Monga akuluakulu komanso odziyimira pawokha, timakumanabe ndi kutayika kwa maubwenzi. N’chifukwa chiyani timalephera kupeŵa mavuto ndipo tingawathetse bwanji? Wothandizira Gestalt akuyankha.
Psychology: N'chifukwa chiyani kuli kovuta kwambiri kuthetsa banja?
Victoria Dubinskaya: Pali zifukwa zingapo. Choyamba ndi chakuti pamlingo woyambira, wachilengedwe, timafunikira wina pafupi, popanda ubale womwe sitingathe. Chapakati pa zaka za m'ma XNUMX, katswiri wa sayansi ya ubongo, dzina lake Donald Hebb, anayesa anthu ongodzipereka kuti aone utali umene angakhale okha. Palibe amene adakwanitsa sabata imodzi. Ndipo pambuyo pake, machitidwe amalingaliro a otenga nawo mbali adasokonekera, ziwonetsero zidayamba. Titha kuchita popanda zinthu zambiri, koma osati popanda wina ndi mnzake.
Koma n’chifukwa chiyani sitikhala mwamtendere popanda aliyense?
VD: Ndipo ichi ndi chifukwa chachiwiri: tili ndi zosowa zambiri zomwe tingathe kuzikwaniritsa pokhudzana ndi wina ndi mzake. Timafuna kudzimva kukhala ofunika, okondedwa, ndi ofunikira. Chachitatu, timafunika ena kuti akonze zimene zinkasoweka paubwana wathu.
Ngati mwana ali ndi makolo akutali kapena osautsa amene anamlera koma osam’patsa chikondi chauzimu, akadzakula adzafunafuna wina amene angadzaze dzenje lamalingaliro limeneli. Pakhoza kukhala zoperewera zingapo zotere. Ndipo kunena zoona, tonsefe timakhala ndi vuto linalake. Pomaliza, chidwi chokha: tili ndi chidwi wina ndi mnzake monga aliyense payekha. Chifukwa ndife osiyana, aliyense ndi wapadera komanso wosiyana ndi wina.
Kodi zidzawawa mukathetsa banja?
VD: Osafunikira. Ululu ndi momwe zimachitikira kuvulala, chipongwe, chipongwe, zomwe timakumana nazo nthawi zambiri, koma osati nthawi zonse. Zimachitika kuti okwatirana amasweka, kunena kwake, mokongola: popanda kukuwa, zonyansa, zonenezana. Chifukwa chakuti salinso olumikizidwa.
Kulekana mwa mgwirizano - ndiyeno palibe ululu, koma pali chisoni. Ndipo ululu nthawi zonse umagwirizanitsidwa ndi bala. Chifukwa chake kumva kuti china chake chang'ambika mwa ife. Kodi ululu uwu ndi chiyani? Iye ndi chisonyezo cha kufunikira kwa chinacho kwa ife. Chimodzi chimasowa m'moyo wathu, ndipo palibe chomwe chimasintha, ngati sichinakhalepo. Ndipo masamba enawo, ndipo timamvetsetsa kuti zonse zidalumikizidwa ndi iye! Timakumana ndi maubwenzi ngati njira yosinthira moyo.
Ndikangoganizira za yemwe ndimamukonda, chinthu china chimayamba kukwera mkati mwake. Mphamvu yosaoneka ikukoka kwa iye. Ndipo ikakhala palibe, zimakhala kuti tchanelo chadulidwa, sindingathe kukhala ndi moyo womwe ndikufuna mokwanira. Mphamvu zimakwera, koma sizipita kulikonse. Ndipo ndimadzipeza ndikukhumudwa - sindingathe kuchita zomwe ndikufuna! Ndilibe munthu. Ndipo zimapweteka.
Ndani ali ndi nthawi yovuta kwambiri yothetsa chibwenzi?
VD: Iwo omwe ali mu ubale wodalira maganizo. Amafuna yomwe asankha ngati mpweya, popanda mpweya amayamba kufota. Ndinali ndi mlandu pamene mwamuna adasiya mkazi, ndipo adadwala kwa masiku atatu. Sindinamve kapena kuwona kalikonse ngakhale anali ndi mwana!
