Zamkatimu
Munthu amapangidwa makamaka ndi chilengedwe. Mabwenzi angakhudze mfundo za moyo wake, khalidwe lake ndi zina zambiri. Mwachibadwa, makolo amada nkhaŵa ndi funso lakuti mwana wawo ali ndi ndani. Ndipo ngati sanapezebe bwenzi, ndiye kuti angamuthandize bwanji pa izi? Kodi kuphunzitsa kusankha «awo» anthu osataya kukhudza nawo?
Kodi makolo angathandize bwanji ana awo kuti akhale ndi mabwenzi komanso kuti akhalebe ndi mabwenzi? Katswiri wodziwa ntchito komanso katswiri wamaphunziro a Marty Nemko amalankhula za izi.
Funsani mafunso
Osadzipatula ku chinthu chimodzi: "Kodi munachita chiyani kusukulu lero?" Ana nthawi zambiri amayankha kuti: "Inde, palibe."
Yesani kufunsa mafunso monga, “Kodi ndi chiyani chomwe mwakonda kwambiri pasukulu lero? Kodi sunakonde chiyani?" Mwachisawawa funsani: "Kodi mumakonda kulankhula ndi ndani kwambiri?" Ndiyeno, osatembenuza zokambiranazo kukhala zofunsa mafunso, yesetsani kudziwa za mnzanu kapena chibwenzi: "N'chifukwa chiyani mumakonda kulankhula naye?" Ngati mukufuna yankho, perekani lingaliro lakuti: «Bwanji osandiitana Max kunyumba kwathu kapena kupita naye kwinakwake pambuyo pa kalasi kapena Loweruka ndi Lamlungu?
Ngati mwana wanu akunena kuti zomwe amakonda kwambiri za bwenzi latsopano ndi "wozizira", yesani kupeza tanthauzo la mawuwo. Waubwenzi? Kodi ndi wosavuta kulankhula naye? Kodi mumakonda kuchita zomwezo ngati mwana wanu? Kapena adaponyera gologolo chowombera moto?
Ngati mwana wanu wapanga ubwenzi ndi munthu amene mumam’konda koma sanatchulepo kwa nthawi yaitali, m’funseni kuti, “Max ali bwanji? Simunalankhule za iye kwa nthawi yayitali ndipo simunakuitaneni kuti mudzacheze. Mukulankhulana?" Nthawi zina ana amangofuna chikumbutso.
Ndipo ngati anasemphana maganizo, tingathe kuganiza pamodzi mmene tingakhazikitsire mtendere. Mwachitsanzo, ngati mwana wanu walankhula zinthu zokhumudwitsa Max, mungamuuze kuti apepese.
Ngati mwanayo alibe anzake
Ana ena amakonda kuthera nthaŵi yawo yambiri yopuma ali okha—kuŵerenga, kuonera TV, kumvetsera nyimbo, kuliza gitala, kusewera maseŵera a pakompyuta, kapena kuyang’ana pawindo. Chitsenderezo cha makolo amene amafuna kuti azilankhulana kwambiri chimangopangitsa ana oterowo kutsutsa.
Koma ngati mukuganiza kuti mwana wanu akufunabe kupeza mabwenzi, mufunseni za nkhaniyi. Kodi yankho ndi lovomerezeka? Funsani kuti ndani kwenikweni amene angafune kukhala naye bwenzi: mwinamwake ndi mnansi, wophunzira mnzake, kapena mwana amene amapita naye ku bwalo akaweruka kusukulu. Pemphani mwana wanu kuti aitanire mnyamata kapena mtsikanayo kunyumba kapena kuti achite zinthu limodzi, monga kusewera panthawi yopuma.
Marty Nemko amagawana: ali wamng'ono, anali ndi bwenzi limodzi lapamtima (ngakhale akadali, pambuyo pa zaka 63, abwenzi apamtima). Ana ena pafupifupi sanamulole kuti azisewera limodzi ndipo sanamuitane kuti adzacheze.
Pambuyo pake anazindikira kuti mwina, mwina mwa zina, chinali chifukwa chakuti ankakonda kusonyeza chidziwitso chake - mwachitsanzo, kuwongolera ana ena mosatopa. Amafuna kuti makolo ake azisamalira kwambiri momwe amachitira ndi anzake. Ngati akanamvetsetsa vutolo, sakanada nkhawa kwambiri.
Khalani omasuka ndi ochezeka kwa mabwenzi a mwana wanu
Ana ambiri amakhudzidwa ndi mmene akulandirira m’nyumba yachilendo. Ngati mnzanu wachezera mwana wanu wamwamuna kapena wamkazi, khalani waubwenzi ndi womasuka. Mpatseni moni, perekani chakudya.
Koma ngati mulibe chifukwa chodera nkhawa, musasokoneze ana kuti azilankhulana. Ana ambiri amafuna kukhala pawekha. Panthawi imodzimodziyo, musachite mantha kuitanira ana kuti achite chinachake pamodzi - chinachake chophika, kujambula kapena kupanga, kapena kupita ku sitolo.
Anawo akadziwana bwino, pemphani bwenzi la mwana wanu kuti adzakhale kwanuko kapena alowe nawo paulendo wanu wothawa kumapeto kwa sabata.
chikondi chachinyamata
Makolo nthawi zambiri zimakhala zovuta pamene ana awo amayamba kukondana kwa nthawi yoyamba, amayamba chibwenzi ndi munthu wina ndikuyamba kugonana. Khalani omasuka kuti mwana wanu amve kuti akhoza kulankhula nanu. Koma musabise maganizo anu ngati mukuona kuti mwana wanu wayamba kukondana naye akhoza kumukhumudwitsa.
Musaope kufunsa mafunso: “Mwakhala mukunena zambiri za Lena posachedwapa. Mukuyenda bwanji ndi iye?"
Zotani ndi anzanu a ana anu omwe simumawakonda?
Tiyerekeze kuti simukonda mnzake wa mwana wanu. Mwinamwake amalumpha sukulu, amamwa mankhwala osokoneza bongo, kapena amalimbikitsa mwana wanu wamwamuna kapena wamkazi kupandukira aphunzitsi popanda chifukwa. Ndithudi mukufuna kusiya kulankhula ndi bwenzi woteroyo.
Inde, palibe chitsimikizo chakuti mwanayo adzakumverani ndipo sadzalankhulana naye mobisa. Komabe, nenani mwamphamvu kuti: “Ndimakukhulupirirani, koma ndikuda nkhawa ndi Vlad ndipo ndikukupemphani kuti musiye kulankhulana naye. Mukumvetsa chifukwa chake?"
Anzako amasonkhezera ana kwambiri kuposa makolo. Izi zinanenedwa ndi wolemba buku lakuti "N'chifukwa chiyani ana amasanduka momwe alili?" (Lingaliro la Nurture: Chifukwa Chiyani Ana Amasanduka Momwe Amachitira?) lolembedwa ndi Judith Rich Harris. Choncho kusankha mabwenzi n’kofunika kwambiri.
Tsoka ilo, palibe nkhani yomwe ingakhale ndi ma nuances onse omwe mungakumane nawo m'moyo. Koma malangizo a Marty Nemko angakuthandizeni kuti muthandize ana anu paubwenzi ndi anthu amene inuyo mungawakonde.