Ngwazi ya nkhaniyi, Andrei Vishnyakov, ali ndi zaka 48, zomwe wakhala akulandira chithandizo chaumwini kwa zaka zoposa khumi ndipo wakhala akugwira ntchito monga katswiri wa zamaganizo kwa nthawi yofanana. Pambuyo pozunzidwa mwakuthupi ali mwana, amaopabe kukhala tate woipa.
Mayi anga anasudzulana ndi bambo anga ndili ndi chaka chimodzi chokha. Kuphatikiza pa ine, panalinso mwana wina - mchimwene wake, wamkulu wazaka zitatu. Chisudzulocho chinapangitsa amayi anga kusonkhanitsa, kuyatsa makinawo "bambo wakusiya, ndi mbuzi, palibe amene amakufuna iwe koma ine." Mokulira, pamodzi ndi abambo anga, ndinatayanso amayi anga - okondana ndi kuvomereza, kukhululukira ndi kuchirikiza.
Mwa zinthu zakuthupi, iye anali wokonzeka kuswa keke, koma kutipanga ife «osangalala». Anali ndi ntchito zosakwana zitatu: zotsukira, zoyang'anira katundu, woyendetsa zipinda zowotchera, woyeretsa ...
Nthawi zambiri, panali lamulo lochokera kwa amayi kuti achite chinachake, kuyeretsa, kutsuka mbale, kuchita homuweki, kutsuka nsapato. Koma sanali masewera kapena ntchito limodzi ndi akuluakulu. Kulakwitsa kulikonse, bizinesi yoiwalika inayambitsa mkwiyo wa amayi ndipo, chifukwa chake, kukuwa ndi kulera ndi lamba.
Ubwana wonse uli ndi mantha kuti udzapweteka, umapweteka kwambiri
Kodi takhala zaka zingati tikukwapulidwa? Amayi akunena kuti bambo ake anamenya mchimwene wake ali ndi zaka zitatu. M’baleyo anabweranso kunyumba kuchokera kusukulu ya ana aang’ono, kumene analandira lamba wa msilikali. Mayi monyadira amasonyeza chizindikiro cha chamba pa dzanja lake: ndi iye amene anayimirira mchimwene wake. Zitatha izi, mchimwene wanga anabisala penapake m’chitoliro chapansi pa msewu waukulu ndipo sanafune kutulukamo.
Mungaganizire zoopsa zimene anakumana nazo. Bambo amene ayenera kuteteza mwana wake, kuthandizira kulimba mtima kwake, kuchitapo kanthu, amapondereza zonsezi. N’zosadabwitsa kuti ali wachinyamata m’baleyo anakangana ndi bambo ake ndipo sanafune kulankhula nawo mpaka imfa yake.
Kwa funso langa lachikulire, chifukwa chiyani adateteza mchimwene wake ku lamba wa abambo ake, ndipo adatikwapula iyemwini, akuyankha kuti ndi molawirira kwambiri kukwapula ali ndi zaka zitatu. Chabwino, pa zaka 5-6 ndizotheka kale, chifukwa "pali kale mutu pamapewa".
M'lingaliro lenileni, amayi anandikaniza kumverera kuti nyumbayo ndi malo abwino ndi otetezeka.
Bwanji kumenyetsa lamba? "Mwaleredwa bwanji?" Sanatsuka mbale kapena pansi pa zaka 4-5 - landirani. Inu munathyola chinachake - landirani icho. Menyani ndi mbale wanu - landirani. Aphunzitsi a pasukulupo adadandaula - landirani. Chachikulu ndichakuti simudziwa liti komanso zomwe mungapeze.
Mantha. Mantha osatha. Ubwana wonse uli ndi mantha kuti zidzapweteka, zowawa kwambiri. Kuwopa kuti mudzapeza zomangira pamutu. Kuopa kuti mayi angawakolowole diso. Kuopa kuti sangayime ndi kukuphani. Sindingathe kufotokoza zomwe ndinamva pamene ndinakwera pansi pa bedi kuchokera pa lamba, ndipo amayi anga anatuluka mmenemo ndi "kuleredwa".
