Zamkatimu
Maanja LAT: Kodi ndizowona kuti kukhalira limodzi kupha chikondi mwa awiriwa?
Gender
Osati pamodzi, osati scrambled, koma chikondi. The «Living apart together» (LAT) chilinganizo ndi kukula chodabwitsa chachiwiri, wachitatu kapena wachinayi «ozungulira» maanja.
Kukhalira limodzi (mu mgwirizano wamalingaliro) koma osasakanizika (m'kukhalirana m'banja) kukuwoneka ngati njira yomwe ikukulirakulira pankhani ya maubwenzi apabanja. Ndi zomwe zimadziwika kuti Mabanja a LAT (chidule cha "Kukhala Pamodzi Pamodzi", zomwe zikutanthauza kuti, kukhala padera koma palimodzi) ndipo ndizochitika zomwe zaphunziridwa kudzera muzochitika za odwala ake ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Laura S. Moreno, katswiri wa maubwenzi apabanja ku Women's Psychological Area. Mabanja amtunduwu ndi omwe, ngakhale asunga ubale wokhazikika komanso ndi kudzipereka kwina, atsimikiza ndi mgwirizano kuti asakhale pa adilesi imodzi.
Njirayi imadzutsa chidwi ndipo nthawi zina ngakhale kaduka, komanso kukayikira kwina chifukwa pagulu kulimba kapena kupambana kwa mabanja amtunduwu kumafunsidwa. Timachotsa nthano zabodza za omwe amatchedwa "mabanja a LAT" ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Laura S. Moreno:
Kodi kukhalira limodzi nkofunika kuti banja likhale lopambana?
Chabwino, ambiri adzakuuzani zimenezo ndendende chimene awiriwa akuimbidwa mlandu ndi kukhalira limodzi. N’zoona kuti anthu ena amaganiza kuti kukhala m’banja kumatanthauza kukhala m’nyumba imodzi ndipo kuti kukhalirana n’kofunika kwa iwo. Komabe, njira iyi ya LAT ("Kukhala Pamodzi Pamodzi"), yomwe ndi njira ina yokhalira limodzi, imakhutiritsa omwe akufuna kusunga mikhalidwe ya banjali potengera kukhulupirika y kudzipatula, mwachitsanzo, koma popanda kukhala kofunika kukhalira limodzi. Chomwe chimalepheretsa njira iyi ndikuwonongeka kwa kukhalirana pamodzi.
Ndi njira yotheka, inde, koma osati kwa aliyense. Anthu ena amakonda kutsatira muyezo bwenzi mzere, amene ali penapake kuvomerezedwa kwambiri ndi anthu. Ena, komabe, amamva bwino kupatuka pamizere yoyenera ndi kukakamizidwa kwa anthu. Ndipo zimenezi za kusatsatira mzere umene aliyense amatsatira ndi chinthu chimene chingachitike m’mbali zambiri, ponse paŵiri m’banja, monga kuntchito, m’moyo ngakhalenso m’banja.
Kodi amakhala «LAT» kapena «Kukhala Pamodzi» mabanja?
Ngakhale zingaganizidwe pa msinkhu uliwonse, ndizotheka kuti kaganizidwe kameneka sikachitika kapena kaŵirikaŵiri ngati mwamuna ndi mkazi akufuna kukhala ndi ana ofanana kapena ngati akufuna kukhalira limodzi chifukwa chakuti sanakhalebe ndi moyo woterowo… kwenikweni gulu la zaka zomwe ziri zotheka komanso zowonjezereka kuti mtundu uwu wa banja udzakhala wopambana kuyambira zaka 45. Anthu ambiri a m'badwo uno adakumanapo kale ndi moyo wapanthawiyo (omwe atha kapena sangachedwe chifukwa cha zochitika zilizonse) komanso nthawi zina adakhalapo kale ndi ana ... ndipo ali okonzeka kupereka chikondi mwayi wachiwiri, wachitatu, wachinayi, wachisanu (kapena wochulukirapo). Chikondi chilibe zaka. Chimene sakufuna kudzakhalanso ndi moyo n’chakuti azikhalira limodzi.
Chifukwa chiyani?
Chabwino, pazifukwa zambiri. Ena amaona kuti “kwawo” ndi “kwawo” ndipo safuna kukhala ndi aliyense. Ena ali ndi ana omwe angotsala pang’ono kutha msinkhu ndipo safuna kusokoneza banja ndi kukhalirana pamodzi ndi ena chifukwa chakuti siziwayendera bwino kapena sakufuna kuchoka panyumba pawo n’kupita kukakhala ndi munthu winayo kapenanso sakufuna kuti munthu winayo azikhala kunyumba kwawo. Koma izi ndi zitsanzo zochepa chabe, pakhoza kukhala zifukwa zina zambiri, zomwe ziri zapadera kwambiri.
