«Zatha pakati pathu»: momwe mungasamalire akale

Kuthetsa ubale kumakhala kovuta nthawi zonse. Ndipo zikuoneka kuti n’zosatheka kupulumuka kutaikako. Katswiri wa zamaganizo ndi phungu wachisoni Susan Elliott, pambuyo pa kusudzulana kowawa ndi mwamuna wake, anaganiza zothandiza anthu ena kuthetsa chisudzulocho. Anakhala psychotherapist, adayambitsa podcast yokhudza maubwenzi, ndipo analemba buku lakuti The Gap, lomwe linasindikizidwa mu Russian ndi nyumba yosindikizira ya MIF.

Susan akutsimikiza kuti kufotokoza mwachidule ubale kumakhala kowawa, koma ululu wanu ukhoza kukhala mwayi wachitukuko. Mwamsanga mutatha kutha, mudzasweka ngati kuti mukusiya kumwa mankhwala osokoneza bongo. Koma ngati mukufuna kuyamba moyo watsopano ndikuchotsa maubwenzi omwe akuwonongani, muyenera kumenyana nokha. Ndimotani?

Dzipatuleni nokha ku maubwenzi akale

Kuti muthetse ndikuvomera kupatukana, muyenera kudzipatula mwamalingaliro, mwakuthupi, komanso mwamalingaliro paubwenzi wanu wakale. Ndithudi, munali kuthera nthaŵi yochuluka pamodzi ndipo, mwachiwonekere, munatenga mbali yaikulu ya moyo wa wina ndi mnzake. Inu ndi mnzanu mudzamva ngati "Alexander ndi Maria" kwa kanthawi, osati Alexander ndi Maria basi. Ndipo kwa kanthawi, machitidwe akukhala pamodzi adzagwira ntchito mwa inertia.

Malo ena, nyengo, zochitika - zonsezi zikugwirizanabe ndi zakale. Kuti muthane ndi kulumikizanaku, muyenera kupirira kwakanthawi osalankhulana. Zingawonekere kwa inu kuti kulankhulana naye, kwa kanthaŵi kochepa chabe, kudzathetsa ululu ndi kudzaza chopanda kanthu chowawa chimene chapanga mkati. Kalanga, sikuchepetsa zochitikazo, koma kumangochedwetsa zosapeŵeka. Mabanja ena akale amatha kukhala mabwenzi pambuyo pake, koma izi zikachitika, zimakhala bwino.

Ndikungofunika kuzilingalira

Kupeza kuchokera kwa iye chomwe chinalakwika ndi nthawi yake ndi chiyeso chachikulu. Mwina simunazindikire momwe ubalewo unasweka, ndipo simunamvetsetse chifukwa chake ndewu yopusa yomalizayo idayambitsa kutha. Vomerezani mfundo yoti mumaganiza mosiyana ndikusiya munthuyo mwamtendere kuti apeze munthu yemwe malingaliro ake a moyo ali ofanana ndi anu.

Nthawi zina, m'malo moyesa kukambirana mozama, anthu amapitiriza kukangana mwachiwawa, zomwe, makamaka, zinapangitsa kuti ubalewo utha. Ndi bwino kupewa njira zoterezi. Ngati akufuna kukupatsirani zonena zake zonse (zomwe zimachitika pafupipafupi), thetsani zokambiranazo nthawi yomweyo. Ngati kukambirana naye mongoyerekezera kukuvutitsani, yesani kulemba zonse zomwe mungafune kumuuza, koma siyani kalatayo.

Ndikungofuna kugonana

Pamene anthu awiri olekanitsidwa posachedwapa akumana, mpweya wozungulira iwo umawoneka ngati wamagetsi. Mkhalidwe umenewu tingauyerekeze ndi chilakolako chofuna kugonana. Kuphatikiza apo, mutha kuvutika ndi kusungulumwa, ndipo tsopano malingaliro amabwera m'mutu mwanu: "Chavuta ndi chiyani?" Pajatu munali anthu oyandikana, mumadziwana matupi. Nthawi ina yochulukirapo, ina yocheperapo - ndiye pali kusiyana kotani?

Kugonana ndi munthu wakale kungakhale kosangalatsa, koma kumabweretsa zovuta zatsopano ndi kukayikira. Ziyenera kupewedwa pamodzi ndi mitundu ina yokhudzana. Ziribe kanthu kuti mukusangalala bwanji, zikatha, mutha kumva kuti mwasokonezeka kapena kugwiritsidwa ntchito. Chotsatira chake, malingaliro angawoneke ngati anali ndi munthu wina, ndipo malingalirowa adzakhazikitsa mantha ndi nkhawa mu moyo. Ndipo izi zikutanthauza kuti sewero lanu likhoza kuyambiranso. Pezani mphamvu mwa inu nokha kuti muyimitse.

