Timakula, koma kwa makolo, nthawi ikuwoneka kuti yasiya: akupitiriza kutichitira ngati achinyamata, ndipo izi sizikhala zosangalatsa nthawi zonse. Katswiri wa zamaganizo Robert Taibbi akuwonetsa kukonzanso ubale wanu ndi makolo anu ndikuutengera pamlingo wina.
Zochitika kuyambira ubwana zimakumbukiridwa m'njira zosiyanasiyana. Ngati tifunsa makolo athu momwe ulendo wa Lamlungu wopita kumalo osungiramo zosangalatsa unachitikira zaka makumi atatu zapitazo, adzanena nkhani yawo. Ndipo tingathe kufotokoza tsiku lomwelo mwanjira yosiyana kotheratu. Kukwiyitsa kudzabwera kuti tinadzudzulidwa, kukhumudwa pamene sitinagule ayisikilimu wachiwiri. Mfundo yofunika kuikumbukira n’njakuti makolo ndi ana awo akuluakulu adzakumbukira zochitika zofanana.
Pamene tikukula, timapita patsogolo, ndipo zosowa zathu, komanso kukumbukira za ubale wathu ndi makolo athu, zimasintha. Nthawi zina ali ndi zaka 30, poganizira za ubwana, anthu mwadzidzidzi amapeza chinthu chatsopano m'mbuyomu. Chinachake chokwiriridwa pansi pa malingaliro ndi malingaliro ena. Kuyang'ana kwatsopano kungathe kusintha maganizo ku zakale, kumayambitsa mkwiyo ndi mkwiyo. Ndipo iwo, nawonso, amayambitsa mkangano kapena kusweka kwathunthu ndi amayi ndi abambo.
Katswiri wa zamaganizo Robert Taibbi akupereka chitsanzo cha Alexander, yemwe adavomereza mu gawo kuti anali ndi "ubwana wovuta". Nthawi zambiri ankadzudzulidwa ngakhalenso kumenyedwa, kutamandidwa komanso kumuthandiza. Pokumbukira zakale, mokwiya anatumiza kalata yoimba mlandu makolo ake n’kuwapempha kuti asadzalankhulenso naye.
Makolo samayenderana ndi nthawi ndipo samamvetsetsa kuti ana akukula ndipo zinyengo zakale sizikugwiranso ntchito.
Chitsanzo china cha machitidwe a Taibbi ndi nkhani ya Anna, yemwe amagwiritsidwa ntchito kulamulira moyo wake wamakono, amagwiritsidwa ntchito kuti zopempha zake zikwaniritsidwe, ndi zoletsedwa zosaphwanyidwa. Komabe, makolo ake sanamumvere. Anna anapempha kuti asapatse mwana wake mphatso zambiri pa tsiku lake lobadwa, ndipo anabweretsa phiri lonse. Mkaziyo anakwiya ndi kukhumudwa. Anaganiza kuti makolo ake amam'chitira ngati wachinyamata - kuchita zomwe amawona kuti n'koyenera popanda kumvetsera mawu ake.
Malinga ndi Robert Taibbi, makolo amakhala ndi zikumbukiro ndi malingaliro akale, samayenderana ndi nthawi komanso samamvetsetsa kuti ana akukula ndipo zinyengo zakale sizikugwiranso ntchito. Makolo a Alexander ndi Anna sanazindikire kuti zenizeni zasintha, njira zawo zinali zachikale. Maubale ngati awa amafunika kuyambiranso.
Kodi angachite bwanji?
Robert Taibbi akuyamikira kuti: “Ngati munakwiya kale, muziona ngati makolo anu sakumvetsani, yesani kuyambiranso chibwenzi chanu.”
Kwa ichi muyenera:
Mvetserani chifukwa chake ali. Makolo ali ndi ufulu wopereka maganizo awo pa ubwana wanu. Ndipo chifukwa cha chizolowezi amakuonabe ngati wamng’ono. Zoona zake n’zakuti anthu sasintha akamakalamba pokhapokha ngati ali ndi chisonkhezero champhamvu. Ndipo kuti khalidwe lawo lisinthe, sikokwanira kungowapempha kuti asapatse mphatso zambiri kwa mdzukulu wawo.
Nenani modekha mmene mukumvera. Kukhala woona mtima ponena za mmene mumaonera ndi mmene mumachitira ubwana wanu kungakhale kotonthoza ndi kopindulitsa. Koma muyenera kudziwa nthawi yoyenera kusiya. Pambuyo pake, zinenezo zosatha sizidzabweretsa kumveka bwino ndi kumvetsetsa, koma zidzangopangitsa makolo anu kumva kuti ali okwiriridwa pansi pa malingaliro anu ndi osokonezeka. Adzasankha kuti si inu nokha, oledzera kapena kukhala ndi nthawi yovuta. Chinachake chofananacho chingachitike kwa Alexander, ndipo kalata yake siyingakwaniritse cholingacho.
Taibbi akulimbikitsani kuti muzilankhula ndi makolo anu modekha, popanda kukuopsezani kapena kuwaimba mlandu, ndi kuwapempha kuti akumvetsereni. "Khalani olimbikira ndi kufotokoza momveka bwino momwe mungathere, koma momwe mungathere popanda kutengeka kosafunika komanso ndi maganizo abwino," katswiri wa zamaganizo analemba.
Anthu akafunsidwa kuti asiye zimene akhala akuchita kwa zaka zambiri, amamva ngati otaika.
Fotokozani zomwe mukufuna tsopano. Osamamatira ku zakale, pitirizani kuyesa kusintha mmene makolo anu amaonera zochitika zaubwana wanu. Ndi bwino kutsogolera mphamvu kwa panopa. Mwachitsanzo, Alexander akhoza kufotokozera makolo ake zomwe akufuna kwa iwo tsopano. Anna - kugawana ndi amayi ndi abambo ake zomwe adakumana nazo, kunena kuti zopempha zake zikanyalanyazidwa, amadzimva kuti akukanidwa. Pa nthawi yokambirana, m'pofunika kufotokoza momveka bwino komanso popanda maganizo osafunika.
Apatseni makolo udindo watsopano. Anthu akafunsidwa kuti asiye zomwe akhala akuchita kwa zaka zambiri, amamva kuti atayika ndipo samadziwa momwe angachitire. Chinthu chabwino kwambiri choti muchite mukayambiranso chibwenzi ndikusintha machitidwe akale ndi atsopano. Mwachitsanzo, Alexander amafuna kuti makolo ake amumvetsere ndi kumuthandiza. Kwa iye ndi kwa iwo kudzakhala qualitatively zatsopano zinachitikira. Anna adzatsimikizira makolo kuti asawononge ndalama pa mphatso, koma kuti amutengere mwanayo ku zoo kapena nyumba yosungiramo zinthu zakale kapena kulankhula naye, adziwe momwe amakhalira, zomwe amachita, zomwe amakonda.
Kuyambiranso ubale kumafuna nzeru, kuleza mtima, ndi nthawi. Mungafunikirenso kukaonana ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo a m’banja. Koma Taibbi amakhulupirira kuti n’koyenera, chifukwa pamapeto pake mudzapeza zimene mukufunikira kwambiri: kumvetsetsa ndi kulemekeza makolo anu.
Za wolemba: Robert Taibbi ndi psychotherapist, woyang'anira, komanso wolemba mabuku okhudza psychotherapy.