Koma chimene onsewo ayenera kukhala nacho mofanana ndi chakuti kuyambira m’mibadwo ino alipo nzeru kapena njira yokhalira moyo ngati banja mwanjira ina, zomwe sizimafunikira kupyola mukukhala pamodzi, kapena kudutsa kugawana ndalama. Amafuna kusunga chuma chawo, zinthu zawo, cholowa chawo… koma amafunanso kugawana nthawi ndi zokumana nazo ndi wokondedwa wawo (kuyenda limodzi, kusangalala, kucheza, kukondana…). Amamuganizira munthuyo wokondedwa wanu, koma sakonda kukhala m’nyumba imodzi tsiku ndi tsiku. Chinsinsi cha chipambano cha mabanja otere ndichoti onse amawonekeratu kuti safuna kukhalira limodzi.
Asanatchulepo za chikhalidwe chovomerezeka ndi chikhalidwe cha anthu kuti akhale banja lachikhalidwe. Sichimaganiziridwa kuti ndi ubale wapamtima?
Pali chinachake chotchedwa Nsanje ndipo izo ziri kumbuyo kwa zonsezi. Anthu ali ndi chizolowezi chopangitsa aliyense kuyenda munjira yoyenera. Ndimakumbukira kuti zaka zapitazo ndinkapita ku ukwati wa anzanga ndipo kumeneko ankandiuzabe mmene zinalili bwino kukwatiwa ndi kukhala ndi ana. Komabe, mukamalankhula ndi anthuwo momasuka, amavomereza kuti kukwatiwa n’kopweteka kwambiri ndipo kuti kukhala ndi ana sikunali kokongola monga mmene anapenta chifukwa ana akafika pa unyamata amasanduka anthu opanda chochita nawo. . . Koma ndi izi, zomwe zingawoneke monyanyira, chimene ine kwenikweni ndikutanthauza ndi kuti nthawi zina cholinga kuti mukukhala kuti anakumana kuti akhala, ndi zinthu zake zabwino ndi zoipa zake, ndi kuti simuli osiyana.
Kodi osiyana amalangidwa?
Ndine wondiyimira mwamphamvu anthu osiyana ndi ena. Ndikuganiza kuti muyenera kudzitsimikizira nokha ndipo palibe amene angawongolere moyo wanu. Ngati mwasankha ndi mnzanu kuti uwu ndi mtundu wa ubale umene umawathandiza, ukhoza kukhala wotseguka, kapena popanda kukhalira limodzi, ndi munthu yemwe ali ndi kugonana kofanana kapena wosiyana, chinthu chofunika kwambiri ndi chakuti onse awiri amavomereza. Simuyenera kukhala ndi moyo tsiku lonse poyembekezera kuvomerezedwa ndi ena.
Kuphatikiza pa kuvomereza zonse ziwiri, ndi zofunika ziti zomwe ziyenera kukwaniritsidwa kuti banja la LAT ligwire ntchito?
Kukhala ndi malingaliro ofanana kungapangitse zinthu kukhala zosavuta, komanso kukwanilitsa zofunikira zachitetezo ndi chidaliro mwa iwe wekha ndi mwa winayo. Chifukwa chiyani? Eya, chifukwa ngati muli ndi umunthu wolamulira kapena ngati mmodzi wa iwo ali wansanje kapena wansanje, kapena ngati munakumanapo ndi kusakhulupirika kapena chinyengo, n’kovuta kwa munthuyo kulingalira kutsatira chilinganizo cha mikhalidwe imeneyi.
Zingathandizenso kuonetsetsa kuti aliyense wa iwo ali ndi a akatswiri chiwembu momwe amasunthira bwino, kuti amazikonda ndipo zimawalola kumva kuti akwaniritsidwa. Ndizowona kuti izi sizofunikira, koma ndizosavuta kuposa ngati zichitika kuti m'modzi wa iwo azikhala kunyumba tsiku lonse, osagwira ntchito. Ndipo chowonadi chokhala ndi a anzanu ndi achibale kuti amalemekeza moyo woterowo monga okwatirana ndipo sautsutsa kapena kuukayikira.
Mwachidule, kukhala banja la LAT ndi chinthu chomwe chiyenera kugwirizana ndi munthuyo komanso ndi mphindi yake yofunika, chifukwa sichiyenera kukhala chinthu chosasunthika komanso chotsimikizika. Ndi munthu m'modzi mutha kugwira bwino ntchito ngati banja la LAT ndiyeno mutha kukondana bwino ndi munthu wina yemwe mukufuna kukhala naye.