Zomwe zingathandize kuchepetsa kuyanjana

Konzani dongosolo lothandizira kuzungulira inu

Kuthetsa chibwenzi, chitani ngati kuchotsa chizoloŵezi choipa. Pezani anthu apamtima oti muwayimbire nthawi iliyonse ngati mwadzidzidzi mukumva ngati mukufuna kuyankhula ndi wakale wanu. Funsani abwenzi kuti akubisireni ngati mwakhala mukukhudzidwa mwadzidzidzi.

Osayiwala kudzisamalira

Ndikovuta kukhalabe olimba m'maganizo ndi kusonkhanitsa munthu ngati mwatopa. Onetsetsani kuti mumapuma mokwanira kuntchito, muzipuma mokwanira, muzidya moyenera, komanso muzisangalala. Ngati simudzisangalatsa nokha, zimakhala zovuta kuti psyche ikhale yolimbana ndi mayesero.

Sungani diary yolumikizana

Sungani diary kuti muwerenge momwe mumachitira naye nthawi zambiri. Lembani mmene mumayankhira mafoni ndi makalata ake, komanso mmene mumamvera mukamamuimbira foni ndi kumulembera kalata. Lembani zomwe zimachitika musanayambe kufuna kuyimba foni. Dzifunseni mafunso musanayambe, mkati, ndi pambuyo pokambirana kapena imelo. Dzipatseni nthawi yoganizira mafunso awa ndikulemba malingaliro anu kuti muwanene bwino:

1. Kodi n'chiyani chinachititsa kuti ayambe kufuna kumuimbira foni?
2. Mukumva bwanji? Kodi ndinu wamanjenje, otopa, achisoni? Kodi mumamva kuti ndinu wopanda pake kapena mumasungulumwa?
3. Kodi pali china chilichonse (lingaliro, kukumbukira, funso) chomwe chinakupangitsani kuganizira za wakale wanu ndipo nthawi yomweyo munafuna kulankhula naye?
4. Mukuyembekezera zotsatira zotani?
5. Kodi ziyembekezo zimenezi zinachokera kuti? Kodi ndi malongosoledwe anu a china chake chomwe mungafune kumva? Kapena zimachokera ku zomwe zinachitikira m'mbuyomu? Kodi mumapanga zisankho motengera nthano kapena zenizeni?
6. Kodi mukuyesera kusintha zakale?
7. Kodi mukuyesera kupeza yankho lachindunji kuchokera kwa munthuyo?
8. Kodi mukufuna kuchepetsa ululu ndikuchotsa zolemetsa za mzimu?
9. Kodi mukuganiza kuti kusamala bwino ndikwabwino kuposa kusakhalako?
10. Kodi mukumva kuti mwakusiyidwa? Zochepa? Mukufuna kuyimbira foni wakale wanu kuti akukumbutseni za moyo wanu?
11. Kodi mukuganiza kuti kumuimbira foni kudzakuthandizani kuwongolera momwe angakhalire popanda inu?
12. Kodi mukuyembekeza kuti sangathe kukuiŵani ngati mum'kumbutsa nthawi ndi nthawi?
13. N’chifukwa chiyani mumangoganizira kwambiri za munthu mmodzi?

Pambuyo posunga diary, mudzamvetsetsa kuti muyenera kusintha china chake m'moyo wanu, apo ayi simungathe kudzipatula kwa wakale wanu.

Pangani mndandanda wazomwe muyenera kuchita

Chotsatira ndicho kuganizira mofatsa zimene mungachite mukafuna kulankhula naye. Lembani zinthu zimene muyenera kuchita musanamulembere. Mwachitsanzo, choyamba itanani mnzanu, kenako pitani ku masewera olimbitsa thupi, kenako muyende. Gwirizanitsani dongosololo pamalo owoneka bwino kuti likhale pamaso panu panthawi yomwe mukufuna kulumikizana.

Mudzachita kudziletsa ndi kudzidalira kwambiri. Mpaka mutadzikoka nokha kuchoka ku maubwenzi akale, n'zovuta kuthetsa mapeto a mawu ndikuyamba mutu watsopano m'moyo. Popitiriza kufunafuna chisamaliro cha munthu wakale, mudzagwa mumatope achisoni ndikuchulukitsa ululu. Kupanga moyo watsopano watanthauzo kumakhala kosiyana.