Bwenzi labwino - nthano kapena zenizeni?

Plato amatchula koyamba za anthu akale omwe adaphatikiza mfundo zachimuna ndi zazikazi mwa iwo okha ndipo motero zimagwirizana pazokambirana "Phwando". Milungu yankhanzayo, powona m’chigwirizano chawo kukhala chiwopsezo ku mphamvu yawo, inagaŵanitsa akazi ndi amuna atsoka​—amene alangidwa kuyambira pamenepo kumkabe mtsogolo kufunafuna bwenzi lawo la moyo kuti abwezeretse umphumphu wawo wakale. Nkhani yosavuta. Koma ngakhale zaka zikwi ziwiri ndi theka pambuyo pake, sichinataye kukopa kwake kwa ife. Nthano ndi nthano zimadyetsa lingaliro ili la bwenzi labwino: mwachitsanzo, kalonga wa Snow White kapena Cinderella, yemwe, ndi kupsompsona kapena mwachikondi, amabwezeretsa moyo ndi ulemu kwa mkazi wogona kapena wosauka mu tatters. Ndizovuta kuchotsa ziwembu izi, koma mwina ziyenera kumveka mosiyana.

Tikufuna kukumana ndi zipatso za malingaliro athu

Sigmund Freud anali woyamba kunena kuti pofunafuna bwenzi labwino, timakumana ndi okhawo omwe alipo kale mu chikomokere chathu. “Kupeza chinthu chokondedwa kumatanthauza kuchipezanso” - mwinamwake umu ndi momwe lamulo la kukopana lingakhazikitsidwe. Mwa njira, Marcel Proust amatanthauza chinthu chomwecho pamene adanena kuti choyamba timakoka munthu m'malingaliro athu ndipo kenako timakumana naye m'moyo weniweni. Tatyana Alavidze yemwe ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo anati: “Mnzathu amatikopa chifukwa chakuti chithunzi chake chakhalapo mwa ife kuyambira tili ana, motero, kalonga kapena mwana wamkazi wokongola ndi munthu amene takhala tikumuyembekezera ndi “kumudziŵa” kwa nthaŵi yaitali.” Kuti?

Ubale wabwino wongopeka, womwe ungafotokozedwe mwachidule monga «malipiro a 100%, mikangano 0%,» imatibweretsanso ku magawo oyambirira a moyo pamene khanda limawona ngati munthu wamkulu yemwe amamusamalira bwino komanso wopanda chilema, ndiye kuti, nthawi zambiri mayi. Panthawi imodzimodziyo, maloto a ubale woterewu akuwoneka kuti amawonekera kwambiri mwa amayi. Katswiri wa zamaganizo Hélène Vecchiali anati: “Kaŵirikaŵiri amagonja chifukwa chakuti amakhala ndi chikhumbo chofuna kuyambiranso. — Tiyenera kuvomereza: ziribe kanthu kuti mwamuna ali m’chikondi chotani, iye samayang’ana nkomwe mkazi amene ali ndi kupembedza kwakukuluko kumene mayi amayang’ana nako mwana wobadwa kumene. Ndipo ngakhale ngati izi siziri choncho, mkaziyo amakhulupirirabe kuti iye ndi wochepa. Chotsatira chake, ndi mwamuna yekhayo wabwino kwambiri yemwe angapange "kuchepa" kwake, komwe ungwiro wake "umatsimikizira" ungwiro kwa iyemwini. Mnzake woyenera, woyenera kotheratu ndi munthu amene angasonyeze kuti ndi wofunika monga momwe iye alili.

