Maphunziro: kubwerera kwakukulu kwaulamuliro

Nkhope yatsopano ya ulamuliro

 “Pamene ndinali wamng’ono, alongo anga aŵiri, mchimwene wanga ndi ine, tinalibe chidwi chokhalira kukangana. Makolo athu atatikana, n’kuti ayi, ndipo anatiphunzitsa mfundo zimene makolo awo ankazitsatira. Zotsatira zake, tili bwino m'mapampu athu, tonse tapambana m'moyo ndipo ndikukhulupirira kuti ndi njira yoyenera yochitira zinthu ndi ana. Ine ndi mwamuna wanga ndife ochezeka, koma sitilola kuti inde kapena ayi, ndipo anawo amadziwa bwino kuti si iwo amene amakhazikitsa lamulo kunyumba, koma ife! Makolo a ana atatu azaka za 2, 4 ndi 7, Mélanie ndi mwamuna wake Fabien akugwirizana ndi maphunziro omwe alipo omwe amafuna kubwereranso mwamphamvu ku ulamuliro. Izi zikutsimikiziridwa ndi Armelle Le Bigot Macaux *, mkulu wa ABC +, bungwe loona bwino mkhalidwe wa mabanja: “Makolo agaŵikana m’magulu aŵiri: awo amene amavomereza kugwiritsira ntchito ulamuliro wawo, otsimikiza kuti kuteroko kuteroko kaamba ka thayo. a ana awo (7 mwa 10) ndi awo, mwa oŵerengeka, amene amaganiza kuti n’kofunikira koma akuvutika ndi kugwiritsira ntchito zimenezo chifukwa chowopa kuswa umunthu wa mwanayo, kuopa kukanidwa, kapena chifukwa chakuti alibe mphamvu. Ndipo kaya maphunziro awo ali otani, tikuona zilango zikuyambiranso! “

Ulamuliro watsopano womwe umaphunzira kuchokera ku zolakwika zakale

Inde, zachilendo za 2010s ndi kutengakuzindikira kuti ana amafunikira malire kuti amange mogwirizana ndi kuti akule bwino. Zoonadi, kuopa kukhala atate kapena mayi wokwapula sikunathe, makolo amakono aphatikiza mfundo za maphunziro a Françoise Dolto wa chipembedzo cha psychoanalyst. Wodzazidwa ndi lingaliro lakuti ndikofunikira kumvera ana anu pakukula kwawo, palibe amene amakayikira kuti ana ndi anthu okwanira omwe ayenera kulemekezedwa ndi omwe ali ndi ufulu ... komanso ntchito ! Makamaka, kukhalabe m’malo a ana awo ndi kumvera achikulire amene ali ndi udindo wa maphunziro awo. M'zaka za m'ma 1990 ndi 2000 adawona kuwonjezeka kwa chenjezo la kuchepa, makochi, aphunzitsi, aphunzitsi ndi ena Super Nanny motsutsana ndi ulesi wa makolo ndi kubwera kwa mafumu-ana amphamvuyonse., wankhanza komanso wopanda malire. Lerolino, aliyense amavomereza pakuwona kuti makolo ololera sali m’maudindo awo ndipo amapangitsa ana awo kukhala osasangalala mwa kuwapangitsa kukhala osatetezeka. Aliyense amadziwa kuopsa kwa maphunziro okhudzana ndi kunyengerera: "Khalani abwino, kondweretsani amayi anu, idyani broccoli wanu!" “. Aliyense amamvetsa kuti ana ndi anthu, koma osati akuluakulu! Pokhala ndi zokumana nazo zakale ndi zolakwa, makolo amazindikiranso kuti thayo lawo la kuphunzitsa limaphatikizapo kukhoza kunena kuti ayi, kupirira mikangano pamene akhumudwitsa zilakolako za ana awo okondedwa, osakambirana chilichonse, kuyika malamulo omveka bwino popanda kudzimva kuti ndi wokakamizika kuchita. adzilungamitsa okha.

Ulamuliro: palibe ma diktats, koma malire olimbikitsa

Mwana wakale yemwe anali mfumu tsopano wapanga njira kwa bwenzi la mwanayo. Koma monga ananenera Didier Pleux, dokotala wa maganizo, kupanga njira yatsopano yosonyezera ulamuliro sikophweka : “Makolo ndi ovuta kwambiri, koma ali m’chisokonezeko chachikulu. Amachita zomwe ndimazitcha ulamulilo wapansi. Ndiko kunena kuti amalowererapo, amakumbukira chilamulo, amadzudzula ndi kulanga anawo akalakwira zoletsa zambiri. Kwachedwa kwambiri ndipo sikunaphunzire kwenikweni. Zikanakhala zogwira mtima kwambiri ngati akanaika ulamuliro wawo kumtunda, osadikira kuti pakhale kulakwa! Koma kodi chinsinsi cha ulamuliro wachibadwa umenewu chimene makolo onse amachifuna n’chiyani? Ndikokwanira kuvomereza kuti pakati pa wamkulu ndi mwana, pali utsogoleri, kuti sitili ofanana, kuti wamkulu amadziwa zambiri za moyo kuposa mwanayo, ndipo ndi iye, wamkulu, amene amaphunzitsa mwanayo. ndipo amaika malamulo ndi malire. Ndipo osati mosiyana! Makolo ali ndi malingaliro abwino a zenizeni, ali ndi nzeru zomveka ndipo ayenera kutengera zomwe akumana nazo kuti atsogolere ana awo. ndichifukwa chake Didier Pleux amalangiza makolo pofunafuna ulamuliro kuti akhalenso ovomerezeka, kukakamiza makhalidwe awo, nzeru zawo za moyo, zomwe amakonda, miyambo ya banja lawo.… Kodi mumakonda kujambula? Tengani ana anu ku nyumba yosungiramo zinthu zakale kuti mukagawane nawo zomwe mumakonda. Mumakonda nyimbo zachikale, mupangitseni kuti amvetsere ma sonata omwe mumakonda… Mumakonda mpira, mutengereni kuti akamenye nawo mpirawo. Mosiyana ndi zimene ankanena zaka zingapo zapitazo, simungawononge umunthu wake kapena kusintha zimene amakonda. Zili kwa iye pambuyo pake kukana kapena kupitiriza kuyamikira zimene mwamupatsa.