Ndipo iye anaphedwa, chifukwa mu kumvetsa kwake, ndi kuchoka kwa mwamuna uyu, moyo unafika kumapeto. Kwa munthu amene amadalira pamalingaliro, moyo wonse umafikira ku phunziro limodzi, ndipo izi zimakhala zosasinthika. Ndipo posiyana, woledzera amamva kuti adang'ambika, chithandizocho chinachotsedwa, adapangidwa wolumala. Ndizosapiririka. Ku Austria, akuwonetsanso dzina la matenda atsopano - "kuvutika kwachikondi kosapiririka."
Kodi kudalira maganizo ndi kuvulazidwa kudzidalira - «Ine anakanidwa»?
VD: Awa ndi maulalo mu unyolo womwewo. Kudzidalira kovulazidwa kumabwera chifukwa chodzikayikira. Ndipo izi, monga chizoloŵezi cha kumwerekera, ndi zotsatira za kuchepa kwa chidwi paubwana. Mu Russia, pafupifupi aliyense ali otsika kudzidalira, monga izo zinachitika m'mbiri. Agogo athu anali ndi miyala, ndipo makolo athu amagwira ntchito kwambiri - gwirani ntchito chifukwa cha ntchito, kukoka zonse nokha. Funso limodzi kwa mwanayo: "Kodi munapeza giredi liti kusukulu?" Osati kutamanda, kusangalatsa, koma kufuna chinachake nthawi zonse. Ndipo chifukwa chake, chidaliro chathu chamkati, kumvetsetsa kufunikira kwathu, sikumatukuka, motero kumakhala kosavuta.
Zikuoneka kuti kusatsimikizika ndi chikhalidwe chathu chadziko?
VD: Mutha kunena choncho. Mbali ina ya dziko ndi yakuti timaopa kukhala osatetezeka. Kodi tinkauzidwa chiyani muubwana pamene zinali zoipa? "Khalani chete ndipo pitirizani!" Chifukwa chake, timabisala kuti tikumva zowawa, kusangalala, kupanga mawonekedwe kuti zonse zili bwino, ndikuyesera kutsimikizira ena za izi. Ndipo ululu umabwera usiku, sukulolani kugona. Iye wakanidwa, koma sanakhale moyo. Izi ndi zoipa. Chifukwa ululu umafunika kugawana ndi wina, kulira. Katswiri wa zamaganizo Alfried Lenglet ananena kuti: “Misozi imatsuka zilonda za moyo.” Ndipo ndi zoona.
Kodi pali kusiyana kotani pakati pa kusudzulana ndi kutayika?
VD: Kuthetsa chibwenzi si njira imodzi yokha, kumakhudza anthu osachepera awiri. Ndipo tikhoza kuchita chinachake: kuchita, kunena, kuyankha. Ndipo kutayikako kumatiyika patsogolo, izi ndi zomwe moyo umandiyang'anizana nazo ndipo ndiyenera kuti mwanjira ina ndikuzikonza ndekha. Ndipo kulekanitsa ndi mfundo yokonzedwa kale, yopindulitsa.
Kodi mungachepetse bwanji ululu wa imfa?
VD: Umu ndi momwe zotayika zomwe zakonzedwa zimakhalira zopiririka. Tiyerekeze kuti mukulimbana ndi kukalamba. Tiyeni tiwunike kumene zikuchokera. Kaŵirikaŵiri, timagwiritsira ntchito unyamata, pamene sitinazindikire kanthu kena m’moyo ndiponso ngati kuti tikufuna kubwerera m’mbuyo ndi kukhala ndi nthaŵi yochichita. Ngati tipeza chifukwa chomwe sitinamalize chonchi, chikonzeni, mutha kusamutsa kutayika kwa unyamata ndikukasiya ndikusiya. Ndipo amafunikirabe chithandizo. Sewero limachitika pomwe iwo sali. Kugwa m'chikondi, kusweka, kuyang'ana mmbuyo - koma palibe chodalira. Kenako kulekana kumasanduka ntchito yolimba. Ndipo ngati pali abwenzi apamtima, bizinesi yomwe mumakonda, chuma chabwino, izi zimatithandiza.