Kodi tingathandize bwanji ana kuti asachite mantha?

Makhalidwe otengera poyang'anizana ndi zoopsa za ana aang'ono.

“Marion wathu ndi mtsikana wazaka zitatu wansangala, wanzeru, wansangala komanso woyembekezera. Bambo ake ndi ine timamusamalira kwambiri, timamumvera, kumulimbikitsa, kumusangalatsa, ndipo sitikumvetsetsa chifukwa chake amawopa mdima komanso akuba owopsa omwe angabwere kudzamubera pakati pawo. mzinda. usiku! Koma amapita kuti kukafufuza maganizo oterowo? Mofanana ndi Marion, makolo ambiri angakonde kuti moyo wa mwana wawo ukhale wokoma komanso wopanda mantha. Chimanga ana onse a dziko lapansi amakumana ndi mantha panthaŵi zosiyanasiyana m’miyoyo yawo, kumlingo wosiyanasiyana ndi mogwirizana ndi mkhalidwe wawo. Ngakhale kuti ilibe makina osindikizira abwino ndi makolo, mantha ndizochitika zapadziko lonse - monga chimwemwe, chisoni, mkwiyo - zofunika kumanga mwanayo. Amamuchenjeza za zoopsa, amalola kuti azindikire kuti ayenera kuyang'anira kukhulupirika kwa thupi lake. Monga momwe katswiri wa zamaganizo Béatrice Copper-Royer akulongosolera: “Mwana amene saopa konse, amene saopa kugwa ngati akwera kwambiri kapena kutuluka yekha mumdima, mwachitsanzo, sikuli chizindikiro chabwino, ngakhale kuda nkhawa. Izi zikutanthauza kuti sakudziwa momwe angadzitetezere, sadzipenda bwino, kuti ali ndi mphamvu zonse ndipo akhoza kudziika pangozi. “Zizindikiro zenizeni za kakulidwe, mantha amasanduka ndikusintha pamene mwana akukula, malinga ndi nthaŵi yolondola.

Kuopa imfa, mdima, usiku, mithunzi…

Pafupifupi miyezi 8-10, mwana yemwe anadutsa mosavuta kuchokera mkono kupita kumanja mwadzidzidzi amayamba kulira pamene amasiya amayi ake kuti anyamulidwe ndi mlendo. Kuopa koyamba kumeneku kumatanthauza kuti adadziwona yekha "wosiyana", kuti adazindikira nkhope zodziwika bwino za omwe ali pafupi naye ndi nkhope zosadziwika kutali ndi bwalo lamkati. Ndi kupita patsogolo kwakukulu mu luntha lake. Kenako ayenera kulimbikitsidwa ndi mawu olimbikitsa a achibale ake kuti avomereze kukumana ndi munthu wachilendo ameneyu. Pafupifupi chaka chimodzi, phokoso la chotsuka chotsuka, foni, maloboti apanyumba amayamba kumudetsa nkhawa. Kuyambira miyezi 18-24 kumawoneka mantha amdima ndi usiku. M'malo mwake, mwankhanza, mwana wamng'onoyo, yemwe anapita kukagona popanda vuto, amakana kugona yekha. Amazindikira kupatukana, amagwirizanitsa kugona ndi nthawi yokhala payekha. M'malo mwake, lingaliro lopatukana ndi makolo ake ndilomwe limamupangitsa kulira kuposa kuopa mdima.

Kuopa Nkhandwe, kusiyidwa… Ali ndi zaka zingati?

