Zamkatimu
Nthaŵi zina timazindikira kuti moyo wathu ndi wa banja lathu uli wolakwa mwanjira inayake. Koma kodi nchiyani kwenikweni chimene chimachititsa “cholakwa” chimenechi? Kupatula apo, timafuna kuti ifeyo ndi okondedwa athu tikhale ndi moyo, monga m'nthano, mosangalala mpaka kalekale. Kodi mungapeze bwanji vuto ndikulikonza?
N’chifukwa chiyani mabanja ena amakhala ndi mavuto pamene ena amakhala athanzi? Mwina pali Chinsinsi cha mgwirizano ndi chimwemwe? Valentina Moskalenko, yemwe analemba buku lakuti “I Have My Own Script, analemba kuti: “Tiyeni tidutse banja limene lili ndi mavuto n’kuona zimene zikusokonekera, monga mmene ziyenera kukhalira. Momwe mungasangalalire banja lanu.
Tiyeni tiyambe ndi banja lamavuto. Mwinamwake, wina amadzizindikira yekha mu kufotokozera. M’banja loterolo, moyo wonse umakhala pa vuto limodzi ndi amene ali nalo. Mwachitsanzo, mayi kapena bambo wopondereza kapena wopondereza, kuperekedwa kwa mmodzi wa okondedwa, kuchoka pabanja, kuledzera - mankhwala osokoneza bongo, mankhwala osokoneza bongo, mowa kapena maganizo, maganizo kapena matenda ena osachiritsika a m'banja. Mndandandawu siwokwanira, ndipo aliyense wa ife akhoza kuganiza mosavuta za mavuto ena ochepa.
M’mikhalidwe yoteroyo, ana amene amavutika kwambiri ndi awo amene amamanidwa chisamaliro — pambuyo pake, chimasumika pa vuto lalikulu labanja. Valentina Moskalenko analemba kuti: “Palibe vuto lililonse chifukwa cholephera kugwira bwino ntchito, ndipo chinthu choyamba kuchita n’chakuti tizikhala ndi banja labwino.
M'banja lililonse, payenera kukhala zigawo zofunika: mphamvu, nthawi ya wina ndi mzake, kukhulupirika, kufotokoza maganizo ndi zina zambiri. Tiyeni tiganizire izi m'mitundu yonse - yathanzi komanso yovuta.
M’mabanja athanzi, makolo ali ndi mphamvu zosunga dongosolo linalake. Koma amagwiritsa ntchito mphamvu mosinthasintha. "Vuto" makolo amachita autocratically ngakhale mosasamala - "Zidzakhala choncho chifukwa ine ndinati", "Chifukwa ine ndine bambo (amayi)", "M'nyumba mwanga aliyense adzakhala ndi malamulo anga."
Nthawi zambiri pamakhala chisokonezo pakati pa akuluakulu ovomerezeka ndi akuluakulu odziyimira pawokha. Valentina Moskalenko akufotokoza kusiyana kwake. Makolo aulamuliro amamvetsera ana ndi achibale ena asanasankhe zochita zomwe zimakhudza aliyense. Mu autocracy, chigamulo chimapangidwa ndi munthu mmodzi, malingaliro a ena samaganiziridwa.
Zotsatira
Ngati tinakulira m’banja loterolo, ndiye kuti tsiku lina timapeza kuti malingaliro athu, zokhumba zathu, zosoŵa zathu zilibe kanthu kwa aliyense. Ndipo kaŵirikaŵiri timapanganso kachitidwe kameneka m’moyo wamtsogolo. Timasankha mabwenzi omwe "mwamwayi" samayika zokonda zathu pa chilichonse.
Nthawi ndi ndalama, koma si aliyense amapeza
M'banja lathanzi, pali nthawi ya aliyense, chifukwa aliyense ndi wofunika komanso wofunikira, katswiri wa zamaganizo ndi wotsimikiza. M'banja losagwira ntchito, mulibe chizolowezi cholankhulana, kufunsa zakumverera, zokonda ndi zosowa. Ngati mafunso afunsidwa, ali pa ntchito: "Kodi masukulu ali bwanji?" Nthawi zonse pamakhala zinthu zofunika kwambiri kuchita kuposa moyo wapakhomo.
