Muchisoni ndi chisangalalo: chifukwa chiyani ubwenzi ndi wofunika kwambiri

“Pamene mwana wanga anali m’chipatala cha mwakayakaya, ndinadzimva kukhala wopanda chochita ndi wotayika,” akukumbukira motero Maria. - Chinthu chokha chomwe chinandithandiza panthawiyo chinali chithandizo cha mnzanga yemwe ndinamudziwa kwa zaka zoposa 30. Chifukwa cha iye, ndinakhulupirira kuti zonse zikhala bwino. Amadziwa zonena ndi kuchita kuti ndikhale bwino. ”

Zofananazo ziyenera kuti zinachitikira ambiri. Uwu ndiye mphamvu yaubwenzi, chinsinsi chake chachikulu. Timakonda mabwenzi osati chifukwa cha zomwe iwo ali, komanso chifukwa amatipanga ife chimene ife tiri.

"Tsopano adawerengeranso iwe"

Anthu ndi nyama zokhala ndi anthu, choncho matupi athu ndi ubongo zinapangidwa kuti zigwirizane ndi mitundu yonse. Kuyambira kukhala mabwenzi, timalumikizana ndi chithandizo cha:

• kukhudza, komwe kumayambitsa kupanga oxytocin ndipo kumatithandiza kudalira ena;
• zokambirana zomwe zimatilola kudziwa malo athu mu gulu ndikupeza omwe sali a gulu lathu ndi omwe sayenera kuloledwa kulowamo;
• kugawana ndi ena gulu lomwe limatulutsa ma endorphin (ganizirani za atsikana achichepere akukumbatirana, miseche, ndi kuvina paphwando).

Komabe, ngakhale kuti tinalengedwa kuti tizitha kulankhulana ndi ena, luso lathu lili ndi malire. Choncho, kafukufuku wopangidwa ndi katswiri wa zachikhalidwe cha anthu wa ku Britain ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Robin Dunbar anasonyeza kuti munthu akhoza kukhala ndi anthu 150 oyandikana nawo mosiyanasiyana. Mwa awa, anthu 5 ndi mabwenzi apamtima, 10 ndi mabwenzi apamtima, 35 ndi mabwenzi, 100 ndi mabwenzi.

N’chifukwa chiyani zili choncho? “Ubwenzi suli ngati maunansi ndi achibale amene sitingathe kulankhulana nawo kwa nthaŵi ndithu, chifukwa timadziŵa kuti iwo sangapite kulikonse, chifukwa chakuti timagwirizanitsidwa ndi kugwirizana kwa mwazi,” anatero katswiri wa zamaganizo Cheryl Carmichael. “Ubwenzi umafunikira kulankhulana kosalekeza ndi kubwereranso maganizo.”

Izi sizikutanthauza kuti muyenera kukhala ndi abwenzi apamtima asanu kapena zana limodzi pamasamba ochezera. Koma ubongo wathu ndi wolongosoka moti sitingathe kuukokanso mwamaganizo ndi mwakuthupi.

Thandizo laubwenzi ndi chithandizo

Ubwenzi wamtundu uliwonse ndi wothandiza m'njira yawoyawo. M'mikhalidwe yovuta m'moyo, timatembenukira kwa abwenzi ocheperako kuti atithandize, omwe amatipatsa chinthu chomwe sitingachipeze ngakhale kwa mnzathu kapena achibale.

Ndi munthu amene mumasangalala kupita ku konsati kapena ku cafe kukacheza. Funsani ena kuti akuthandizeni, koma ngati mudzawathandiziranso pambuyo pake. Mukhoza kubwera kwa abwenzi kuchokera kumalo ochezera a pa Intaneti kuti mupeze uphungu (ngakhale kuti maubwenzi amalingaliro ndi iwo sali olimba kwambiri, koma anthuwa akhoza kuponya lingaliro kapena kuthandizira kuyang'ana vutoli mwatsopano).

Mabwenzi amatipatsa chichirikizo chakuthupi, chamakhalidwe, chamalingaliro pamene tikuchifuna, Carmichael akufotokoza motero. Amakhulupirira kuti ubwenzi umatiteteza ku zinthu zoipa zimene dziko lotizinga limakumana nalo. Zimathandiza kukumbukira kuti ndife ndani, kupeza malo athu padziko lapansi. Kuphatikiza apo, pali anthu omwe zimangosangalatsa komanso zosavuta kuti tizilankhulana, kuseka, kusewera masewera kapena kuwonera kanema.