Chifukwa china chimene chimamupangitsa kuopa mdima n'chakuti akufufuza mozama za kudziimira payokha komanso kuti amataya mphamvu zake usiku. Kuopa kusiyidwa Angathenso kudziwonetsera pa msinkhu uwu ngati mwanayo sanapeze chitetezo chokwanira chamkati m'miyezi yoyamba ya moyo wake. Zotsalira mwa munthu aliyense, nkhawa yosiyidwa yoyambilira imatha kuyambiranso m'moyo wonse kutengera momwe zinthu ziliri (kupatukana, kusudzulana, kuferedwa, ndi zina). Pafupifupi miyezi 30-36, mwanayo amalowa m'nthawi yomwe malingaliro ake ndi amphamvu kwambiri, amakonda nkhani zowopsya ndikuwopa nkhandwe, zilombo zowopsya zomwe zili ndi mano akuluakulu. Mu madzulo a usiku, iye amalakwitsa mosavuta chinsalu chosuntha, mawonekedwe amdima, mthunzi wa kuwala kwa usiku kwa zilombo. Pakati pa zaka 3 ndi 5, zolengedwa zoopsa tsopano ndi akuba, akuba, alendo, tramps, ogres ndi mfiti. Mantha awa okhudzana ndi nthawi ya Oedipali ndi chiwonetsero cha mpikisano womwe mwana amakumana nawo kwa kholo la amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Poyang'anizana ndi kusowa kwake kukhwima, kukula kwake kochepa poyerekeza ndi mdani wake, iye ali ndi nkhawa ndi kunja kwa nkhawa zake kudzera mwa anthu ongoganiza, nkhani za mfiti, mizukwa, zilombo. Pamsinkhu uwu, ndi nthawi yomwe mantha a phobic a nyama (akangaude, agalu, nkhunda, akavalo, ndi zina zotero) amawuka ndi kuyamba kwa nkhawa zamagulu zomwe zimadziwonetsera mwamanyazi kwambiri, kuvutika kupanga maubwenzi ndi mantha akuyang'ana. a ophunzira ena ku kindergarten…

Mantha mwa makanda ndi ana: amafunika kumvetsera ndi kutsimikiziridwa

Funk pang'ono, matako akulu, phobia yeniyeni, chilichonse mwamalingaliro awa chiyenera kuganiziridwa ndikutsagana nawo. Chifukwa ngati mantha amasonyeza kuti akula bwino, angalepheretse ana kupita patsogolo ngati sangakwanitse kuwagonjetsa. Ndipo ndipamene umabwera pothandiza mwana wako wamantha kuwagonjetsa. Choyamba, landirani malingaliro ake mokoma mtima, ndikofunikira kuti mwana wanu amve kuti ali ndi ufulu wochita mantha. Mvetserani kwa iye, mulimbikitseni kuti afotokoze zonse zomwe akumva, osayesa kumutsimikizira pa chilichonse, kuzindikira ndi kutchula momwe akumvera. Muthandizeni kuti afotokoze zomwe akukumana nazo mkati mwake ("Ndikuwona kuti ukuchita mantha, chikuchitika chiyani?"), Izi ndi zomwe katswiri wodziwa zamaganizo Françoise Dolto adatcha "kuyika mawu ake pansi kwa mwanayo".

Chotsani nkhawa zanu kunja

Chinthu chachiwiri chofunikira, muuzeni kuti mulipo kuti mumuteteze. Chilichonse chomwe chingachitike, uwu ndi uthenga wofunikira komanso wofunikira kwambiri womwe mwana wocheperako amafunikira kumva kuti amulimbikitse akanena zakukhosi. Ngati ali ndi nkhawa makamaka pamene akugona, ikani miyambo, zizolowezi zochepa zogona, kuwala kwa usiku, chitseko chotsegula (kuti amve phokoso la nyumba kumbuyo), kuwala m'njira, nkhani, bulangeti lake. (chilichonse chomwe chimatsimikizira komanso chomwe chikuyimira mayi yemwe salipo), kukumbatira, kupsompsona ndi "Kugona bwino, tiwonana mawa m'mawa chifukwa cha tsiku lina lokongola", asanachoke m'chipinda chake. Kuti mumuthandize kuthetsa nkhawa zake, mungamupatse kujambula. Kuyimilira ndi mapensulo achikuda pamapepala, kapena ndi pulasitiki, kumamulola kuti atulukemo ndikukhala otetezeka kwambiri.

Njira ina yotsimikiziridwa: kubweretsanso ku zenizeni, ku zomveka. Mantha ake ndi enieni, amawamva bwino komanso moona mtima, sizongoganizira, choncho ayenera kutsimikiziridwa, koma popanda kulowa mu malingaliro ake: "Ndikumva kuti mukuwopa kuti pali mbala yomwe Imalowa m'chipinda mwako usiku; koma ndikudziwa sipadzakhala. Nzosatheka! Ditto kwa mfiti kapena mizukwa, kulibe! Koposa zonse, musayang'ane pansi pa bedi kapena kuseri kwa chinsalu, musaike chibonga pansi pa pilo "kuti mumenyane ndi zilombo mu tulo lanu". Popereka khalidwe lenileni ku mantha ake, poyambitsa zenizeni, mumatsimikizira mu lingaliro lakuti zilombo zowopsya zimakhalapo popeza mukuzifuna zenizeni!