Kawirikawiri mapulani amapangidwa m'mabanja oterowo, koma kenako amasintha, malonjezo ocheza ndi ana sasungidwa. Makolo amapereka malangizo awiri, ogwirizana, chifukwa chakuti mwanayo sadziwa momwe angachitire komanso momwe angachitire. “Ndimachita chidwi kwambiri ndi zimene mwaphunzira mu karate. Koma sindingathe kupita ku mpikisano wanu - ndili ndi zambiri zoti ndichite." Kapena “Ndimakukondani. Pita koyenda, osalowa m'njira."
"Makolo avuto" anganene kuti: "Nthawi ndi ndalama." Koma panthawi imodzimodziyo, cholengedwa chamtengo wapatali komanso chamtengo wapatali - mwana wake - sanapeze mwala uwu.
Zotsatira
Zokonda zathu ndi zosowa zathu sizofunika. Sitiyenera nthawi ndi chidwi. Kenaka timapeza mnzako yemwe timapuma naye nthawi zosiyanasiyana, timazolowera kuti tilibe mphamvu zokwanira - mwamuna kapena mkazi ali ndi ntchito zambiri, abwenzi, ntchito zofunika.
Ufulu wachisangalalo
M'mabanja athanzi, kuwonjezera pa ntchito zofunikira - ntchito, kuphunzira, kuyeretsa - pali malo ochitira masewera, kupuma, ndi zosangalatsa. Milandu yayikulu komanso "yosakhala yowopsa" imakhala yokhazikika. Udindo ndi ntchito zimagawidwa pakati pa mamembala mofanana, mwachilungamo.
M'mabanja omwe ali ndi mavuto, palibe kulinganiza. Mwanayo amakula mofulumira, amatenga ntchito zazikulu. Ntchito za amayi ndi abambo zimapachikidwa pa iye - mwachitsanzo, kuphunzitsa abale ndi alongo aang'ono. Nthawi zambiri mumamva ku adiresi ya ana okulirapo - «Ndinu kale wamkulu.»
Kapenanso china choipitsitsa: ana amasiyidwa kuti azichita zomwe akufuna. Ali ndi nthawi yochuluka. Makolo amawalipira ndi ndalama, bola ngati sakusokoneza. Chisokonezo ndi chimodzi mwazosankha zaubwenzi wopanda thanzi m'banja. Palibe malamulo, palibe amene ali ndi udindo pa chilichonse. Palibe miyambo ndi miyambo. Nthawi zambiri mabanja amayenda mozungulira zovala zauve kapena zong'ambika, amakhala m'nyumba yauve.
Zotsatira
Simungataye nthawi yopumula. Simungathe kumasuka. Tiyenera kusamalira ena, koma osati ife eni. Kapena kusankha: bwanji kuchita bizinesi ina, sizomveka.
Kodi zomverera zili ndi malo?
M'mabanja athanzi, malingaliro a anthu ena amayamikiridwa, amatha kufotokozedwa. M'mabanja omwe ali ndi mavuto, maganizo ambiri ndi oletsedwa. "Osabangula", "Chinthu chomwe umakhala wokondwa kwambiri", "Sungakwiye." M’mabanja otere, ana nthawi zambiri amakhala ndi liwongo, kuipidwa ndi manyazi chifukwa cha maganizo awo. M'mabanja athanzi, malingaliro onse amalandiridwa: chisangalalo, chisoni, mkwiyo, bata, chikondi, chidani, mantha, kulimba mtima. Ndife anthu amoyo - mwambi uwu umapezeka m'mabanja otere.
Zotsatira
Taphunzira kubisa maganizo athu enieni osati kwa ena okha, komanso kwa ife eni. Ndipo izi zimatilepheretsa kukhala owona mtima, omasuka, kuwonetsa maubwenzi ndi okondedwa ndi ana athu mtsogolo. Timadutsa ndodo ya kusamvera pansi pa siteji.