Pamene ine kapena mchimwene wanga tinabisala m’chimbudzi kapena m’bafa, amayi anang’amba lamba, kulitulutsa ndi kulikwapula. Panalibe ngodya imodzi imene munthu akanakhoza kubisala.
"Nyumba yanga ndi nyumba yanga". Ha. Ndilibe nyumba yangayanga, kupatulapo galimoto yanga yaikulu, yosinthidwa kuti ndiziyendera. M'lingaliro lenileni, amayi anandikaniza kumverera kuti nyumbayo ndi malo abwino ndi otetezeka.
Moyo wanga wonse ndinkaopa kuchita chinachake "cholakwika". Anasandulika munthu wofuna kuchita zinthu mwangwiro yemwe ayenera kuchita zonse mwangwiro. Ndi zosangalatsa zingati zomwe ndinasiya pa chopinga chaching'ono! Ndipo kuchuluka kwa tsitsi lomwe ndidadzizula ndekha komanso kwa masiku angati, miyezi yomwe ndidakhazikika m'malingaliro mwanga kuti sindingathe kuchita chilichonse ...
Kodi lamba «anathandiza» apa? Chabwino, mwachiwonekere, malinga ndi amayi anga, ananditeteza ku zolakwa. Ndani angalakwitse podziwa kuti lamba amapweteka? Kodi mukudziwa zomwe mwana amaganiza panthawi yotere ngati atasokoneza? Ndipo ndikudziwa. “Ndine wodabwitsa. Chabwino, ndawakwiyiranji amayi anga? Chabwino, ndani adandifunsa kuti ndichite izi? Zonse ndi zolakwa zanga!"
Zinatenga zaka za chithandizo kuti atsegulenso mtima, kuti ayambe kukonda
Misozi ikutuluka m’mutu ndikakumbukira mmene ndinadzigwetsera pamapazi a amayi ndi kuwapempha kuti: “Amayi musandimenye! Amayi pepani, sindidzachitanso! Posachedwapa ndinamufunsa ngati akumvetsa kuti zimapweteka: ndi lamba kumbuyo kwake, pamapewa ake, pamatako, pamiyendo yake. Kodi mukudziwa zomwe akunena? "Pakuwawa ndi pati? Osadandaula! ”
Kodi mukudziwa chomwe chinali kumverera kwakukulu pamene ndinakula pang'ono? "Ndidzakula - ndidzabwezera!" Ndinkafuna chinthu chimodzi: kubwezera amayi anga chifukwa cha ululu, pamene mphamvu zakuthupi zinawonekera. Menyani kumbuyo.
Zachibadwa. Kuteteza moyo wanu. Koma kwa ndani? Ndani amene amakuvulazani? Mayi wamba. Ndi lamba aliyense wa "maphunziro", ndinasunthira kutali ndi iye. Tsopano iye wakhala mlendo kwa ine kotheratu, kungoti “mwazi wachibadwidwe” ndi chiyamiko chifukwa chondilera.
Kutentha kulibe kochokera - kunanditaya pamene kunandiwononga. Zinawononga chinyama changa champhongo. Zinandipangitsa kukhala kosatheka kukana, kudziteteza ku zowawa. Adandibweretsera lingaliro lachilendo la chikondi mu zenizeni zanga: "Chikondi ndi pamene chimapweteka."
Ndiyeno ndinaphunzira kutseka mtima wanga. Ndinaphunzira kuzimitsa ndi kuzimitsa maganizo onse. Ngakhale pamenepo, ndinaphunzira kukhala pachibwenzi chomwe chimandiwononga, chomwe chimandipweteka. Koma chomvetsa chisoni kwambiri ndi chakuti ndinaphunzira kuzimitsa thupi, zomverera.
