Momwe mungaphunzire kudzimvera chisoni

Timamva kufunikira kosalekeza kudzitsimikizira tokha ndi ena kuti ndife abwino, ndipo pa zolakwa zazing'ono timadzilanga tokha. Inde, palibe cholakwika ndi kuyesetsa kukhala wabwinopo. Koma vuto ndi loti kudzidzudzula kumawononga komanso sikuthandiza. Katswiri wa zamaganizo Christine Neff anapereka lingaliro la "kudzimvera chifundo". Mu kafukufuku wake, adapeza kuti anthu omwe amadzimvera chisoni amakhala ndi moyo wathanzi komanso wopindulitsa kuposa omwe amadzidzudzula okha. Iye analemba buku lonena za nkhaniyi ndipo anavomera kuyankha mafunso angapo.

Psychology: Kodi kudzimvera chisoni ndi chiyani?

Kristin Neff: Nthawi zambiri ndimapereka mayankho awiri. M'mawu osavuta, zikutanthauza kudzichitira nokha ngati bwenzi lapamtima - ndi chisamaliro ndi chidwi chomwecho. Makamaka, kudzimvera chisoni kuli ndi zigawo zitatu.

Choyamba ndi chifundo, chomwe chimalepheretsa chiweruzo. Koma kuti zisasinthe kukhala kudzimvera chisoni, zigawo zina ziwiri ndizofunikira. Kuzindikira kuti palibe chinthu chachilendo kwa munthu: m'pofunika kudzikumbutsa tokha kuti zolakwa zathu ndi kupanda ungwiro zili mbali ya zochitika zonse za anthu. Ndipo m'lingaliro ili, chifundo sikumverera kwa "wosauka ine, osauka ine", ayi, ndikuvomereza kuti moyo ndi wovuta kwa aliyense.

Ndipo potsiriza, kulingalira, komwe kumatipulumutsanso ku malingaliro odetsedwa ndi kudzimvera chisoni. Zimatanthawuza kuthekera kopitilira nokha ndikuwona zomwe zikuchitika, ngati kuchokera kunja - kuti muwone zovuta zomwe muli nazo, kuti mudalakwitsa, kumvetsetsa malingaliro anu, koma osalowamo, monga momwe timachitira. nthawi zambiri amachita. Kuti mukhale ndi chifundo chenicheni, muyenera zigawo zonse zitatu.

N’chifukwa chiyani munaganiza zothetsa nkhaniyi?

Ndinkalemba zolemba zanga ku yunivesite ya California ndipo ndinali ndi mantha kwambiri nazo. Kuti ndithane ndi nkhawa, ndinapita ku makalasi osinkhasinkha. Ndipo kumeneko kwa nthawi yoyamba ndinamva kwa mphunzitsi za kufunika kodzichitira chifundo, osati kwa ena okha. Sindinaganizepo za izo kale. Ndipo nditayamba kudzimvera chisoni, nthawi yomweyo ndinamva kusiyana kwakukulu. Pambuyo pake, ndinawonjezera zambiri za kafukufuku wanga wa sayansi pazochitika zanga ndipo ndinatsimikiza kuti zimagwiradi ntchito.

Kodi mwazindikira kusiyana kotani?

Inde, zonse zasintha! Kudzimvera chifundo kumathandiza kulamulira maganizo oipa aliwonse, ndi manyazi, ndi kudzimva kukhala otsika, ndi kudzikwiyira nokha chifukwa cha zolakwa zomwe zapangidwa. Zinandithandiza kupulumuka pamene mwana wanga anapezeka ndi autism. Zirizonse zovuta zomwe moyo ungatibweretsere, kaya ndi matenda kapena chisudzulo, chidwi ndi kudzimva tokha zimakhala zochirikiza ndikuthandizira. Ichi ndi chida chachikulu chomwe anthu ambiri sayesa ngakhale kugwiritsa ntchito.

Kodi mungakhale bwanji okoma mtima kwa inu nokha? Nditha kunena kuti ndi zabwino, koma osakhulupirira ...

Kudzimvera chifundo ndi mchitidwe wokulitsa cholinga chanu. Poyamba mumapereka kukhazikitsidwa kuti mukhale wokoma mtima kwa inu nokha, koma simungathe kuchita mokakamiza ndipo chifukwa chake poyamba mumamva kuti ndi zabodza. Mutha kukumana ndi kusapeza komanso mantha, chifukwa tonse timazolowera kumamatira kudzidzudzula, iyi ndi njira yathu yodzitetezera. Koma mwabzala kale mbewu. Mumamvetsera mochulukira za kukoma mtima, dzipatseni mwayi woyesera kuti mukhale ndi moyo, ndipo pamapeto pake mumayamba kudzimvera chisoni nokha.