Kuona Mtima N'kofunika
M’maubwenzi abwino, timakhala oona mtima ndi okondedwa athu. Ana ndi makolo amagawana wina ndi mnzake. Mabanja opanda thanzi ali ndi mabodza ambiri ndi zinsinsi kunja kwa buluu. Mabanja amazolowera kunama komanso kuchita zinthu zopanda pake. Zinsinsi zina zimasungidwa mokhoma ndi makiyi kwa zaka zambiri, zimadutsa ku mibadwomibadwo, "kutuluka" mwanjira yosayembekezereka komanso yowopsa. Kusunga chinsinsi kumafuna mphamvu zambiri kuchokera ku dongosolo la banja. Ndipo m’banja lathanzi, mphamvu zimenezi zingagwiritsidwe ntchito pa chitukuko.
Zotsatira
Taphunzira kunama osati zazikulu zokha, komanso m’zinthu zazing’ono. Kukambirana moona mtima sikukupezeka kwa ife. Ndipo timapanganso chitsanzo ichi mu ubale wathu winanso.
Kugwirizana ndi kukula kwaumwini
M'mabanja athanzi, mamembala ake amathandizira chitukuko cha ena, amathandizira pa izi. Sangalalani ndi kupambana, mverani chisoni zolephera. Lemekezani malingaliro ndi zokhumba za ena. Banja loterolo limadzizindikira lokha ngati gulu limodzi, pamene limodzi kwa onse ndi onse kwa mmodzi. Kupereka kwa aliyense pazifukwa zofala kumayamikiridwa pano.
M'mabanja omwe ali ndi vuto, m'malo mwake, chitukuko chaumwini sichilimbikitsidwa kawirikawiri. "N'chifukwa chiyani mukufunikira izi? Ndikadapeza ntchito." Thandizo ndi chivomerezo zingapezeke kokha ngati zochita za wachibale mmodzi zidzapindulitsa banjalo. N’chifukwa chiyani mkaziyo anaganiza zopita kupenta ali ndi zaka 35? Ntchito imeneyi ndi yotani? Ndibwino kutsuka mazenera.
Zotsatira
Taphunzira ndipo ndife okhoza kotheratu kuganizira za ena, koma osati pa ife eni. Ndipo kuyambira pano, sitepe imodzi kupita ku codependency.
Kodi mungakhale bwanji banja lathanzi?
Katswiri wa zamaganizo Claudia Black, yemwe mawu ake atchulidwa m'bukuli, adalongosola malamulo a banja losagwira ntchito ndi "zitatu" zitatu: musalankhule, musamve, musakhulupirire. Valentina Moskalenko amapereka zizindikiro 10 za banja lathanzi, zomwe tiyenera kuyesetsa.
Mavuto amazindikiridwa ndikuyankhidwa.
Amalimbikitsa ufulu wa kulingalira, kulingalira, kukambirana, kusankha ndi kulenga, ufulu wokhala ndi malingaliro awo ndi zokhumba zawo.
Aliyense m’banja ali ndi phindu lake lapadera, kusiyana pakati pa achibale kumayamikiridwa.
Achibale amadziwa kudzisamalira okha ndipo safunikira kutetezedwa mopambanitsa.
Makolo amachita zomwe akunena, sungani malonjezo.
Maudindo m'banja amasankhidwa, osati kukakamizidwa.
Ili ndi malo osangalalira ndi zosangalatsa.
Zolakwa zakhululukidwa - amaphunzira kwa iwo.
Banja ndi lotseguka ku malingaliro atsopano, liripo pa chitukuko cha munthu, osati kupondereza.
Malamulo a m’banja amakhala osinthasintha, akhoza kukambidwa ndi kusinthidwa.
Wina m’banjamo tsiku lina amazindikira kuti moyo suli wotero. Ndipo ngati ayesa kuzindikira zimenezi ndi kuzigwiritsa ntchito m’moyo wake, adzachitapo kanthu kuti achire.