Momwe mungalankhulire ndi munthu amene akufuna kukuposani pa chilichonse, osapenga

Mnzanga. Bwenzi. Achibale. Mnansi potera. Ziribe kanthu kuti munthu uyu ndi ndani, ndizofunikira momwe amachitira: ziribe kanthu zomwe mungalankhule, nthawi yomweyo amakhala ndi nkhani yake - "zosangalatsa kwambiri." Chilichonse chomwe mungachite, amachichita bwino kwambiri. Chilichonse chimene anachipeza, anapindula kwambiri.

Kodi mwapeza ntchito? Udindo wanu watsopano ndi wopanda kanthu poyerekeza ndi zomwe amalandira tsiku lililonse kuchokera kwa olemba ntchito osiyanasiyana omwe ali okonzeka kumung'amba ndi manja awo. Kodi mwasintha galimoto yanu? Chabwino, iye sagwirizana ndi galimoto yake yatsopano. Mukupita kutchuthi ku Amalfi? Anali kumeneko ndi banja lake zaka zisanu zapitazo. Kalanga, kuyambira pamenepo malo awa akhala wapamwamba alendo ndi "pop". Koma ngati mukufuna, adzakutumizirani mndandanda wa malingaliro ake. Amatumiza kwa aliyense - ndipo aliyense amakondwera kwenikweni.

“Anthu oterowo amaoneka kukhala akuwopa nthaŵi zonse kuti mudzawaposa ndi chipambano chanu,” akufotokoza motero katswiri wa zamaganizo ndi mlembi wa buku lakuti “Depression Perfectly Disguised” Margaret Rutherford, “ndipo amachita chilichonse kuti akupezeni ndiponso kuti aonekere mwanjira inayake. Panthawi imodzimodziyo, nthawi zambiri sazindikira momwe amakwiyira ena ndi khalidwe lotere.

Makasitomala a Rutherford nthaŵi zonse amam’dandaulira za anthu odzitukumula oterowo, ndipo iyenso nthaŵi zambiri amakumana nawo. “Ndimakonda kuyenda maulendo ataliatali, ndipo wachibale wanga nthawi zonse amanena kuti iye amayenda mofanana ndi ine, mwinanso kuposa pamenepo, ngakhale kuti banja lonse limadziŵa bwino lomwe kuti iye satsika n’komwe m’galimoto.” Pali zifukwa zosiyanasiyana za chikhumbo ichi kukhala choyamba mu chirichonse. “Nthaŵi zina kumakhala mpikisano, nthaŵi zina kudziona kukhala wonyozeka pambuyo povala chinyawu, nthaŵi zina kulephera kuyanjana bwino ndi anthu,” akufotokoza motero Rutgerford.

Ziribe zolinga za khalidwe la anthu oterowo, sikophweka kwa ife, omwe timadzipeza tokha m'madera awo. Komabe, zimachitika kuti timachita chimodzimodzi. Kumvetsetsa izi ndizoyambira: ngati tisokoneza wina mkatikati mwa chiganizo kapena kugwiritsa ntchito nkhani yomwe tangomva ngati chowiringula kuti tinene za ife tokha, zosangalatsa kwambiri, ndiye, monga lamulo, timawona kuti kupuma kovutirapo kumapachikika, ndi iwo. otizungulira amangoponya maso. Ambiri aife ndiye timakhala ndi nzeru zokwanira kuti tibwerere ku nkhani ya interlocutor.

Koma amene amayesetsa kuposa ena pa chilichonse amachita mosiyana. Iwo sadziŵa kuŵerenga malangizo oterowo, Amanda Daverich, katswiri wa nkhani za banja ndi ukwati, akunena motsimikiza kuti: “Ambiri mwa anthu ameneŵa sadziŵa zimene akuchita. Amasangalala ndi nkhani yawoyawo, amakhulupirira kuti nkhaniyi imawapangitsa kukhala pafupi ndi omwe amalankhula nawo, ndipo amakhulupirira kuti ena amawakonda.

