Zamkatimu
Mwana wamkazi akakhala mayi, zimamuthandiza kuyang’ana mayi ake ndi maso osiyanasiyana, kumumvetsa bwino komanso kupendanso ubale wake ndi iye m’njira inayake. Kumeneko sikuli nthawi zonse osati kwa aliyense. Kodi n'chiyani chimalepheretsa kumvana?
“Pamene mwana wanga woyamba anabadwa, ndinakhululukira amayi anga chirichonse,” akuvomereza motero Zhanna wazaka 32, amene pausinkhu wazaka 18 pafupifupi anathaŵira ku Moscow kuchokera ku ulamuliro wake wopambanitsa ndi diktat. Kuzindikiridwa koteroko sikwachilendo. Ngakhale zosiyana zimachitika: maonekedwe a mwana amawononga ubale, kumawonjezera mkwiyo ndi zonena za mwana wamkazi kwa amayi ake, ndipo zimakhala chopunthwitsa chatsopano pakulimbana kwawo kosatha. Chikugwirizana ndi chiyani?
“Kusandulika kwa mwana wamkazi wachikulire kukhala mayi kumadzutsa mwa iye chikumbukiro chonse cha ubwana wake, malingaliro onse okhudzana ndi zaka zoyambirira za moyo ndi kukula kwake, zochita ndi zochita za amayi,” akutero katswiri wa zamaganizo Terry Apter. - Ndipo madera osagwirizana, nkhawa ndi zosadziwika zomwe zinabuka mu ubale wawo, zimasonyezedwa mosakayikira mu ubale ndi mwanayo. Popanda kuzindikira za izi, timakhala pachiwopsezo chobwerezanso khalidwe la amayi lomwe timafuna kupewa ndi ana athu.”
Zochita zokumbukiridwa za makolo, zomwe tingathe kuzilamulira modekha, zimatuluka mosavuta m'mavuto. Ndipo mu umayi muli zinthu zambiri ngati zimenezi. Mwachitsanzo, mwana amene amakana kudya supu angayambitse ukali wosayembekezeka mwa amayi, chifukwa anakumana ndi zomwe mayi ake anachita ali mwana.
Nthawi zina mwana wamkazi wamkulu amakhala mayi, komabe amakhala ngati mwana wovuta.
Karina wazaka 40 anati: “M’badwo wa amayi, si mwambo woyamikira, kuwayamikira, ndipo n’kovuta kudikira mawu osonyeza kuti akuvomereza. “Zikuoneka kuti akuonabe kuti ndine wonyada. Ndipo nthawi zonse ndaphonya zimenezo. Chifukwa chake, ndimakonda kuyamika mwana wanga wamkazi chifukwa chochita bwino kwambiri.
Akazi kaŵirikaŵiri amavomereza kuti amayi awo sanali kuwamvetsera kwenikweni. “Nditangoyamba kufotokoza zinazake, ankandidula mawu n’kunena maganizo ake,” akukumbukira motero Zhanna. “Ndipo tsopano pamene mmodzi wa anawo afuula kuti: “Simukundimvera!”, nthaŵi yomweyo ndimadzimva kukhala wa liwongo ndipo ndimayesadi kumvetsera ndi kumvetsetsa.”
Khazikitsani ubale wa akulu
"Kuti mumvetse amayi anu, kuganiziranso kakhalidwe kawo kumakhala kovuta makamaka kwa mwana wamkazi wachikulire yemwe anali ndi mtundu wosokonekera wa chibwenzi ali wamng'ono - amayi ake anali ankhanza kapena ozizira nawo, anamusiya kwa nthawi yaitali kapena adamukankhira kutali. ,” akufotokoza motero Tatyana Potemkina katswiri wa zamaganizo. Kapena, M'malo mwake, amayi ake anamuteteza mopitirira muyeso, sanalole kuti mwana wake wamkazi asonyeze kudziimira, nthawi zambiri amadzudzula ndi kunyoza zochita zake. Muzochitika izi, kugwirizana kwawo kwamaganizo kumakhalabe pamlingo wa ubale wa makolo ndi mwana kwa zaka zambiri.
