Kusankha kulikonse ndikulephera, kulephera, kugwa kwa zotheka zina. Moyo wathu uli ndi mndandanda wa zolephera zotere. Ndiyeno timafa. Nanga chofunika kwambiri n’chiyani? Mtolankhani Oliver Burkeman adafunsidwa kuti ayankhe ndi katswiri wa Jungian James Hollis.
Kunena zoona, ndikuchita manyazi kuvomereza kuti limodzi mwa mabuku akuluakulu kwa ine ndi buku la James Hollis "Pa chinthu chofunika kwambiri." Zikuganiziridwa kuti owerenga apamwamba amakumana ndi kusintha chifukwa cha njira zowonongeka, mabuku ndi ndakatulo zomwe sizimalengeza zikhumbo zawo za kusintha kwa moyo kuchokera pakhomo. Koma sindikuganiza kuti mutu wa bukhu lanzeru limeneli uyenera kutengedwa ngati khalidwe lachikale la kusuntha kwa zofalitsa zodzithandizira. M'malo mwake, ndi mawu achindunji otsitsimula. “Moyo ngwodzala ndi mavuto,” analemba motero katswiri wa zamaganizo James Hollis. Nthawi zambiri, iye ndi wosowa pessimist: ndemanga zambiri zoipa m'mabuku ake olembedwa ndi anthu okwiyitsidwa ndi kukana kwake kutilimbikitsa mwamphamvu kapena kupereka njira chilengedwe chonse cha chisangalalo.
Ndikanakhala wachinyamata, kapena ndinali wamng’ono, ndikanakwiyitsidwanso ndi kulira kumeneku. Koma ndinawerenga Hollis panthawi yoyenera, zaka zingapo zapitazo, ndipo mawu ake akhala akusamba mozizira, kumenya koopsa, alamu—ndisankhireni fanizo lililonse. Zinali ndendende zomwe ndinkafunikira kwambiri.
James Hollis, monga wotsatira wa Carl Jung, amakhulupirira kuti «Ine» - kuti mawu m'mutu mwathu kuti timadziona tokha - kwenikweni ndi gawo laling'ono la lonse. Kumene, wathu «Ine» ali ambiri ziwembu kuti, maganizo ake, adzatitsogolera chimwemwe ndi chitetezo, amene nthawi zambiri amatanthauza lalikulu malipiro, chikhalidwe kuzindikira, bwenzi wangwiro ndi ana abwino. Koma kwenikweni, "Ine", monga Hollis amatsutsa, ndi "mbale yopyapyala yachidziwitso yomwe ikuyandama panyanja yonyezimira yotchedwa mzimu." Mphamvu zamphamvu zachidziwitso zili ndi mapulani awoawo kwa aliyense wa ife. Ndipo ntchito yathu ndi kupeza yemwe ife tiri, ndiyeno kulabadira kuitana uku, ndipo osati kukaniza iko.
Malingaliro athu pa zomwe tikufuna m'moyo sangafanane ndi zomwe moyo umafuna kwa ife.
Uku ndikumvetsetsa kwakukulu komanso nthawi yomweyo kudzichepetsa kwa ntchito za psychology. Zikutanthauza kuti malingaliro athu pa zomwe tikufuna m'moyo sangafanane ndi zomwe moyo umafuna kwa ife. Ndipo zikutanthawuzanso kuti pokhala ndi moyo watanthauzo, tikhoza kuphwanya zolinga zathu zonse, tidzachoka m'dera la kudzidalira ndi chitonthozo ndi kulowa m'dera la masautso ndi zosadziwika. Odwala a James Hollis akufotokoza momwe adazindikira potsiriza pakati pa moyo kuti kwa zaka zambiri akhala akutsatira malangizo ndi ndondomeko za anthu ena, anthu kapena makolo awo, ndipo chifukwa chake, chaka chilichonse moyo wawo unakula kwambiri. Pali chiyeso chowamvera chisoni mpaka mutazindikira kuti tonse tili otere.
M'mbuyomu, pankhaniyi, zinali zosavuta kwa anthu, Hollis amakhulupirira, kutsatira Jung: nthano, zikhulupiriro ndi miyambo zidapatsa anthu mwayi wofikira kudera la moyo wamalingaliro. Masiku ano timayesa kunyalanyaza mulingo wakuya uwu, koma ukaponderezedwa, pamapeto pake umadutsa pamwamba penapake ngati kukhumudwa, kusowa tulo kapena maloto owopsa. "Tikataya njira yathu, mzimu umatsutsa."
Koma palibe chitsimikizo kuti tidzamva kuyitana kumeneku nkomwe. Ambiri amangowonjezera kuyesayesa kwawo kuti apeze chimwemwe m’njira zakale, zopitikitsidwa. Moyo umawaitana kuti akumane ndi moyo—koma, akulemba motero Hollis, ndipo mawu ameneŵa ali ndi matanthauzo aŵiri kwa katswiri wochiritsira, “ambiri, m’chokumana nacho changa, samawonekera kaamba ka kuikidwa kwawo.”
Pampata uliwonse waukulu m’moyo, dzifunseni kuti, “Kodi chosankha chimenechi chidzandipangitsa kukhala wamkulu kapena wocheperapo?”
Chabwino, ndiye yankho lake ndi chiyani? Kodi chofunika kwambiri n’chiyani? Musadikire kuti Hollis anene. M'malo lingaliro. Pampata uliwonse wofunika kwambiri m’moyo, amatipempha kudzifunsa kuti: “Kodi kusankha kumeneku kumandipangitsa kukhala wamkulu kapena wamng’ono? Pali china chake chosadziwika bwino pa funsoli, koma chandithandiza kuthana ndi zovuta zingapo pamoyo. Nthawi zambiri timadzifunsa kuti: “Kodi ndidzakhala wosangalala kwambiri?” Koma, kunena zowona, ndi anthu ochepa chabe amene ali ndi lingaliro labwino la chimene chidzadzetsa chimwemwe kwa ife kapena okondedwa athu.
Koma ngati mutadzifunsa ngati muchepetse kapena kuwonjezeka chifukwa cha kusankha kwanu, ndiye kuti yankho lake ndi lodabwitsa nthawi zambiri. Chosankha chilichonse, malinga ndi Hollis, yemwe amakana mouma khosi kukhala ndi chiyembekezo, amakhala ngati imfa kwa ife. Chifukwa chake, poyandikira mphanda, ndi bwino kusankha mtundu wakufa womwe umatikweza, osati womwe pambuyo pake tidzakakamira.
Ndipo mulimonse, amene ananena kuti «chimwemwe» ndi chopanda kanthu, zosamveka komanso m'malo narcissistic lingaliro - yabwino muyeso kuyeza moyo wa munthu? Hollis anatchula mawu ofotokoza katuni kamene dokotala akulankhula ndi munthu wofuna chithandizo kuti: “Taonani, palibe funso lakuti mumapeza chimwemwe. Koma ndikhoza kukupatsirani nkhani yogwira mtima yamavuto anu. ” Ndikuvomereza chisankho ichi. Ngati zotsatira zake ndi moyo womwe umakhala womveka bwino, ndiye kuti suli ngakhale kunyengerera.
1 J. Hollis "Chomwe Chofunika Kwambiri: Kukhala ndi Moyo Wofunika Kwambiri" (Avery, 2009).
Gwero: Guardian