinalinso yanga komanso kuti ndimamva kuti ndinaba kwa Hélène pang'ono. . komanso, kuwulula ndi nkhani yanga kuti onse awone. Ndidauza masitepe anga oyamba ndili ndekha, nthano ya amayi ku nazale yopangira mwana wanga wamwamuna, kapenanso mawu ochokera kwa mnansi uyu pakufika komwe sindimadziwa, akundithandiza ndi Melvil ngati. zofunika … Zinthu zonsezi zinkawoneka kutali. Ndinawagonjetsa.
Monga panali kale ndi pambuyo pa imfa ya Helena, panali isanakwane ndi itatha madzulo ano ku bwalo la zisudzo. Kukhala bambo wabwino kunapitiriza kukhala chilimbikitso changa, koma osati mwanjira yomweyo. Ndimayika mphamvu zanga momwemo koma ndikuyika mzimu wina mmenemo, pafupi ndi wanga nthawi ino. Ndinavomereza kuti ndikhoza kukhala bambo wabwinobwino, kulakwitsa, ndisinthe malingaliro anga.
Pang'ono ndi pang'ono, ndinayamba kuganiza kuti ndingathe kubwezeretsanso maganizo. monga tsiku lomwe ndinatenga Melvil kuti akamutenge ayisikilimu ku paki komwe ine ndi amayi ake tinakumana.
Sindinafunikire kukonza chikumbukiro chimenechi kuti ndichiike m’kasupe, monga momwe ndinkachitira ndi zinthu zina za Helene. Iye analibe kukoma kosaneneka kwa miyezi yapitayo. Kenako ndinayamba kukumbukira mwamtendere. Kotero ine ndinkafuna kusonyeza mwana wanga kuti asanakhale "bambo wangwiro", inenso ndinali mwana, mwana yemwe amapita kusukulu, amene amasewera, amene amagwa, komanso mwana. mwana amene ali ndi makolo amene amadzidula okha, ndi mayi amene amamwalira mwamsanga kwambiri… Ndinamutengera Melvil ku malo a ubwana wanga. Mgwirizano wathu unangokulirakulira. Ndimamvetsetsa kuseka kwake ndipo ndikumvetsetsa kutonthola kwake. Anga ali pafupi kwambiri ndi ake.
Patapita zaka zingapo Hélène atamwalira, ndinakumana ndi mayi wina amene ndimaganiza kuti ndingathe kusamuka nawo. Ndinalephera kutsegula bwalo limene Melvil ndi ine timapanga tsopano, lonse losasiyanitsidwa. N'zovuta kupeza wina malo. Komabe chisangalalo chinabwerera. Hélène si dzina lachipongwe. Salinso mzukwa umene unavutitsa nyumba yathu. Iye tsopano amudzaza, ali nafe. ”
Zolemba zochokera m'buku la Antoine Leiris "La vie, après" éd. Robert Laffont.