Maphunziro, kusakanikirana kwa chikondi ndi kukhumudwa

Ulamuliro wakumtunda umatanthauzanso kudziwa momwe mungayankhire pakati pazosangalatsa za mwana ndi mfundo zenizeni. Ayi, iye sali wokongola kwambiri, wamphamvu kwambiri, wanzeru kwambiri, wanzeru kwambiri! Ayi, sangapeze chilichonse chimene akufuna n’kungochita zimene akufuna! Inde, ili ndi mphamvu, komanso zofooka, zomwe tidzathandiza kukonza. Lingaliro la kuyesayesa, lomwe linali lamtengo wapatali lachikale, latchukanso. Kuti muyimbe piyano, muyenera kuyeserera tsiku lililonse, kuti mupeze magiredi abwino kusukulu, muyenera kugwira ntchito! Inde, pali zopinga zomwe ayenera kugonjera popanda kukambirana kapena kukambirana. Ndipo izo sizidzamukondweretsa iye, ndizo zowona! Chimodzi mwa zinthu zofala zomwe zapangitsa makolo ambiri kulephera ndi kuyembekezera kuti mwanayo adzilamulira yekha. Palibe mwana amene angabwereke mwachisawawa zoseweretsa zake zokongola kwambiri kwa ena! Palibe wamng'ono amene angayamikire makolo ake powerengera momwe amagwiritsira ntchito pulogalamu yake: "Zikomo abambo chifukwa chochotsa chotonthoza changa ndikundikakamiza kuti ndigone msanga, mumandipatsa moyo wabwino ndipo zimandithandizira kukula kwanga. ! ” Kuphunzitsa kumafuna kukhumudwa, ndi amene amati kukhumudwa, akunena mkangano. Kupsompsona, kukonda, kukondweretsa, kuyamikira, aliyense amadziwa momwe angachitire, koma nenani AYI ndi kakamizani mwana wanu kutsatira malamulo amene amawaona kuti ndi abwino kwa iye, ndizovuta kwambiri. Monga momwe Didier Pleux akunenera kuti: “Muyenera kukhazikitsa m’banja mwanu “ malamulo a banja” okhala ndi malamulo okhwima ndi osapeŵeka, mofanana ndi mmene muli malamulo apamsewu waukulu ndi chilango chimene chimayang’anira anthu. "Chidziwitsochi chikakhazikitsidwa, kukakamiza ulamuliro wanu wachilengedwe kumafuna kukambirana ndi malangizo omveka bwino:" Ndikuletsani kuchita izi, sizichitika, ndine mayi anu, abambo anu, ndi ine amene ndimasankha, osati inu! Zili chonchi, palibe chifukwa choumiriza, sindibwereranso pamalingaliro anga, ngati simukuvomereza, pitani kuchipinda chanu kuti mukakhazikike mtima. “ Chofunika ndichakuti musataye mtima pazinthu zomwe zili zofunika kwambiri kwa inu, ndikukulitsa umunthu wa ana anu komanso kukhala apadera.. Zoonadi, ulamuliro wokhazikitsidwa bwino umakakamiza kulanga ngati kuli kofunikira, koma, kachiwiri, tsatirani chitsanzo cha chilolezo cha mfundo. Kupusa pang'ono, chilolezo chaching'ono! Kupusa kwakukulu, chilango chachikulu! Pewani zoopsa zomwe zingachitike ngati samvera pasadakhale, ndikofunikira kuti adziwe zomwe akudziwonetsera okha. Palibe kukwapula, chifukwa chilango chakuthupi chimatanthauza chiwawa chakuthupi ndi mkwiyo, osati ulamuliro. Kutha kunena popanda zovuta kapena kudziimba mlandu: "Ndikuganiza kuti izi ndi zabwino kwa inu!" », Ngakhale kukhala tcheru ndi kukambirana, kupeza bwino pakati pa singularity wa mwana wake ndi zenizeni za moyo, imeneyi ndi ntchito ya makolo masiku ano. Titha kubetcha kuti apambana ndi mitundu yowuluka! 

* Wolemba buku lakuti “Kodi Ndinu Makolo Ati? Kalata kakang'ono ka makolo masiku ano ”, ed. Marabout.