Kuphatikiza apo, Carmichael amalozera kuzinthu zoyipa zaubwenzi: sizikhala zathanzi nthawi zonse ndipo zimatha nthawi yayitali. Nthawi zina njira za mabwenzi apamtima zimasiyana, ndipo omwe tinkawadalira amatipereka. Ubwenzi ukhoza kutha pa zifukwa zosiyanasiyana. Nthawi zina ndi kusamvana, mizinda yosiyana ndi mayiko, maganizo otsutsana pa moyo, kapena ife basi outgrow maubwenzi amenewa.

Ndipo ngakhale izi zimachitika nthawi zonse, kutaya abwenzi kumapweteka: kulekana kumatipangitsa kukhala osungulumwa. Ndipo kusungulumwa ndi limodzi mwa mavuto ovuta kwambiri m’nthawi yathu ino. Ndi yoopsa—mwina yoopsa kwambiri kuposa khansa ndi kusuta fodya. Zimawonjezera chiopsezo cha matenda a mtima, sitiroko, dementia ndi kufa msanga.

Ena amasungulumwa ngakhale atakhala ndi anthu. Amamva ngati sangakhale okha ndi aliyense. Ichi ndichifukwa chake kukhala ndi maubwenzi apamtima, odalirana ndikwabwino ku thanzi lanu.

Mabwenzi ambiri - ubongo wambiri

Kodi munayamba mwadzifunsapo chifukwa chake anthu ena ali ndi mabwenzi ambiri kuposa ena? Kodi nchifukwa ninji ena ali ndi gulu lalikulu la mayanjano ochezera, pamene ena ali ndi mabwenzi ochepa okha? Zinthu zambiri zimakhudza kuthekera kolumikizana ndi anthu, koma pali imodzi yodabwitsa kwambiri. Zikuoneka kuti chiwerengero cha abwenzi chimadalira kukula kwa amygdala, malo ochepa obisika mu ubongo.

Amygdala ali ndi udindo wa machitidwe a maganizo, momwe timadziwira yemwe sali wokondweretsa kwa ife, ndi omwe tingathe kulankhulana naye, yemwe ndi bwenzi lathu komanso mdani wathu. Zonsezi ndizofunikira kwambiri pakusunga ubale wabwino.

Kuti akhazikitse ubale pakati pa kukula kwa amygdala ndi gulu la abwenzi ndi mabwenzi, ochita kafukufuku adafufuza malo ochezera a pa Intaneti a 60 akuluakulu. Zinapezeka kuti chiwerengero cha anthu ochezera a pa Intaneti chikugwirizana mwachindunji ndi kukula kwa amygdala: chokulirapo, chochuluka kwambiri.

Ndikofunika kuzindikira kuti kukula kwa amygdala sikukhudza ubwino wa maulumikizi, chithandizo chomwe anthu amalandira, kapena kumverera kwachisangalalo. Imakhalabe funso losathetsedwa ngati amygdala akuwonjezeka mu njira yolankhulirana kapena ngati munthu amabadwa ndi amygdala yaikulu ndiyeno amapanga mabwenzi ambiri ndi mabwenzi.

"Popanda anzanga, ndili pang'ono"

Akatswiri amavomereza kuti kulumikizana ndi anthu ndikwabwino pa thanzi. Anthu achikulire amene ali ndi anzawo amakhala nthawi yaitali kuposa amene alibe anzawo. Ubwenzi umatiteteza ku matenda a mtima ndi matenda a maganizo.

Ofufuzawa adasanthula khalidwe la achinyamata oposa 15, achinyamata, akuluakulu a zaka zapakati ndi akuluakulu omwe amapereka chidziwitso pa chiwerengero ndi ubwino wa maubwenzi awo. Ubwino udawunikidwa ndi mtundu wa chithandizo chamagulu kapena kusamvana komwe adalandira kuchokera kwa achibale, abwenzi, mabwanawe ndi anzawo akusukulu, kaya akumva kusamalidwa, kuthandizidwa ndi kumvetsetsa - kapena kudzudzulidwa, kukwiyitsidwa ndi kunyozedwa.

Chiwerengerocho chimadalira ngati ali pachibwenzi, nthawi zambiri amawona achibale ndi abwenzi, madera omwe amadziona kuti ndi omwe. Ofufuzawo adayang'ana thanzi lawo pambuyo pa zaka 4 ndi zaka 15.

"Tinapeza kuti kugwirizana kwa anthu kumakhudza thanzi, zomwe zikutanthauza kuti anthu ayenera kuyandikira chisamaliro chawo mosamala," adatero mmodzi mwa olemba kafukufuku, Pulofesa Kathleen Harris. "Masukulu ndi mayunivesite amatha kukhala ndi zochitika za ophunzira omwe sangathe kucheza okha, ndipo madotolo akamayesa, ayenera kufunsa odwala mafunso okhudzana ndi maubwenzi."