Palibe chomwe chimaposa nthano zabwino zakale zowopsa

Pofuna kuthandiza ana ang'onoang'ono kuti apirire, palibe chomwe chimaposa nkhani zabwino zakale monga za Bluebeard, Thumb Laling'ono, Loyera Chipale, Kukongola Kogona, Hood Red Riding Hood, The Three Little Pigs, The Cat boot... Akamatsagana ndi munthu wamkulu akuwauza, nthano zimenezi zimathandiza ana kukhala ndi mantha ndi mmene amachitira nazo. Kumva zochitika zomwe amakonda mobwerezabwereza zimawapangitsa kuti azilamulira zochitika zowawa podzizindikiritsa ndi ngwazi yaing'ono, yogonjetsa mfiti zowopsya ndi ogres, monga momwe ziyenera kukhalira. Sikuwachitira ntchito kufuna kuwateteza ku zowawa zonse, osawauza nthano yakuti, osawalola kuti aziwonerera zojambula zoterezi chifukwa zochitika zina zimakhala zoopsa. M'malo mwake, nthano zowopsa zimathandizira kuwongolera malingaliro, kuziyika m'mawu, kuzizindikira komanso kuzikonda. Mwana wanu akakufunsani maulendo mazana atatu a Bluebeard, ndichifukwa choti nkhaniyi imathandizira "kumene kuli kowopsa", ili ngati katemera. Momwemonso, ang’onoang’ono amakonda kusewera nkhandwe, kubisala ndi kufunafuna, kuopsezana chifukwa ndi njira yodziwirana bwino komanso kupewa chilichonse chomwe chikuwadetsa nkhawa. Nkhani za zilombo zochezeka kapena nkhandwe zamasamba zomwe ndi mabwenzi a Nkhumba zazing'ono ndizosangalatsa kwa makolo okha.

Komanso limbana ndi nkhawa zanu

Ngati mwana wanu wamng'ono saopa zolengedwa zongoganiza koma zilombo zazing'ono, ndiye kachiwiri, sewerani khadi lenileni. Fotokozani kuti tizilombo si zoipa, kuti njuchi ikhoza kuluma pokhapokha ngati ikumva kuti ili pangozi, kuti udzudzu ukhoza kuthamangitsidwa mwa kudziteteza ndi mafuta odzola, kuti nyerere, nyongolotsi, ntchentche, ladybugs, ziwala ndi agulugufe ndi tizilombo tina tambiri sizowopsa. Ngati amaopa madzi, mungamuuze kuti inunso mumaopa madzi, kuti munavutika kusambira, koma kuti munapambana. Kufotokozera zomwe mwakumana nazo kungathandize mwana wanu kuzindikira ndi kukhulupirira luso lake.

Kondwererani kupambana kwake

Mungamukumbutsenso za mmene anathera kale kuthana ndi vuto linalake limene linkamuchititsa mantha. Kukumbukira kulimba mtima kwake kwam'mbuyomu kudzamulimbikitsa kuti ayang'ane ndi mantha atsopano. Dziperekeni chitsanzo mwa kuchita ndi nkhaŵa zanu zaumwini. Mwana wamantha kwambiri nthawi zambiri amakhala ndi makolo omwe ali ndi nkhawa kwambiri, mayi yemwe amadwala mwachitsanzo agalu nthawi zambiri amapatsira ana ake. Mungakhale bwanji otsimikiza ngati amuwona akuthamanga chifukwa Labrador amabwera kudzapereka moni kapena kulira chifukwa kangaude wamkulu akukwera khoma? Mantha amadutsa m'mawu, koma makamaka ndi malingaliro, maonekedwe a nkhope, kuyang'ana, kusuntha kwa kubwerera. Ana amalemba chilichonse, ndi masiponji amalingaliro. Motero, nkhaŵa yopatukana imene mwana wamng’ono amakhala nayo kaŵirikaŵiri imabwera chifukwa cha vuto limene amayi ake ali nalo pomulola kuti achoke kwa iye. Amazindikira kuzunzika kwa amayi ake ndipo amayankha ku chikhumbo chake chachikulu mwa kum'mamatira, kulira atangochoka. Mofananamo, kholo limene limatumiza mauthenga angozi kangapo patsiku: “Samala, udzagwa ndi kudzivulaza wekha! Adzakhala ndi mwana wamantha mosavuta. Mayi wodera nkhaŵa kwambiri za ukhondo ndi majeremusi adzakhala ndi ana amene amaopa kudetsedwa kapena kukhala ndi manja odetsedwa.

