Aliyense amamvetsetsa mawu awa m'njira yakeyake. Ena amakhulupirira kuti ichi ndi chikhalidwe chachibadwa cha anthu okonda anthu, ena kuti ichi ndi khalidwe lopanda thanzi komanso lowononga. Psychotherapist Sharon Martin amachotsa nthano zodziwika bwino zomwe zimagwirizanitsidwa kwambiri ndi lingaliro ili.
Nthano yoyamba: kudalirana kumatanthauza kuthandizana, chidwi komanso chidwi ndi mnzanu
Pankhani ya kudalirana, makhalidwe onse olemekezekawa amabisala, choyamba, mwayi wodzikweza pamtengo wa mnzanu. Anthu oterowo nthawi zonse amakayikira kufunika kwa udindo wawo ndipo, pansi pa chigoba chomveka cha chisamaliro, amafunafuna umboni wakuti amakondedwa ndi ofunikira.
Thandizo ndi chithandizo chomwe amapereka ndikuyesa kuwongolera zomwe zikuchitika komanso kukopa mnzake. Choncho, akulimbana ndi kusapeza bwino mkati ndi nkhawa. Ndipo nthawi zambiri amangodzivulaza okha - pambuyo pake, amakhala okonzeka kufota mosamala muzochitika zomwe sizikufunika.
Wokondedwa angafunike china - mwachitsanzo, kukhala yekha. Koma chiwonetsero cha kudziyimira pawokha komanso kuthekera kwa mnzake kupirira paokha ndizowopsa kwambiri.
Nthano yachiwiri: izi zimachitika m'mabanja omwe m'modzi mwa okwatiranawo amadwala matenda osokoneza bongo
Lingaliro lenileni la kudalirana linabuka pakati pa akatswiri a zamaganizo pophunzira mabanja omwe mwamuna amadwala uchidakwa, ndipo mkazi amatenga udindo wa mpulumutsi ndi wozunzidwa. Komabe, chodabwitsa ichi chimadutsa njira imodzi yaubwenzi.
Anthu okonda kudalirana nthaŵi zambiri anakulira m’mabanja amene sanasonyezedwe chikondi ndi chisamaliro chokwanira kapena kuchitiridwa nkhanza. Pali ena omwe, mwa kuvomereza kwawo, anakulira ndi makolo achikondi omwe ankafuna kwambiri ana awo. Iwo anakulira ndi mzimu wofuna kuti azichita zinthu mosalakwitsa chilichonse ndipo anaphunzitsidwa kuthandiza ena mosasamala kanthu za zokhumba zawo.
Zonsezi zimapanga kudalirana, choyamba kuchokera kwa amayi ndi abambo, omwe ndi chitamando chosowa komanso chivomerezo chinapangitsa kuti mwanayo adziwe kuti amakondedwa. Pambuyo pake, munthu amakhala ndi chizolowezi chofunafuna nthawi zonse chitsimikiziro cha chikondi mpaka akadzakula.
Nthano #XNUMX: Mutha kukhala nacho kapena mulibe.
Zonse sizimamveka bwino. Digiri imatha kusiyanasiyana nthawi zosiyanasiyana za moyo wathu. Anthu ena akudziwa bwino lomwe kuti matendawa ndi opweteka kwa iwo. Ena samazindikira mopweteka, popeza aphunzira kuthetsa malingaliro osasangalatsa. Codependency si matenda achipatala, ndizosatheka kugwiritsa ntchito njira zomveka bwino ndipo ndizosatheka kudziwa molondola kukula kwake.
Nthano #XNUMX: Kudalirana ndi kwa anthu opanda mphamvu.
Nthawi zambiri awa ndi anthu omwe ali ndi makhalidwe a stoic, okonzeka kuthandiza omwe ali ofooka. Iwo mwangwiro azolowere moyo watsopano mikhalidwe ndipo musadandaule, chifukwa ali ndi chilimbikitso champhamvu - osati kusiya chifukwa cha wokondedwa. Polumikizana ndi mnzawo amene akudwala kumwerekera kwina, kaya ndi uchidakwa kapena kutchova juga, munthu amaganiza motere: “Ndiyenera kuthandiza wokondedwa wanga. Ndikanakhala wamphamvu, wanzeru, kapena wokoma mtima, akanasintha kale.” Mkhalidwe umenewu umatipangitsa kudzichitira tokha mouma mtima kwambiri, ngakhale kuti njira yoteroyo imalephera nthawi zonse.
Nthano #XNUMX: Simungathe kuzichotsa
Mkhalidwe wa kudalirana sikuperekedwa kwa ife mwa kubadwa, monga mawonekedwe a maso. Ubale woterewu umalepheretsa munthu kukulitsa ndi kutsatira njira yake, osati yomwe munthu wina amamukakamiza, ngakhale atakhala kuti ali pafupi komanso wokondedwa. Posakhalitsa, izi zidzayamba kulemetsa mmodzi wa inu kapena nonse, zomwe zimawononga ubalewo. Ngati mutapeza mphamvu ndi kulimba mtima kuti muvomereze makhalidwe odalira, ichi ndi sitepe yoyamba komanso yofunika kwambiri kuti muyambe kusintha.
Za Katswiri: Sharon Martin ndi psychotherapist.