Mosiyana ndi anthu achichepere ndi achikulire, anthu azaka zapakati omwe ali ndi anthu osiyanasiyana omwe amacheza nawo sanali athanzi kusiyana ndi anzawo omwe sakhala nawo. Kwa iwo, ubwino wa ubale unali wofunika kwambiri. Akuluakulu opanda chithandizo chenicheni amavutika ndi kutupa ndi matenda kuposa omwe ali ndi maubwenzi apamtima, odalirana ndi mabwenzi ndi achibale.

Mfundo ina yofunika: pa mibadwo yosiyana timakhala ndi zosowa zosiyanasiyana zoyankhulirana. Izi ndizo zomwe olemba a kafukufuku wa yunivesite ya Rochester adapeza, omwe adayamba kale mu 1970. Anapezekapo ndi anthu a 222. Onse adayankha mafunso okhudzana ndi ubale wawo ndi ena komanso momwe amacheza nawo nthawi zonse. Pambuyo pa zaka 20, ofufuzawo adafotokoza mwachidule zotsatira (ndiye kuti maphunzirowo anali opitirira makumi asanu).

Cheryl Carmichael anati: “Ziribe kanthu kuti muli ndi anzanu ambiri kapena mumangosangalala ndi kucheza ndi anthu ocheza nawo. Chifukwa chimene mbali zina zaubwenzi zimakhala zofunika kwambiri pa msinkhu wina ndi zina chifukwa chakuti zolinga zathu zimasintha pamene tikukalamba, Carmichael akunena.

Tili aang'ono, anthu ambiri ocheza nawo amatithandiza kuphunzira luso locheza ndi anthu komanso kumvetsetsa komwe tili padziko lapansi. Koma pamene tili ndi zaka makumi atatu, kusowa kwathu kwa chiyanjano kumasintha, sitifunikiranso mabwenzi ambiri - m'malo mwake, timafunikira mabwenzi apamtima omwe amatimvetsa ndi kutithandiza.

Carmichael akunena kuti maubwenzi apakati pa zaka makumi awiri sizidziwika nthawi zonse ndi kuyandikana ndi kuya, pamene pa makumi atatu ubwino wa maubwenzi ukuwonjezeka.

Ubwenzi: lamulo lachikoka

Kusinthasintha kwaubwenzi kukadali chinsinsi chosathetsedwa. Mofanana ndi chikondi, nthawi zina ubwenzi “umangochitika” basi.

Kafukufuku watsopano wasonyeza kuti njira yopangira mabwenzi ndi yovuta kwambiri kuposa momwe anthu ambiri amaganizira. Akatswiri a zachikhalidwe cha anthu ndi akatswiri a zamaganizo ayesa kudziŵa zinthu zimene zimakopa mabwenzi kwa wina ndi mnzake ndi chimene chimalola mabwenzi kukhala mabwenzi enieni. Anafufuza njira zaubwenzi zomwe zimachitika pakati pa mabwenzi ndipo adazindikira "chinthu" chomwe sichidziwika bwino chomwe chimayika bwenzi m'gulu la "zabwino". Kuyanjana uku kumachitika mu miniti imodzi, koma kumakhala kozama kwambiri. Ziri pamtima pa chikhalidwe chachinsinsi cha ubwenzi.

Lowani ku friendzone

Zaka zingapo zapitazo, ofufuza adafufuza kuti adziwe kuti ndi maubwenzi otani pakati pa anthu okhala m'nyumba imodzi. Zinapezeka kuti anthu okhala m'zipinda zapamwamba zolemekezeka amangopanga mabwenzi ndi anansi awo pansi, pomwe wina aliyense amapeza mabwenzi m'nyumba yonseyo.

Malinga ndi kafukufuku, abwenzi amatha kukhala omwe njira zawo zimadutsa nthawi zonse: anzawo, anzawo akusukulu, kapena omwe amapita ku masewera olimbitsa thupi omwewo. Komabe, si onse mophweka.

Chifukwa chiyani timacheza ndi munthu m'modzi wa m'kalasi ya yoga, osapatsa moni kwa wina? Yankho ndi losavuta: timagawana zomwe timakonda. Koma si zokhazo: nthaŵi zina, anthu aŵiri amasiya kukhala mabwenzi chabe ndi kukhala mabwenzi enieni.

“Kusintha kwa ubwenzi kukhala ubwenzi kumachitika munthu akamamasuka ndi mnzake n’kuona ngati nayenso ali wokonzeka kumasuka naye. Zimenezi n’zogwirizana,” anatero katswiri wa za chikhalidwe cha anthu Beverly Fehr. Kuyanjana ndiye chinsinsi chaubwenzi.

Abwenzi Mpaka kalekale?