Zotsatirazi zimatsimikiziridwa ndi zotsatira za kafukufuku wa sayansi. Kotero, mu 2015, akatswiri a zamaganizo adapeza kuti odzitamandira amalingalira mozama momwe omvera amawasirira, ndipo amanyalanyaza momwe amakwiyitsa aliyense. Komanso, samvetsa mmene nkhani yawo idzakhudzire anthu owazungulira. “Ndikawauza anzanga mmene ndinasiyira ntchito n’kuyenda kwa chaka chathunthu, adzamvetsa mmene zimakhalira zachikondi komanso zosangalatsa. Mwinanso ndiwalimbikitsa kuchita chimodzimodzi,” akuganiza motero wodzitama. "Chabwino, makolo ake adalipira zonsezi," mwachiwonekere, ogwira nawo ntchito amadandaula okha.

“N’zoona kuti pangakhale cholinga champikisano chochititsa khalidwe limeneli,” akuvomereza motero Davrich. - Koma ambiri amamvetsetsa kuti izi ndi "zopanda masewera", zopanda ulemu ndipo pamapeto pake zimangothamangitsa interlocutor. Ndipo sikuthandiza kukwera pamwamba pa utsogoleri wa anthu.

Ndiye mumatani ndi anthu otere?

1. Konzekerani pasadakhale kulankhulana ndi munthu wodzikuza

Pali zinthu zomwe muyenera kungovomereza kuti ndizosapeweka. Mwachitsanzo, kufunikira kochotsa mitsempha ya mano - kapena kulankhulana ndi munthu yemwe nthawi zonse ndi muzonse amayesetsa kukuposani. Ngati mufunikira kuchita naye nthaŵi zonse, musanyalanyaze mkhalidwe wake umenewu. Kapenanso kuyesa kumseka mokoma mtima: “Ndimadabwa kuti ndi kangati madzulo amene sandilola kuti nditsirize? Nthawi yomaliza anaswa nkhani zake katatu. "

"Ngati mukuyembekeza machitidwe kuchokera kwa wowombera, kudzakhala kosavuta kumuvomereza," akutero Rutherford. - Ngati mungalankhule za kukwezedwa komwe mukuyembekezeredwa kwa nthawi yayitali pamisonkhano ndi anzanu, khalani okonzeka kuti wowomberayo azikhala ndi mlandu wake pamutuwu. Amangofunika kuyika masenti ake awiri, ndipo zilibe kanthu kuti zomwe akunena ndi zoona kapena ayi. Zimene tikuyembekezera sizitipweteka kwambiri.

2. Yesetsani kumumvera chisoni chifukwa sadziwa chimene akuchita

Tsopano mukudziwa kuti munthu wosaukayu sangawerenge zizindikiro za chikhalidwe cha anthu komanso za anthu ena, zomwe zikutanthauza kuti munthu akhoza kumumvera chisoni. Mwina nthawi ino mudzatero.

“Kusakwiyira anthu otero kungakhale kovuta, koma yesani,” akulangiza motero katswiri wa zamaganizo Jessica Baum. “Khalani oleza mtima ndipo dzikumbutseni kuti mwina munthu winayo amangodziona ngati wosafunika, kapena amadziona kuti sali bwino, choncho amachita zinthu modabwitsa.”

3. Nyadirani zomwe mwakwanitsa

Kudzilemekeza kungakupangitseni kukhala osakhudzidwa ndi anthu otero, akutero Deveritch. Ndipo musayese kupikisana nawo, ndikutaya nthawi. Kuphatikiza apo, sangavomereze, pazifukwa ziti, kuvomereza kuti mwakwaniritsa zambiri. Zolinga, mapulani, maloto ndi munthu payekha, ndiye ndiyenera kufananiza?

4. Yesani kulankhula za mmene mukumvera

Nthaŵi zambiri, kuleza mtima ndi chifundo zidzakuthandizani kuvomereza mkhalidwewo, koma kukhala limodzi ndi munthu wodzitukumula kungakhale kovuta kwambiri. “Ngati ubwenzi ndi munthu wotero ndi wofunika kwa inu, yesani kulankhula naye. Mwachitsanzo, nenani kuti n’kofunika kwa inu kuti azimvetsera mwatcheru kwambiri: izi zidzakuthandizani kuona kuti amakukondani.

Lankhulani za kufunikira kwanu kuti mumve, osagwadira milandu ngati "simundilola kumaliza." Uzani woponya nkhonyayo mmene zimenezi zingampangitse kukhala wokonda kukambirana, ndiyeno nthaŵi ina adzadzitamandira kwa mabwenzi ena kuti: “Anandiuza pano kuti sindingathe kumvetsera kuposa wina aliyense! .."