Tonsefe timakhala ndi zokambirana zopanda malire, osazindikira momwe kamvekedwe kawo ndi zomwe zili zimakhudzira malingaliro athu komanso kudzidalira kwathu. Panthawiyi, ubale ndi dziko lakunja zimadalira izi, akukumbukira psychotherapist Rachel Fintzey. Ndikoyenera kupanga mabwenzi ndi mawu amkati - ndiyeno zambiri zidzasintha kukhala zabwino.
Timathera maola 24 patsiku, masiku asanu ndi awiri pamlungu ndi ife tokha ndipo timakambirana tokha zomwe zimakhudza kwambiri malingaliro athu, zochita ndi mikhalidwe yathu. Kodi zokambirana zanu zamkati zimamveka bwanji? Mukumva mawu otani? Woleza mtima, wachifundo, wolekerera, wolimbikitsa? Kapena kukwiya, kudzudzula ndi kunyoza?
Ngati chomalizacho, musafulumire kukwiya. Inu mukhoza kukhala mukuganiza, “Chabwino, ndi yemwe ine ndiri. Yatsala pang'ono kusintha." Izi sizowona. Kapena, osati kwenikweni. Inde, zidzatengera khama kusintha maganizo a «juries» atakhala mutu wanu. Inde, nthaŵi ndi nthaŵi mawu onse okwiyitsa amodzimodziwo adzamveka. Koma ngati muphunzira zizolowezi za «ziwanda zamkati», zidzakhala zosavuta kuzisunga mozindikira. Pakapita nthawi, mudzaphunzira kupeza mawu omwe angalimbikitse, kulimbikitsa, kulimbikitsa chidaliro komanso kulimbikitsa.
Mutha kudziuza nokha kuti: “Sindili bwino pa izi” ndipo pamapeto pake ugonjetse. Kapena munganene kuti, “Ndiyenera kuyesetsanso kuchita zimenezi.”
Maganizo athu amadalira kwambiri maganizo athu. Tangoganizani kuti munagwirizana ndi mnzanu kuti amwe kapu ya khofi, koma sanabwere. Tiyerekeze kuti munaganiza kuti, “Sakufuna kukhala pachibwenzi. Ndikukhulupirira kuti abwera ndi chowiringula. " Zotsatira zake, mumaganiza kuti mukunyalanyaza ndipo mukukhumudwa. Koma ngati mukuganiza kuti: “Ayenera kukhala atatsekeredwa m’magalimoto” kapena “Chinachake chamuchedwetsa,” ndiye kuti mkhalidwe umenewu sudzawononga kudzidalira kwanu.
Mofananamo, timalimbana ndi zolakwa zathu ndi zolakwa zathu. Mutha kudziwuza nokha kuti: "Sindili wabwino chifukwa cha izi" - ndipo pomaliza ndi kusiya. Kapena mungathe kuchita mosiyana: "Ndiyenera kuyesetsa kwambiri pa izi," ndipo dzilimbikitseni kuti muwonjezere kuyesetsa kwanu.
Kuti mupeze mtendere wamumtima ndi kukhala wogwira mtima kwambiri, yesani kusintha mawu omwe mwachizolowezi.
Monga lamulo, kuyesetsa kwathu kukana mikhalidwe kapena zowawa zimangowonjezera moto. M’malo molimbana mwachiwawa ndi mkhalidwe woipa, mungayese kuvomereza ndi kudzikumbutsa kuti:
- "Momwe zidachitikira, zidachitika";
- “Ndikhoza kupulumuka, ngakhale kuti sindingakonde konse”;
- "Simungathe kukonza zakale";
- "Zomwe zachitika ndizoyenera kuyembekezera chifukwa cha zonse zomwe zachitika mpaka pano."
Zindikirani kuti kuvomereza sikutanthauza kungobwerera mmbuyo pamene mungathe kukonza zinthu. Zimangotanthauza kuti timasiya kulimbana kopanda pake ndi zenizeni.
Komabe, titha kuyang'ana pa zabwino podzikumbutsa tokha zonse zomwe timayamikira:
- "Ndani wandichitira zabwino lero?"
- "Ndani adandithandiza lero?"
- “Ndathandiza ndani? Ndani wakhala ngakhale wofewa pang'ono kukhala ndi moyo?
- "Ndani ndipo wandimwetulira bwanji?"
- “Ndikuthokoza ndani amene ndimaona kuti ndine wofunika? Kodi iwo anachita motani izo?
- “Ndani wandikhululukira? Ndamukhululukira ndani? Ndikumva bwanji tsopano?
- “Ndani wandithokoza lero? Ndinamva chiyani nthawi yomweyo?
- “Ndani amandikonda? Ndimakonda ndani?
- "N'chiyani chinandipangitsa kuti ndikhale wosangalala kwambiri?"
- “Kodi lero ndaphunzira chiyani?”
- "Zomwe sizinagwire ntchito dzulo, koma zapambana lero?"
- "Ndi chiyani chomwe chandisangalatsa lero?"
- "Chabwino ndi chiyani chachitika masana?"
- "Ndiyenera kuyamika chiyani lero?"
Tikamalankhula zolimbikitsa, ubale wathu ndi ife tokha umakhala wabwino. Izi mosapeŵeka zimayambitsa kusagwirizana: maubwenzi athu ndi ena akuyenda bwino, ndipo pali zifukwa zambiri zokhalira oyamikira. Pangani mabwenzi ndi mawu amkati, zotsatira zake zabwino sizitha!
Za Mlembi: Rachel Fintzy Woods ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo, psychotherapist, ndi katswiri wa matenda a psychosomatic, kasamalidwe ka malingaliro, khalidwe lokakamiza, ndi kudzithandiza koyenera.