Zimachitika kuti mwana wamkazi wamkulu amakhala mayi, komabe amakhala ngati mwana wovuta ndipo sangathe kutenga udindo wa moyo wake. Amanena zomwe zimachitikira wachinyamata. Amakhulupirira kuti mayiyo ali ndi udindo womuthandiza kusamalira mwanayo. Kapena ikupitirizabe kudalira pa iye - pa maganizo ake, kuyang'ana, chisankho.
Kaya kubadwa kwa mwana kumakankhira njira yomaliza kulekana kapena ayi kumadalira kwambiri mmene mtsikanayo amaonera umayi wake. Ngati avomereza, amachitira ndi chimwemwe, ngati akumva chithandizo cha wokondedwa wake, ndiye kuti n'zosavuta kuti amvetse amayi ake ndikukhazikitsa ubale wachikulire naye.
Khalani ndi malingaliro ovuta
Kukhala mayi kungaoneke ngati ntchito yovuta, kapena kungakhale kosavuta. Koma zivute zitani, akazi onse amakumana ndi zosemphana maganizo kwambiri ndi ana awo - mwachikondi ndi mkwiyo, chikhumbo choteteza ndi kuvulaza, kufunitsitsa kudzipereka ndi kusonyeza kudzikonda ...
Terry Apter anati: “Mwana wamkazi wachikulire akamavutika maganizo motere, amapeza zinthu zimene zimamugwirizanitsa ndi amayi ake, ndipo amapeza mpata womumvetsa bwino. Ndipo ngakhale kumukhululukira zolakwa zina. Ndipotu amayembekezera kuti ana ake enieniwo tsiku lina adzamukhululukira. Ndipo luso limene mkazi amene amalera mwana ambuye - luso kukambirana, kugawana zofuna zake maganizo ndi zokhumba za mwana wake (mwana wamkazi), kukhazikitsa ubwenzi - iye ndithu angathe kugwiritsa ntchito maubwenzi ndi mayi ake. Zingatengere nthawi yaitali kuti mkazi azindikire kuti m’njira zina mayi ake akubwereza mosapeŵeka. Ndipo kuti sichinthu choyipa kwambiri chomwe chingachitike kwa iye. ”
Zoyenera kuchita?
Malangizo a psychotherapist Tatyana Potemkina
Lankhulani ndi amayi anu za amayi awo omwe. Funsani: “Zinali bwanji kwa inu? Munaganiza bwanji kukhala ndi mwana? Kodi inuyo ndi bambo anu munasankha bwanji kuti mukhale ndi ana angati? Munamva bwanji mutadziwa kuti muli ndi pakati? Ndi zovuta ziti zomwe mudapambana m'chaka choyamba cha moyo wanga? Funsani za ubwana wake, momwe amayi ake anamulera.
Izi sizikutanthauza kuti mayi adzagawana chilichonse. Koma mwana wamkaziyo amvetsetsa bwino chithunzi cha umayi chomwe chilipo m’banjamo, ndi mavuto amene amai a m’banja lake mwamwambo amakumana nawo. Kukambirana za wina ndi mzake, za kuthetsa mavuto ndi pafupi kwambiri.
Kambiranani thandizo. Amayi ako si iwe, ndipo ali ndi moyo wawowawo. Mutha kukambirana za chithandizo chake, koma simungayembekezere kutenga nawo gawo mosalephera. Choncho, nkofunika kusonkhana pamodzi ndi banja lonse ndikukambirana za chiyembekezo ngakhale mwana asanabadwe: ndani adzasamalira ndikukhala naye usiku, ndi zinthu ziti zomwe zili m'banja, momwe mungakonzekere nthawi yaulere. mayi wamng'ono. Chotero mudzapeŵa ziyembekezo zachinyengo ndi zokhumudwitsa zazikulu. Ndipo muziona kuti banja lanu ndi gulu. ”