Inde, kukhala ndi chizoloŵezi chatsopano sikophweka nkomwe. Koma ndinadabwa kuona mmene anthu amasinthira mofulumira. Ambiri mwa omwe amaliza pulogalamu yanga ya Mindful Self-Compassion akuti miyoyo yawo yasinthidwa. Ndipo zimenezo zangotsala milungu eyiti! Ngati mupitiliza kudzipangira nokha, chizolowezicho chimakonzedwa kwa nthawi yayitali.

Pazifukwa zina, zimakhala zovuta kwambiri kudzimvera chisoni panthawi yomwe zikufunika mwachangu. Zoyenera kuchita?

Pali njira zosiyanasiyana zoyambira "njira" yodzimvera chifundo, zimatsimikiziridwa moyesera. Izi ndi njira zomwezo zomwe zimathandiza kusonyeza chifundo kwa anthu ena - kutentha thupi, kukhudza mofatsa, mawu otonthoza, mawu ofewa. Ndipo ngati simungathe kudzibweretsera nokha malingaliro abwino pakali pano chifukwa muli ndi mauthenga oipa monga "Ndine chitsiru, ndimadzida ndekha" komanso "Damn, ndalakwitsa," yesani kuika manja anu pamtima, modekha. sungani nkhope yanu m'manja mwanu, dzikumbatireni, ngati mukuyenda.

M'mawu amodzi, gwiritsani ntchito mawonekedwe achikondi, ochirikiza, ndipo kachitidwe kanu pamikhalidweyo kadzasintha. Mudzadekha, ndipo kudzakhala kosavuta kuti mutembenuzire mutu wanu. Sizimagwira ntchito nthawi zonse, palibe zozizwitsa, koma nthawi zambiri zimathandiza.

Ndipo ndi kuti kumene kuli chitsimikizo chakuti kudzimvera chisoni sikudzakula kukhala kudzikonda?

Mwasayansi, zosiyana ndi zimene zikuchitika. Munthu wotero ndi wosavuta kulolera. Sazoloŵerana ndi ena, koma samaikanso zofunika zake patsogolo. Iye amatsatira mfundo yakuti zosoŵa za aliyense n’zoyenera kuziganizira. Izi zikugwiranso ntchito kwa maanja. Kafukufuku amatsimikizira kuti okondedwa a anthu otere amakhala osangalala.

Kufotokozera ndi kosavuta: ngati mukudziwa momwe mungadzithandizire nokha ndikukwaniritsa zosowa zanu, muli ndi mwayi wopereka zambiri kwa ena. A manyazi ndi maganizo oipa - «Ine ndine mediocre», «Ine ndine wabwino pachabe» - mochuluka kwambiri kuti munthu egocentric. Munthu wamanyazi amatengeka ndi maganizo amenewa moti amalephera kupereka chisamaliro ndi mphamvu zake kwa ena.

Kodi mungapatse malangizo otani kwa anthu amene amavutika kudzichitira chifundo?

Chifundo chikhoza kukhala chizoloŵezi. Ingozindikirani kuti iyi ndiye njira yokhayo yopulumukira. Kukhala wokwiya komanso kudzidzudzula kumangopangitsa kuti zinthu ziipireipire. Ndinaphunzira kuchokera pazochitika zanga kuti ngati nditaphunzira kupirira ululu wamanyazi, ndikukhalabe ndi mtima wokoma mtima kwa ine ndekha, osasiya kudzikonda ndekha, ndiye kuti chithunzicho chidzasintha mofulumira kwambiri. Tsopano ine ndikukhulupirira mu izo.

Ndiponso, lingalirani za munthu amene nthaŵi zonse mumakhala wofunitsitsa kumumvera chisoni—mwana kapena bwenzi lapamtima—ndipo lingalirani mmene mawu amene mukunena panopo angawakhudzire iwo. Zikuwonekeratu kuti izi sizidzamubweretsera phindu lililonse. Pakati pa odziwana nawo, aliyense wa ife ali ndi anthu okoma mtima, achifundo amene angakhale chitsanzo kwa ife pa zimene tinganene ndi mmene tinganene kwa ife tokha, kotero kuti mawu ameneŵa asanduka ochiritsa, osati owononga.

Komanso, chifundo n’chiyani? M'lingaliro lina, kudzimvera chisoni ndi ena kumayendetsedwa ndi chinthu chomwecho - kumvetsetsa chikhalidwe cha munthu, kumvetsetsa kuti palibe amene angathe kulamulira bwino zochita zawo ndi khalidwe lawo. Aliyense amakhudzidwa ndi zifukwa zambirimbiri komanso mikhalidwe yosiyanasiyana. Chifukwa chake ngati mumadziyesa mosiyana ndi wina aliyense, mumapanga magawano ochita kupanga pakati panu ndi ena omwe ndikuganiza kuti amabweretsa kusagwirizana komanso kusamvetsetsana.

Za Katswiri: Kristin Neff ndi Pulofesa Wothandizira wa Psychology yachitukuko ku yunivesite ya Texas ku Austin komanso wolemba pulogalamu yophunzitsira ya Mindful Self-Compassion.