Ngati ubwenzi uli wapamtima, ngati anthu amamasuka kwa wina ndi mzake, sitepe yotsatira ndiyo ubwenzi. Malingana ndi Fer, mabwenzi a amuna kapena akazi okhaokha amamva bwino, kumvetsetsa zomwe winayo akufuna komanso zomwe angapereke pobwezera.

Thandizo ndi thandizo lopanda malire limatsagana ndi kuvomereza, kudzipereka ndi kudalira. Anzathu amakhala nafe nthawi zonse, koma amadziwa nthawi yomwe malire sayenera kuwoloka. Anthu omwe nthawi zonse amakhala ndi malingaliro okhudza kavalidwe kathu, za okondedwa athu kapena zokonda zathu sizingakhalepo kwa nthawi yayitali.

Pamene munthu avomereza malamulo a masewera mwachidziwitso, ubwenzi ndi iye umakhala wozama komanso wolemera. Koma luso lopereka chithandizo chakuthupi silili pa malo oyamba pamndandanda wa mikhalidwe ya bwenzi lenileni. Ubwenzi sungagulidwe kwenikweni ndi ndalama.

Mtima wofuna kupatsa koposa kulandira umatithandiza kukhala mabwenzi apamtima. Palinso chinthu chonga chododometsa cha Franklin: munthu amene watichitira chinachake amakhala ndi mwayi woti achitenso chinachake kuposa munthu amene ife tamutumikira.

Kuwala kwagalasi langa, ndiuzeni: zoona za abwenzi apamtima

Ubwenzi umapanga maziko a ubwenzi. Kuonjezera apo, timagwirizanitsidwa ndi mabwenzi apamtima enieni chifukwa cha udindo: pamene bwenzi likufuna kulankhula, timakhala okonzeka nthawi zonse kumumvetsera. Ngati mnzathu akufunika thandizo, timasiya chilichonse ndikuthamangira kwa iye.

Koma, malinga ndi kafukufuku wa akatswiri a maganizo a anthu Carolyn Weiss ndi Lisa Wood, pali chigawo china chomwe chimabweretsa anthu pamodzi: chithandizo chamagulu - pamene bwenzi limathandizira kudzimva ngati gawo la gulu, chikhalidwe chathu (chikhoza kugwirizanitsidwa ndi chipembedzo chathu, fuko, udindo wa anthu) .

Weiss ndi Wood awonetsa kufunikira kosunga chikhalidwe cha anthu. Malinga ndi kafukufuku wopangidwa ndi gulu la ophunzira kuyambira chaka choyamba cha maphunziro mpaka chomaliza, kuyandikana pakati pawo kudakula m'zaka zapitazi.

Mnzanu wapamtima nthawi zambiri amakhala m'gulu limodzi ndi inu. Mwachitsanzo, ngati ndinu wothamanga, mnzanuyo angakhalenso katswiri wothamanga.

Chikhumbo chathu chofuna kudzilamulira tokha, chikhumbo chathu chofuna kukhala m’gulu, n’champhamvu kwambiri moti chingakhudze ngakhale anthu amene amamwa mankhwala osokoneza bongo. Ngati munthu akumva ngati ali m'gulu la anthu osagwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo, amatha kusiya. Ngati malo ake akuluakulu ndi osokoneza bongo, ndiye kuti kuchotsa matendawa kudzakhala kovuta kwambiri.

Ambiri aife timakonda kuganiza kuti timakonda anzathu chifukwa cha mmene iwo alili. Ndipotu amatithandiza kukhalabe mmene tilili.

Momwe mungasungire ubwenzi

Ndi msinkhu, luso lathu lopeza mabwenzi silisintha, koma kukhalabe ndi mabwenzi kumakhala kovuta: pambuyo pa sukulu ndi koleji, timakhala ndi maudindo ndi mavuto ambiri. Ana, okwatirana, makolo okalamba, ntchito, zosangalatsa, zosangalatsa. Palibe nthawi yokwanira pachilichonse, koma muyenera kuyipereka kuti mulankhule ndi anzanu.

Koma ngati tikufuna kukhalabe paubwenzi ndi munthu wina, pamafunika ntchito yathu. Nazi zinthu zinayi zimene zimatithandiza kukhala mabwenzi kwa nthawi yaitali:

1. kutseguka;
2. kufunitsitsa kuthandizira;
3. chilakolako cholankhulana;
4. kaonedwe kabwino ka dziko.

Ngati musunga makhalidwe anayi amenewa mwa inu nokha, mudzasunga ubwenzi. Zoonadi, izi si zophweka kuchita - zidzatengera khama - komabe ubwenzi ngati gwero losatha, monga gwero la chithandizo ndi mphamvu ndi chinsinsi chodzipezera nokha, ndizofunika.