Timasankha mawonekedwe a makolo

Chiwerengero cha abambo ndi chofunikira kwambiri kwa mkazi atakomoka. Kodi zimenezi zikutanthauza kuti mwamuna wabwino ayenera kukhala ngati bambo? Osafunikira. Kuchokera pamalingaliro a psychoanalysis muubwenzi wokhwima, timagwirizanitsa bwenzi ndi zithunzi za makolo - koma mwina ndi chizindikiro chowonjezera kapena chochotsera. Amatikopa kwambiri chifukwa makhalidwe ake amafanana (kapena, mosiyana, amakana) chithunzi cha bambo kapena mayi. "Mu psychoanalysis, kusankha kumeneku kumatchedwa "kufufuza kwa Oedipus," akutero Tatyana Alavidze. - Komanso, ngakhale titayesa mosamala kusankha "osakhala kholo" - mkazi wosiyana ndi amayi ake, mwamuna wosiyana ndi abambo ake, izi zikutanthauza kufunikira kwa mkangano wamkati ndi chikhumbo chofuna kuthetsa "m'malo mwake". Malingaliro achitetezo a mwana kaŵirikaŵiri amagwirizanitsidwa ndi chifaniziro cha amayi, chimene chingasonyezedwe m’chifanizo cha bwenzi lalikulu, lathunthu. Tatyana Alavidze anati: "Mwamuna wochepa thupi wa awiri otere nthawi zambiri amayesetsa kukhala ndi" mayi woyamwitsa, yemwe amawoneka kuti "amamwetulira" mwa iye yekha ndikumuteteza. N'chimodzimodzinso kwa mkazi amene amakonda amuna akuluakulu.

"Timakopeka kwambiri ndi omwe ali ndi mawonekedwe aamuna ndi aakazi," akutero Svetlana Fedorova, katswiri wa psychoanalytic psychotherapist. - Kuwona mawonetseredwe onse aamuna ndi aakazi, timalingalira mwa munthu yemwe amafanana ndi abambo athu, kenako kwa amayi athu. Zimenezi zimatibweretsanso ku chinyengo choyambirira cha kugonana kwa amuna ndi akazi, chomwe chimagwirizanitsidwa ndi lingaliro la mphamvu zonse za makanda.”

Pazonse, komabe, kudzakhala kupusa kuganiza kuti "timakakamiza" kwa anzathu mawonekedwe a makolo athu. M'malo mwake, chithunzi chawo sichigwirizana ndi abambo kapena amayi enieni, koma ndi malingaliro opanda chidziwitso okhudza makolo omwe timakula muubwana wakuya.

Tikuyang'ana zowonetsera tokha zosiyanasiyana

Kodi tili ndi zofunikira zonse za kalonga wokongola kapena mwana wamfumu? Zoonadi, ziyenera kukhala zokopa, koma lingaliro la kukopa limasiyana kuyambira zaka zana mpaka zaka zana komanso chikhalidwe ndi chikhalidwe. "Kusankha" kwambiri ", timagwiritsa ntchito malingaliro obisika okhudza ife tokha, kuwayika pa chinthu chomwe timachikonda," Svetlana Fedorova akufotokoza zomwe timazolowera. Mwina timanena kuti zabwino ndi zoyipa zomwe ife tokha tapatsidwa, kapena, m'malo mwake, zimaphatikiza zomwe (momwe timaganizira) timasowa. Mwachitsanzo, mosazindikira amadziona kuti ndi wopusa ndi wopanda nzeru, mkazi adzapeza bwenzi limene lingasonyeze nzeru ndi luso lotha kum’pangira zosankha zauchikulire—ndipo motero amam’pangitsa kukhala wodzidalira, wopanda chochita ndi wosadzitetezera.

Tikhozanso “kupatsirana” wina makhalidwe amene sitikonda mwa ife tokha — pamenepa, mnzathu amakhala munthu wofooka kuposa ife, amene ali ndi mavuto ofanana ndi ife, koma m’mawonekedwe omveka bwino. . Mu psychoanalysis, njira iyi imatchedwa "kusinthanitsa kwa dissociations" - kumatithandiza kuti tisazindikire zofooka zathu, pamene mnzanuyo amakhala wonyamula katundu wa zonse zomwe sitizikonda mwa ife tokha. Tinene kuti, kuti abise mantha ake ochitapo kanthu, mkazi amatha kugwa m'chikondi ndi amuna ofooka, opanda chiyembekezo omwe akuvutika maganizo.