Khalani zen

Mantha anu amakondweretsa kwambiri ana anu, phunzirani kuwazindikira, kumenyana nawo, kuwalamulira ndi kukhalabe okondana nthawi zambiri momwe mungathere.

Kuwonjezera pa kudziletsa kwanu, mungathenso kuthandiza mwana wanu kuti athetse mantha ake mwa kuchititsa mantha. Vuto la phobia ndiloti mukamathawa zomwe mumaopa, zimakula kwambiri. Chotero muyenera kuthandiza mwana wanu kuthana ndi mantha ake, kuti asadzipatule, ndi kupeŵa mikhalidwe yodzetsa nkhaŵa. Ngati sakufuna kupita ku maphwando obadwa, pitirizani pang'onopang'ono. Choyamba, khalani naye pang’ono, mlekeni aone, ndiyeno kambiranani kuti akhala yekha kwa kanthaŵi ndi mabwenzi ake mwa kulonjeza kuti adzabwera kudzam’funafuna pa telefoni yaing’ono, pakuimbirako pang’ono. Pabwalo, muwonetseni kwa ana ena ndikuyambitsa masewera ophatikizana nokha, muthandizeni kuti azitha kulumikizana. "Mwana wanga / mwana wanga wamkazi angakonde kusewera nanu mchenga kapena mpira, kodi mukuvomereza? Kenako mumachokapo n’kumusiya kuti azisewera, mukuyang’ana patali mmene akuchitira, koma osaloŵererapo, chifukwa zili kwa iye kuphunzira kupanga malo ake mukangoyambitsa msonkhano.

Nthawi yodandaula

Ndi mphamvu ndi nthawi yomwe imapanga kusiyana pakati pa mantha ang'onoang'ono omwe amakupangitsani kukula pamene mwagonjetsa ndi nkhawa yeniyeni. Sizofanana ndi pamene mwana wazaka zitatu akulira ndikuyitana amayi ake masiku oyambirira a chiyambi cha sukulu komanso pamene akupitiriza kupanikizika mu January! Pambuyo pa zaka 3, pamene mantha akupitirira pamene akugona, tikhoza kuganiza za chiyambi cha nkhawa. Zikayamba ndi kutha miyezi yoposa isanu ndi umodzi, tiyenera kuyang'ana chinthu chomwe chimapangitsa mwana kukhala wopanikizika kwambiri pamoyo wake. Kodi simukudzikhumudwitsa nokha, kapena kuda nkhawa? Kodi adasamuka kapena kusintha kwa nanny? Kodi amakhumudwa ndi kubadwa kwa mng'ono kapena mlongo wake wamng'ono? Kodi kusukulu kuli vuto? Kodi m'banjamo ndizovuta - kusowa ntchito, kupatukana, kulira? Maloto obwerezabwereza, kapenanso zoopsa za usiku, zimasonyeza kuti mantha sanamveke bwino. Kaŵirikaŵiri, mantha ameneŵa amasonyeza kusakhazikika m’maganizo. Ngati, mosasamala kanthu za khama lanu ndi kumvetsetsa kwanu, simungathe kuthetsa nkhawa, ngati mantha akukhala opunduka ndikulepheretsa mwana wanu kudzimva bwino ndi kupanga mabwenzi, muyenera kufunsa ndi kupempha thandizo kwa psychotherapist.

* Wolemba buku lakuti “Kuopa Nkhandwe, Kuopa Chilichonse. Mantha, nkhawa, phobias mwa ana ndi achinyamata ”, ed. Buku la thumba.