Ndiye - zambiri masewera kuvulala, kuzunza nokha mu marathons, kuzizira pa kukwera, osawerengeka mikwingwirima ndi mikwingwirima. Sindinali kusamala za thupi langa. Zotsatira zake ndi "kuphedwa" mawondo, msana, zotupa zopweteka, thupi lotopa, chitetezo chokwanira. Zinanditengera zaka chithandizo ndi magulu anyamata kutsegulanso mtima wanga, kuti ndiyambe kukonda.
Zotsatira zina zamtsogolo? Kusakhulupirira akazi. Mwamakani zimachitikira aliyense «kuphwanya» wanga malire. Kulephera kumanga ubale wodekha wovomereza. Ndinakwatiwa ndili ndi zaka 21 ndikumva kuti uwu ndi mwayi wanga womaliza.
Ndimachita mantha kukhala…bambo. Sindinafune kuti ana anga akumane ndi tsoka ngati limene ndinakumana nalo
Ndi iko komwe, mawu pamene akukwapula anali akuti: “Moyo wonse wa amayi unawonongeka! Osawakonda konse amayi ako!» Ndiko kuti, ndine munthu wopanda chikondi, mwana wapathengo ndi mbuzi, zonse mwa atate wanga. Kudzidalira kwanga kwa mwamuna kunali ziro, ngakhale kuti ndinali ndi thupi lachimuna, lamphamvu.
"Ndidzakukondani inu!" - mawu awa adachotsa zotsalira za kudzilemekeza ndi kudziona kukhala wofunika. Ndimangowononga chilichonse, chomwe ndimalandira lamba. Choncho, ndinalibe chibwenzi, ngakhale ku disco ndinkaopa kucheza ndi atsikana. Nthawi zambiri ndinkaopa akazi. Zotsatira zake ndi ukwati wowononga womwe unanditopetsa kwambiri.
Koma chomvetsa chisoni kwambiri chinali chakuti ndinkachita mantha kukhala…bambo. Sindinafune kuti ana anga akumane ndi tsoka ngati lomwe ndinakumana nalo! Ndinkadziwa kuti ndine waukali ndipo ndidzayamba kumenya anawo, koma sindinkafuna kuwamenya. Sindinafune kuwakalira, ndipo ndinadziŵa kuti nditero. Ndili ndi zaka 48, ndilibe ana, ndipo sizowona kuti pali thanzi "kuwalinganiza".
Zimakhala zochititsa mantha mukamadziwa kuti muli mwana mulibe kolowera kuti mutetezedwe. Amayi ndi Mulungu Wamphamvuzonse. Amafuna - amakonda, amafuna - amalanga. Mukhala nokha. Ayi.
Maloto akuluakulu aubwana ndikupita kunkhalango ndikufera komweko, ngati njovu zakutchire.
Maloto akuluakulu a ubwana ndikupita kunkhalango ndikufa kumeneko, monga njovu mu savannah, kuti asasokoneze aliyense ndi fungo la cadaverous. "Ndimasokoneza aliyense" ndilo lingaliro lalikulu lomwe limandivutitsa m'moyo wanga wachikulire. "Ndawononga chilichonse!"
Kuchi mutuhasa kupwa ni shindakenyo ngwo “wakuzachila” mukanda? Inu mulibe. Ndinu poyera. Ndinu makina omwe sagwira ntchito bwino. Ndinu owononga moyo wa munthu. Ndinu nkhawa. Simuli munthu, simuli aliyense, ndipo mutha kuchita chilichonse ndi inu. Kodi mukudziwa momwe zimakhalira kuti mwana akhale «poyera» kwa amayi ndi abambo?
Ena anamenyedwa, ndipo palibe, anthu anakula. Afunseni. Funsani okondedwa awo momwe zimakhalira kukhala nawo pafupi. Mudzaphunzira zinthu zambiri zosangalatsa.