Kuchokera pazochitika ndi maumboni a odwala anu, chinthu chabwino kwambiri chokhala ndi banja la LAT ndi chiyani?
Amapulumutsa kuvala pamodzi. Ndipo ichi ndi chinthu chomwe chimafotokozedwa mozama, ndi zitsanzo zomveka bwino komanso zomveka bwino, ndi anthu ambiri omwe akhalapo kale komanso omwe amasankha ndondomekoyi.
Mfundo ndi yakuti, ngakhale kuti anthu ena akhoza kukhala ogwirizana kwambiri pamlingo wa anthu okwatirana, ndiye kuti zochitika m'nyumba zimakhala zovuta. Amatha kukondana mwamisala ndipo sangathe kukhalira limodzi, chifukwa samagwirizana pamalingaliro monga dongosolo, kukhazikika kwa kukhalirana, ntchito, miyambo, ndandanda ...
Ubwino wina wonenedwa ndi omwe adayesa ndikuti amasunga zawo Zazinsinsi, njira yake yoyendetsera nyumba ndi chuma chake. Ndipo chotsirizirachi ndi chofunikira chifukwa nthawi zambiri kukhala padera kumatanthauza kukhala ndi chuma chosiyana kotheratu. Zimenezi zimawapangitsa kugaŵanitsa ndalama akamapita paulendo, akamapita kukadya chakudya chamadzulo kapena akamapita kokaonera mafilimu. Aliyense amadzilipira yekha ndipo ali ndi chikumbumtima choyera pa zomwe zili za wina ndi mnzake.
Ndipo choyipa kwambiri ndi chiyani kapena mungaphonye ngati banja la LAT?
Pali anthu omwe amafunikira kukhudzana ndi thupi, ndi zakhudzidwa kupezeka… Ndi anthu omwe, mwachibadwa, amakhala okondana kwambiri, okondana kwambiri… Amaphonya chikondi chanthawi yomweyo, kupezeka kwachilengedwe, modzidzimutsa komanso pompopompo komwe kumatanthauza kukhala limodzi chifukwa ndi njira ya “kutalika” iyi, kukhudzana mwachangu ndi chinthu chomwe chimatayika. zotsatira zake zonse. Anthu ena amasangalala kwambiri kukhala okhoza kuyandikira wokondedwa wawo nthawi iliyonse, kulankhula m'makutu ake ndikumukonda kapena kumubweretsera kapu ya tiyi kapena kugawana chidaliro kapena lingaliro. Gawo limenelo, limene kwa anthu ena silifunikira kukhala lofunika, lingakhale la ena. Ndipo ndi zachilendo chifukwa izo zovuta amapanga maulalo ofunika.
Kukhalirana kumakhala ndi mbali zoyipa kwambiri, koma ngati banjali likugwirizana ndipo mikangano yaying'ono kapena kusagwirizana komwe kumakhala moyo wapamodzi kumayendetsedwa, kukhalirana kungathe kuyambitsa. kugwirizana ndi zomatira ziwiri zomwe zili zabwino nazonso.
Kuyimba komwe sikuyankhidwa, WhatsApp yosawerengedwa, kuletsa nthawi yokumana ... Kodi kukhala ndi banja la LAT kungayambitse mikangano yowonjezereka yokhudzana ndi kulumikizana?
Ine sindimakhulupirira izo. Ndikhulupilira kuti maanja amtunduwu amayenera kupanga njira zoyankhulirana zovomerezeka ndi onse awiri ndikuzolowera momwe sakhalira limodzi. Kuwalandira ndi mbali ya kukhwima maganizo.
Kodi kukhala banja la LAT ndilofala kwambiri?
Ndikuganiza kuti ndi gulu lomwe talankhulapo, akuluakulu kapena ochulukirapo akulu, Tinene. Kufotokozera n’kwakuti zaka 30 zapitazo ndi anthu ochepa chabe amene ankaganiza zokhala ndi mnzawo watsopano ngati anasiyidwa okha ali ndi zaka 50, 60 kapena 70, koma tsopano amatero, ngakhale atakula.
Malingaliro ndi osiyana pa zomwe zakhalapo komanso zomwe zatsalira. Koma ndizowona kuti masiku ano “mabanja a LAT” safuna kufotokoza zambiri za momwe alili kapena mtundu wa ubale womwe ali nawo. Koma ndikumva kuti kusalidwako kapena kukakamizidwa kwa anthu kumadutsa pang'ono, padzakhala anthu ambiri omwe amabetcha pa formula iyi.