Chinthu chinanso chofunikira cha kukopa ndikuphatikiza kukongola ndi mawonekedwe osakhazikika, akuthwa, ngakhale owoneka bwino. "Kukongola kwa ife mophiphiritsira kumaphatikizapo chibadwa cha moyo, ndipo kukongola kwa zinthu zolakwika, zonyansa zimagwirizanitsidwa ndi chibadwa cha imfa," akufotokoza Svetlana Fedorova. - Zachibadwa ziwirizi ndizo zigawo zikuluzikulu za chikomokere chathu ndipo zimagwirizana kwambiri. Zikaphatikizidwa mu mawonekedwe a munthu m'modzi, modabwitsa, izi zimamupangitsa kukhala wokongola kwambiri. Mwa iwo okha, zinthu zolakwika zimatiwopseza, koma zikalimbikitsidwa ndi mphamvu ya moyo, izi sizimangogwirizanitsa ndi iwo, komanso zimawadzaza ndi chithumwa.

Tiyenera kuyika bwino mwana wakhanda

Kufanana ndi bwenzi kumatengedwa kuti ndi chimodzi mwazinthu zofunika kwambiri pakuphatikizana kwa "mahafu". Osati kokha kufanana kwa makhalidwe, komanso zokonda zofala, zikhalidwe zofanana, pafupifupi chikhalidwe chofanana ndi chikhalidwe cha anthu - zonsezi zimathandiza kukhazikitsidwa kwa maubwenzi. Koma izi sizokwanira kwa akatswiri a zamaganizo. "Tiyeneradi kukondana komanso kusiyana kwa mnzathu. Mwachiwonekere, iyi ndiyo njira yokhayo yopezera ubale wabwino, "akutero Helen Vecchiali.

Kukhala ndi munthu amene tachotsa pa pedestal, ndiye kuti, ife tadutsa siteji ya kuvomereza zofooka, mthunzi mbali (omwe amapezeka mwa iye ndi mwa ife tokha), kumatanthauza kuyika m'manda "mwana wakhanda" wabwino wa mnzanu. Ndipo kuti potsirizira pake kupeza bwenzi langwiro kwa munthu wamkulu. Ndizovuta kuti mkazi akhulupirire chikondi choterocho - chikondi chomwe sichitseka maso ake ku zolakwika, osafuna kuwabisa, Helen Vecchiali amakhulupirira. Amakhulupilira kuti amayi ayenera kupita kuchiyambi - kupeza ndikuzindikira kudzaza kwawo, osayembekezera kuti adzabweretsedwa ndi okondedwa awo. M'mawu ena, sinthani chifukwa ndi zotsatira zake. Mwina izi ndi zomveka: popanda kupeza mgwirizano mu ubale ndi inu nokha, n'zovuta kuzidalira mu mgwirizano. Simungamange banja lolimba, kudziona kuti ndinu osayenera kumanga mwala. Ndipo bwenzi (mwala wopanda pake womwewo) sungathandize apa.

Ndi bwino kusiya kukhulupirira kuti mwamuna kapena mkazi wabwino ndi “wofanana ndi ine” kapenanso wina amene amandithandiza., akutsindika Helen Vecchiali. - Inde, kuti kukopa kwa okwatirana kusafe, m'pofunika kuti pakhale kufanana. Koma kuonjezera apo, payenera kukhala kusiyana. Ndipo izi ndizofunikira kwambiri. ” Akukhulupirira kuti ndi nthawi yoti muyang'anenso nkhani ya "mahafu awiri". Maloto a kalonga wokongola kapena wokwatirana naye amatilepheretsa kupita patsogolo chifukwa amachokera ku lingaliro lakuti ndine munthu wotsika pofunafuna «zomwe zinali kale», zodziwika komanso zodziwika bwino. Mmodzi ayenera kuyembekezera msonkhano wa anthu awiri athunthu, omwe atembenuzidwa kwathunthu osati kumbuyo, koma kutsogolo. Ndiwo okha omwe angapange mgwirizano watsopano wa anthu awiri. Mgwirizano woterewu, womwe siawiri amapanga chimodzi chonse, koma chimodzi ndi chimodzi, chilichonse mwachokha, chimapanga atatu: iwo eni ndi dera lawo lomwe lili ndi tsogolo lake losatha lodzaza ndi mwayi wosangalatsa.